


Storytime!

by Ayri



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (But Only Sometimes), Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Animal Traits, Anxiety, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Mess, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Anxious Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Character Growth, Clingy Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is Extra, Cussing, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is Extra, Depression, Dramatic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Enemies to Friends, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Food, Gen, Giant Spiders, Good Motivations with Bad Ideas, Hidden Motives, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Introspection, Kink mentions, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, Manipulation, Mental Health Issues, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, Morally Neutral Deceit Sanders, Nobody knows what's best and they're all mad about it, Non-Graphic Violence, Overdramatic nonsense, POV Alternating, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Romance, Play Fighting, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, Sarcasm, Snakes, Spiders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Threats of Violence, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unreliable Narrator, Weapons, all of the characters are jerks at some point or another, complex characters, eventual trashfire, miscommunication as a plot device, no betas we die like men, nudity mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 109,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22611418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayri/pseuds/Ayri
Summary: Patton thinks it would be a great idea to get together and write stories to know how every side's creativity manifests as separate parts of Thomas! So all the sides are invited to a weekly meetup to share stories and talk about how the others interpret it, including the reluctantly attending Virgil. Things don't necessarily go to plan, however, and sides find things out about Virgil he never meant to share.
Comments: 471
Kudos: 540





	1. The Chapter in which Patton Completely Derails Quiet Work Hour

**Author's Note:**

> ♪ [Storytime! Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2syig7XitJRYapBKUkiBQD?si=7c3c40044cd74171) ♫ 
> 
> Let me know if I missed any tags!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton has an idea and decides to try to get the whole Thomas-sphere on board.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use italics to signify words intended to have extra emphasis in this story. Because they're all dramatic bitches.

— 🛡️ —

Roman rose into the living room common area and sat down with his laptop at the dining table. Logan was sitting on the couch, sitting stiffly upright and reading a textbook. He looked up, nodding to acknowledge Roman’s presence, and returned to his book. Patton also looked up from the floor next to the coffee table with photographs in his hands. He beamed a wide smile at Roman and waved before returning his gaze down to his project. 

It was Patton’s idea to work together in the living room. He had explained that he was getting very lonely sitting in his room doing nothing but his projects other than coming out to discuss issues or guide Thomas in the daytime. They still saw each other multiple times a day, so Roman and Logan didn’t know what all the fuss was about, but after some bickering, they agreed to come out if they could do it silently. They agreed they would work better if they could stay focused instead of getting side-tracked with arguments like they regularly did. 

So Roman and Logan had agreed to come out and spend time some quiet time with him. They were working separately in Thomas’s living room, a neutral and uncharged area that they used to converge in outside of their rooms. They met in the morning for breakfast, but generally, they privately worked on their own agendas until things slowed down in at night. Sometimes. It got hectic in the mind space pretty often. Thomas had a lot of things going on. So a quiet moment where they were together and weren’t arguing with each other was a pleasant change of pace. 

The trio worked quietly, comfortable in each other’s company. Patton was scrap-booking one of Thomas’s plays. Logan was studying a chemistry textbook, and Roman was working on one of his play scripts. His fingers tapped quietly across a laptop keyboard as he brainstormed new plots and twists. Patton broke his concentration with a deep, satisfied sigh. 

“Thomas sure has the most fun with shows. Look at all these big smiles!” He announced, holding up his scrapbook. There were red curtain stickers and little stars around a photo of Thomas at a rehearsal, striking a pose and acting his heart out. The other page had him working on sets, with a big laugh from a friend’s joke. This one had a rainbow sticker with little paint splatters. 

“Yes, Thomas finds fulfillment from a variety of pursuits,” Logan bristled slightly, lifting his textbook with a curt gesture to attract attention to it. 

“Aw, don’t be like that Logan! Ingenuity is just the scientific version of creativity! Everything Thomas does benefits from creativity just as much as it does from knowledge. Creativity is kind of like applied knowledge!” Patton explained enthusiastically, smiling at Logan.

“It is, isn’t it?” Roman said and puffed up with pride, puffing up his chest. 

“That is an oversimplified explanation, but knowledge is indeed the basis of all pursuits,” Logan stated strongly, shooting an intense look at Roman. 

“Yes, but I take that knowledge and turn it into art!” Roman proclaimed with a flourish, and small sparkles fluttered in the air above his hands. He grinned smugly at Logan, arching a challenging eyebrow at him.

“If I was so inclined, I could also come up with further applied uses of my accrued knowledge,” Logan replied with a sharp edge to his tone as he turned a page, keeping his focus dismissively on his textbook. 

Patton’s eyes slowly opened wider, as if he was experiencing a cartoonishly dawning realization. “Oh! Logan, that’s so smart!” Patton clapped twice and bounced where he sat on the floor. Logan shot Patton a baffled expression before returning to glare at Roman, who still looked intensely at Logan. “Why don’t we?” Patton raised his arms high above his head and wiggling his fingers, drawing both sides’ attention from what was assuredly an impending argument. 

“Oh?” Logan raised his eyebrow at Patton. “In what way do you mean?” The interest in his tone was apparent, once again ignoring Roman’s fierce expression.

“Let’s write stories! All of us! We’ll meet in a week and share our stories! Wouldn’t it be neat to see how all the sides ‘apply what they know’?” Patton said excitedly, using air quotes with his fingers. 

“That would be intriguing. I will participate,” Logan replied evenly and pushed up his glasses. 

“I am the only side here with the _chops_ to weave such an epic tale!” Roman proudly declared and slashed his katana in a jutty motion in the air.

Patton clapped his hands and bobbed on the floor again with glee. “So you’re in then? That’s great!” He cheered. Roman tried to interrupt, to say it was useless to try, but Patton summoned a puppy note-pad and a gel pen. “I’ll tell the others!” he said and started writing notes and clapping them between his hands, where they disappeared as he sent them off to the other sides. 

“The _others_?” Logan and Roman both shot each other looks of concern and objected at once. 

“Well, I said, _everyone_ , didn’t I, silly billies? We don’t want to be exclusionary!” Patton shook his head with a chiding tone as he sent off the last note. 

“The others are the ones that don’t take part the same as we do!” Roman protested instantly, motioning behind him to nothingness. 

“Well, maybe that’s just the way they are. They don’t have to have storytime with us if they don’t want to. I’m not going to be rude and exclude them on our part, even if they can be icky. It’s not like they won’t know if we don’t tell them. I’d rather invite them than have story-crashers,” Patton explained, nodding resolutely. A green cartoon octopus-shaped note appeared instantly, fluttering down in the air. Logan snatched it out from the air and examined it. 

“This note has a penis on it,” Logan said, causing Patton to go sheet white and snatch it out of Logan’s hands. He balled and crush it up fiercely in his palms. “I honestly do not know if that is his way of accepting or declining,” Logan said seriously while Patton threw the wadded note down and tried to ground it to dust it under his foot. 

Roman exhaled harshly, gesturing with his arms. “You brought that on yourself, padre,” He stated dejectedly. Patton chuckled nervously, shaking out his hands and kicking away the pieces of the destroyed sticky note.

“Well, kiddo, it’s good to give people chances, but it will be a learning experience for all of us either way,” Patton shakily, sounding like he was already regretting it. 

“Yes, a learning experience. That is very astute, Patton. I think I would like to go begin my research now if I am to discover a new paradigm before next week.” Logan stood up from his seat, closing his textbook. 

“Wait, Lo, this is a story exercise—” Patton tried to interject before he left, but Logan was already gone. There was a momentary pause, and then Patton’s shoulders slumped. “Maybe I should have added ‘PG13 max rating for stories’ to the notes…” He muttered under his breath. 

“I’ll protect you, Pat. Don’t worry about those scoundrels,” Roman declared triumphantly, trying to lift Patton’s mood as he patted Patton on the back. Patton’s eyes twinkled up at Roman, the dour mood that surrounded him lifting immediately.

“You made a physical pun,” he said, mesmerized and eyes shining with delight. Roman looked bashful, but before Roman could confirm or deny, another note appeared. The yellow smiley-face note swayed side to side, dodging Roman’s hand the first time he tried to grasp at it. Roman huffed and swiped at it a second time, grasping it this time. 

“Count me in. I would love to. An ideal way to spend an afternoon,” Roman read the note aloud and breathed a sigh of relief. Thank everything that was all well and good. Roman held the note between two fingers and ran his other hand through his hair.

“Really? Who else is joining us?” Patton exclaimed, making grabby fingers at the note. Roman passed it over to him, and Patton sobered in recognition of the note’s sender and the tone that implied.

“Oh. Well, darn. Y’know he probably would have been the second-best storyteller here if he came,” Patton hummed, looking dejected once more. Roman bristled but then settled down as he realized Patton wasn’t wrong. If any side could devise a believable tale other than himself, it would have been him. 

A burnt-orange note fell straight down into Patton’s hands. Roman read over Patton’s shoulder, but the note just read ‘Nah’. Patton sagged in disappointment, but Roman could see a twinge of relief. They did already have one very large wild card from the first note that arrived, and that would be tough enough to deal with another. Roman looked around the air in confusion. There was one last note missing if Patton actually sent them to every side. 

“Anxiety hasn’t responded,” Patton pointing out, tapping Roman on his arm. 

“Well, do we really _want_ the nightmare on emo street to show up? His stories would be such downers!” Roman exclaimed in a disgusted huff. 

“Bucko, we should look for and accept different viewpoints from our own. It’s how we grow as people and form our own opinions!” Patton objected, using his dad-voice. Roman was not a fan of being patronized, and the way Patton said it and made him Roman like a naughty child. He was just as old as Patton, dang it! Roman threw up his arms in protest, glowering in disdain.

“Well, it’s not like I can just call him up and say ‘Hey death for brains, come depress us in seven days!’, Patton!” Roman replied glibly, completely frustrated with the entire situation. 

“I can do that, Princompoop,” A dark voice came from behind him. Roman unsheathed his katana and whipped around to find the source. “Seven days? I like that. Kind of like _The Ring_ ,” Anxiety hummed, stepping forward from the shadow he obscured himself in, his hands up lazily in the air to show he was unarmed. Roman wouldn’t attack an unarmed individual… even if it was _him_. Patton bounded over to Anxiety with an ecstatic expression.

“Anxiety! Do you mean it? You’ll join us for a storytime?” Patton asked pleadingly, bouncing on one foot in front of Anxiety. 

“Storytime? Princealot over there said I was just supposed to depress you in seven days,” Anxiety looked confused and glanced around the room for a moment. When his eyes landed on Roman glaring daggers at him, he returned them fiercely just as fiercely, his fast plastered with a grimace. 

“You didn’t get my note, kiddo?” Patton asked, furrowing his eyebrows. Anxiety shook his head, looking slightly blindsided. 

“I wasn’t in my room,” Anxiety shook his head, looking slightly blindsided. He grimaced as Roman made a throat-cutting motion in his direction. 

“Roman, if you can’t play nice, go to your room!” Patton loudly told him off with an exasperated look on his face. 

“Don’t tell me what to do! But maybe I _will_ just so I don’t have to look at his _stupid face_ anymore!” Roman complained loudly and sank out of the living room, arms crossed. He stuck out his tongue at Anxiety on the way down.

— 🐶 —

Anxiety’s eyes rolled so hard his whole head moved, rolling to the side. “We have the same face. He knows we have the same face, right?” He groaned, motioning half-heartedly to where Roman just sank away from.

Patton gave a mild, non-committal shrug. “He just doesn’t see what _I_ do! You’ll join us right, kiddo?” He said, his eyes sparkling and holding his hands together as if to beg. He _really_ wanted his baby boy to come. 

“I’m not a storytime guy, dude…” Anxiety rejected and trailed off, his head dropping and shoving his hands in his hoodie pouch and backing up slightly.

Patton raised his arms in objection, pouting for a moment. Maybe he just needed a little help. “I’m not a dude, I’m your dad! Anxiety, you come up with so many ways things could go wrong—” He emphatically began to try to bolster Anxiety a little. 

“Gee, _thanks_ , Patton,” Anxiety interjected with a scowl on his face, speaking out the side of his mouth. Whoops! 

“I’m sorry, kiddo, I mean, you can see so many outcomes! You know the things that could happen! I bet if you tried, you could make a story just as creative as Roman’s,” Anxiety visibly perked up as Patton finished. Anxiety was clearly most interested in the idea of showing up the prince, but Patton would take his blessings where he could get them. 

“It isn’t like… a contest or anything, right?” Anxiety asked quietly, and his arms started to curl in protectively. “I mean, not that I care, but…” Anxiety trailed off, looking away.

“No, goodness no, it’s just a storytime! To see what we can do creatively as different parts of Thomas… You don’t have to join if you really don’t want to,” Patton spoke reassuringly. He didn’t like seeing Anxiety so stressed and tried to let him know it was okay if he genuinely didn’t want to come. Patton wanted him to, though, and still held up his hands and pulled a puppy dog face at him. Anxiety shrunk back slightly, looking slightly embarrassed. 

After a moment of silence that Anxiety quietly chewed his lips in consideration, Anxiety finally spoke. “And you want me there?” Anxiety shuffled his feet and didn’t take his eyes off the floor. 

“Of course, kiddo! I want them to know how great you can be! It would mean a lot to me if you even showed up!” Patton replied, shimmying in his spot. His son was going to come to storytime! 

“Yeah… okay. Sure. For you, Pat. It’s like… free-form writing? I could bring anything?” Anxiety asked, shifting awkwardly and looking up at Patton through his bangs. 

“Oh, uh, yes! Yes, whatever you want. You’ve got a week to write something. It doesn’t have to be a long story, or new, or your best work! Just pick something that kinda represents how you express your creativity!” Patton exclaimed, nodding eagerly. The volume seemed to cause Anxiety to shrink away. Patton pulled his puppy notes out of the air and wrote down the time and handed it to Anxiety. He took it reluctantly, and Patton was careful to avoid contact so he wouldn’t scare Anxiety further. Patton backed up as Anxiety stared at the note.

“This is a loosey-goosey time. I mean, if one of us is busy with Thomas or something, we’ll skooch it around.” Patton explained and tapped the note in Anxiety’s hand with his gel pen. “I’ll send you a note if there’s a change in time… unless you want to give me your number?” Patton asked with a bit of a pout and wide eyes. “It would be faster,” Anxiety stepped back further, looking kind of stricken, and disappeared on the spot. “Whoops! Sorry if I pushed you, kiddo!” He shouted to the empty room, not sure his anxious child could hear him. 

— 💀 —

Virgil popped back into his room, already freaking out about what he agreed to. He really didn’t want to disappoint Patton. Virgil hated disappointing _anyone_ . He was the only one out of the three who was nice to him. Well, only one at all that seemed to like him and want to be near him. Not that he appreciated being treated like a kid, but at least he was regarded fondly. Plus, Patton’s humor was so bad that it was good, and Virgil desperately needed the laugh sometimes. If it was just Patton, he probably wouldn’t be as concerned. The problem was the others. 

Interacting with the others was hard. Roman literally fought him all the time and Logan was dismissive and rejected Virgil’s very reasonable issues stoutly. Neither clearly would want to include him. But he had to be there to protect Thomas! They’re all dreamers and much as Logan would hate to hear him say it. They don’t seem to look at the hard parts of reality or acknowledge Thomas’s very real struggles, or even how realistic their wants were. If he wasn’t worried Patton would make Thomas run into a street just to pet a dog or something, he would avoid showing up altogether. When it all built up, it was overwhelming. Thomas’s dislike of him hurt the most, though. Thomas wanted to be in the clouds, but Virgil wanted to make sure he didn’t leave earth altogether, and Thomas just couldn’t see that. 

Virgil kicked off his shoes against the wall for that satisfying ‘thud’ and paced his room. Trying to think of what to do. He didn’t want to get yelled at again. It felt like every time he showed up he did, and this was entirely voluntary—Thomas will not get hurt if he doesn’t show up to this. It seemed like a chance to get to know them on a neutral ground. Maybe if they interacted with him more when they weren’t arguing, they’d like him a little more?

But the more he thought about it, it was rife with opportunities for them to hurt him in ways he usually avoided. He even had Thomas avoid these kinds of things! Writing is so personal, and sharing that made you vulnerable. The personal part was probably Pat’s point, but if they hated his writing then it would hurt more than just Princey shooting a Disney insult at him. He already knew he wasn’t a talented writer or anything. Virgil wasn’t the creative part! He just liked to get his thoughts out like that sometimes, but he thought no one would actually read them.

Maybe he could get out of this without hurting Patton’s feelings. He just saw that big pout and didn’t want to hurt his feelings in the first place. But what he agreed to could hurt Virgil’s feelings too, not only Patton’s. He needed some ideas. Or help. Anything, really. He didn’t want to upset anyone. Roman and Logan wouldn’t want him there, anyway.

Virgil popped out of his room into a well-lit Victorian-styled study, with the cliche globe and a big mahogany desk paired with a carved wood chair. He could be so extra. The room was warmed with a glowing fire, and the walls were lined with what looked like a file on everything. He didn’t take things lightly. Virgil shuffled awkwardly behind a large flocked brown wingback chair with golden rivets, unsure how to start.

“Yes, I heard, you agreed to that _stupid_ storytelling thing. What do you require my services for?” The voice asked as Virgil rounded the chair and squatted down on the balls of his feet in front of the chair. The man in the chair was a mirror image of Virgil, but sitting in such a wild cross-legged villain pose that it could never be him. For one, Virgil wouldn’t actually sit in the chair. He also probably was not physically capable of smirking like that. That probably required a not-completely human mandible. 

“I, uh, don’t want you to go impersonate me or anything… I just wanted to know what’s the nicest way I could get out of it? Y’know, without hurting Pat’s feelings? I could just show up and sit there? Do I submit something at all? Do I write something new? Maybe my poetry—” Virgil listed off what he was thinking about, but a flash and Deceit, back in his regular cloak and suit, holding up his gloved hand in the wingback chair to stop him before he got into full ramble mode. 

“Please, keep rambling on, it’s _so_ helpful,” Deceit stated, a warning note in his tone. Virgil’s eyes widened, and he shut his mouth shut tight. Deceit took a moment to breathe and focus. “The pros outweigh the cons, Virgil. You should go. You should take part. Write something new, something you’re not too attached to. It would be a perfect opening. You will have some familiar company. Remus will join you,” Deceit said coolly. Virgil groaned and flopped his arms when he heard Remus would be there. 

“He’s only okay with me when he _decides_ to be! The rest of the time he just wants to watch me freak out,” Virgil grumbled out a protest while drawing a circle in the carpet fibers with his finger. 

“Aren’t we _all_ that way, Virgil? Don’t we all decide how to treat people every moment?” Deceit cooed, tapping his fingers together. Virgil lowered his eyes to the floor. “Glad we agree,” Deceit hummed. Virgil nodded in resignation. He knew that was the end of that discussion. It’s not like Deceit was _wrong_. Deceit snapped, and he was holding a file and a giant feather quill while Virgil chewed his lip.

“Are we still on for chess tomorrow?” Virgil asked, desperately feeling a need for a change in mood. He felt so awkward it hurt. 

“No,” Deceit lied coolly. “I would _much_ rather play with Remus, who _insists_ a crowbar to the face is a legal move,” He scoffed, continuing to write. Virgil laughed darkly, shaking his head.

“Cool. Can I… just chill by the fire here?” Virgil pointed to the fire and looked up to Deceit. He enjoyed being in the mind palace. His room didn’t affect him, but he spent much more time there, all alone with his thoughts, than he could take lately. Maybe that’s part of why he agreed to this whole mess in the first place. 

“Go ahead, impose yourself on me,” Deceit responded flatly, looking over a file. He was already busy writing on the paper in the folder. Deceit would kick him out when he was sick of Virgil’s presence. He always did, and he liked Virgil’s company just fine. Deceit never tried to trick Virgil into thinking he wanted him when he wasn’t. He wasn’t cruel like that. Though Deceit certainly had other traits that Virgil found distressing. 

Virgil stood and walked over to the giant fireplace and settled down onto a white fur runner in front of it. Virgil was both in awe of and bemused by how stereotypical villain’s study it all was, but the rug was so soft between his toes and the fire was nice. He slipped on his headphones and watched the fire roar, warming in its glow. Deceit was right. It was a great opening. It’s not like he didn’t already write… he just never intended to tell any of them, much less show them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Pre-Accepting Anxiety until Chapter 6, so please enjoy some darkside Virgil being a prick. Don't worry too much about Virgil being sensitive in early chapters, he's getting there. 
> 
> updated 2/21
> 
> I'm going through and editing to fix chapters to try to put this train back on the rails and finish it off. Well. As on the rails as I can. We might be multi-track drifting this bizz-natch. This story premise was weird enough as it is. The POV swaps will now also include an emoji of the sticky note the character uses just for fun. 
> 
> Probably still _no betas we die like men_ but if you want to hop on the discord and volunteer, I'm happy to take the help. I credit help in the endnotes of chapters they helped in.


	2. The Chapter in Which Everyone Just Lets Remus Roast Roman, Much to His Chagrin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's storytime, y'all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that there are actually stories coming up in this, if there’s any writing prompts or stories you like that the sides made that you would like to make, they’re free for the grabs. They're generally barely fleshed out and I'm not planning on writing them. I would love it if you messaged me the story if you do, though. Y'all are so talented and I'd be happy to read them.

— 💀 —

It didn’t feel like a week had past when a little puppy head-shaped note dropped in front of Virgil that day with the solid time for the story sharing. Virgil asked Deceit about how he could put his best forward with his writing, since he wanted Virgil to participate. Deceit had instructed him to just tone himself down a bit, and that most anything would be fine. Nobody wanted Virgil turned up to eleven out of ten, not even Virgil. Not that it didn’t hurt a little to hear. Especially right after Deceit decimated him at chess again. He was right as always, though, and Virgil tried not to get too attached to what he came up with.

He wrote something simple, it only took a few hours to write and a few days to agonize over. The story was two pages of a guy who gets lost at sea because he forgets to make sure the equipment in his new craft worked. ‘The darker the tides, the further the shore’ was his final line, instead of including the parts about the oil leak destroying the planet and how he would slowly starve. That was deemed gratuitous by Deceit, which was probably fair even though Virgil had a good point.

The language in the story was somewhat flowery since Virgil preferred writing poetry. But the fancy wording kind of disguised the dark theme, so it worked out in his favour. Deceit even said it was more than adequate. He hoped no one would catch on why he writes like that, though. If Roman or Patton knew that he’d rather write poetry, he’d get bothered for ages about how much of a stereotype he was. Or even worse, they’d want to _read_ it. Logan liked poetry, too, and that was even scarier. He didn’t want to get critiqued as a proper poet. He knew he was an amateur, and the poems were bad. They were just something he did to pass the time and deal with the things he was worried about when no one would listen.

Virgil appeared on the turn of the stairs of the common room a few minutes early. He couldn’t stomach the idea of getting in trouble for being late, even though they had been out of school for years. Not that the annoyed faces of peers you disappointed when you arrived at something ten minutes late was much better. Logan liked to be early too, it seemed. He was already there preparing the copies of his documents by carefully collating them on the table. Virgil stepped down from the shadow on the stairs and climbed onto the back of the couch, nervously gripping his work. 

“Ah, Anxiety. I am glad you also appreciate punctuality,” Logan greeted him, adjusting his tie proudly. “Is that your submission?” He said, glancing at the papers getting crinkled in Virgil’s death vice. “Would you like me to duplicate it? We had previously decided to give everyone copies to read instead of passing around one work, seeing as we all read at different paces,” Virgil nodded, a shiver of apprehension danced up his spine. 

Logan rose from the couch, stepped over to Anxiety, holding his hand out for Virgil’s papers. He took the pages and slid his finger across the side of the pages, and the stack thickened and the pages smoothed back out. Logan placed them down on the couch at Virgil’s feet, then nodded, sitting back down. Virgil exhaled in relief. He didn’t look down and read it.

“We also decided I should moderate the discussion if you choose to join us in that portion of the event. We will introduce our work’s synopsis and can do a presentation if you choose. After that, we will have an open discussion. If that causes you to experience consternation, you may either leave or we can keep our interpretations of your work to ourselves,” Logan continued his even exposition. Virgil swallowed and nodded in agreement. 

“You’re going to _think_ it, anyway. I would rather hear it to my face,” Virgil responded as firmly as he could manage. “At least, I think so,” He added under his breath. He wasn’t sure about that part yet.

“Noted,” Logan responded and checked the time on his wristwatch. 

“Um, Logan, before the thing starts… I don’t think Remus will be willing to stick to your plans,” Virgil warned Logan, trying to give them a reasonable heads up. He wasn’t making Virgil feel like his feelings weren’t important like he normally does, so it just seemed fair. The duke was incredibly riled up about this event when Virgil saw him last. 

“I see. I wasn’t positive he was attending. His response was an illustration of genitalia,” Logan replied, looking somewhat annoyed. He tapped his stack, which increased slightly. He also stood up and tapped on Virgil’s, which also expanded, dropping back down in his seat with a huff. Virgil hid a smirk behind his hand. He seemed he cared more about his numbers than getting an unsolicited dick pic. 

Virgil cleared his throat, and Logan looked back at him. “Hot tip. If it’s erect, then it’s a ‘yes’. If it’s flaccid, it’s a ‘no’. Usually. It’s contextual sometimes,” Virgil tried to tell him nonchalantly. He couldn’t help but find Logan’s expression as amusing. It was almost like a blue magnum type of expression when you dropped slang on him at the same time as information. He was going to need a killer fact for when he said ‘life hack’. Logan just nodded and his expression reset and he settled back down in his seat. 

Roman posed with a flourish as he rose into the room with a trumpet fanfare. “Are you dorks ready to be blown away!?” He declared while waving the pages in his hands. Virgil stumbled back on the couch from the sheer volume of the trumpets, just barely catching himself. “Oh. It’s just the Phantom of the Emo and Mr. Roboto. Where’s Pat?” Roman looked around with a disappointed expression.

“Here’s Pat!” Patton shouted, bursting up from the floor. Virgil did fall off the side couch this time. “Whoops! Sorry, Kiddo!” Patton leaned over and apologized to who Virgil grumbled on the floor and rubbed his head. Stupid heightened senses and disdain for surprises.

“If he was properly seated, that would not have happened,” Logan told them informatively, pushing up his glasses. Great. Apparently, Virgil only _thought_ Logan was being okay today. Virgil just had to mess up first to start the disappointment train. Patton came over to help him up, but Virgil held up his hands to stop Patton from grabbing him.

“I got it, Pat, I’m fine…” Virgil mumbled and crawled back onto the top of the couch. Patton frowned and cleared out of Virgil’s space.

“Wonderful. Anxiety says Remus will likely show up. I think it would be safe to start without him since he is not known to keep a schedule.” 

“Oh, you speak the _language of the boners_ , doom-and-gloom?” Roman teased sarcastically and Virgil tightened his hood and blushed, fuming. 

“Well, I guess I’m surprised you don’t know what a boner is. See, Princey, when a man loves another man—” Virgil snipped back, his voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Anxiety, please. Let’s keep this civil,” Logan stopped Virgil’s snide remark, shooting Virgil an upbraiding look. 

“He _started it_ , Logan!” Virgil snapped, motioning to Roman with a wide sweep of his arm.

“Instead of talking about who started it, let’s just end it, okay bud?” Patton butted in with a sweet tone. Virgil rolled his eyes and huffed, making his bangs shift in his face. This was so unfair. He already felt ganged up against. He wasn’t so sure D was right about this. Virgil knew he didn’t belong. They made it pretty clear already. Roman and Patton settled down on the couch while Virgil ruminated bitterly.

Logan checked some garbage on a clipboard he was holding before he looked up to address them. “Patton proposed this meeting to explore how the different facets of Thomas experience creativity through short papers.” Logan paused and looked around. “Roman, you expressed an interest in starting? Would you give us your synopsis and pass out your story?” Logan motioned to Roman with his clipboard.

Roman rose dramatically and raised his hand to the air, full of hot air and a pompous expression. He surveyed the room in a dramatic pause before he opened his mouth. Before a single word came out, a garishly dressed man knocked him over by tackling him from the ceiling. Remus pinned Roman with one foot and held up his pages with as much smug pride as Roman had before Remus dropped on him. Remus wore a pirate’s hat and pinned a dragon tail to the back of his outfit. He had also draped a red towel over his regular sash. 

“It is I, the _daring_ prince Roman, and I have come to enchant you with my _fabulous_ tale!” Remus announced and shook his butt, making the tail wiggle, and Patton tittered for what Virgil guessed was the visual pun. They must have been fairly used to Remus attacking Roman to be so nonplussed about this. Virgil tried to hide his smirk behind his hand as Remus raised his hand in the air dramatically to present. “Once upon a wild, wild west, there was a foolish prince who got off on proving he was better than everybody else!” Remus sang out his story as he stared at a rubber duck. Patton grabbed his heart and Virgil slapped his hands over his mouth to stop from laughing out loud at Remus’s incredibly accurate insults. Roman shouted with righteous indignation from the floor and struggled under Remus’s thigh-high pirate boot. 

“Logan!” Roman yelled, attempting to yank his brother’s leg off of him. Remus’s leg stood stock still no matter how hard he pulled. Virgil knew that never worked. If the duke had you pinned, it was better to give up, so he’d get bored. Logan looked down at Roman with an interested raise of his eyebrow. Remus never stopped presenting over Roman’s objections, weaving a tale about a blowhard on a journey for validation through showing off.

“Remus was going to present anyway, there’s no harm in letting him continue,” Logan whispered to him as he fought back a smirk. 

“My _ribcage_ should count as being harmed!” Roman shouted at Logan, but they completely ignored his objections as Remus continued with his story. Remus didn’t react at all to Roman attempting to punch him in the back of the knee so he would topple. Roman eventually gave up and sank out from under him, reappearing across the room with his arms folded and sporting a very bitter expression. Virgil silently tittered again behind his hands while Roman scoffed sourly.

“And the prince, underestimating the strength of the dragon witch, falls to her mighty hand, and she burns down the kingdom using his beaten corpse for his hubris!” Remus’ scream grew more manic by the second until it broke into maniacal cackling. He shredded his page into confetti and threw it all over the room before he disappeared back through the ceiling. There was a pregnant pause as they all processed that in absolute silence. Virgil felt like he was going to choke on the laughter he held back as Patton looked completely affronted and Roman simmered angrily.

As hard as he tried, Virgil couldn’t keep himself from shouting “ _Roasted!_ ” and pointing at Roman still standing across the room with both arms.

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time!” A cackling Remus came from the walls. Oh, shit. Virgil’s hands shot back over his mouth before shooting everyone a sheepish expression.

“Uh, sorry,” Virgil muttered guiltily. Roman glared around in the room, assuredly mad that no one came to his defense, and then returned to his seat stiffly, a scowl plastered on his face. 

“Well, that was a spirited presentation,” Logan observed, taking another second to steady himself as he pointlessly straightened the already organized papers. “Anxiety, did you perhaps want to present while Roman recovers?” Patton clapped lightly, but he kept a concerned eye on Roman, who was still searing with frustration. Damnit. He should have kept his mouth shut. Virgil’s hackles bristled just looking at Roman.

“Uh, no. It’s a short story about a guy who finally gets the boat he wanted,” Virgil responded, shifting down to grab the papers and awkwardly hand out copies. He also couldn’t take his eye off of Roman’s fuming fury, though probably not for the same reason as Patton. Roman’s anger gripped at Virgil in a way that choked him, making his skin crawl uncomfortably.

“Ah, succinct. Patton, would you like to present?” Patton was still a little shell-shocked. 

“Uh, ah, yeah. No,” Patton stammered, probably trying to get his barrings. “Um, this story is about a little boy who makes friends with a river frog. The river frog was so grateful for his friendship and caring that he told the king of the faeries about the little boy and they tried to shower him with gifts, but the little boy just wanted to hang out with his frog,” Patton quickly handed out his copies, tentatively passing one to Virgil last before sitting back down. “It’s about the power of friendship!” He declared cheerily, seeming to get the color back in his face. Holy crap. This story is going to give him cavities. Roman dropped his scowl, possibly distracted by Patton’s sweet synopsis. 

“Thank you, Patton. Roman, are you recovered enough to present?” Logan asked evenly and Roman glared daggers at Virgil. Virgil bridled, not sure how to respond as the rage wrenched at his chest.

“Yes, I suppose,” Roman replied, standing up and adjusting his tunic. “I hope you are all ready to bring your hopes of winning to zero!” He announced proudly, shaking his fist in the air. Ugh, Princey’s mood swings were making Virgil sick.

“This isn’t a contest, bucko,” Patton interrupted. Roman rolled his eyes. 

“Lucky you, then, you shall be blessed with my story-telling prowess,” He said, surveying everyone in the room for dramatic effect once again. Virgil hoped Remus would attack again, but Roman started his story without duke-related interruptions. “It all began in a kingdom beyond the veil, one hundred years ago,” Roman regaled and held his paper aloft, almost like the skull of Yorick. 

This was going to be an over-dramatic nightmare. Virgil rested his head on his hands and leaned forward, trying to look like he was listening. He couldn’t handle Princey when he was like this. He wondered if slip in his headphones. Patton was rapt with delight, but when Virgil glanced at Logan, he noticed Logan’s eyes quickly look away. Ugh. Logan was watching him. 

“The seal could not be broken, however. Not by one of an impure heart!” Roman continued on with his story. Oh god, what is the lurid nonsense? It won’t be long before a prince from another kingdom comes to save the people. They say write what you know, but Roman can’t be this stupid. He’s a dramatic revelation of an evil step-parent from a _Disney_ film. He knew Roman could do better than this. What was this F-grade garbage? 

This was still nicer than sitting alone in his room again. But it wasn’t ranked above playing chess with the Duke. The sounds the pawns sometimes make when he kills them is pretty funny until it becomes the haunting screams of the damned. But his collarbone still got phantom pains when he thought about bishops. He involuntarily shivered. Okay, maybe this is about the same as Remus’ idea of chess. 

Virgil tried his best to stifle a yawn without making a stupid face as the story seal was broken and the land returned to the prosperous days of old. Roman bowed deeply when he was done, and Patton applauded enthusiastically. 

“Very good, Roman.” Logan stated, coughing twice. “I will forgo my presentation for the sake of brevity and instead hand out packets on my theories on which aspects of Thomas’s childhood psychosocial development and its effects on how he forms relationships as an adult,” Logan shot them a smile as he stood up from his chair. 

“Logan, this was a creative writing assignment. Not a study on Thomas!” Patton protested with an exasperated expression. 

“I was applying my knowledge creatively. This is a completely subjective theory, there is not enough objective evidence to form a proper conclusion. It is comprised of primarily of soft science,” Logan explained shortly, looking partially offended at Patton.

“It’s supposed to be _fun_!” Patton complained, pouting at Logan and crossing his arms as Logan passed out his packets.

“I _did_ enjoy myself,” Logan insisted, lowering his eyebrows.

“But I won’t learn anything about how you express creativity as Thomas’s logic from this,” Patton shook his head, the patented Patton pout appearing on his face. 

“Then I will submit a paper next week about that,” Logan replied curtly, huffing slightly as sat back down.

“Oh, you want to do this again next week?” Patton asked with his excitement almost palpable.

“I don’t foresee any reason not to,” Logan said with a barely perceptible smirk. Virgil assumed Logan enjoyed having an extra chance to intellectually flex on them. “I think this could be a good practice to help Thomas become more creatively productive. Though, I would like to move that we do not have presentations next week. We are running out of time for reading and discussion and it would not be ideal to have a variable schedule every week,” Logan stated matter-of-factly. 

“Please raise your hand if you would like to vote against future presentations,” Virgil’s hand lazily raised and joined Logan’s in the air. “Very well, please vote to continue doing presentations in the future.” Only Roman’s hand shot up and he eyed Patton, but Patton didn’t raise his. He mouthed something to Roman who didn’t look placated. 

“Two votes to abolish, two abstained from voting, and one to keep. We will abolish presentations until a future discussion,” Logan stated with finality. Roman threw up his hands in frustration and groaned, but he didn’t argue any further. It impressed Virgil that they weren’t trying to steamroll each other. “Now we can proceed to read the remaining documents.” They all picked up the rest of the pages and started reading the stories and Logan’s informative packet.

Virgil finished reading in a short time, but the others were still engrossed when he locked up. If there was anything he could do that the others couldn’t, it was probably thinking rapidly. Virgil could ruminate on twenty major disasters in under a minute. Virgil glanced around curiously to see where everyone else was at.

Patton seemed to be the farthest behind. Then followed by Logan because for some inane reason he was taking notes? Logan could also think fast, but the notes looked incredibly detailed. Roman seemed to be closest to done reading. Virgil bitterly thought about how just enough time to worry about how much they all hate his story and his presence and how his very presence destroys their good time. _Great_.

He sat, staring at the pages in front of him blankly, wondering how badly he messed this up and if Deceit would be mad at him. Maybe they’ll declare him as completely incompetent and stop listening to him altogether and Thomas gets eaten by a gator. Oh, no, reminded himself about alligators, and now he was going to anguish about that, too. Virgil exhaled silently and sagged into himself. It’s almost like the duke was still here. He wasn’t far from buzzing out of his skin. Virgil wasn’t sure how much time had passed until Logan finally spoke up, jostling him from the hellscape his brain conjured while he waited.

“I believe everybody has finished the required reading. The floor is open to discussion,” Logan stated and looked to the others. 

Virgil stayed quiet and let them discuss the stories. He wasn’t capable of joining the conversation without sounding like a fool. Constructive criticism wasn’t exactly his area of expertise. He couldn’t admit he liked Patton’s frog friend story because the friendship was more important than gold. He couldn’t betray how lonely he was. Virgil also couldn’t insult their stuff, even though it’s all he knew how to do. He had _a wealth_ of insults for the prince’s stupid story, too. But he didn’t want them to insult what he wrote, either, so keeping quiet was the safest.

He glanced down at Logan’s packet. Logan could probably take the riffing, but Virgil thought that was pretty interesting despite the dry presentation. Patton and Roman’s conversation didn’t drift towards it, though, much to Logan’s apparent ire. After a while of discussing the other’s stories, Logan looked at Virgil pointedly. It took Virgil a moment to process what was happening, since he felt like he was getting overwhelmed with all the things he wanted to say but couldn’t.

“Anxiety, did you have anything to submit to the discussion?” Virgil didn’t expect to get put on the spot like this. There was a lot he wanted to say, but he couldn’t bring himself to say any of it. He knew he shouldn’t say most of it. If he was negative about their things, he could hurt their feelings, and that was what Virgil was trying to avoid doing in the first place.

“I—uh…” Virgil stumbled on his tongue, not sure what he _could_ comment on. “I also learned that I’m not the only one who can’t escape being pinned by Remus. _Very_ important information,” He accidentally blurted out before covering his mouth.

“Roman being pinned wasn’t relevant to our discussion, but I agree it was an important lesson to attempt to avoid being pinned by the duke,” Logan added with a sly look at Roman.

“He came from the ceiling!” Roman huffed and balled his fists in frustration, glaring at Virgil. Virgil winced back, the awful feeling in his chest returning with full force after a reading break.

“Did anything inspire you, Anxiety?” Logan promptly asked, likely trying to cut off Roman from deadly declarations.

“Um—uh, sure, yeah,” Virgil stammered out, trying to put his thoughts together. He couldn’t mess up this part. ”I thought the fairy court in Pat’s story was cool,” He told them honestly. “Also, the chart about Thomas’s friends’ personality distribution was really interesting… I didn’t notice… and I notice a lot,” Virgil checked Logan’s expression from behind his bangs and he looked delighted. 

“What about my story, dead eyes?” Roman prodded grimly, crossing his arms. Virgil rolled his eyes as animatedly as he could. 

“I, too, long to seal the whole kingdom under a curse,” Virgil snipped back, dropping his head back against the wall. Roman groaned, he looked like he was about to retort, but Logan said something instead. 

“So you related to the small fiction Roman presented. I appreciated your cautionary tale about boat safety, but I have to admit I struggle to read purple prose,” Logan spoke mildly, holding up his notes. 

“ _Purple_ Prose!” Patton burst out laughing. “Was that a dad joke?” He asked, giggling animatedly.

“What? No!” Logan’s eyes shot to Anxiety's work, which he printed with purple ink, and back up to the group. Patton kept chuckling, slapping his knees. 

“Anyway, Patton, what did you take away from Anxiety’s submission?” Logan cleared his throat over Patton’s amusement, trying to change the subject. 

“Oh, it was very pretty! You must like the sea! But it was kind of a downer, kiddo. He barely got to enjoy his boat!” Patton told him, looking at Virgil with a sad smile. Virgil huffed in response. He knew that comment was coming, at least. Virgil was, in actuality, scared of the sea, but he wasn’t interested in being railroaded about it if he brought it up. He stayed silent and let them talk, instead.

“Yes, very _Gift of the Magi_ , Anxiety. All the dramatic irony, but without all the true love and more boring old men,” Roman stated darkly, waving his hand dismissively and looking disinterested. Virgil shrunk into his hood. Okay, that one was more painful than stating the obvious. He didn’t think it was too derivative, but Roman would know. Deceit warned him not to get attached to the story so it wouldn’t hurt when they insulted it, but he worked hard on making it likable and they hated it. It felt like all of his effort was in vain. Just like his efforts with _them_.

“Ah. O—okay.” Virgil stammered out, staring down at his shoes. “We done?” He asked, shooting a desperate glance to Logan from under his bangs.

Logan contemplated for a moment and nodded. “Yes, we’ve completed each combination of discussions. Thomas should feel more creatively fulfilled,” Logan declared, sounding proud of himself, putting down his notes next to him.

“Thanks or whatever,” Virgil saluted them and disappeared on the spot. He couldn’t take this anymore.

— 🐶 —

“Well, that was fun!” Patton cheered while he gathered up the papers that had got strewn about while he was reading and chatting. He swayed his head happily, glad things worked out so well.

“Yes, other than the duke tackling me,” Roman remarked bitterly, sending the pile of papers in his hands away. They melted into the air with a shimmer as Roman dropped his hand to the couch.

“Are you still hurt, champ?” Patton looked Roman up and down with concern, getting up from his seat. 

“Of course he’s not still hurt, Patton,” Logan refuted him firmly. Roman huffed bitterly, shooting Logan a dirty look. “It was considerate of Anxiety to follow the scheduled events. I didn’t anticipate him or his contemporaries to follow such rules of decorum,” Logan exhaled, sounding relieved as he stood up from his seat.

“Aw, Anxiety is a good kid, Logan! He thanked us and everything for having him!” Patton pouted at Logan for the implied slight of his spooky son. 

“He’s just waiting for the right moment to _attack_!” Roman proclaimed dramatically. “I don’t trust that dark assassin!” He growled, crossing his arms and turning his head away from Patton theatrically. “He’s got something up those big plaid hoodie sleeves, _I know it_ ,” Roman eyed the spot on the couch where Anxiety disappeared from suspiciously. Patton sighed, also glancing where Roman glowered. Baby steps. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updated 2/21


	3. The Chapter In Which Virgil Threatens to Make Remus A Eunuch Instead of Just Punching Him as Usual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety has a lot to deal with.  
> Special Warnings: Derogatory Language

— 💀 —

Next week’s meeting wasn’t any easier for Virgil. He tried writing a romance this week. He thought the others would like that better. A late-working lab tech and the night guard at a lab fall in love after seeing each other every night. But a broken sample from a bacterium he was researching infects the lab tech, and he dies of an unknown illness in strict quarantine. The death got cut again because, once again, it was ‘too much’, but it still took a dark turn. Virgil just couldn’t help but imagine bad things happening to his characters. He knew the other sides wouldn’t like it, and he did not know how not to write without acknowledging all the dark things that were bound to happen, and it put him in a sour mood. Remus’s presentation also didn’t make things any more pleasant or manageable. 

“Remus. Put your pants back on,” Virgil groaned and held his face in his hands, blocking the view of whatever eldritch horror Remus shape-shifted for this event. He didn’t feel like he had the energy to deal with this today. He covered his eyes and waved his hand at Remus, trying to for him motion to stop.

“Don’t be such a party-pooper,” Remus chided with a musical flourish. “You can take yours off, too!” He cackled delightedly and might have been dancing with the shuffling sounds going on. “Or do you not do anything without _daddy’s_ permission?” He paused, and Remus’s voice was much closer to Virgil’s ear than Virgil was comfortable with.

“Remus, I swear to _literally_ any god you want, that I _will_ cut it off if you don’t put your pants back on correctly,” Virgil growled, getting testier by the moment. “You are scarring Patton. Are you trying to get uninvited?” He asked impatiently. He didn’t have to open his eyes to feel Patton’s fear and Roman’s fury at critical points on the couch. It radiated in him overwhelmingly, and he wasn’t sure if he should just punch Remus or run and hide.

“Fine. You’re all _prudes_ and you should _feel bad_ for body-shaming me,” Remus protested with a huff, and his pants appeared back on his body. Virgil came out from behind his hands with a frustrated sigh. He hated being the one to have to corral Remus, but the others weren’t having any success and it stopped being funny a while ago. 

“That’s not what body-shaming is,” Logan contested with a cough and pushed his glasses back up his nose His face was still red, though he wasn’t emoting anything in particular. “And bring a written story next time, we abolished presentations last week,” Logan added, holding up a pen. Remus looked scandalized, holding his hand to his chest and gasping. 

“Logan, motion to ban R-rated stories,” Virgil held up a hand with a heavy sigh. Remus shot him an angry look. But if he was going to keep doing storytime, he couldn’t take all these emotions chipping away at his composure. He still hurt from Patton’s fear, even though it was gone now. Roman’s anger still boiling away was still gripping at his ribcage and squeezing.

“Yes,” Logan cleared his throat. “Please raise your hands if you are in favour of banning sexual interaction or descriptive gore from these story sessions,” Logan stated, sounding slightly surprised. Everyone but Remus’s hand was up in the air, and Patton even held up two hands. “Four votes to ban explicit content. There is no need to tally further votes. Motion moved,” Logan declared with another little cough. 

“Boo, you _whore_! How could you betray me like that?” Remus whined emphatically, looking to Virgil with a puppy-dog face.

“Dude. There are plenty of other awful things to write about,” Virgil said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Be _creative_ ,” He mumbled. He’d have to apologize and deal with this later. 

“Oh, I _will_ be creative! You better watch out! You better watch out! You better watch out!” Remus pointed menacingly, quoting the vine while sinking out. Well… that’s probably not good.

“Pat, are you going to be okay?” Virgil asked hesitantly. There was another fear spike that shook through Virgil. “I’m going to need someone to bury my body,” He groaned and pulled his hood over his head, tightening the strings and collapsing against the wall. 

“He can’t actually kill you, Anxiety,” Logan retorted, his composure apparently regained. Ah, correcting people, Logan’s most genuine love. His real empowering force. Virgil yanked his hood down tightly, balling into his knees.

“It’s an expression,” Virgil moaned quietly and stayed hidden in the protection of his hood, not feeling like he could process anything else. 

“I’ll be okay, kiddo, I’m just a bit shaken up,” Patton finally responded after a shiver ran up Virgil’s spine. “I’m not so sure about Roman though,” He added. Virgil glanced over and saw Roman shaking with anger, his fists clenched so tightly they were white. Patton laid a hand on his shoulder gently and Virgil flinched. He wasn’t sure how Patton had the composure to do that with the feelings that radiated off of Roman.

“You should have let me _stop_ him, Logan!” Roman suddenly shouted angrily and rose to his feet from the couch, making a wide sweeping motion with his arm. Virgil instinctively covered his head and ears. He pressed himself further against the wall to shrink back from the volume. “We should never have let him get that far!” Roman spat loudly. Virgil gritted his teeth and tried to fight his instincts. This was just a cascade of back-to-back things that pulled at his instinctual core that was chipping away at his resolve. But he couldn’t be weak in front of them. He also couldn’t attract Roman’s attention for anywhere to direct that fury.

“I did not anticipate things going in that direction when he started his story,” Logan explained mildly, looking to Roman with an unamused expression. “If he refuses to listen to further moderation in the future, you can perhaps act as the enforcer,” Logan replied placatingly. He was determined to remain impartial despite how out of hand this all was. Virgil could respect that if he wasn’t so overwhelmed by all of this and afraid of getting run through by Roman for being the closest ‘dark side’ to take his anger out on. He was terrified of even breathing too deeply and attracting attention.

“I will!” Roman accepted the position, holding his fist to his chest valiantly, and the tension loosened slightly in his shoulders. Roman’s hard expression was still clearly upset, though, even if Roman’s rage wasn’t setting off Virgil’s fight-or-flight instincts with painful intensity. 

“You okay there, champ?” Patton asked, noticing Virgil pressing himself against the wall. Crap. He was noticed.

“I _will_ be once I avenge our _eyes_!” Roman cried in indignation, posing dramatically and clenching his fist in the air.

“I was asking _Anxiety_ ,” Patton calmly corrected Roman. All eyes shot to Virgil, and he could feel his hands shaking violently in his pockets. Oh, _great_ , now the social anxiety of everyone looking at him. Perfect timing to join the shit-show!

“Who _cares_ if he’s okay?” Roman complained loudly and flailed his arms. Virgil recoiled from the sudden motion, though there wasn’t very much room left to do so. 

“He was the one who stopped the duke, bud, you should be thankful,” Patton reminded him and stood up, walking over to Virgil. Patton reached up to put a hand on Virgil, but he halted him by violently shaking his head. He could not take any more stimulation right now. Patton looked hurt and withdrew his hand. “Thanks for helping stop that from happening again, kiddo,” Patton thanked him gently. 

“Yes, thank you, Anxiety, I appreciate your capability in dissuading the duke in this situation,” Logan piped up and nodded. Virgil could barely hear them over the tremors in his chest. 

“What are you afraid of, buddy?” Patton’s voice was soft and calm. Virgil’s eyes shot over to Roman briefly, but he couldn’t respond. “Roman, aren’t you going to thank him?” Patton asked, facing Roman now but still standing by Virgil. 

“I shouldn’t have to!” Roman shot bitterly. “You should have let _me_ handle it in the first place!” He objected, holding his hand to his chest emphatically.

“Well, kiddo, he still stopped it from happening _and helped_ prevent some more. I think that’s worth a kind word or two, don’tcha think?” Patton looked at Roman with a paternal-judgement kind of expression. Roman bristled under it and stepped back. 

“ _Fine_! Thank you, or whatever!” Roman threw up his arms in frustration and collapsed dramatically back into the couch. Patton glanced back to Virgil with concern in his eyes. 

“Nobody’s gonna hurt you, Anxiety, it’s okay,” Patton reassured him quietly. Virgil didn’t move and couldn’t stop the shaking from spreading further than his hands. He was completely overstimulated, and it felt like his brain was shutting down.

“He may need some space. Patton, I suggest you return to your seat for now,” Logan stated plainly. Did he know? Logan knew. Virgil’s breath hitched. Logan knew, and he was going to tell them where Virgil’s weak spots were, and maybe he’d decide that Virgil was too weak and shut Virgil down! Can Logic do that? Virgil bit his tongue as his mind went wholly off the anxiety rails into the depression pit. Patton sighed and went back to sit down on the couch with drooping shoulders. “Let’s start our reading. Place your stories in front of Anxiety on the couch for when he’s ready to join us again,” Logan requested and placed his paper as an example. Virgil’s eyes watched Logan move compulsively.

“Let us know if you need something, champ,” Patton said, looking pointedly at Virgil. He slightly nodded and tried to take a deep breath, but it shuttered a bit. He held himself for a moment, and in a blink he was gone from the couch.

Virgil left the room to hide in his so they wouldn’t see him let this out. Deceit always warned him to never show weakness. But he was also just so embarrassed that he got so afraid of Roman. Virgil knows he couldn’t permanently hurt him. It would only hurt for a moment if he focused carefully. He could get past pain. But Roman was just so loud and angry, and it made Virgil’s instincts act up and grasp at him until he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He could feel his eyes burn with the sudden moisture after they widely stared for so long. Virgil held himself and let his body work through this so he could get back to the discussion, curling into himself on the floor, just trying to comfort himself.

Oh, _excellent_ , tears were how this was happening today. Virgil felt the first hot tear break out of his tear duct before it opened the dam. He heaved with wracking sobs for a bit and took deep breaths when he had the chance. It was a very cathartic release of all that sudden stress, at least. Virgil felt like he had gone on lock-down and was worried he was just going to sit like a numb, frozen lump instead of working through the stress. Then he couldn’t get through it and they’d realize what was going on, and Deceit always told him he couldn’t let them know he was so afflicted with himself if he wanted to be taken seriously. Virgil saw that out in the real world and knew there was a painful truth in it. 

Virgil rode it out for a little longer before catching his breath. He was safe now. He was okay. Virgil told himself as many mantras as possible to try to stop from having a full-blown meltdown. If he could at least stave it off, then it was something. He didn’t want to give them a long opportunity to talk behind his back. If he was gone too long, they’d get suspicious. Virgil wiped his face and then summoned a mirror to touch up his eye makeup. 

He silently appeared back on the couch and started reading the stories placed in front of him. The others were still reading, so he possibly wasn’t too far behind. He wasn’t positive, but it seemed like if he read fast enough he could probably finish around when Patton did. It looked like Patton was reading his story right now from the purple letters on the page. Patton looked kind of distressed, chewing his lip with wide eyes. Oh, crap. Virgil sighed inwardly. Patton didn’t like this one, either. Maybe he should stop trying.

Virgil started with Patton’s story, knowing it’d be the easiest to process. It was a very cute story again. A vet finds out he can talk to animals and he walks a puppy through what his humans do and why they do that. The little things Pat thought a dog would find weird were pretty funny. They lifted his mood a little.

Logan did a packet on how he applies his creativity, as promised. There were pie charts and use cases. It was also weirdly entertaining but in a different way. It was like a smug autobiography. If Logan didn’t write it, it would almost be like a parody of him. It was a special kind of irony. Virgil should bring his copy to Deceit. D would probably laugh at this perfect unintentional self-satire. 

Finally, Roman’s story, the longest, was about a young man who went on a journey to find himself, and he didn’t find himself anywhere but when he helped others. It started with him being selfish but felt obligated to help an old lady, and he kept finding situations he could drastically change if he helped and grew as a person. This one was less self-indulgent and had character growth and was an interesting story. Which _also had_ a special kind of irony. Because Roman sure didn’t act as if he had gone on a journey where he found himself through kindness and was most certainly the most stubborn side. He rolled his eyes and put the paper down. Logan must have been waiting for him since he cleared his throat and spoke. 

“I think it’s time to start the discussion, now,” Logan declared mildly and looked around, checking off something on his clipboard.

“Thanks for waiting for me,” Virgil thanked him under his breath. Logan nodded in acknowledgment. 

“Ro, I loved your story!” Patton exclaimed, launching up his hands. “It was so _sweet_ when he saved that puppy and it became his travelling companion!” Patton’s eyes teared up slightly. “And how he realized kindness was how he got this far and he had so much to return!” He cooed, holding together his palms with a wistful expression. 

“Patton, _please_ calm down,” Logan warned him. “Yes, understanding privilege is important. What did you think, Anxiety?” He asked pointedly, probably realizing Virgil wouldn’t speak up unless they prodded him. That was on purpose, though.

“Much better than last week. It would be nice if _everybody could_ have character growth like the protagonist,” Virgil stated bluntly, sass slipping through. It was really hard not to goad him on. Roman seemed to take it as a compliment though, since he didn’t react to the snide remark. 

“What can I say except _you’re welcome_ ,” Roman sang, twisting his hand in the air theatrically. Virgil cringed inwardly. How appropriate that a self-important asshole would sing a song about being a self-important asshole. 

“Logan, this is another essay. It’s supposed to be stories. Anxiety isn’t writing reports on all the ways Joan could upset Thomas,” Patton held up Logan’s packet and flapped it in the air.

Oh, no, there were so many things Joan could do to upset Thomas. They were so blunt sometimes, and Thomas was so sensitive. Even not meaning to, there were hundreds of ways Joan could hurt Thomas. There were thousands of horrible outcomes tallying up in his mind when he included all the intentional ways. Oh, he never considered some of those before. Oh, no. Not Joan, they would _never_! Would they? Oh, he needed to be careful. Plenty of these also applied to all of Thomas’s friends. Hell, he had to watch out. 

“Anxiety, kiddo, stay with us, buddy,” Patton snapped his fingers a few times, shaking him from his anxiety spiral. Virgil noticed they were watching him as he was literally counting in the air and slammed his hands into his hoodie pocket and tried to hide his blush behind his hair by facing down and hoping his hair and hood covered his face. 

“I _am_ applying my creativity,” Logan rejected Patton bluntly, thankfully ignoring Virgil’s fresh fears about friendly forays gone awry. 

“Please, Logan? If you don’t like it after you try it once, you don’t have to do it. I’m sure you could write a great story where we still learn something new,” Patton pleaded, pouting out his lower lip.

“Fine, I concede. I will produce a small work of fiction for next week’s meeting,” Logan conceded, with his voice tinged with annoyance. Patton cheered boisterously like _Kermit_ the Frog. “But if you will look at the chart, you can see that this is not an optimal use of my skills,” Logan added bitterly, holding up his packet and pointing to a chart. Virgil rolled his eyes and leaned back. Logan was somehow being a parody of himself, now. This was way too meta. Logan coughed and put down his packet. Oh, thank god. He recognized how he sounded before he sprung into a rant. 

“Patton, your story was far-fetched, but the dog’s perspective on human behaviour was interesting,” Logan supplied, changing the subject. 

“Far- _fetch_ ed?” Patton laughed giddily, clapping. “You sly _dog_!” Patton elbowed the air in Logan’s direction.

“It means things were not plausible,” Logan groaned in frustration and rubbed where his glasses met his nose. 

“That had to be on purpose,” Virgil huffed at his bangs. There were so many words he could have picked that meant improbable, and he picked one that was a phrase? That didn’t seem likely.

“ _Falsehood_!” Logan loudly interjected. Virgil jumped and raised up his hands. 

“Woah, if he does that again, I’m not sticking around,” Virgil warned them defensively. The loud noise shook him to his core, and he started trembling with restlessness once more. He didn’t need this after Roman’s outburst. “Are we almost done?” Virgil bit, glaring at Logan as he gripped at himself from inside his hoodie.

“I’m sorry for the loud noise, Anxiety,” Logan said after looking Virgil up and down. He must have noticed Virgil was shaking again. _Great. Fantastic._ Maybe they would assume he was shaking with rage and think he’s a feral bastard instead of the truth and know how weak he was. “We are almost done. Roman?” Logan nodded towards Roman, prodding him to continue. 

“Hmm? Oh, right, Pat’s story,” Roman hummed, sounding distracted. He was eying Virgil suspiciously, which did not help him calm down in the slightest. “I think it could have used more adventure, but I _do_ love _Dr. Doolittle_ stories,” Roman nodded sagely, crossing his arms.

“Puppy adventures!” Patton cooed with delight, holding up his story.

“Yes, puppy adventures. Fun,” Virgil deadpanned when Logan looked at him pointedly. 

“They would be!” Patton giggled, folding his story into what looked like an origami dog. They talked about Patton’s story a bit more. Virgil’s awareness kept slipping from the mundane discussion to ways to get out of here and things he could fight. Sometimes his brain just froze. He shuddered while they compared how Patron and Roman used dogs differently in their stories. Logan didn’t push Virgil to say anything this time. He was almost thankful. Almost. 

“Anxiety, your story reminded me of a deconstructed Shakespearian tragedy, albeit without all dialogue Shakespeare was fond of,” Logan stated, looking at Virgil. Virgil was thinking about punching Roman, so it was jarring to hear that. “It is also a reminder that lab safety is no joke,” That practically sounded like a compliment coming from Logan.

“Yeah, it was a real stroll down sunny street. _Very_ original,” Roman drawled sarcastically, flipping his hand in the air. 

“It was so _sad_. He found love and a little accident ended their future happily ever after,” Patton pouted, looking down and dour. _Awesome_ , he depressed Patton. Logan looked like he was going to continue the discussion, opening his mouth and holding up a finger, but Virgil cut him off. He couldn’t take any more again. Today was too much for him.

“Great. Fun. Nice. Glad we had this chat. I’m going now. See you next week,” Virgil growled sarcastically and left on the spot. 

— 🛡️ —

“Well, that was a moody exit,” Roman scoffed, glowering at where Anxiety just popped out of existence from. Patton looked slightly scandalized, but he didn’t comment. “Good riddance to bad behaviour,” Roman grumbled and crossed his arms as he sunk into the couch with a deep scowl.

“I think he was still upset,” Patton suggested, and patted Roman on the shoulder, his face betraying the concern he felt.

“You heard his voice, I think he was just barely containing the beast,” Roman protested bitterly, gesturing to the spot Anxiety normally sat. 

“You are jumping to conclusions, Roman,” Logan supplied with a hint of annoyance. “He likely does not have a beast within. That would be relatively absurd,” He added and adjusted his glasses, causing the light to glint. He started gathering his papers and notes together, clearly thinking he dropped this discussion. But Roman still didn’t like this situation.

“He literally _growled_ at us, Logan,” Roman rejected Logan’s protests stoutly. He rolled his eyes and gestured again to the spot Anxiety sat in with both of his hands. What other explanation was there?

“We are all capable of making that noise, it is just uncivil to reproduce,” Logan exhaled, sounding tired of Roman’s suppositions. 

“If he was holding back being mean, then that was considerate, Roman! We aren’t forcing him to follow the rules any more than we could any other side,” Patton explained and grabbed Roman’s hand. “Even if he’s kind of rude sometimes, he listens patiently and joins the discussion, and that’s nice of him. He could act like the duke does!” Patton nodded earnestly. Patton just had a soft spot for that demon.

“That _can’t_ be where the bar is,” Roman refuted him, dropping his hands dramatically to the couch. This was nonsense. 

“We do continue to put up with your brother’s input,” Logan commented vaguely, gathering the last of his things into a neat pile. 

“Why _do_ we do that?” Roman grunted bitterly, slumping back into the couch. He was losing more of his sparkle by the moment with this discussion.

“Because it’s _fair_ , champ,” Patton replied and released Roman’s hand and patted him on the shoulders again. “And because some common ground is a good thing,” He added cheerily, motioning to the room.

“Pat, one day your big dumb heart is going to be your downfall,” Roman groaned, running his hand through his hair in frustration. 

“How can it be my _downfall_ if it only _lifts_ me up!” Patton jumped into the air from off the couch. Roman groaned again as he melted into the couch with a morose mood, and Logan frowned while slightly glaring at Patton. Patton just giggled in response, tilting his head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updated 2/21


	4. In Which a Variety of Bad Decisions are Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil can't catch a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special warnings for this Chapter:  
> RSD, violence with weapons, injury (non-graphic and temporary).

— 💀 —

“God _damn_ it!” Virgil shouted and flopped himself dramatically face down on his bed and screamed into the comforter something that felt deep and primal. He shouldn’t let this get to him—he shouldn’t let this—it’s gotten to him. Virgil _knew_ they wouldn’t like it. He went into this knowing Roman was going to be an ass all over the place. His emotions felt like they were going haywire from all the input. Virgil recognized somewhere in his head that they weren’t as bad as last time and they weren’t intentionally being mean, but for some reason, he couldn’t make his brain accept the interaction as neutral. 

He never agreed to go again. They don’t want him there, just like they don’t want him anywhere else. Patton was just too polite to tell him not to come back. Patton probably is too polite to tell Remus not to come back, too. He clearly doesn’t like his brand of creativity either. Virgil didn’t have to put up with this if they didn’t want to put up with him. 

“You know what?” Virgil mumbled to himself and sunk out of his room. There was somebody they still agreed to put it up with this though, who both still wanted to and also wanted to wreak some havoc. 

He rose into a dark room with random signs and markings that had a sickly glow in the muted green light. It stank like a mid-summer dumpster. There was some burning in the corner, perhaps there was literally burning trash. Who was to say in this room? It changed pretty often. The air burned his eyes, and the colors clashed in every corner. Virgil really hated it in here. At least it wasn’t an emotional nightmare, even if it made his skin crawl.

“Let’s get this over with, Remus, I want to talk to you,” Virgil growled and summoned his double-ended glaive. 

“I was coming up with an insidious _plan_ , Virgey! Way to be anti-climactic!” Remus whined and picked up his morning star off a pile of decapitated stuffed animals next to the desk that looked like he was writing with a crayon on. 

“Yeah, yeah, plans can be fun, but so is just letting it out, right?” Virgil tempted him with a dark laugh. “Come on, you can just go since I was an ass,” He tempted Remus and braced himself for impact. He just had to focus, and the pain would go away. 

“Well, since you are begging _so_ sweetly, there’s no reason to not just have my fun!” Remus barked and took a swing at Virgil. He held his ground and took the impact right into his shoulder. He heard a sickening snap and fell to his knees in an explosion of pain, his weapon clattering to the floor. _It’s not real_. Virgil squeezed his eyes shut and couldn’t look. He didn’t want to know. Virgil took a deep breath and on the exhale he felt the pain disappear. He dropped to his hands, just trying to regain his sense of functionality while he was temporarily overwhelmed.

“You good, fam?” Virgil asked with a cough, and he lifted one arm to hold his stomach to try to alleviate the twisting and turning. 

“I’m Gucci. For _now_. I might need a silly dance,” Remus teased mischievously. 

“I’m not doing a stupid _dance_ for you, motherfucker,” Virgil crossly rejected him. He placed his hand on his double-ended glaive, and it disappeared from Remus’ floor because the duke could get a hold of it. 

“Well, maybe now I’m _not_ so Gucci,” Remus hummed, his voice tinged with anger. Virgil dragged himself up to standing, taking another deep breath.

“I have _good_ news, butthead,” Virgil groaned and leaned against the wall he was behind. That took a lot out of him, and it exhausted him just to move so soon after the brain static.

“I’m listening…” Remus sang, holding his hand up to his ear.

“I want to help you give ’em hell next week,” Virgil started to explain, gasping again. Remus clapped and jumped for joy. “You still have to follow the rules. You know how hard it is to get into the common area when they’re blocking it off most of the time,” He tapped his palm firmly.

“You don’t seem to have a problem, you _freaky_ little stalker you,” Remus teased with an eyebrow wiggle. 

“Don’t tell them that or I can’t get you in anymore either,” Virgil groaned bitterly. So what if he watched them? He had to stop them from ruining Thomas’s life. It’s not like he was _actually_ there. Everybody listened in one way or another.

“Oh, _somebody_ is clingy,” Remus twisted around and replied in a sing-song tone.

“I’m offering to get oozed on with your bull so you can get some brainstorming ideas without all the sex and blood. You know, to help you get _around_ the new rule? I can _rescind_ that offer any time,” Virgil hissed sharply and rubbed his head. 

“Oh, well, aren’t _you_ a flirt? You want to get _tentacled_?” Remus replied dreamily, holding up his hands like a maiden as he fluttered his eyelashes. Virgil sighed heavily. He didn’t have the energy for Remus today. The stupid storytime completely sapped him.

“If you’re going to call it that, maybe we should just beat each other up until we both go off the deep end,” Virgil responded sourly. 

“Oh, _that one_ sounds more fun!” Remus clapped with glee. Oh, hell, Virgil was joking. He enjoyed fighting with Remus, but he just didn’t have it in him today.

“Fine, slap me in the freaking face with your disgusting tentacles and put me out of my damn misery,” Virgil closed his eyes, and he heard a whooshing sound and a truly disgusting splat. Ugh, why was it hot? He summoned a rag and wiped it off and dropped the oozy rag to the floor. “If you trick me into doing a silly dance while I’m all messed up on ooze, I will _end_ you,” Virgil held himself as the world convulsed. He grasped the wall while his vision swam, looking to Remus’ visage melting and warping in front of him.

“No promises, spider farts,” Remus sang obnoxiously. Virgil already regretted this. 

— ⛈ —

Virgil woke up in his bedroom the next day with memories of yesterday blurring together into a puke fest. Oh, ugh, his stomach was killing him. Virgil curled into himself, feeling sick. The duke let him stay messed up all evening. He hoped he had stayed out of Thomas’s consciousness the whole time. Virgil didn’t want to make a nightmare out of Thomas’s evening just because he was being petty. He rolled to the side and noticed a green octopus note on the bed next to him. 

A note from Remus was probably bad news. He read the note with trepidation. It read ‘thx 4 juicy ide(ass) u kinky bitch xoxo’ with a drawing of a happy cartoon penis poking the word ‘ass’. He crumpled the note in his hand and sat up, rubbing his face. He carefully scanned his room for any fires or slime. It was still clean and comfortably spooky like it should be. Well, the duke got his ideas and his room wasn’t on fire. Virgil got what he wanted. Hopefully, it will be as harrowing for them as last night probably was for Virgil. 

He summoned his sketchbook and doodled and scratched out his demons to pass the time, after sending Deceit and Remus invitations to play a card game later. If he had to be away from the light sides overwhelming him and being jerkholes, it didn’t mean he had to always be alone. It had been a while since they all three did something, and Deceit mentioned being interested in playing cards again the other day. It sounded pretty rad. Remus and Virgil got along much better when there was something to do together. Otherwise, Remus defaulted to trying to freak Virgil out. That was only fun for a minute.

Virgil summoned some coffee for his ooze hangover and sat in bed, sipping it gingerly. He was sore in places he didn’t understand, which made it worse because by all accounts he should be able to focus any damage away. But it just wasn’t fading. Virgil put down his mug and laid back on the bed to listen to music and read. If he could just focus on something else for a while, it would hopefully fade on its own. 

Things could never be easy and straight-forward, can they? Virgil scratched at his sketch pad bitterly, darkening out a sketch he hated. Virgil can't just _do_ something. No, that's too hard. There have to be all these hurdles and stipulations. He's going to fail and disappoint everyone. Virgil shouted out in frustration and chucked the sketchbook across the room. Okay, he just has to keep himself from going insane from the ooze hangover and his own brain nonsense until it's time to play cards. He can do that, right?

— ⛈ —

“Bullshit,” Virgil declared with annoyance and dropped his cards face down on the table. “There’s no freaking way you have three twos. I swear we’ve already played two twos in singles,” Virgil tapped the table demandingly. Deceit chuckled and flipped the cards on top to show three twos. “Frick,” Virgil groaned and ran his hand through his hair. “Why do I play this with you again?” He whined and gathered the cards on the table. It had been a while into playing bullshit with Deceit and Remus, and he was already losing his mind. It was not as fun sounding as proposed, though perhaps maybe they shouldn’t have let Remus pick what to play. It could have been the dang ooze hangover making him testy, though. 

“It’s not like you can complain, _bitch boy_ , I have half the deck!” Remus whined, flapping his hand at Virgil.

“See, how the hell does he have three god damn twos if you have so many cards! It doesn’t make sense!” Virgil protested angrily and dropped face-down two cards on the pile. “Two fours,” He stated, uncontested.

“Am I _not_ playing by the rules?” Deceit asked evenly, holding his fingers to his chest as if mildly affronted. 

“I know you’re playing by the rules because I made the deck!” Virgil huffed frustration and picked his cards back up in one hand. “Play some fives, Remus,” Virgil grumbled and took a swig of the root beer in front of him. 

“I’m finding all my cards, eight-eyes!” Remus shot back, sticking out his tongue.

“If you organized them, this wouldn’t take so long,” Deceit chided with slight annoyance and sipped his tea. 

“I told you, they’re organized the way I like them!” Remus protested and tapped his morning star with the hand not completely overflowing with cards. 

“Fine, Ream, you do you,” Virgil rolled his eyes and leaned back in the chair, sliding his cards from the table into his hoodie pocket. He squinted his eyes through the smoky haze and checked the clock on the wall in the back. He couldn’t make it out. 

They were in the mind palace playing bullshit since Remus or Virgil couldn’t be in each other’s rooms, and Deceit didn’t like Remus in his room if he could help it. Remus could be a wrecking ball even when he’s trying to be nice, and the atmosphere made him act weird. Which was saying something for _Remus_. 

This was Deceit’s space he set up deep in the mind palace. He had made it look like a shady bar for the atmosphere. They were playing at a green felted poker table under the only light in the room. There was no bar smell, but sometimes Virgil could hear the clink of glasses in the background. Classic rock was playing through the bar’s speakers, which isn’t Deceit’s favourite music, but he must have thought it added to the atmosphere. There was a metal baseball bat behind the counter, so it certainly fit the shady bar vibes. Virgil’s 50s style chair creaked as he pushed his leg against the table and leaned back. 

“Three fives,” Remus announced proudly. 

“ _Bullshit_ ,” Virgil and Deceit announced at the same time. 

“No, you know what, you can take the cards if we’re wrong, D,” Virgil held up his hand, shaking his head. He pulled out his hand again, checking for sevens. 

“How very _generous_ of you,” Deceit scoffed sarcastically. 

“What, you are way in the lead!” Virgil shot defensively. “Withdrawing a bullshit claim is _perfectly_ allowed,” He retorted coolly. Deceit rolled his eyes and flipped the top three cards, which was a selection of random cards. 

“Ream, dude, you surely had three fives in there. _Why_?” Virgil asked, exasperated. He slumped in his chair, lowering his eyebrows at Remus.

“I’m not a quitter!” Remus shouted and gathered all the cards together into his pile and started sorting them. Into what order, Virgil had absolutely no inkling. 

“Four sixes,” Deceit placed down his cards with mirth. 

“Oh, come _on_!” Virgil cried out in indignation. “You know what, no, I don’t care. Two sevens.” He declared, slamming his cards down on top of Deceit’s last play. “Still ‘sorting’ your cards?” Virgil asked Remus and looked over to watch his tentacles helping him shuffle. “Ugh, I don’t want to see those after yesterday,” Virgil groaned and rubbed his face, running his hand through his hair. The skin on the back of his head was crawling just seeing those things. He didn’t want to get oozed like that again for his life. Remus was an ass for not taking back the effects before Virgil got sick from it. 

“I distinctly recall you begging for a face full of tentacle yesterday,” Remus replied airily, flapping his hand dismissively in Virgil’s direction. Deceit raised his eyebrow at Virgil. 

“Like it was better to take a morning star to the face seven times,” Virgil grunted and folded his arms while he waited. He hoped he wouldn’t have to explain his bad idea to Deceit. It would be funny as hell to watch and they deserve it, even if it was something he never should have done. 

“That reminds me, do you want to play chess, later?” Remus cooed and fluttered his eyelashes at Virgil. 

“No, thanks. After this, I have plans to _yeet_ myself off this mortal coil. Maybe next time,” Virgil declined, rolling his eyes. Deceit just knew he’d be more likely to win while Virgil was hungover and he wasn’t giving him the window of opportunity to get decimated so definitively at chess with him. Remus just smirked widely at Virgil when he rejected him, so it was pretty clear they were on the same page about this. “Dude, just play some cards,” Virgil flailed his hand at Remus.

“Fine. Four eights,” Remus said evenly and laid down four cards. 

“Bullshit,” Deceit rejected the play and rolled his eyes. He went back to his tea, not even bothering to flip them.

“Remus, for fuck’s sake, _this_ is why you have most of the deck!” Virgil threw up his arms in frustration. 

“You didn’t even _check_ them!” Remus shot back.

“I don’t have to check them to know you’re lying,” Virgil said and reached over to flip the top four cars. It was four aces. “That’s a worse move than just playing random cards,” Virgil groaned and accidentally hit himself in the head in frustration. Remus pointed and laughed and he rubbed where he hit while he was just trying to rub his sinus for the damn headache. 

“Need _daddy_ to kiss it better?” Remus cooed. making a kissy face. Virgil glared at him. Deceit narrowed his eyes, but Remus didn’t seem to take notice of his ire. 

“Three niness,” Deceit hissed slightly. Virgil’s eyes widened. Fuck. Deceit’s anger issues were just as bad as Passion’s, if not worse. He didn’t want to be a part of this potential emotional hell.

“Two tens,” Virgil muttered and looked to Remus, who was blissfully digging through his cards again. How do you tell someone to back off without pissing them off by telling them to back off?

“Four jacks,” The duke placed the cards face-down on the pile confidently. Deceit went ahead and laid down two cards on top of it. Virgil placed one card on top silently as well. “Well, now, where are my ‘aces’,” Remus hummed, shifting around his cards, saying aces with an odd inflection. 

“Remus, we know you have four aces. Why would you not play them?” Virgil asked while rolling his eyes again, the frustration overriding his fear for a moment. 

“I didn’t say I wasn’t going to,” Remus protested haughtily. 

“Right, sure, Ream, you’re not the most obvious liar on the planet. If you don’t start playing defensively you’re going to end up with the entire deck and possibly a pocketful of spiders just for good measure,” Virgil scoffed darkly and took another drink of root beer before then laid his head on the table. 

“I will play offensively until the day I die!” Remus proclaimed and laid down four cards. 

“Bullsshit,” Deceit hissed with a calm tone. Virgil bristled but never removed his face from the table to see how mad D was. This would be a long game. 

— ⛈ —

Virgil collapsed on the staircase in his room and moaned. Deceit won, of course. He had no tells when he didn’t want to. Somehow every single time Virgil called bullshit on him, the cards were right. He had absolutely no idea how he did it. Virgil had given up on calling Bullshit on him by the end. That was probably what Deceit wanted since Remus never knew when to call bullshit. He wasn’t the best at reading faces or moods. 

It took forever to finish out the game with Remus’ incredibly obvious lying about the cards he played. He may have even been doing it on purpose because he enjoyed pissing people off. He had tried to play eight cards at the same time at one point. At least Deceit never lost control of his temper, despite Remus being completely aggravating.

Deceit always won, and Remus always pissed him off when they played. Even when they played poker or blackjack, things always seemed to get out of hand. Perhaps a professional liar and a professional asshole are just a lethal combination for card games. He usually enjoyed playing with them, even though it could be frustrating and unpredictable. 

Today he felt like he didn’t know why he asked to play cards in the first place, it was so bad. Well, he knew why cards sounded like a good idea. He wanted to be with sides who _liked_ him after yesterday. Well, this whole debacle cured him of that. If he saw any other side today, he would go ballistic. He wanted to be alone until the sun burned out, and the planet crumbled into nothingness. 

Virgil summoned his headphones and a weighted blanket and just tried to chill out. He was really riled up and half wished Roman would do something stupid just so Virgil could go and argue with him. That would probably be equally infuriating, though. He’d check the living room later to be sure they weren’t doing something awful, but for now, some music sounded better. Sending the duke that pocketful of spiders just to be safe also sounded like a good plan.

Eventually, new anxieties eventually overwhelmed his brain’s capacity to listen to music, and Virgil got up and paced his room, trying to work out ways to avoid things, but most paths had new dangers. He rubbed his face harshly and growled to himself. Why was life a never-ending nightmare of near-misses with pain and death?

When he turned around to pace again, he noticed a puppy note on the table. When did that get there? Virgil stomped over and checked it. The note had next week’s meeting time on it. Virgil sighed and crumpled that note, too. It started smoking as he paced the room with it clenched tight in his fist. 

Virgil was struggling with interaction with the sides at all, now. He always felt left out and unwelcome, even when he tried his damnedest to not piss the others off or hurt anyone’s feelings in a way that mattered. And that was obviously rare because they never listened to him when he played nice. They only ever seemed to listen when he was loud and mean. And being mean was only fun for a few moments until it eventually goes too far and hurts their feelings. That wasn’t something he wanted to do, even if he pretended he did sometimes. There was no winning.

At first, Virgil came out to convince the others to stop doing things that were stupid and dangerous. He didn’t have the patience to deal with any bull crap, and he let them know right off the bat. But they refused to listen as usual or even try to compromise. 

After a few days of what felt like endless bickering, he stopped trying to fight them and just told Thomas directly not to do things. Thomas would listen to him more than they did, even if he didn’t always listen to Virgil. At least he wouldn’t have to see the other angry or disappointed side’s faces any more or feel his skin crawl and his stomach turn when they reacted badly, and that was one thing he was thankful for. 

It exhausted Virgil. He didn’t want to see any other side or even leave his room. The other things were distractions. Even if he wanted a break from regretting choices and fretting over eventualities, there was just too much for him to handle. So he stopped interacting all together and focused on what was important. Protecting Thomas.

A week’s time had come and Virgil didn’t even bother checking in on the common area. He didn’t join them, listen for them, or even acknowledge there was any other side but him at all. He trapped himself in his own personal hell of fear and knowing that no matter what he did, he just wasn’t wanted. It was safer this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updated 2/21
> 
> ~~still paced kinda funky, though~~


	5. In Which Virgil is Done with Everyone's Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as I use _italics_ for words with extra _dramatic emphasis_ , **bold** is only used for **Virgil's Fear Voice**. Or the fandom named 'Tempest Tongue', if you will.
> 
> Special Warnings for this Chapter:  
> Depression, Anxiety, Spiraling Thoughts, Deadly Toxins Doing Deadly Toxin Things in Anxiety's story brainstorming.

“I’m serious, kiddo, he was so scared of you he was shaking last week. And now he didn’t show up today? I don’t think that’s just a coincidence,” Patton said softly, putting his arm on Roman’s shoulder as they sat on the couch after their pretty stunted story session this week without Anxiety and too much Remus. 

“Why would he be scared of _me_? He’s the scary one! He was shaking with rage! Maybe he was just trying to trick you,” Roman said angrily, looking away from Pat in frustration. 

“Trick me into doing what, bucko?” Patton asked emphatically. “He didn’t want anything from me, not even a _hug_ ,” Patton looked a little sad at the thought. 

“That’s what he wants you to think!” Roman said dramatically and flailed his arms, shooting back to look at Patton. 

“Roman, you are being irrational. He was clearly suffering from an anxiety attack from your indignant bellowing. I am uncertain Deceit is even capable of falsifying something that is purely emotional to that fine of detail,” Logan supplied. 

“So you’re _both_ under-estimating them,” Roman said bitterly, folding his arms defensively and leaning back into the couch. 

“They are all aspects of Thomas. Is Thomas a master malefactor?” Logan asked with a sigh, rubbing his temple. 

“Of course not!” Roman objected quickly, looking to Logan in surprise at his question. 

“Then, it follows that Anxiety was presumably incapable of the excessive deviancy that your hyperactive imagination has fabricated about him,” Logan said coolly and with finality. 

“That doesn’t mean he’s _not_ up to something,” Roman huffed quietly and spun his hand dismissively.

“Even if he is, you scared him and now he didn’t show up,” Patton suggested morosely. 

“Correlation is not causation, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t anything we could learn from the combined data,” Logan said with a hint of annoyance. 

“What?” Roman and Patton both asked at the same time, staring at Logan. 

“I said that even if Roman’s wrath was not a factor, it would still be valuable to learn what did motivate him to not attend when he already communicated to us that he would return again,” Logan’s annoyance grew slightly. “If there is an issue, it should be remedied before it potentially becomes more cumbersome,” 

“Oh, that’s what I’ve been saying, I think,” Patton said with a bit of confusion, though otherwise unfazed. 

“And it _has_ to be me?” Roman asked bitterly and groaned, flopping his arms into his lap and throwing his head back indignantly. 

“I think it’s important that you show him you mean no harm even if that’s not why he didn’t come back,” Patton proposed softly. 

“What’s the _value_ of having him back? If I _wanted_ to be freaked out to my very core, Remus is plenty enough! That story this week? I’m going to be having nightmares for months!” Roman complained loudly. Patton just nodded silently, shaking from being reminded of the earlier events. 

“Yes, Remus’s story was very macabre and more pieced together than his usual ramblings. I also found myself somewhat unsettled,” Logan said with a small shiver. “But we digress. Roman, you enjoy Shakespearian stories?” 

“Of _course_ I do! Shakespeare was an amazing playwright!” Roman said, aghast at the implication otherwise. 

“Shakespearian tales often feature dramatic irony or a tragic ending. A skill that you have shown to be lacking in. Something you could learn from Anxiety’s prose,” Logan explained. Roman crossed his arms and huffed. “Those stories feature elements that are still hailed to this day. Utilizing Anxiety’s talents in a restricted context could help you create a drama that is truly great and memorable,” Patton gasped. 

“Oh my gosh, how cool would that be, kiddo?” Patton said with glee beginning to show on his face. The concept seems to shake the haunting reminder of Remus’s story away to let Patton’s smile shine through. Patton beamed and shook Roman slightly in excitement. 

“That would be kind of cool, I guess,” Roman muttered. “Old emo-mophead’s stuff is still better than listening to my brother’s horrific input if you say some darker elements could help in my work,” Roman reluctantly conceded. “But I still don’t think I should have to apologize to a _dark side_ ,” 

“Anxiety is a part of Thomas,” Logan stated plainly, sounding annoyed. 

“Thomas would be better off without that dark and glower soup!” Roman exclaimed and tried to stand, but Patton’s hand held him down with a look of concern. 

“You _just_ conceded that he could help you implement better pathos in your fiction, Roman,” Logan objected, looking even more annoyed than before. 

“If Anxiety was gone then I can have more brainpower to work on those things on my own!” Roman shot back and pushed Patton’s hand off of him and then folded his arms. 

“Roman Sanders! You are being _selfish_!” Patton shouted angrily. Logan and Roman looked to him in shock. There was a pause while they processed this. 

“I’m not being selfish, you don’t like his stories either! I’ve seen the faces you make when you read them,” Roman accused. 

“Just because they can be spooky or sad doesn’t mean I don’t like dark things in moderation! They’re not my favourite kind of stories, but they can be thrilling and make me feel so much more than a story without any of that in them! And I would give anything to get to know our little Anxiety a bit more, so I don’t care he if he spooks me,” Patton explained passionately, his voice slightly raised. 

“Fine, I will apologize to Anxiety for _you_ , padre,” Roman conceded bitterly. “Anxiety!” Roman called out, but he didn’t appear. “ _Anxiety_!” Roman called more emphatically. 

“What do _you_ want, Princey? Can’t you tell I’m busy?” Anxiety said, appearing in the shadows of the stairwell with a deep scowl on his face, his hood pulled up and his hands shoved deep into his hoodie pocket. His foot was slightly kicking at the carpet on the floor, and he was heavily glowering at them. 

“I wanted to apologize for my less than stellar behavior last week,” Roman said ostentatiously, putting on his best act. 

“Aw, you _care_ about me,” Anxiety said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Is that all you have to say? Because I have to go do something more _important_ , like watching bread mold,” Anxiety’s sarcasm was nearly palpable and he disappeared on the spot, not waiting for a reply. 

“You see what I mean? He doesn’t care! He’s a dark side. They probably do more sick and twisted things to each other every minute!” Roman loudly complained about his apology being rejected. 

“He was likely feeling defensive, Roman. That is part of his function,” Logan said with a slight groan and rubbed his sinus. “This is perturbing, I will leave the two of you to solve this emotional matter on your own,” Logan said with a hint of anger and sank from the room. 

“Listen, champ, I’ll try to talk to him, you sit back down and we’ll try to resolve this right now,” Patton said, summoning his puppy note pad and gel glitter pen. Roman groaned and dropped to the couch dramatically. Patton gave Roman a soft smile, and while Roman rolled his eyes, he didn’t move or object any further. This was for Patton. 

“What’s wrong, kiddo?” Patton wrote down and sent off to Anxiety, reading aloud as he wrote. “I’m just sick of it,” Patton read the note Anxiety sent back a moment later. Patton frowned deeply. “Sick of what?” Patton asked as he wrote, and Roman watched him add a heart before sending it off. There is a much longer wait for this response. Roman nearly got up, but Patton’s paternal stare somehow pinned him to the spot with the looming threat of disappointment and annoying lectures. He wasn’t entirely sure how Pat did that. Eventually, the skull sticky floats down slowly, rewarding them for their patience. 

Patton’s eyes welled up with tears when he read the note and sniffled pitifully. Roman shot up and reached out to Patton, but Patton just shook his head and handed Roman the note. The note just said ‘trying’. 

“What does this mean, Padre? Why is it upsetting you?” Roman asks and places his hand on Patton’s shoulder. 

“Anxiety said he’s sick of trying. I think we broke his heart,” Patton said, and a small sob broke out. Roman pulled him into a hug and Patton cried gently into Roman’s shoulder and he hugged him back. 

“I’m going to talk to him, Pat” Roman said with quiet determination as he held a softly crying Patton in his arms. “This has to be a misunderstanding. I’m going to force my way in there and sort his out for you,” Patton gently squeezed him before letting go and nodding. Patton could really cry over anything. Roman wasn’t really sure what Anxiety meant by sick of trying, but if it hurt Patton that much he could suck it up and be nice. But if Patton was correct about how upset Anxiety, then maybe Anxiety was a much better actor than Roman gave him credit for. He seemed perfectly fine just a moment ago. 

Forcing your way into a dark side’s room was no easy feat. Forcing your way into a dark side’s room who doesn’t want to see you is even more complex. But for Patton, he had to do it. So Roman sank into the darkness to fight his way in. He was rejected right away, stopped from sinking at about his knees and was shot back up. But he tried again, sometimes send flying and again sometimes only stopped when rejected, until Roman managed to break through into Anxiety’s room, a roaring sound deafening him momentarily and in a deep pool of darkness clearing as he resurfaced in Anxiety’s sinister den. 

The room was dark and tinged with purple light, covered in webs and unsettling to stand in alone. There were plenty of things that seemed like they were moving, even though when you stared at them they were immobile. It felt wrong and in general, it was the kind of room that Roman hoped to never enter again. Anxiety was sitting on the stairwell, his legs pulled close to him and his head down on his knees. He was shaking slightly and showed no recognition of Roman managing to break through to him. He would have liked at least some acknowledgment of his skills, but that wasn’t what he was for. 

“I didn’t know you were a fellow actor,” Roman said, breaking the silence. Anxiety slightly jumped on the stairwell and slowly raised his head. When he made red and puffy eye contact with Roman, he quickly dropped his face again and groaned. 

“ _What do you want_ , Princey,” He said with a deep disdain into his knees, squeezing himself with his arms. 

“I wanted to _apologize_ for not accepting your creative leanings like I should have,” Roman started. 

“ **Can it** ,” Anxiety interrupted with a deep, reverberating growl, shaking the room momentarily and Roman bristled. But he couldn’t stop now. 

“It’s the princely thing to do when you make a mistake!” Roman insisted. “I didn’t realize how much effort you were putting into showing up and participating. Logan says I could learn from you. Perhaps they aren’t my cup of tea, but my stories surely aren’t yours either. But together our stories could mean something bigger than us both! And I was ignoring that from my pride. Please come back. If not for me, then for Patton,” Roman explained emphatically. Anxiety just stared at him, wide-eyed. He had abandoned the pretense of hiding the evidence that he was hurt. Anxiety rubbed his eyes and frowned sadly. 

“ _Please_ don’t make fun of me,” Anxiety whispered pitifully and rubbed his face on his sleeve. 

“I’m not making fun of you! I’ll have you know that this week I wrote a story with you in mind! A prince had to save a reluctant princess before the dragon witch stole her soul. It was very angsty!” Roman informed him passionately. 

Anxiety rolled his eyes. “I’m sure she was saved and there was a happily ever after,” 

“Of course there was, I’m not a monster,” Roman said proudly, holding his hands to his chest. 

“Writers aren’t monsters, Princey, writers are the ones who make the monsters,” Anxiety groaned. “I’ll come back next week, okay? If it means that much to Pat, he sent you here to act like a patronizing idiot and somehow get through the barrier,” Anxiety said and rolled his eyes. 

“But-” Roman started. 

“Now, **get the hell out** ,” Anxiety commanded with a deep voice and waved his hand. Roman was kicked from Anxiety’s room, landing in the living room on his butt. Roman groaned and pulled himself off the floor, dusting himself off as he drew himself up to his knees. Patton stared hopefully at him the whole time. 

“I apologized, and he said he’d come back next week,” Roman groaned. “You _owe_ me, padre,” 

“Yay! Thank you so much Roman!” He cheered and summoned a plate of cookies. “We should do a theme next time! Let’s do one about growth! I’m going to tell everyone,” Patton said and flicked his wrist to summon his not pad and sent off the messages. Though Roman saw Patton add a caveat that said ‘and not about anything in someone’s pants’ to one of the notes, which Roman chuckled at despite being slightly disturbed by the possibilities. 

— * * * — 

Virgil wasn’t entirely sure if he had lied about agreeing to go back again just to get Roman off his back or if he meant it. Pat must have been pretty upset about what he sent for the knight in shitty armor to come. It’s not like it wasn’t true. He was sick of trying. Maybe he would come back just to relieve Pat and just not stay long. He could maybe put up with them. He wasn’t sure he was capable, though, since he kicked Roman out after barely any time and he was already done with people for today. 

Virgil was trying to figure out what to submit if he was even going to go when one of Pat’s puppy notes came floating down. ‘Theme week: Growth!’ read the note. Well, that narrowed it down. But the first thing that came to his mind was malignant growth. Even he didn’t want to write about cancer. That was too much for him. What other kinds of growth are there? The growth of disdain? Growth of an untraceable disease? Growth of a toxic plant that looks unassuming but spreads like wildfire? That was cool. He could do that. But that wasn’t what they’d want. Not that he thought he was even capable of writing what they want. 

“Who _cares_?” Virgil cried out in frustration and stomped around this room. Though, he knows who does. It’s _him_ , and he hates how desperately he does. Maybe the toxin is beatable? Maybe the toxin turns them into zombies. The toxin kills everyone alive. The Toxin changes the planet forever to be uninhabitable. Oh god, he can’t make a happy ending. But maybe he can make a…. neutral ending? The toxin is beatable, but there are heavy losses and the people who remain suffer from the long dead’s bad designs. Yeah. Yeah, he could write that. Maybe. Probably not. He could try. Virgil summoned his journal and plopped down on the spot to write down his ideas before they were gone, but was quickly distracted by the other things he had on his plate. 

Even if Virgil was maybe willing to participate in the story session this week, he sure as hell wasn’t willing to participate in anything else. He could do the one thing. Not any more than that. So Virgil stayed locked in his room where he was safe. Where he could plan and talk to Thomas and keep him from doing something disastrous. Virgil didn’t leave to spend time with anyone else, either. He had important things to do, and nobody else was willing to help him or work with him. It was all on him. 

Virgil spent all of this time obsessing over details. It was his job, and it was so tiring day in and day out. And there were so many details in someone like Thomas’s life to handle. Budgets, schedules, friends, planning, keeping one of the others from hurting Thomas, keeping Thomas from hurting himself. There was just so much. But he was diligent and focused, even if he was growing more weary and tired in the process. He couldn’t let himself be distracted. 

There was too much important stuff to do. His head was spinning, trying to keep up with all the things he had to keep track of. He wasn’t even sure he’d have the time to write the story. It must have been the lie to get Roman off his back, then. It’s not like their opinions of him could get any worse. They were always being rude and dismissive and trying to make sure he didn’t interfere or not respecting his input. It was probably better this way, anyway. He was just going to get yelled at for something or another. He may as at least have earned it this time. 

— * * * — 

Roman could tell Patton was getting more desperate with his attempts to get that emo trash fire to come and talk with them again. It was getting weird. It’s not like Anxiety was much of a joiner in the first place, and he only ever came out to object to something one of them was saying. Patton kept trying to summon things to interest Anxiety, as if he couldn’t summon them himself. As if that had ever worked in the past. 

Patton had tried summoning ice cream sundaes yesterday, and the day before it was very oddly peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and coloring books. This morning he tried summoning piles of pizza and garlic knots to coax him out. It smelled amazing, and Roman had already started helping himself to the cheesy goodness. Pizza for breakfast was a wonderful treat, even though it would never work for attracting that evil infested plaid hoodie. 

“ _Anxiety_!” Patton called out. “Maybe he’s wearing those headphones,” He thought out-loud and sent out a puppy note just-in-case. There was no response or emo hair flip to be seen. Roman enjoyed a garlic knot in the heavy silence while they waited. 

“Bud, _please_ come here!” Patton said, trying to sound sweet, but the distress in his voice was breaking through. 

“Isn’t it good that Anxiety won’t come to talk to us? We don’t need to put up with his dark and emo input every day,” Roman offered wryly, eating more pizza. 

“Anxiety still plays a role in Thomas’s decision making, Roman, and if he won’t talk to us, then he won’t accept our input either,” Logan said, sounding disinterested in Roman’s rebuke. “It would be a regression on Anxiety’s part to no longer co-operate with us at all, even with the small amount he currently does. Do you want to go back to the way things were?” Logan asked, now sounding slightly upset and staring Roman down. Roman felt a little sick. Perhaps too much pizza. Patton didn’t seem to pay attention to either of them and tried again. 

“Come on kiddo, we've got oodles and boodles of foodles out here, we haven’t seen ya all week, bud! Let’s catch up!” He called out in no particular direction. 

— * * * — 

Virgil winced as he heard Patton call out for him again. They didn’t really want him around, they just wanted him to listen to their stupid shit and tell them it was a great idea or something. They just wanted him to play nice and put up with their dangerous garbage. They didn’t really even need him. They’re always talking about how he held Thomas back. Thomas didn’t want him either. It’s not like he hid his disdain for Virgil. He was sick of putting up with it, sick of pretending it didn’t hurt. 

He didn’t want to have to see or hear them again. Any of them. Not even Thomas, anymore. He was tired of protecting people that didn’t need protection. He didn’t have a cushy behind-the-scenes job as Deceit did, and he would never understand what the other sides were putting him through. Deceit even hid the other two but never bothered to conceal Virgil so he wouldn’t have to harangued every time Thomas or the others wanted something that was unreasonable or had risks. It’s all part of a plan or whatever. Deceit probably just thought it would have been too much work. Virgil sat down and yanked his hood over his head. 

He didn’t have to put up with them, really. If he could just drop out of the consciousness low enough, he could probably stay there unless one of them tried really hard to pull them back up. He wouldn’t have to listen to any of their shit or see any of their faces and Thomas could go live as unabashedly as he really wants. Virgil focused hard, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to go deeper than he ever dropped before down deep into the subconscious, where he wouldn’t have to be a burden on them anymore. 

There was a dizzying sensation for a moment, and when Virgil reopened his eyes, everything was a little fuzzy and a little abstract. He didn’t entirely feel real, either. Like he wasn’t really here. Or maybe that here wasn’t real, he wasn’t sure. Virgil was a little disoriented and a little blind, but he was fairly certain he had made it.   
  
He had dropped out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final: 3,633  
> I abandoned the outline and draft from this one, and it became chapters 10 and 11. I don't know how that worked out but it did so perfectly. Serendipity!  
> update: went through and edited chapters 1-5 for some grammatical errors I missed. I hope it helps readability.


	6. In Which Lots of Things Happen and None of Them are Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are officially post Accepting Anxiety now!
> 
> Some Extra Warnings for this chapter:  
> Anxiety/Panic Attack, RSD, Depression, and Deceit being an absolute bastard. He's still not unsympathetic, I promise. Petty and bitter with a temper, sure. But he's got his reasons that will be revealed later.

Virgil didn’t show up for the story session the next week. It seemed like a sure thing that he would have shown up this time around, now that they’d accepted him. The three sat around the couch quietly waiting for him to appear, but after 10 minutes of awkward chatting, it’s clear to them that no one else was coming other than possibly Remus’s eventual intrusion. Logan kept glancing over to the stairs and Virgil’s regular spot on the couch, but never commented on his absence. 

“Maybe Virge needs some _space_ , you know?” Patton offered weakly. “After we accepted him we have been visiting more often. Maybe it’s been hard for him to be social for so long and he needs a break? But he’ll come back. He said he loved us,” Patton said, his eyes moist. There was a pause of consideration, then Logan cleared his throat. 

“Well, I believe after this point of time it would be fortuitous to begin our meeting, minus one member,” Logan coughed and wrote something on his clipboard. 

“Great!” Remus cried, popping out from behind the couch. “Here you go!” Remus barked as he shot paper airplanes of his story at everyone with a little rubber band launcher. Roman rolled his eyes and grabbed a paper airplane before it landed in his eye. He’d take Virgil over Remus any day. Roman secretly wished Patton had the guts to rescind Remus’s invitation or something, but Patton insisted this was for the best no matter how many times he groaned, blushed, or cringed. Remus sat behind the couch and started reading with an inane smirk. Roman gave in and followed suit with reading before he fell behind. 

—

  
The meeting didn’t go on particularly smoothly since Remus had not gotten distracted and left before the discussion before he had done the last few times. Maybe he just wanted to make them cringe in other ways since he couldn’t do presentations anymore. Perhaps Virgil’s writing was something he used for inspiration, and once he was inspired he would always do the first thing that came to mind. Roman hope he never, ever ran into Remus in the mind palace on accident after Virgil’s stories kick-started the more scary parts of the duke’s creativity. 

“Remus, _please_ , that is irrelevant to the discussion. Patton was commiserating with-” Logan began trying to re-rail the completely derailed train of thought. 

“Yes, that’s why you would use the poison to _stop_ the process-” Remus started, holding a green knife with a wild look in his eye. Roman growled and reached for his sword. God, how he wished he could just defeat the evil and live happily ever after. He could at least be an enforcer tonight like Logan said before. 

“I think we can _end_ this meeting for tonight,” Patton said, his voice slightly shaking. “ _Right,_ Logan?” Patton looked desperately over to Logan. What? Roman looked to Logan as well with a frustrated expression. 

“Yes, I believe concluding the discussion would be in our best interests. We all have tasks to get back to, correct?” Logan said, sounding resolute, casting a glance between Roman and Patton. 

“Oh, my _onions_!” Remus cried and disappeared on the spot. He sank sideways into the couch somehow. They all released a deep sigh. Patton looked tired. Roman was looking forward to fighting that idiot and was kind of pissed now that he couldn’t at least have a valiant battle to relieve some of this tension. If he chased Remus down to fight, it just wouldn’t be the same and protecting the others. He let go of his sword and pouted slightly. 

“I think I will go lie down. I’ll be listening if you need your dear old dad, kiddos,” Patton said and sank away with a very forlorn look. Logan got up to gather the abandoned story copies and started collecting his notes with them. Roman sat and stared at the empty spot where Virgil should have been, his hand still on the hilt of his sword. 

He couldn’t believe how much he missed Virgil this week, even though they had only just accepted him. He just wanted to quip with him and fight their usual battle of wits. None of the other sides would verbally spar with him as Virgil did. Virgil kept him on his toes and he came up with great zingers. Perhaps it was just his stupid brother wearing him thin, but it just didn’t feel right. He sighed again, more despondently. He just had a weird feeling in his gut that something was wrong. 

Logan cleared his throat. “I could have been inclined to believe he needed a period of mindful reassessment of his needs after the events of this week if he had informed us he desired to not participate today. Virgil is introverted, but I am disquieted that he may overindulge in solace to the point of self-isolation. I will try to see if he will meet with me to work through whatever is causing this withdrawal… if it will help alleviate your concerns.” Roman raised an eyebrow at the tacked-on ending, but he was appreciative all the same. Maybe Logan also felt something off? 

“Yes, it would,” Roman said, glancing over at the stairs briefly. “Let me know,” He added before leaving for his room. There wasn’t anything he could do right now and may as well take a breather. 

— * * * — 

Virgil couldn’t catch his breath. He had been trying to focus on his breathing for what felt like an eternity. “One… Two…” he hiccuped. “Three.. Four…” He gasped for air. “Six… Seven-” His throat constricted, and he coughed violently. He wasn’t sure how many times he had tried to count or focus on something in the room, but nothing really seemed to do anything but stave off what felt like the inevitable meltdown. 

He tried to write something for them. He really tried, but his mind kept going places he knew they wouldn’t want the story to go. The prompt was ‘community’, and other the wiping a whole community out, he really had nothing. He kept slipping concentration and thinking about things he wished he didn’t have to. He really, really tried to do what they expected. But he ended up with nothing but wads of failed drafts all over the floor. The pressure was extra high to be something better than himself this week. They had accepted him and he wanted so badly to be someone deserving of it, but he kept falling up short. 

Virgil knew he was spiraling, and he hated himself even more for it. He could barely believe they were willing to accept him at all. He couldn’t believe he let them. Not against what he was told. He could have kept his distance, he could have not let himself get close, he could have not found friends in them. But he knew that when they locked him out, and they were going to, it would hurt even more now that they had accepted him. 

He wondered if he should just cut ties now before it got worse. Before the rejection stung like the last icy breath of death. Because he knew it wasn’t long until it would completely crush him. Just another smile from Patton or peacefully spending time with Logan and he wouldn’t ever want to live without it. He couldn’t bear it. He wondered if it would be Roman or Logan who told him off? Never Patton. Or could it be? Patton could have realized he made a mistake from the start. But he couldn’t be alone again. He couldn’t take it. Not after last week was so hard on him. He was so incredibly, painfully drained by doing nothing but being stuck alone with his thoughts. It was so much easier when he could talk things through with them. And he knew it was only time until they got sick of him and his never-ending train of issues. 

Virgil swallowed the last bit of his pride. There was one side he could ask to avoid being completely alone again when they realized their mistake. He shuddered again. “De-deceit?” Virgil called out weakly. He found himself yanked from his room into Deceit’s extravagant room. Deceit’s room always looked luxurious at first, golden tapestries and flowing social airs. Not that he was really there. Deceit didn’t make himself vulnerable like that. But Virgil didn’t really care. 

— * * * — 

When Logan entered Virgil’s room that evening, he found it to be dimmer and colder than usual, and the clock on the wall was spiraling backward. Logan checked under the comforter, in the closet, and eventually around the stairwell, since he did so enjoy sitting on the stairs. Logan wondered if he was perhaps somewhere around the mind palace. Though, if Virgil conjured somewhere to be, Logan wouldn’t know where to look. Not that Logan could assume Virgil conjured anywhere to go in the mind palace. Virgil had never mentioned ever utilizing it, himself. But this room was most certainly empty. 

Logan sunk out and reappeared in Roman’s room to give him an update. Roman was sitting on the bed, staring at the floor, looking downtrodden. His eyes shot up to Logan after Logan cleared his throat. Logan stood straight and held his arms behind his back. 

“What did he say?” Roman asked loudly, jumping up from the bed suddenly to stand in front of Logan. He looked slightly feverish in his anticipation. 

Logan shook his head. “He wasn’t in his room. I posit that he’s somewhere in the mind palace.” Logan said, sharing his musing with the manic-looking Roman. 

“Well, can you pull out your calipers and find out, where. protractor pants?” Roman spat in frustration. 

“Roman, I understand that you’re upset, but that insult makes little sense,” Logan said evenly, hoping Roman would try to rephrase that. 

“Where _is_ he, Logan?” Roman repeated, sounding slightly frantic. 

Logan sighed. “You are just as informed as me on the situation. You are clearly upset, and instead of taking more verbal jabs, I will head to my room. I will let you know if I see him. But he, like all of us, is a mental construction. He’s surely safe.” Logan explained with finality and sunk off. 

— * * * — 

Roman stomped around the room in frustration. Of course, Virgil would not get physically hurt, but that doesn’t mean there’s not a slew of other dangerous things, or sides, in the mind palace. Roman and Virgil had just started the steps to getting along. And Virgil may have burned some bridges agreeing to work with them. There had been moments where the dark sides had tricked or trapped him in the past. And Roman knew a bad feeling when he felt one. 

Roman flopped back down on the bed and squeezed his eyes shut, screwing up his face trying to figure out where the purple ghoul of monster sigh went. He could just wander in the mind palace until he stumbled into someone’s room, but that would be incredibly time-consuming even if Virgil was there. Roman couldn’t help but blame himself, at least a bit. Roman had always been reluctant to accept Virgil, even after he had started to work with them instead of overpowering them. The fact that Virgil could overpower them was always a big part of why he struggled to trust Virgil. It was scary how much sway he could hold over Thomas is he really worked for it. Roman, Logan, and Patton never were able to sway Thomas quite like he could. 

The others made an effort despite their differences. And Roman saw for himself how much of a difference it made just to be friends with him instead of foes in how their discussions ended up. The light and friendly heart and the dark, paranoid vigilante were not exactly the most expected of friends. But Virgil and Patton got on like a car on fire when given the opportunity. Virgil and Logan have even been spending time together since he dropped out, doing a puzzle or just reading near each other. While the meaner of Roman’s insults had tapered off in an attempt to be nicer to Virgil, Roman had been guilty of ignoring and avoiding him. If something happened to Virgil while Roman was being a stubborn idiot, he would like a piece of shit. 

Roman flung himself off the bed to his feet and sunk into Virgil’s room in one fell swoop. He was hoping for evidence, a note, or any kind of hint. Logan was looking for Virgil, not signs of a scuffle or evidence of where he went, and Logan could be very single-minded. If Remus was responsible for Virgil’s disappearance, he would surely leave a note, he always left ransom or kidnap notes for anything he stole from Roman’s room. Remus liked to advertise his villainy. Remus was making a giant racket in his room, after all, he could have been up to something. He wasn’t sure the others would leave notes. His hero sense had a bad feeling and he couldn’t sit around and do nothing. 

It was pitch black and frosty, which made Roman skittish and on edge without even needing anxiety’s atmosphere. It was creepy as Cthulhu in here. And to make it worse, he could hear muttering and crying from what seemed like every corner and under every surface. Why did it have to be the dark? Why did it have to be spooky noises in the dark? Roman’s skin crawled, and his hair was standing on end. The noise sort of sounded almost like Virgil, perhaps if strangled and echoing, but if he could only place the location. He began stumbling around, trying to find him. 

— * * * — 

“W-would…” Virgil’s body shook with a heaving sob. “Would you accept me back?” Virgil sobbed on Deceit’s floor. “I can’t be alone again, D,” He said. 

Deceit smiled wryly for a moment. “After what you did? The selfish choices you made? Virgil, my dear boy, you know you have no brethren here. I detest you as much as you abhor me.” 

Virgil’s eyes widened as thick tears fell. “I- I never meant to h-” 

“The others _agree_ , you know. You _never_ could manage to fit in, could you? Always too weird, too dark, _too much_ ”. Deceit’s interrupted him and smiled as he gleefully spat such venomous words. Virgil choked on another sob and grasped himself. “However, I would be honored to chuck you all alone in the nothingness you so _clearly_ long to belong.” Deceit reached down and grabbed Virgil’s shirt at the neck as a hole opened up on his floor. 

“Not to be too derivate, but…” His form slithered into Roman’s as he purred “ _Long live the King_ ”. Deceit released the bunched shirt at Virgil’s neck and cackled as Virgil fell deep into the abyss. Virgil felt himself falling deep down as he gasped for breath, no longer feeling his limbs from the frosty chill. He watched Deceit fade away above him with a desolate look on his face. 

— * * * — 

Roman kept stumbling into the bedroom furniture in the dark. He had tried to summon 3 flashlights and even a few kinds of lanterns, but nothing would light up to guide his way. The atmosphere here felt charged with an energy that wasn’t just overwhelming and all-consuming fear, which was somehow more menacing than it already was in here. “Hasn’t my shin taken enough damage?” he groaned as he accidentally slammed his toe into something. “Virgil? Where are you?” Roman called out while feeling the bed covers for any hoodie-shaped lumps. There was a steely smell in the air. “Virgil, could you please turn on the damned lights?” he called as he rammed into what felt like a bedside table. 

The whispering mummer seemed to grow louder, and the pit in his stomach grew. “Virgil, I know you’re in here. Ouch-” He moaned as he hit the bed frame. “The room wouldn’t be pitch black and freezing without you. Come on, where are you?” he near shouted, a freezing shiver running up his spine and he thought he felt something tug at his ankles. “Oh, fuck,” he muttered, growing more anxious by the second, feeling his sense of self collapsing into paranoia. He dropped to the floor to find the source of the tug, praying to got it was Virgil and not something more sinister. 

“Virgil?” He cried frantically, reaching out under the bed into the dark, terrified of something grabbing back. And something did. Something cold, wet, and stringy that smelled like sulfur and live metal. He withdrew his hands quickly and tried to wipe whatever that was off of him, but unable to see, he could only guess at where to start. He sat up for a moment, turning away, fighting the urge to just leave. It was just a gut reaction, he tried to tell himself. He had to find Virgil first. He tried to warm himself by rubbing his arms, but as much as he rubbed them, they stayed frozen. Roman paused for a moment, trying to figure out what the frozen mass was through the haze of mania, realizing what at the moment was his worst fear. 

“Oh my god, _Virgil_ , that _thing’s_ got you, doesn’t it?” Roman whispered as his whole body quaked with shivers. Fighting his baser instinct to run even harder now, he dropped on to his stomach on the floor and reached both arms out from under the bed and yanked more of that amorphous stringy mass out, but not finding Virgil yet. His arms felt frostbitten from what the thin frozen strings that now entrapped his arms as he felt them, unable to yank them off anymore. There was nothing in his head but the need to run and the need to save Virgil screaming at each other. He reached further, his head pressing against the metal frame as he craned his neck to reach deeper under the bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst Time.  
> I got into the outline and actually started writing this one. I think this is the first chapter actually I wrote. I craved that mineral. That mineral being angst.  
> Started: 1,449 - Final: 3,014


	7. In Which The Dark is all Encompassing and so is the Icy Chill of Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra Trigger Warnings:  
> Panic Attacks, Depression, Anger, Non-Graphic Violence, and a bit of Imposter Syndrome/RSD action

Roman grasped desperately in the dark for the icy mass of strings under Virgil’s bed that he was pretty certain was trapping Virgil. He would get handfuls of frosted tendrils with every fevered grip, but he could hear Virgil’s labored breaths he dropped his head to try to get closer. It had to be him. Other than slowly writhing and feeling charged, the threads did nothing, for now, so Roman reached out with both hands and tried to save Virgil from whatever had him stuck under the bed. 

Roman finally felt a clump of fabric between his fingers, and with a strangled victory cry he and yanked as hard as he could. It took some angling and struggle, but Roman got a grip and was able to pull him out from under the bed. Roman could feel the patches on Virgil’s jacket, confirming it was him in the dark. Virgil was huddled up into a ball and hyperventilating, sometimes muttering something Roman couldn’t make out. 

Roman pulled himself up on to his knees, roughly, pulling Virgil out the rest of the way. He grabbed at Virgil’s ice-cold shoulders, trying to knock off whatever that loose thread was, but Roman could feel it building around him in the dark, a crawling sensation came across Roman’s hands as he grasped at his dark friend. Roman had no idea what that was and didn’t even want to think about it. It wasn’t his priority right now to help himself. He needed to get Virgil back to functioning so he could even see what he was doing in this living nightmare. Roman angled Virgil so he could have him sit up and lean against the bed frame instead of on the floor and felt around for what Virgil was doing and to see if there was maybe something on him that was making these strings, but he found nothing but soft hoodie fabric and jeans buried in the threads.

“ _Virgil_!” Roman unintentionally shouted into what he hoped was Virgil’s hood. He was way past volume control already. Roman felt a sharp pressure in his chest, tightening around his lungs. His throat burned from the strangely metallic smell when he took a deep breath. Virgil seemed to be in the fetal position, his arms wrapped tight around his legs. Roman felt around for Virgil’s hood and yanked it off. 

“Virge, you’ve _got_ to get a _hold_ on yourself!” Roman shouted, wincing at his volume. He could feel his heart palpitating and his throat restricting. Virgil wobbled slightly in his arms, tilting from the position he just struggled to pull him up towards. Roman tried to sink out of the room with Virgil a few times, but nothing happened. “I’ve gotta get Logan. Logan will know how to fix this. He’s got to know how to fix this!” Roman rambled and started to try to rise to his feet, becoming almost as shaky as Virgil felt in his hands. 

Just as his hand lost contact with Virgil’s shoulder, an arm reached out and grasped at him, and Roman let out a rather unprincely shriek. “Mother of the Dragon Witch, Virgil, _warn_ a side!” He screeched and tried to pull away. “I got to get help, Virge, I got to get you help!” Roman stumbled as he tried to pry Virgil’s fingers and the frozen tendrils off his arm. “Virge, you got to let me go!” 

Virgil’s grasp- or the strings- tightened and Roman lost feeling in his hands. “ **Stay** ,” A deep, echoing voice reverberated in the room. Roman felt the tears running down his cheeks and wrapped his free arm around Virgil, who was clinging stiffly to the other. “I can’t help you like this, you got to tell me what’s going on. I can’t fight this with a sword, you know?” Roman said, stumbling over his words between the sobs that he couldn’t stifle. There was a silent scream blanking Roman’s head of any rational thought the closer he got to Virgil. Virgil didn’t respond, no matter how hard Roman shook or squeezed. 

“Logan!” Roman screeched out, praying nothing stopped Logan from hearing him in this dark hell-scape. Roman heard something stumble in the dark. Please be Logan. 

“Roman? What is it? What _is_ this?” Logan said, his voice already starting to lose its normal cool demeanor. 

“It’s Virgil! He’s here! We’re Here! Get us out of here!” Roman shouted desperately, angling around to look for him, but the room was still completely dark. There was a moment of silence. 

“I can’t see either of you,” Logan said, and then there was another pause and a grunt from Logan. “I also can’t get you out- I just need you to breathe,” Logan said, trying to keep his voice steady, but Roman knew Logan must have already felt the crushing weight of the paranoia trying to take over. 

“Oh, we’re _well_ past that, Logan!” Roman spat, his heart pounding in his throat and ears. 

“What’s going on guys?” Patton said, possibly having followed Logan in, sounding very confused. “Is Virgil ok- _Eeeee! Spiders_!” Patton’s shriek seemed to fade into the floor. 

“There is no point in closing their eyes and they can not focus on an object in there…” Logan muttered. He must have been going through a checklist in his mind for solutions. Roman didn’t feel like they had the time. He felt like they were running out of time for _everything_. 

“Logan!” Roman cried, panicked. He was shaking from the freezing and the buzzing anxiety twisting his mind and the pit in his stomach.

“I am trying! Can you get up and stretch?” Asked Logan, taking a literal shot in the dark. Roman tried to pull Virgil up to his feet, but he was like a boulder. 

“Virgil won’t move!” Shuttered Roman as he grasped desperately onto Virgil. Roman hoped it would be grounding, but he could feel the strings crawl down his arms and it didn’t exactly help his own situation. His breath was getting almost as ragged and shallow as Virgil’s.

“Picture yourself in a boat on a river-” Logan started trying a relaxation exercise.

“ _Logan_!” Roman interjected, trying to say that wouldn’t help, but his sense had already frozen over. 

“What can you feel with your hands-” Logan started again, sounding more desperate. 

“The icy embrace of _death_!” Roman bit back sharply. None of this would help in this situation and he was spiraling down with Virgil. Roman was feeling sick and light-headed, and he had the sensation of the room spinning if he could even see a _damned_ thing in here. Why was it so _dark_?

“I’m _trying_ , Roman!” Logan shot, his composure slipped away with the cool cadence lost and stress apparent in his voice. 

Roman couldn’t focus. He could barely hear. He had to think of something that would get past the effects. He's creativity. He _has_ to be able to do this. Maybe the Duke won’t be affected by the atmosphere? The errant thought came back and bit him in the ass as he felt the Duke rise into the room. Roman never regretted his link with Remus more. 

“Oh, _love_ what you’ve done with the place, Virgey! What a great place to hide a body! So _dark_ and full of places for your demons to hide!” Remus chortled. Roman screamed incoherently with disdain. He could absolutely not take this right now. 

“Remus. _Leave_!” Roman bellowed, but Remus didn’t even acknowledge him. Roman could hear Remus’s feet kick the floor as he walked around. Roman gasped for enough air to properly tell him off, but it wouldn't come.

“Hoo boy, look at this pretty pity party! How about you let me liven it up a bit? It’s absolutely _dead_ in here,” Remus cooed maliciously as the sound of metal clanked against the ground. Roman shot ramrod straight in recognition of the noise Remus's morning star makes when it hits the ground. He let go of Virgil and took as deep a breath as his restricted throat would manage.

Roman shot up, summoning his sword in one swift movement, and stabbed in the direction of the noise with no hesitation, a cold sweat sopping his brow. Remus attacking was a danger that Roman could handle. He felt his sword make contact and Remus seemed to stumble back, taking his sword with him. Roman was pulled back down immediately by Virgil's weight as he clung desperately on to one side of him. Roman couldn't see how far back he sent Remus tumbling and hoped he got the message that now wasn't the _fucking_ time instead of coming back for revenge.

“Et Tu, Brute!” Remus chuckled. “Looks like Roman’s goal here is for everybody to get _stabbed_!” Remus maniacally screamed out as a wet thump hit the floor. “Would you like to be next, Virgil? Logan? Any Takers? How about you, Roman? A Tête-à-tête?” He screamed with laughter and Roman heard him slapping the floor. 

“ **Out** ,” a Deep voice bellowed and echoed through the walls. Roman was jettisoned from the room violently. He flew backward into his own room, hitting the wall. This wasn’t the place he needed to be right now. He briefly shook himself free of some panic and went back to Virgil’s. He just couldn’t leave him in there, no matter how afraid he was of going back into the fold. 

Roman rose back into the blackened room. He was still wild and partially deafened by his own heartbeat, but he had to do this. He ran back to where he last found Virgil and dropped to his knees, feeling around for his form. Virgil had collapsed on his side and Roman could hear each sharp intake of ragged breath from the form on the floor. Roman got to his knees and placed a hand on his arm, letting Virgil know he came back for him. Virgil hitched a sob in his throat when Roman lightly pushed down.

“Virgil,” Roman said as evenly as he could manage. He was still feeling manic but slightly more controlled than a second ago, the brief reprieve helping him focus slightly. He slowly lifted Virgil up, and they leaned on each other. “Hey, Virge. It’s going to be okay,” Roman said, his voice shaking. “We’re going to be okay.” Virgil reached out weakly, a single hand yanking on his tunic as he painfully cried between sharp, hitched breaths.

“Mantras!” Logan said with a start. Roman had not realized he had already come back in the darkness. Roman reached out and pulled Virgil into a hug instead of just stabilizing him. If Roman felt like he needed one, maybe Virgil did, too. Virgil reached back and held onto him tentatively with his other arm. Logan muttered to himself what sounded like he was running through a list of affirmations in his head. Roman waited as patiently as he could manage. Virgil sobbed deeply again and grasped Roman with both hands tightly, freezing Roman to the core. Virgil's body temperature was like hugging an ice sculpture. The pressure was both relieving and terrifying. The panicked, trapped feeling clawed at his brain while he tried to focus on the fact that Virgil was finally reacting to what he was doing and that was progress.

“Virgil? Roman? Repeat after me. No augments,” Roman heard Logan take a deep breath. If Logan still felt haggard, Roman couldn’t hear it. “I am loved,” Logan said, with resolution. The words caught in Roman’s throat and Virgil only twitched, leaving Logan unanswered.

“I. Am. _Loved_!” Logan said louder with even more conviction, trying to force a response. 

“I am loved!” Roman choked out and shook Virgil as gently as he could manage to get his attention. “Virgil, You are loved! You have to _say_ it!” Roman demanded as Logan once again repeated: “I am loved.” Roman repeated it softly this time, praying Virgil would respond. He joined by a tiny croak from Virgil and he already started feeling relieved. “I am loved.” Once again Roman responded with Virgil getting a little louder. They kept at it, Virgil squeaking slightly clearer each time. 

The room temperature rose slowly and Roman felt the tendrils, or whatever they were, receding across his arms. Roman squeezed him even tighter. “I am loved,” they said together, the room finally warm and dimly lit. Virgil was still freezing to the touch, despite the room's less unwelcoming atmosphere.

“Very good. Good job.” Logan said, nervously adjusting his tie. Roman could see his polo sticking to his chest with sweat over his shoulder. “Roman, we should go.” Logan suggested shakily. The room’s effects lessened to mostly normal but still present. Roman didn’t release Virgil. He couldn’t just yet. Virgil was still icy, and that had to mean something.

“Give me a moment Lo,” he said, Virgil’s grasp still vice-like on him. Compared to everything else that had just transpired, he could handle this for now. Virgil clearly didn’t want him to go, never loosening his grip on Roman's tunic. Logan cleared his throat and sunk out, thankfully giving up quickly on trying to convince Roman to come when neither of them was ready yet.

Virgil’s breathing was still ragged, but much more even and deeper now. “I’m sorry,” he croaked out. “I’m so sorry, I fucked up,” he said with a little hiccup and more tears running down his face. Roman placed his hand over Virgil’s heart. 

“You are loved,” Roman replied, nearly chiding, but managed to stop himself from sounding harsh. It sounded like Virgil had been hard enough on himself tonight. He didn’t really know what was happening, but he knew in his gut this wasn’t Virgil’s fault. Roman had to struggle with his composure, fighting to keep his voice and breathing even. “You did nothing wrong tonight,” Roman said, trying to sound as compassionate as possible in here. This wasn't really his department, but he was going to try his damnedest.

“But I _did_ ,” Virgil sobbed again. “I don’t fit in. You all hate me,” He began rambling quickly and despondently. “I can’t be like you! You’re so sure and charismatic and you’re all so capable and I’m just a wreck who can’t keep up! You’re going to realize it was a mistake and block me out and I’m going to be all alone again!” 

“Woah, woah, woah, Virge. Nobody hates you. Nobody’s mad at you. Nobody’s abandoning you. We all know you’re a creepy cookie and we’ve grown to like it,” Roman said, softly patting his back. Virgil's grip shifted slightly on his tunic, loosening slightly.

“He said they did. He said you guys don’t want me there, that you’re going to get rid of me… He… He said…” Virgil started rambling but trailed off before he could finish what he was trying to say.

“Who said that, Virgil? I’ll kick their ass!” Roman shot, looking disturbingly forward to relieving some of this awful energy with a fight. Virgil’s hands dropped from Roman’s tunic and he went rigid in Roman's arms. “Virge?” 

“I can’t believe I _listened_ to that slimy bastard! I’m such a fucking idiot! I haven’t learned a goddamn thing!” Virgil shot bitterly, his words running together and pounding his ash white fists on the floor. Roman grabbed Virgil's shoulders and held him steady.

“Woah, Virge, let’s not swing from emotional extreme to the next, okay? You are loved. It’s okay. You’re safe. Nobody hates you.” Roman, attempting to soothe Virgil, who was shaking with rage in his arms. He hated being the voice of reason right now and he wanted to go run through who he was pretty certain told Virgil he was unwanted much more than anything else. But he knew Virgil needed a prince more than the prince needed vengeance right now. 

Virgil shuddered and fell. “They hate me. I know they do. I hurt them.” Virgil insisted morosely, barely above a whisper. 

“We don’t hate you, Virgil, nobody does. You didn’t hurt us at all,” Roman said, trying to reassure Virgil. 

“You guys… just put up with that for me. M-maybe you don’t hate me, yet. Or maybe you guys are just masochists,” he chuckled weakly, “But that’s not who I’m talking about,” Virgil added in a whisper. Roman caught on to the who quickly. 

“Virge, their opinions don’t matter-” Roman started to explain.

“Does _my_ opinion not matter?” Virgil snapped and cut him off. Roman was a little shell-shocked from the sudden attack. He felt the cold sweat drip down his back in the beat he paused. 

“Of _course_ It does-” Roman tried to explain. 

“I was one of them, Roman. Did my opinion matter then?” Virgil interjected again, the bitterness apparent. Roman stayed silent. He knew what he said and couldn’t lie, not right now, not in this state. 

“Please leave,” Virgil said, sounding desperate and pitiful. Roman bristled. He couldn’t leave, he couldn’t let it end like this. He had to explain how it was different for him since he agreed to work with them. 

“No, Virgil, it’s different, I _promise_ -” Roman started trying to explain, his body shaking from the pressure of the room and the weight of upsetting Virgil after he finally settled down. 

“ **Leave** ,” Virgil interrupted Roman and his deep voice reverberated. Roman was kicked out with shoulders sagged and feeling distinctly unprincely as Virgil ejected him from his room. 

Roman came up in his room and stumbled from the sudden motion, catching himself on the dresser in front of him. At least Virgil didn’t throw him this time. The light in his room was jarring compared to the dark of Virgil’s den. Roman caught his face in the mirror above the dresser and saw the frost on his hair tips. He ran his hand through his hair to knock off the little ice crystals and took a deep breath, gripping the dresser for stability.

When his eyes adjusted to the bright light, he saw Logan sitting on the bed in the mirror. Logan sat with elbows on his knees, holding his face upon his fists and looking deep in contemplation. He didn’t seem to notice Roman, staring at something far away. Roman flipped a comb through his hair and dropped a little more heavily than he intended on the bed next to Logan, which startled Logan from whatever was distracting him. 

“Oh, Roman… Ah,” Logan said, trailing off quickly after acknowledging him. His eyes unfocused again and he returned to staring blankly at the wall. 

“Can I ask what I owe the pleasure to?” Roman joked weakly. Logan took a deep breath and released it slowly. 

“I needed… to feel brave,” Logan said, the pause heavy in the air. Logan sat up straight and gripped his knees instead, his knuckles white from the tension he was holding in his body. 

“Um, yes. That would be fortuitous.” Roman said, using a word he heard Logan say earlier in an attempt to cheer him up, though he was a little more dreary sounding than he intended. Logan chuckled, but the exhaustion weighed down his good humor.

“Good vocabulary word. I…” Logan coughed and struggled to form a sentence. “That… was… I… cannot find the vocabulary at the moment to describe that,” Logan said, his voice heavy and distant. 

“Haunting? Nightmarish? _Horrifying_?” Roman provided, his frustration starting to boil again below the surface. 

“Yes, I was not properly prepared or equipped to handle that… _particular_ turn of events. I have seen nothing like that before,” Logan mused, sounding exhausted. 

“You didn’t even have to feel whatever was _on_ him…” Roman said, involuntarily shivering at the memory of the icy strings. Logan raised his eyebrow. 

“You said there was something covering him?” Logan asked curiously, sounding less shaken. The pursuit of knowledge did always reinvigorate him. 

“Before you ask, it’s not like I could see, nor was I in any state to take _notes_ , Logan,” Roman said shortly and rubbed his face in frustration. 

“…Right,” Logan shifted. “I understand that it was a harrowing experience but you need not continue to be curt with me,” Logan said, shortly. Roman sighed and heaved his face into his hands propped up on his knees. 

“He kicked me _out_ , Logan. He was holding me for dear life one minute and kicked me out after.” Roman said despairingly. “Just because of what that slippery snake said.” Roman spat. 

“It was ideal you left at that junction, Roman. You were exposed to the atmosphere for a significant amount of time. Even without the… multiplying effects that were occurring, the corruption would have already set in,” Logan tried to reassure Roman, though he continued to stare at the wall distractedly.

“That’s not the point!” Roman quickly interjected. “He needed me one minute and made me leave the next! And it wasn’t my fault!” Roman groaned dejectedly, holding his head upon his fists. 

Logan sighed. “There were elevated tensions due to anxiety’s atmosphere. Please attempt to not to take it personally, Roman.” Logan hefted himself off the bed and stood up, adjusting his clothes. 

“Oh, I _will_ take it personally. Take it personally to the source,” Roman muttered and clenched his fists. Logan didn’t seem to hear, still looking frazzled. 

“Roman, I am very impressed with how well you fought the atmosphere in there. If we disregard your attack against Remus, that is. Under normal circumstances, you would have completely lost composure and sense already.” Logan said, complimenting him. Roman sat a little straighter, taking his face off his hands. He felt a spark of pride in his chest from the compliment. 

“I _am_ brave and heroic, after all,” He chirped, albeit weakly. 

Logan heaved a deep breath. “I am going to make sure Patton is okay and rest. It would be propitious to go to bed early, tonight,” Logan said, slipping away from the room with a nod. 

Roman shifted himself and laid back on the bed. He knew he needed to rest, but exhaustion and anger were overwhelming him. He felt torn between taking a break and attacking the source. But maybe making a plan to figure out what happened was more important than all of that. He felt like he owed it to Virgil, but he also to protect them from that happening again. That wasn’t something he ever hoped to have to experience again.

Roman was still dizzy with anxious feelings that twisted his stomach and made it hard to think straight despite being outside of Virgil’s room. He sat upright and rubbed his face, trying to clear his head. His arms somehow even still felt frozen in his warm room, an unpleasant feeling, like rubbing ice cubes on his face. He summoned himself some hot cocoa to warm his hands and the heat bit into his cold palms. Roman took a slow sip and tried to breathe. He wasn’t in there anymore and shouldn’t still feel this rattled. 

He knew it was over for now, and that helped settle him. But He probably wouldn’t feel settled until he had answers. Roman considered his options as he finished his hot cocoa tentatively. Roman readied for bed in a haze of possible routes wracking his exhausted mind. Not long after the final sip of cocoa did he slip to unconsciousness, still brewing a storm of vengeance as he fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm one of those people who loves oversharing and being this cagey kind of hurts but obscured information is important to the story, dang it! I swear I nearly spoil something every other comment. Anyway, oh look the plot showed up more obviously in this chapter. Angst fans Rejoice.  
> First Draft: 2,224 Final: 3,900  
> 


	8. In Which Roman thinks he's on to Something and he Doesn't Realize how Painfully Close he is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extra warnings:  
> Non-graphic violence, weapons.

Virgil woke with a start, his eyes shooting around the room while his brain caught up with him. He wasn’t sure when he slipped asleep midst the fuming and roiling emotions. He slapped his hand back on his neck when he felt a strong crawling sensation right as he opened his eyes. Virgil felt around, but there was nothing there and it didn’t hurt anymore. That’s unsettling. He yanked his hood tightly over his head to protect it from any further stimulation. Not a great start for a day. Virgil took a few deep, stabilizing breaths. 

How did he end up in bed? The last he remembered, he was feeling anxious about something and pacing the room. He was struggling to remember any details, which was weird for him. Last night, in particular, he couldn’t remember anything at all other than starting to freak out. Logan once mentioned before that the memory suffers during panic attacks. Perhaps that’s why he couldn’t remember fully what happened. He had a panic attack, right? 

If it was another one of his panic attacks, he probably shouldn’t try to remember. He didn’t need to go down that hill again. Hopefully, when it comes up again, he’d deal with it better. It might have been one of those ‘one-too-many-things’ panic attacks that weren’t exactly about one thing in particular. He didn’t want to think about it, honestly, not anymore. Virgil slipped on his headphones and went back under the covers and tried to chill out. He was still tired and needed a break.

  
— * * * — 

  
“How about a little comfort food, champ?” Patton said, pulling a plate of waffles out of thin air. 

“Thanks, padre, I think I will.” Roman accepted distractedly, never looking over to Patton as he stared blankly forward. Patton slid the waffles in front of him with a smile. Roman and conjured a can of whipped cream with a flourish. He intends on upgrading comfort breakfast to comfort dessert. Roman doused the cakes in whipped cream before taking a bite. Patton grabbed the can Roman set down on the table and started making whipped cream mountains on his plate for his own waffles. Roman was in a dour mood, but Patton and Logan were unfazed by it. They perhaps expected it. Logan probably filled Patton in on what happened last night, since he was only there for a split second. 

Roman didn’t particularly care if about not appearing positively prim and proper at the moment. He had plans to make, things to consider. He has questions to ask. Sides to see. The problem is, the one side he actually needed to see wasn’t taking visitors. He had already tried to break into Deceit’s room this morning, and he couldn’t even make it partway. Questioning Deceit may also be pointless, though he didn’t want to admit it to himself. It’s not like attacking him would do anything, even though Roman knew Deceit was somewhat squeamish about being hurt. Roman just knew there was at least one side to blame for yesterday, and he wanted to make sure it didn’t happen again.

Then, in an epiphany that hit him like a fireball from the dragon witch, Roman realized that Deceit is usually playing the long game. He just had to figure out what Deceit was trying to achieve if he wanted to know why he tricked Virgil like that. If he couldn’t get that from the horse’s mouth, but he had some options on where to start looking. Though, he wasn’t particularly fond of either option. Virgil popped in next to him, and Roman jumped slightly from being shocked out of these thoughts. 

“Kiddo! Do you want some waffles? I can make them smile!” Patton said with a big smile and hold up a stack of waffles with a crude fruit smile. 

“Still don’t eat, pop, but thanks anyway,” Virgil said, sitting down at the table and resting his chin and arms on the table. Just like he used to before yesterday. Like nothing had changed like he hadn’t been a panicking mess on the floor last night. Like none of it ever happened. Roman felt bitter than Virgil could brush it off so easily. Was that not the first time? Does Virgil have to deal with it so often he can pop in like he wasn’t struggling to breathe on the floor a few short hours ago?

Logan looked up from the paper. “Ah, Virgil. How are you feeling?” He got up to summon Virgil his regular morning tea. Otherwise, Virgil would often summon a coffee and would become extra jittery and dark, which was really annoying to deal with. Logan was probably trying to circumvent that today without calling attention to the fact that Logan was trying to stop him from being self-destructive again.

Virgil stifled a yawn. “I don’t know, fuzzy?” 

Logan looked confused as he placed Virgil’s mug in front of him. “I do not understand what that means in this context. Are you feeling recovered?” 

Virgil looked confused for a moment like he was processing something. Then Virgil slowly flushed and buried his head. “Yeah, uh, thanks for… you know… caring.” He said, muffled by his hoodie sleeves. Logan nodded. 

“We’re here for you, bucko.” Patton smiled and piled on more whipped cream than what was reasonably edible to his plate.

Logan shifted awkwardly. “If you would like to come to visit me sometime to talk about coping techniques, I’d be happy to share my knowledge with you,” Virgil’s head tilted up briefly and dropped again. Roman sighed when Virgil didn’t say anything. 

“You should take him up on that offer, Virge,” Roman said, knowing he sounded tired and curt. 

Virgil stiffened. “O-okay,” Virgil said, his eyes squeezed shut like it hurt to say. Roman reached out to pat him on the shoulder reassuringly, but Virgil leaned away from the contact and glowered at Roman. They were literally hugging yesterday, but go off, Virgil. Roman rolled his eyes back at him but gave him his space.

Logan pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “There is no time like the present, Virgil. Instead of going back to your room, please head to mine. I’ll be in briefly.” Virgil stood up out of the chair ramrod straight and sank out with an afflicted look on his face. Virgil didn’t even get a chance to finish his tea.

Patton exhaled a breath Roman didn’t realize he was holding. “Thanks, pal. My dark strange son really got me going, there.” Patton said, sounding deeply relieved and eating a spoonful of whipped cream. 

Roman chuckled tiredly. “Yeah. Hey, Logan, can we talk later? After you’ve talked to Virgil?” Logan paused, folding up his newspaper. 

“Yes, I am receptive to a discussion after I speak with Virgil,” Logan said monotonously and got up to rinse his mug, an unnecessary habit in the mind palace, but he swears it’s no excuse to be lazy even though they can just send away anything they’ve summoned. He placed his newspaper under his arm and sunk off to his room. 

Roman watched Patton eat twice as fast as earlier, the kind of speed only somebody who doesn’t need to breathe can manage. It was completely astonishing to watch. Roman waved his hand over the unfinished plate of waffles in front of him, and it vanished. 

“Aw, did you not like my waffles?” Patton said, sporting puppy dog eyes while picking up his plate to lick the rest of the whipped cream off. 

“No, padre, you summon the best waffles. I just have other things on my mind.” Patton put his plate down and looked meaningfully at Roman. 

“Did ’ya need help with something, bud? Your dad is always here for you, too, y’know.” Patton offered a friendly smile. Roman shook his head. 

“No, Pat. This battle is for another time. A prince knows when to stow his sword.” Roman said with a sigh. Duke popped up, still sporting Roman’s katana from last night right in the middle of his chest. 

“In _me_!” He cried, cackling, and disappeared again. Patton blanched, and Roman rolled his eyes. Did he keep that in him all night or just put it back?

“You guys all say _I’m_ a drama queen.” He said, gesticulating dramatically and rolling his eyes. Roman was secretly proud of his aim in the dark, though. He felt a little more confident about holding his own in the dark in the future. He reached across the table and pat Patton on the shoulders. 

“He’s perfectly fine, padre.” He reassured Patton. Wait, did Remus go to bed with that in his chest?

“Roman, did you stab him?” Patton said, a bit shakily, staring at Roman with fear.

“Oh, it’s not like he hasn’t done worse to me!” Roman proclaimed and crossed his arms. Patton shook his head.

“That is not how you treat family, Roman! You should apologize!” Patton said, clearly upset. An idea sparked in Roman’s mind. 

“You’re right, padre, I will go talk to him… other than needing to get my sword back.” Roman said, scheming. Remus might have had an inkling of what was going on with Virgil and Deceit last night. Maybe the dark sides were chummy. 

Patton shook off. “Thank you. Things have been hectic, kiddo. I hope it all settles back down. I think I’m going to go work on my crochet,” Patton said, sinking out. Roman would track down his brother in a while. But he needed to talk to Logan before he took a ride on that crazy train, though. 

—

  
Sometime later, Virgil popped up and nodded while shooting a salute at Roman. Logan rose right behind him.

“The _doctor_ will see you now,” Virgil said, sarcastically. He said and walked over to the stairs and disappeared. 

“I am not a doctor!” Logan called out after Virgil, but he was already gone. “What did you need, Roman?” He asked, slightly tinged with annoyance. 

“Hold up, is Virgil okay?” Roman said, the concern leaking through his voice. 

“I can posit that Virgil will be fine with time. He was willing to try some cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques. It is important to be slightly more gentle with him while he starts so he will not be discouraged.” Logan said calmly.

“Did he mention what he was freaking out yesterday?” Roman asked quietly, eying the room for the others. 

“I promised Virgil that I would not discuss the contents of our meeting specifically. But I am missing important information. Would you be capable of enlightening me on the things I was not there for so I could better help Virgil?” Logan said, matching Roman’s low volume. 

“He said someone told him we didn’t want him and we would shut him out,” Roman spat. “He was rambling about how he didn’t fit in and always messed up. I don’t know where he got any of that from. I’ve been trying really hard to make sure I don’t upset him lately,” 

“Yes, I have seen your efforts to be kinder to him. I don’t know who would have said something like that to him,” Logan said monotonously. 

“It _had_ to be Deceit, that-,” Roman started, but Logan cut him off. 

“Did Virgil specifically mention Deceit?” Logan interrupted before Roman could fly off the handle with insults. 

“Does he really need to? Virgil called the person who tricked him a slimy bastard-” Roman explained but was cut off by Logan again.

“Watch your language, Roman,” Logan interjected. 

“Someone _tricked_ Virgil by telling him _lies_? Who else could it be?” Roman groaned, throwing up his arms in frustration. 

“I am not the type to come to conclusions without solid evidence,” Logan supplied. 

“Listen, I don’t care if you really believe it is Deceit or not, but just for discussion’s sake, let’s say that someone _did_ trick him. What kind of long-term plan could need Virgil freak out or anything like that?” Roman asked, extremely annoyed. 

“Perhaps an attempt to make Virgil isolate himself more? Perhaps attempting to amplify Thomas’s anxiety as a trick to make him more susceptible to unreasonable suggestion,” Logan proposed. “But I am perfectly capable of deflecting unreasonable suggestions, so it would be a flawed plan. I would need more information to extrapolate such a scheme,” Logan dismissed the possibility of a threat just as fast as he thought of a cause. 

“If I found more evidence, would you be willing to… extrapolate further?” Roman asked. 

“Yes, there is no harm in considering possibilities, there is only harm in taking actions we haven’t thoroughly considered the outcomes of,” Logan said and pushed up his glasses. 

“Thanks, Lo,” Roman said, rolling his eyes at Mr. Pompous. “I’m going to go talk to Virge,” Roman said and sank out to Virgil’s Room. 

Virgil was laying face up on the stairs. His head dropping off the step just before the landing and his feet on the stairs high above his head. Virgil’s headphones his hair obscured his headphones as it flopped up from gravity. How in the-

“What do you need, Princey?” Virgil asked without opening his eyes and lifting his hands off the stairs to hold them together over his stomach. 

“I just wanted to… see how you were doing?” Roman asked. He wasn’t entirely sure what he needed to be asking to figure anything out but also wanted to make Virgil feel included. Though he was struggling to think as he watched Virgil lay on the stairs like that. That couldn’t have been comfortable. Why was he doing that?

“Very convincing, there, try again,” Virgil said, looking like he was slightly bobbing his head to an unheard beat. 

“I’m serious, I wanted to know if you were okay. I’m just confused that you’re not sliding down the stairs,” Roman said. 

“I have many skills that you will never be privy too,” Virgil said dismissively. 

“Is there something you wanted to do today? Together?” Roman asked. 

“Where are the all the insults you normally keep hidden in that dumb red sash?” Virgil said, opening his eyes and looking pointedly to Roman. 

“I, ah, didn’t think-” Roman tried to explain.

“Ah, but that’s the point. If you don’t think you shouldn’t talk!” Virgil cut off roman with Alice and Wonderland quote and smirked at him. Roman rolled his eyes. 

“It didn’t seem appropriate,” Roman said with a huff. “You, were, uh, freaking out a lot there last night, and I didn’t want to cause-” 

“Thanks for caring and all, but I barely remember it. It wasn’t my first panic attack and it won’t be my last. They happen all the time. I know you live with your head in some Disney hand-painted clouds, but down here on earth, there’s some scary shit,” Virgil interrupted Roman and started tapping his foot in the air. 

“Of course the world looks scary from in the River Styx,” Roman said and crossed his arms defensively. 

“I’ve heard plenty of times today that I need to find a compromise and I don’t need to hear it from you, too,” Virgil groaned. 

“That’s not what I was saying-” Roman started. 

“Then what are you saying, Princey? That I’m suddenly _weak_ now that you’ve caught me vulnerable? That my _outlook_ is how I landed where I was? That I was _over-reacting_?” Virgil accused him bitterly. 

“No! It didn’t sound like that’s what caused it from what you were saying. And other than always being a barbed bastard, it’s clear you’re strong enough to act like you had a slight head cold yesterday and not suffering from whatever dank hell trapped you,” Roman explained and rubbed the back of his head with a sigh. Virgil rolled his eyes and crossed one of his legs over the other. By all accounts, Virgil should have slid down the stairs by now.

“Listen, it’s _nice_ that you’re here getting your gross caring all over the place or whatever, but I’m tired. You said whatever you wanted to say, right? Can you let me just listen to my music in peace?” Virgil asked sourly and pulled up one hand to stifle a yawn. He really seemed okay. Other than the fact that absolutely nothing was holding him up on the stairs. 

“Fine,” Roman said, deciding that there wasn’t much he could learn here anyway without upsetting Virgil further than he already accidentally did. “Enjoy somehow flaunting the laws of gravity on the uncomfortable stairwell,” Roman waved his hand dismissively. 

“I always do,” Virgil said with a smirk as Roman left. Even though Virgil wasn’t into talking about it, he had another lead. One he wished he didn’t have to bother with or even see, but it’s not like finding him was hard. 

Roman let the part of his mind he hated the most go pinpoint where Remus was. He never appreciated the fact that they were inexorably linked and that they could always find each other. He especially didn’t appreciate how Remus always seemed to use that to his advantage. They always knew where the other was when it came down to it. Roman was pretty certain he was often listening, somehow, since he seemed popped up at the perfect time for dirty jokes or to ruin a moment. Remus was in his room, of course, the last place Roman wanted to be. Roman could hear him through the wall of his room almost all the time, and he wasn’t a fan of what it seemed he got up to in there. 

Roman rose and scanned the room for Remus. His room was in shreds. Much more than usual, at least. The walls were torn at and all the furniture crushed. The normal signs and posters hanging limply from the walls. The atmosphere was just as sickly green as usual and the normal weaponry on the walls thrown around the room hap-hazardously. The smell was absolutely unbearable, sort of like if you mixed rotten eggs and an entire gym’s worth of filthy jockstraps. Roman made a face of disgust and tried not to breathe through his nose. There was a slashing noise around the corner, so Roman peered around to see Remus slashing at the air with his sword. Roman stepped quickly out to stop him. 

“ _Hey_! Give me back my sword, fart-breath!” Roman shouted. 

“Oh, Virginia! My, _my_! What a _delectable_ surprise! Come to Apologize? Would you let me stab out your eyes? Or perhaps you’re here under some other guise?” Remus asked in a singsong voice while somehow picking his nose with Roman’s sword. How he didn’t slash his nose open wasn’t as compelling as how completely disgusted Roman was that his favourite sword was up his brother’s nose. Remus pulled the sword out with some kind of monster spleen or something on it.

“Oh, my god, can you be _chill_ for just once?” Roman said with a huff, placing his hand on his hip and tapping his foot. The room quickly turned icy as an arctic chill blew through. 

“Oh, you should have told me you prefer cooler climates! Is it for that hot head of yours?” Remus cackled. Roman watched the snow pile in the corners of Remus’s room already. 

“Hey, how do you spell your name again?” Remus asked, unzipping his pants. 

“ _For god’s sake, man_ , can you keep it in your pants for-” Roman started to yell, but quickly realized his mistake. Remus shoved Roman’s sword right down his pants, ripping a hole in the crotch. 

“Like _this_?” Remus asked, placing his fists on his hips and wiggling them back and forth, making the sword wobble about. Roman flicked his wrist and summoned a towel to protect his hands and yanked his beloved sword right out of his brother’s pants. 

“Oh brother, _behave_!” Remus said in an Austin Powers impression. Roman sighed and sent the sword to his room. He wondered if it will ever be clean enough to touch again. 

“Listen, I just want to know if you know what happened last night?” Roman asked with extreme frustration. Remus conjured a magnifying glass and checked his room.

“See, I was feeling _stabby_ ,” The duke said, demonstrating this by mock stabbing things with a knife he suddenly conjured. Roman sighed, exasperated. The duke smiled a sickly smile, mutilating whatever he was stabbing in his head. Thankfully, it stayed in his head, and not visibly right in front of Roman.

“Not about your room, doofus,” Roman rubbed his face. “Do you know why Deceit would want to visit Anxiety?” Remus quickly dropped his arms and the knife, looking surprised for a moment while his knife clattered to the floor.

“Oh, I don’t know, I was busy feeling stabby, remember? Maybe there was another dumb lesson involved. That slinky little noodle is _all_ about _lessons_ this and _rules_ ,” Remus said, talking with a hand puppet of a snake. “Would you like an example of a lesson he taught me once?” He shouted suddenly, summoning the dagger again and taking a slash at Roman. Roman threw up his arms in defeat as he stepped back.

“Fine, I’m leaving!” He said, sinking from the room back to the safety of his own. Roman exhaled in frustration. His Katana lay on the table in his room. Roman winced as he looked over to it and stepped close, eying it suspiciously. Would a fire cleansing be overboard or not enough? 

Roman was out of leads he could reach, and other than getting his sword back, he thoroughly regretted his last interaction. He knew it was a long shot to ask Remus, but it was better than Virgil yelling at him again. 

He never apologized like Patton wanted him to, but perhaps a white lie wouldn’t hurt. It’s not like Patton could easily ask Remus if he apologized. Patton avoided any room with Remus in it like the plague. Wait, Lies. He could try to tempt Deceit out with lies. Deceit always knew when one was told, and if he was anything like Remus, he had someway of listening. Maybe visiting Remus wasn’t a total loss, after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to work on other projects today, but I got so many nice comments I decided to finish editing this chapter early. Thank you!


	9. In Which Everybody is Simultaneously in and Out of the Loop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra warnings: lies, lies, lies, lies, li~es~

If lying was the way to go to attract a liar, that was something Roman could pull off easily. He was an actor, after all. He wasn’t entirely sure what to lie about or how to go about doing it, though. Roman acted things out and exaggerated stories all the time with no interaction from that slippery snake. But he could start with what first inspired this particular train of thoughts. Roman rose into the living room, catching Patton working on his scrap-booking again at the coffee table while a show played quietly on the TV. Patton liked watching TV or something in the living room in the evenings so he had the chance to be less lonely. Something about the setting sun always made Patton extra clingy. 

“I apologized, padre,” Roman said confidently and sat down on the couch behind Patton. 

“That’s good news kiddo, did you manage not to fight with swords again?” Patton asked hopefully. 

“It was about as cordial as I could manage,” Roman lied again. He definitely could be nicer. Remus was just goading him on until the end where Remus offered to teach Roman a ‘lesson’. 

“That’s nice. I know he’s hard to deal with, and that he scares the poop out of me. But it’s important to be nice to your brother,” Patton said with a sage nod and went back to scrapbooking. Roman rolled his eyes behind Patton. His dumb morality was acting up. 

Roman struggled to think about anything else he could lie to Patton about. Patton was just sitting there, innocently scrapbooking another play, and Roman lost the gumption to keep it up. That little puppy dog face and how much he hates lying. He just didn’t have the heart for it any further. Logan rose into the room and nodded to both of them. Now, Logan, on the other hand… 

“Roman, how did your discussion with Virgil go?” Logan asked and sat in the recliner with a book. 

“Oh, I don’t know if I should talk about it,” Roman said dismissively. He just didn’t want Logan to know that Virgil yelled at him and politely kicked him out. 

“Did Virgil elucidate you any?” Logan asked curiously, holding his book firmly. 

“Oh, he told me _plenty_ ,” Roman said. Told him off plenty, anyway. Logan stiffened and put his book on his lap. 

“So you were able to obtain further information that could help me help Virgil better?” Logan asked with the tiniest tinge of being upset. Patton glanced up at Logan and seemed a little confused. 

“As I said, I probably shouldn’t talk about it. It’s private,” Roman said, acting a little haughty and dismissive. “I wouldn’t know what holes to fill in the first place even if I should,” 

“Trust is important,” Logan said bitterly and opened his book quickly, dropping the subject. 

“It is important,” Patton said, sounding extremely confused. “As long as Virgil is okay,” Patton said hopefully, looking pointedly at Roman. Roman pretended to be distracted by the TV but heard Logan grunt slightly as the page flipped. Virgil said he was okay, but a lie of omission was like a free pass that Roman was happy to take that could kind of be a double whammy. He felt a little bad tricking Logan into thinking Virgil was more willing to open up to him, especially now that he had lied 6 times in a row with not even a snake scale to show for it. Roman retreated to his room, feeling kind of ashamed of himself. He felt like he crossed a line, but he didn’t want the others to know that. 

Roman sat down in a chair and crossed his legs, holding up his head on his fist. He wasn’t sure he could keep lying just for a snake that could be another dead end. Maybe he could force himself into Deceit’s room and just wait it out. 

“Roman, what a _dreadful_ turn of events! I _totally_ expected this from you,” Deceit said with bubbly sarcasm, now sitting across from him. A slow smile spreads across his face. “I appreciate your attempts to get what you want _my_ way.” Deceit claps slightly. “All that acting practice has _really_ paid off, hasn’t it?” Deceit cooed. 

“Why thank you! I’m glad someone appreciates my artistic endeavors.” Roman was happy to accept some compliments on his acting from another side for once. Deceit rolled his eyes. 

“So, what do I owe the _pleasure_ of all these half-truths just to hunt me down?” Deceit said, pulling up a chair to sit as Roman had a sudden sinking feeling that the ground was pulled out under him. When he felt himself land, he found he was sitting in what was probably Deceit’s room. He was surprised at first that Deceit knew what he was up to, but drawn in by the glimmer of the various things in the extravagant room. 

“Oh, we match a bit, don’t we. Love the gold!” Roman gasped as he saw the red velvet curtains among all the gold. The classy dark carved wood Victorian-inspired decor with golden accents was really not what he expected from his room. Deceit examined Roman briefly and crosses his legs. 

“ _Completely_ intentional, I assure you.” Deceit said casually. Roman looked around a little longer, admiring all the decor in the room before pulling himself back to the moment. The whole reason he pissed off Logan and lied to Patton. 

“So, Virgil says that you paid a visit.” Roman cleared his throat and tried to say just as casually as Deceit did. He didn’t want to give Deceit any reason to leave. 

“Yess?” Deceit hissed with an eyebrow raised. Roman could see a frown at the edge of his lips. 

“And… I can’t help but wonder why you did?” Roman said, his voice rising slightly higher than he meant. He winced at his own ineptitude at carefully interviewing Deceit. If he had a script, he could have done a much better job, damnit. 

“Curioussity doesn’t ssuit you Roman,” Deceit said curtly. The bitterness was clear in his tone. “Can’t I vissit an _old chum_? Is it such a crime to want to catch up with my _besst pal_?” Deceit said airily and shrugged. Roman coughed, trying to maintain his composure. He said up straight and took a deep breath. 

“I think Virgil didn’t seem to see it quite like that. It didn’t sound _much_ like catching up, anyway,” Roman suggested, his tone growing slightly more accusatory and bitter. Deceit groaned and waved Roman’s accusations off. 

“Roman, you’re so _delightfully_ naïve. Perhaps you should leave the inquiries to the _smarter_ sides?” Deceit cooed and smiled the kind of sweetly that made Roman’s stomach turn. Roman made a noise of disgust. But Deceit didn’t back down. He stared right into Roman’s eyes with a burning intensity. Roman got a shiver, but stared back, accepting the challenge. 

“Roman, How do you feel about me?” Deceit asked coolly, maintaining the intense eye contact. Roman huffed. 

“Dare I say I feel loathing? _Unadulterated_ loathing?” Roman sang, sounding annoyed, crossing his arms. He was thrown for a loop with that question from nowhere and completely failed to keep impartial. 

“Am I one of you, nonetheless?” Deceit continued, sounding annoyed. 

“Of _course_ not!” Roman shot. “You probably couldn’t be a team player even if you tried,” Roman said angrily and flailed his arms up then dropped his arms with a thud. 

“It was an _absolute delight_ catching up, Roman.” Deceit said, the disappointment breaking through his otherwise even tone. Deceit waved his hand again and looked away. There was a shift and Roman found himself back in his room, sitting exactly where he had been before he was in Deceit’s Room. 

Roman was almost as lost on Deceit’s long game as before. The fact that Deceit was trying to say it was a cordial visit when Roman knew it clearly wasn’t was his only clue. And that wasn’t a particularly good clue. Deceit could have just been embarrassed about it. Could it be there wasn’t a long game at all? He knew going in that Deceit was not likely to be completely forthcoming, but he didn’t expect him to act like that. He had his temper, of course, If there was anything the dark sides could be known for, it was their temper. Maybe it was like that with Virgil. Virgil didn’t seem happy about the dark sides, especially not since they accepted him. Maybe Deceit really came to visit, they argued, and Deceit snapped. 

It didn’t seem unreasonable that feral Virgil might have pissed off jackass Deceit, and Deceit tricked him as some kind of retribution. Virgil was all right now, but his bark wasn’t without a bite. Maybe Deceit goaded him and he regressed a bit. Or Deceit was just being a total bitch, and Virgil didn’t deserve it. Roman couldn't say how the dark sides interacted with each other. As much as he hated being out of the loop, he’d have to deal for now. Logan was out of the loop with him, and that had to be good enough. But if he ran into Deceit in the mind palace, he’d pull a sword on his ass. Roman went to go sit at his desk. Roman flipped open the laptop in front of him and tried to work on a new play, but he couldn’t help but picture himself getting some sweet, sweet vengeance for Virgil. Roman wasn’t known for his patience, after all. 

After trying and failing to get back to work, he decided he may as well go apologize to Logan. Roman really didn’t want Pat to know about the lies since they would hurt his feelings too much. Maybe he could just apologize to Remus later and it would retroactively not be a lie. He could hear what sounded like a chainsaw and a chorus of bleating goats through the wall, and it didn't seem like the best time to go try to apologize again. He really didn’t want to know why Remus had a goat choir. Roman went back into the living room. Patton had left, probably getting ready for bed. He liked to go to sleep early. Logan was still reading in the recliner by lamplight, the TV turned off and the room quiet. Roman sat down on the couch near him. 

“So, uh, Virgil didn’t so much tell me anything new as much as he just told me off for caring,” Roman said, bitterly. He didn’t want to do this, but he also didn’t want to ruin Logan and Virgil’s relationship, especially if Logan could really help Virgil not freak out like that again. He’d be a giant hypocrite for planning to attack Deceit for hurting Virgil if he also hurt Virgil, himself. Logan looked up to Roman angrily, closing his book. 

“What?” Logan asked, glowering at Roman and clenching the chair arms.

“So, I was trying to pay Deceit a visit to ask him about why he lied to Virgil and it seemed like the easiest way to draw him out,” Roman said, wincing. “I doubt Virgil told me anything more than he told you,” 

“Trying to bamboozle someone whose task is to alter people's perceptions? What a fool-brained scheme. How could you think that would yield any results worth examining?” Logan started angrily. Oh, he was going to rant if Roman let him go. “How could you bolster that side of Thomas? You are not even fond of Deceit, and you chose to emulate him! Lies beget lies, Roman!” This was giving him a headache. Roman leaned on one elbow on the arm of the couch and flipped his hand to summon a glass of red wine to deal with this bitch session while Logan ranted on. “Oh, you think I’m whining, am I?” Logan stated bitterly. Roman’s eyes widened when he realized Logan made a pun. Logan stopped his rambling when he noticed Roman’s expression. 

“Logan, my good fellow, my compadre, was that a _pun_?” Roman asked with a lilt. 

“Never intentionally!” Logan shot. 

“Oh, I said _nothing_ about wine, Logan, _you_ brought it up,” Roman said with a good-natured chuckle. 

“You are going off-topic,” Logan said bitterly. 

“I was just following a _lead_ , like that Sherlock fellow you like so much.” Roman sighed and sipped his wine. Logan adjusted his tie at the mention of Sherlock and sat straighter. 

“Did you ascertain and information of value?” Logan asked, finally dropping his angry rant. Roman’s shoulders drooped slightly in disappointment. 

“It was pointed out to me that I’m not the _smarty pants_ side. I feel like I’m missing something.” Roman said and sipped his wine again. 

“What did Deceit say?” Logan asked the tinge of anger in his tone replaced by curiosity. 

“That he liked my acting and that he was just visiting with Virgil,” Roman groaned. “Nothing of value,” 

“What could you be missing from that? Surely more happened.” Logan asked, stroking his chin. 

“Not really,” Roman said dismissively. Logan paused. 

“Well, perhaps we should consider what _you_ said to _him_?” Logan suggested. Roman stared up at him for a beat. 

“You think _I_ have something to do with this? I may not have been on the _best_ terms with Virgil in the past, but I’ll have you know I would _never_ -” Roman shot back bitterly but stopped when Logan held up his hand. 

“I am implying no such thing. I simply believe that we need to review the facts.” Logan said calmly. 

“Well, I accepted his compliments, of course, and told him what I was there for when he asked.” Roman crossed his arms defensively. The nerve of that side. Logan motioned with his hand for Roman to continue. “After he said he was just visiting with Virgil, he asked me how I felt about him and I said I don’t like him,” Logan glared slightly but said nothing. “That’s it, Lo, he left for before I could ask anything else. He tossed me out pretty much for no reason,” Roman said and rolled his eyes, sipping the wine again. Logan sighed. 

“There was a _clear_ reason, Roman, you insulted him. Deceit’s primary function is defense. He defended himself from further insults by leaving,” Logan explained with a tinge of annoyance again. Roman dramatically motioned with his free arm in frustration.

“Well, it’s not like he didn’t deserve it or he doesn’t hear worse things from the other dark sides all the time!” Roman objected defensively. At least if his interactions with the Duke were anything like how they talked to each other. Logan paused again, the cogs turning in his head. 

“Roman…” He said looking seriously at Roman. “You said Virgil kicked you out because of what Deceit said. Did you perhaps insult Virgil as well?” Roman gasped, deeply offended. 

“I was trying very hard _not_ to! I certainly didn’t _intend_ to!” Roman cried. Logan kept his stoic expression. 

“Roman, just tell me what you said. Virgil claims he doesn’t remember. If you want to get to the bottom of this, I need to know exactly what Virgil said.” Roman collapsed back into his chair and dramatically ran his hand through his hair. 

“Listen, I was freaking out too, okay? Did you not see how _dark_ it was in there? The _voices_? The _chill_? The _creepy_ sensation?” Roman kept offering reasons he was upset, but Logan didn’t react to any of them and just waited. Roman moaned in defeat. “ _Fine_. He started babbling apologies. I reassured him nobody hated him, but he kept insisting somebody did until he mentioned that he was mad at himself for falling for Deceit’s tricks again. I reassured him once more.” Roman paused, coming up on a part he wasn’t especially proud of. Logan’s gaze never shifted. “He kept insisting ‘they’ hated him and after pressing, he implied that it was the dark sides. I mean, don’t they hate all of us?” 

“Off-topic.” Logan cleared his throat and motioned for him to continue again. 

Roman weakly chuckled. “So, I told him their opinions don’t matter. And then he snapped at me about if his opinions mattered or not… back before we accepted them. And I couldn’t lie… so I didn’t say anything,” Roman said, his eyes dropping to the floor, putting down his wineglass and briefly wringing his hands. 

“Roman, Why do you think their opinions don’t matter?” Logan said, but Roman couldn’t read any tone or inflection. 

“They’re so… They’re _not Thomas_! They’re violent or liars or lazy or any of those things Thomas doesn’t want to be,” Roman snapped, and he squeezed his knees. “Virgil learned to work with us. He _listens_ now! That’s _why_ he’s one of us!” Logan pushed up his glasses. 

“Roman, this isn’t an ‘us’ versus ‘them’ situation. They are a part of Thomas. It’s true that they do not work together with us willingly, but they represent parts of Thomas.” Roman threw his arms up in the air in objection. 

“They’re not parts worth _acknowledging_! Parts not worth wasting time arguing with!” Roman blurted out, lost somewhere between offended and defensive. He felt confused under Logan’s steady judgmental glare. Logan’s eyes narrowed briefly, and he took a deep breath. Roman had a distinct impression that Logan really wanted to slap Roman upside the head, but Logan never raised his hands to try. 

“You have said the same about Virgil, have you not?” Roman went stiff and didn’t respond. “Virgil’s primary function is protection. He was protecting himself when you insulted him. Just like Deceit was defending himself when you insulted him. It is reasonable that neither of them would commiserate with you when you said their opinions don’t have value. Every side does something for Thomas. Please learn to think more _critically_ ,” Logan berated him with frustration in his expression. Roman stared wide-eyed and nodded. He really messed up. Logan must have had enough with either this emotion or his bullshit, and he sunk out to his own room. Roman sighed and returned to his own in shame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously considered naming this "Rocks Fall and Everybody Lies" but changed my mind last minute to better fit the naming scheme. Also, only half of the sides in this chapter lie, so everybody isn't accurate, and I'm keeping the names accurately strange. Chapters titles that explain exactly what happens but vaguely and out of context amuse me.  
> outline: 1,436 final: 3,018 but I rewrote this chapter 3 times. I couldn't pick a perspective (it was Logan's for one iteration and split for another). Also, it's a little hard to write Roman as an antagonist. It's sort of a plot-heavy and sensitive chapter and it had to be done _right_. I hated doing this to Roman ._.


	10. In Which There is a Perhaps a Less Than Friendly Rivalry

Virgil was laying back against the wall on the couch while Patton and Logan were watching a biology documentary about cats. Virgil wasn’t really paying attention to the TV because he was stressed out by most documentaries, either from the content or the existential crisis that might follow. So instead listened to symphonic metal on his headphones and was played a word puzzle on his phone. It was a very comfortably still moment that he only recently learned to appreciate. He didn’t realize he could be present without having to be present. This was much less stressful than having to interact or having to be alone for too long.  
  
Patton seemed to understand that this is the way Virgil needed things after a few false starts of visits when Patton was over-excited and scared Virgil off. Other than a very big smile, he didn’t speak to or pressure him to join when Virgil appeared. Patton was pretty good at reading the other side’s moods even when he tried, even if he was a hyperactive himbo most of the time. Virgil wasn’t sure how much Patton knew about who he really was or how anxious he could really be, but it seemed to be just enough that Patton had always been gentle or positive with him. Not that Virgil appreciated being handled with kid gloves, but he didn’t want to upset Patton by telling him that.  
  
Virgil was working on a pretty hard puzzle and hadn’t looked away from his screen, trying to figure out what this word was that was stumping him. When Virgil looked up from his phone, he jumped back and hit his head on the wall. Patton was very suddenly only a foot away, sitting near him on the couch and smiling like a doofus. Virgil groaned and rubbed his head and slid his phone into his pocket with the other hand.  
  
“I’m so sorry kiddo, I didn’t mean to spook ya!” Patton said, holding up his arms like he was going to check if Virgil was okay, but dropping them a moment later as if he thought better of it. Virgil was relieved that Patton seemed to have caught on to that, too. “It’s just so nice to see you out with us,” He commented with a smaller, gentler smile.  
  
“Yeah,” Virgil mumbled and pulled up his hood when he let go of his head from rubbing it and paused his music.  
  
“You know, we’ve been doing themes and I think it would be fun if you picked one! Now, that you’re with us and all! We had already picked a theme last time, so it doesn’t count,” Patton said with a hopeful smile. Virgil froze. He wasn’t good at being put on the spot or people paying attention to him like this. He also felt a pang of guilt about skipping out on the last two, but Patton didn’t mention it or rub it in, so he could at least deal with one crisis at a time.  
  
“You have been picking the themes _alone_ , Patton, I certainly did not vote on any,” Logan said plainly, leaning back on the couch and watching them with a slightly bemused expression. Patton coughed.  
  
“Uh, all the more reason for Virge here to pick one!” Patton declared with a bigger smile.  
  
“I, uh, don’t like,” Virgil started, holding up his hands outward, trying to stop whatever was happening here. “I mean I, uh,” Virgil flushed. “Um, whatever Princey wants. It’s for his creative process or whatever, right?” Virgil said and pulled his legs up to his chest.  
  
“Roman!” Patton called out and Roman appeared a moment later.  
  
“It’s called _texting_ , Patton, I’m in the middle of something,” Roman said with a huff.  
  
“Virgil here says he wants you to pick this week’s theme!” Patton said eagerly. Virgil groaned and buried his ever-reddening face in his hands. Wow, murphy’s law in action. It happened to him so much it may as well be his middle name.  
  
“Oh, is that so, taking back emo?” Roman said with a little smug laugh. Virgil groaned again and refused to resurface.  
  
“Yes, for your creative process. What would make you feel inspired, Roman?” Logan asked. Virgil heard the swish of Roman’s blade, now extremely thankful he wasn’t looking and already balled up.  
  
“Sword and Sorcery, of course!” Roman declared, probably striking some dumb pose. Virgil wasn’t going to check though. He relinquished one hand from burying his face and held up his thumb so maybe Roman would put the damn thing away.  
  
“Wonderful!” Patton cried, embellishing it with a clap. “An adventure story!”  
  
“I am not interested in including a _nonsensical_ magical element in my story,” Logan said with a tinge of annoyance.  
  
“Aw, that’s okay, Logan! It’s just a genre name, it just has to have a hero with a sword and some battles. There doesn’t have to have any magic in it,” Patton said placatingly. Virgil peeked up from his hands.  
  
“Wait, Pat, you’ve going to write a battle?” Virgil asked, the realization temporarily shaking him from some of his embarrassment.  
  
“Well, of course, kiddo! If that’s the theme, then that’s the theme! We just gotta try it, and it’s okay if we’re not so great at it. Just trying is the important part,” Patton said with a small smile that felt strangely like it was just for Virgil. He pulled his head out of his hand and gave a small smirk back. Patton squeaked loudly in excitement and that scared Virgil right back into hiding, though.  
  
“Are you not up to the challenge, Misery Emo?” Roman said with the combativeness was heavy in his voice. Virgil managed to kick himself out of flight and into fight with a small sneer just for Roman.  
  
“What, afraid of a little competition?” Virgil asked sardonically. Roman summoned a gauntlet and threw it to the floor. Virgil flinched slightly but didn’t break eye contact with Roman, who was staring him right in the eyes.  
  
“Boys, it’s not a competition,” Patton said pleadingly, but neither of them backed down.  
  
“It’s just a healthy inspiration, Pat, I certainly won’t be a sore winner,” Roman said smugly and tittered behind his hand. Oh, Virgil wanted to punch him so hard right in his stupid face. He just growled, though, he didn’t want to push it after they finally accepted him. Roman smirked and sunk out of the living room with a laugh, leaving Virgil glowering on the couch.  
  
“I’ll talk with him, kiddo, you don’t have to-” Patton started.  
  
“No, Pat, I want to. I’d love to just rub his face in it just _once_ ,” Virgil grumbled.  
  
“That’s not a very nice thing to say, Virge!” Patton admonished him. Virgil rolled his eyes, not really caring about it. They landed on Logan, who had a very sour expression as he sat on the couch.  
  
“I think Logan maybe gets it,” Virgil said dismissively. Logan coughed and sat straight, only looking shocked for a split second, returning fully neutral as normally pretended he was.  
  
“I have absolutely no idea what you could be referring to, Virgil,” Logan said coolly. Yeah, Logan gets it. “Would you like to watch another documentary, Patton?” Logan offered, probably also trying to distract Patton from observing anything further. Patton nodded with a smile.  
  
“Do you have one on dogs?” Patton asked with a gleam in his eyes.  
  
“I do not have any on canis familiaris, but I do have a documentary on the subfamily Lutrinae,” Logan offered. Patton just stared blankly at him. “Otters, Patton,” Logan said, sounding a little deflated. Patton, however, was not dissuaded in the least and jumped onto the couch and nearly tackled Logan in delight. Virgil hid a smirk behind his hands.  
  
“Are you guys chill if I stay?” Virgil asked, pulling back out his phone. Patton beamed at him and Logan just looked confused. Virgil rolled his eyes. “Would you be amenable to my continued presence upon the couch?” He asked sarcastically. Logan bristled a little at the slight and grabbed the remote to queue up the documentary.  
  
“No, Virgil, your presence is not detrimental in any way,” Logan said briskly, but Virgil kind of appreciated the validation. He must have shown that on his face because Logan nodded again before returning to the TV. Virgil went back to his puzzle and realized he was still stuck on the same word. He sighed and stared at it again for a while, listening to Patton coo at the otters on the screen. He gave up shortly after. Maybe Logan could figure it out so he could just go to the next level.  
  
“Lo?” Virgil said, getting his attention. Logan looked up to him quizzically. “What word is spelled with d, g, s, i, m, o, t, b, i, a, n, u, i, a?” He read out loud the letters that had been stumping him on the screen for Logan to decipher.  
  
“Disambiguation,” Logan said with a nod and returned to the screen.  
  
“Holy shit, Logan, you didn’t even need to think about that?” Virgil asked, astonished. Patton looked distressed. “Um, sorry Pat,” Virgil mumbled.  
  
“No,” Logan said with a very smug smile directed at Virgil and returned to the screen once more. Virgil rolled his eyes but was happy to be passed this one somewhat ironic level. He went back to his game and turned his music on again so he wouldn’t have to hear about how all the otters were dying or something.  


—

  
After everyone headed back off to their rooms, Virgil found himself pacing in his own. He was so mad at himself for handing over the topic to Roman. If Virgil had picked something dark, maybe he could have gotten the upper hand on him. But sword and sorcery was basically Roman’s domain. He could probably write 3 stories that fit that theme before Thomas went to bed tonight. Roman would sometimes even go into the imagination and act out those kinds of stories he was so deeply immersed in them. Sword and sorcery was easy for him. It wouldn’t be so easy for Virgil. Virgil would probably hurt himself trying.  
  
After grumbling to himself a little more, he realized that was a plot in itself. An anti-hero that struggled with sword and sorcery. It didn’t come easy to him and it cost him every time he tried. Maybe if he used magic it’d cost part of his soul, and there’d be plenty of life-or-death situations where he had to use it just to survive on a mission he wished he was never on. Then, in the end, he would die trying to end the quest because it was all too much for him. Maybe he could stop some great evil with his sacrifice, Roman would eat that up. Virgil wasn’t positive he could write that part, but he was excited at the prospect of finally having a story he thought they might like for once.  
  
Virgil jumped up and whooped, summoning his notebook and quickly writing down his ideas, flopping down dramatically in the stairwell while he focused on writing. He pulled back on headphones to get in the zone and tried to get as much of it out on paper as he could before he second-guessed himself.  


—

  
Virgil and Roman had been bickering extra in these last few days since Roman not so figuratively threw the gauntlet. Virgil appreciated that he was mostly back to his normal self instead of being all concerned and boring. Virgil would catch Roman looking at him oddly, sometimes, but for the most part, he was back to being a gay Disney prince. The cocky bragging was wearing on his nerves, though. Virgil was ready when it was time for their session. He had enough papers, he was early, he possibly had a spider in his hair, and he couldn’t wait to show Roman that he wasn’t going to win by default as creativity.  
  
Logan nodded as Virgil crawled up to sit on his usual spot on the couch and took a deep breath to prepare himself. Roman is the next to show up, thankfully, because Virgil was so ready to be a petty bitch.  
  
“Oh, Roman, how nice to see you. Ready to _lose_?” Virgil sneered and dropped his head onto his fists, elbows propped upon his knees.  
  
“I only see one _loser_ in here and it’s the out of fashion nerd with the mop in his face,” Roman said.  
  
“Oh, Princey, don’t be so hard on _yourself_ ,” Virgil said with a smirk. Roman bristled.  
  
“How _dare_ you, that was _clearly_ about you!” Roman shot back. Patton rose in-between the two and held up his hands between them.  
  
“Boys, I told you this isn’t a competition,” Patton chided them. “Tell them, Lo!”  
  
“No, these sessions are perhaps comparable to a modified book club,” Logan said evenly, checking things off on his clipboard again. “Glad to see you made it on time, Patton. We can hand out our stories while Remus arrives as usual,” Logan said and stood to pass out his paper packets with the other sides. Roman had already started passing his story out while Logan was talking. Remus rose in a moment later with a small fanfare.  
  
“Howdy, chumps, happy to direct this train for snoreville into a more interesting location, like a burning mall? Or perhaps into a bucket of soggy chipotle mayo?” Remus cooed and flourished his free hand, then snapped all the packets onto the other side’s heads or stuffed into their clothes. Virgil rolled his eyes and pulled Remus’s story out of his shirt and handed out his with one more smirk at Roman.  
  
Remus laid on the floor in front of the TV as usual and smiled while Roman unceremoniously dropped his packet on his face. Patton carefully placed his nearby the duke without getting close. Remus summoned a bubble pipe and kicked his legs as he picked up the first story to peruse. Virgil was baffled that Remus actually seemed to be following meeting order other than the fact he was skipping over the synopsis part and went straight into reading. Maybe Virgil missed something these last two weeks that happened that made Remus more docile?  
  
After the story introductions, which in which once again Virgil was still too embarrassed and gave possibly too vague of a story description again, a pit had settled into Virgil’s stomach. As soon as he saw Roman pick his packet first, he realized Roman could very well still hate it. It was just as dark as usual. Just because Virgil just had managed to come up with a plot that fit the theme. It didn’t mean it was a good plot. His shoulders slumped, and he picked up the story right on the top for him.  
  
The duke’s was the first story. An unhinged adventurer scarred by past trauma burns down an inn, breaks into the palace, beheads the king, and plants his head in a flower pot to see if it will grow. The adventurer’s sword into other weapons, which was kind of neat. The story was really cool if he was honest with himself. Even if it was a little gratuitous, Virgil appreciated the dark irony. Virgil silently hoped that Remus wouldn’t emulate that particular power. Just the morning star was enough. Remus would be terrifying if he switched his weapons mid-fight. Lots of Virgil’s defense against him depended on the fact that his morning star was slow and heavy.  
  
Logan’s story, which absolutely blindsided Virgil, was about a magician. Maybe he also wanted to show up Roman, because it was a surprisingly involved tale of a magician who carefully researched and studied so he could change the flow of the time stream itself to save the town and his beloved home in the library. Invaders came, and he wasn’t capable of fighting them himself, so he turned back time to stop them from coming in the first place. Roman would love the stakes of this story, even if the parts about the research were a bit dry. Logan assured them that changing the time stream was not possible before starting the story, but he had come up with a theory of time the protagonist could alter nonetheless. The sword that could rend time was possibly the most classically metal thing he ever heard. It just needed laser panthers.  
  
Patton’s was next, and it tugged at Virgil’s heartstrings. A wandering adventurer is saved by a dog after a bad tumble off a ledge and the two journeys together to save the village from a demon bear. The dog never got hurt, but the protagonist got a sprained ankle and he got knocked back in the final bear fight, which Virgil found surprising from Patton, being a big proponent of pain avoidance. The dog scared back the bear after a killer neck bite and got steaks from the village as a reward for being a good boy. Roman would eat this up. There’s no way his story was any good compared to these two. He wasn’t even sure it was good compared to Remus’s anymore. Remus’s was surprisingly compelling, even though it was somewhat nonsensical by the end.  
  
Virgil tremulously picked up the final packet. Roman’s was just as good as he feared. An epic journey about a princess who is living a comfortable life in the castle until she is moved by the plight of her people and overthrows her stepfather, the king, to save the kingdom from his evil grip by journeying to claim a mystical power to defeat him. Roman was normally very pro-royalty, and even though the whole step-king thing had ‘dated’ written all over it, it was clear that Roman had intended to freshen up an older theme. Virgil couldn’t fault Roman for being inspired by his source material.  
  
Virgil looks up from the other sides, quietly absorbed in their reading, still seeming to have a way to go. He probably really embarrassed himself earlier. His story wasn’t the worst, but the others were all so good, and he felt like an idiot for challenging Roman at his own bread and butter in his first place. Virgil trusted that they probably wouldn’t insult his story, but he didn’t feel like sticking around for the rest. It seemed like it would be too much for him. He wasn’t sure he could take the discussion today, now that he had a story he thought he could be proud of instead of something he just tried to make for them. It seemed better to leave it where it was instead of possibly just letting himself get upset further. Virgil waved to Logan briefly, who looked up from his notes in confusion as Virgil popped out of the living room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Outline: 406 Final: 3,148  
> This chapter was shifted from an earlier abandoned outline when I reworked the intro. These prompts were particularly fun to write.


	11. In Which Patton Hits a Nail on the Head that Virgil Didn't Even Know he Left Out

Roman finished the last story with a contented sigh. Other than his brother’s nonsense about growing a new monarch from a decapitated head in a pot, the other sides really brought their A-Games today. Patton’s was relatively light-hearted, but he included themes and elements he never did before. Logan’s completely threw him for a loop. After Logan spoke out against writing about magic, he wrote a story that was almost exclusively about it.  
  
Virgil’s story especially shocked him! There were real problems instead of small events becoming fatal problems as in his other stories. The hero struggled against himself and the odds to try and save the world, even when he felt like it wasn’t fair that it was on his shoulders. But he still paid the ultimate price to save the world despite it hating being in this position and that there were other heroes that could have helped him. Roman was really moved. He was completely prepared to hate Virgil’s story. He wanted to hate Virgil’s story. But Virgil really understood the plight of the hero and made something that dazzled him.  
  
Roman looked up from the last paper and checked Virgil’s regular spot, bitterly ready to quietly congratulate Virgil on such an amazing story, but it was empty. Roman sat up and scanned the living room. Nobody else had moved, even Remus, while they were absorbed in the stories this week. Patton’s eyes were red and he was sniffling slightly, his hands trembling a little as he held a page with purple lettering. Logan was taking notes on what appeared to be Remus’s fiction, which seemed like the most pointless endeavor Logan had ever taken. Remus was kicking his legs while he was on the floor and had the bubble pipe sticking out of his ear, somehow still producing bubbles as he flipped through Pat’s story. None of them seemed to acknowledge the missing Virgil.  
  
Roman coughed and waved to get Logan’s attention and pointed to Virgil’s spot when he looked up. Logan just shook his head. Virgil didn’t want to participate today? He had been riling up Roman all week about this, it seemed kind of odd. Roman couldn’t help but feel worried about him. Maybe he had gone too far with playful banter this week? Virgil seemed to be having just as much fun with it as Roman did. But if Roman learned anything from the past few weeks, it’s that Virgil was a decent actor. Roman may as well go check on him while the others finished up. He was too antsy about Virgil being in trouble to sit and wait for them to finish reading. Roman pointed to Virgil’s spot and then himself for Logan, who nodded in comprehension and returned to his reading and ridiculous note-taking. Honestly, who takes notes on fiction?  
  
Roman tried to sink into Virgil’s room, but he didn’t make it on the first try. Oh, this old shtick? Really, Virgil. Roman pushes through again with another false start. This was frustrating, but Virgil blocking him out gnawed at his worry a little further. Roman managed to force his way in on the third try, though.  
  
Virgil is sitting on the stairs, higher up than where he usually sat. He was chewing on his nail and staring at the small stack of short stories in front of him. His eyes are kind of glazed over, but he doesn’t seem to be panicking which is a relief. Roman knocked on the banister, which seemed to snap Virgil out of his reverie enough to look over to Roman blankly.  
  
“What do you need, Princey?” He asked tonelessly.  
  
“You suggested the theme this week and ducked out on the discussion. _Rude_ ,” Roman said with a small smirk.  
  
“It didn’t seem necessary,” Virgil said, and looked back down to the stories, returning to chew on his nail. Virgil not having a snappy comeback or even scowling at him was somewhat unnerving. Roman was glad he wasn’t outright upset, but he clearly wasn’t alright either.  
  
“How am I supposed to concede victory to you if you left before we could even start the discussion?” Roman asked incredulously. “Seriously, _rude_ ,” Virgil sat ramrod straight and slowly turned back to Roman, wide-eyed.  
  
“I thought you’d like one of the other’s stories better,” Virgil whispered, his tone somewhere between confused and dead. He stopped chewing but hadn’t dropped his nail.  
  
“Virgil, when I left the room Patton was crying. He didn’t cry any other story. My story was fabulous, but it can't compete with _that_?” Roman asked, crossing his arms. Virgil sat just as tense as before.  
  
“He’s probably crying because I made it too _dark_ again,” Virgil whispered dismissively.  
  
“He’s crying because you _moved_ him, dumbass. The stakes, the reluctant hero who fought when others wouldn’t, paying the ultimate price to save the world because nobody would believe him! No one would even applaud his sacrifice! It was dark, but the story was only better because of it. It would have been fake if the hero managed to make it through and was praised for after all of that. It was meaningful. I loved every dark second of it!” Roman declared proudly and posed. Virgil just stared at Roman, sheet white, and unresponsive. Roman dropped his arms from the pose. He waved to get the attention of the Virgil statue in the stairwell.  
  
“Hello, Ghost of Christmas Past, you need to rejoin us for the discussion. I bet even Pat’s almost done by now if he managed to stop blubbering over your story,” Roman said, rolling his eyes. If he got Virgil back out with the others, they could all keep an eye on him, and maybe even turn this weird quiet mood around. Virgil shook his head, but more as if he was trying to pull himself back in from whatever 5th dimension he was in and not outright refusing to go. “Are you coming or what?” Roman asked. Virgil turned pink and nodded, some color finally back in his face. Roman smirked at the idiot now slapping his own cheeks gently in the stairwell.  
  
“Um, yeah,” Virgil said, sounding nervous instead of empty.  
  
Roman rose into the living room and Virgil popped right back from where he left on top of the couch. Instead of sitting in the corner of the couch, Roman walked over to sit right next to Virgil’s legs. He wasn’t going to let Virgil run away again. Virgil was going to participate and like it, damnit. Virgil bristled at Roman’s arrival and started to get back up. Roman was about to grab his hoodie to stop him, but Virgil seemed to change his mind on his own. He settled back in his spot, pulling up his hood and gently holding his legs to his chest. Now that Virgil was settled, Roman heard Logan and Patton talking animatedly about Roman’s story. Roman swelled with pride at their glowing comments.  
  
“Woah, woah, gentleman, were you praising me behind my back instead of to my lovely face?” Roman asks with a glittering smile. Patton beamed as he looked over to the two of them.  
  
“Virgil! You’re back! Are you okay?” Patton asked compassionately. Virgil nodded mutely, possibly still regaining his composure.  
  
“He had something to handle,” Roman said dismissively. He had to get a handle on himself, but he wasn’t going to embarrass Virgil like that, especially not after he only just got Virgil to rejoin. “Let’s talk my story,”  
  
“It was an amazing adventure, champ! I’m was so relieved when she made it through the cave and got her lightning powers since you kept foreshadowing she could die from getting them!” Patton gushed at him. Roman felt bolstered. Virgil could probably feel the pride radiating off of him right now.  
  
“I found it somewhat formulaic,” Logan started and Roman made a tutting sound in his throat. Logan rolled his eyes. “But the symbolism was fascinating to interpret in the end,” He finished.  
  
“What did you think of Roman’s story, kiddo?” Patton asked Virgil, who Roman had hoped had recovered by now from whatever he was stricken with.  
  
“It was great how Roman finally acknowledged the inherent evils of the monarchy,” Virgil said a little sardonically, but the humor was clear in his tone. He had certainly recovered. Roman was about to object, but Virgil started up again before he could get a word in. “I thought it was a cool take on a traditional fairy tale of evil kings and pure princesses,” He finished, without a hint of sarcasm. Roman was now the one who was shocked. Was that a genuine compliment from the most negative person in the Thomas-sphere?  
  
“I’m glad you finally appreciate my _artistry_ ,” Roman said with a little smirk. Virgil just groaned behind him and Roman heard his head thump as it rested against the wall. “Logan, I didn’t foresee you taking to the sorcery angle so well,” Roman added, switching their attention to Logan.  
  
“All things that were considered magic in the past were just unexplained phenomena. I realized if I could examine these ‘magic’ events as if I was missing a key element of understanding instead of as foolishness, I could solve problems that were unsolvable before,” Logan explained, sounding particularly proud of himself. Patton giggled and leaned against Logan.  
  
“And you had him save the _whole_ village and not just the library!” Patton added.  
  
“Books are useless without people to read them,” Logan stated matter-of-factly. Roman felt the couch shake slightly next to him and looked up to see Virgil shifting his hand from his mouth and nonchalantly pulling his hair off from over his eye slightly as if he was adjusting it. Did Virgil just hide a laugh?  
  
“So you were inspired by the science behind magic?” Patton asked Logan rhetorically. “Well how about we look at what inspired all of us! We could learn a lot when we see how we found our stories from a shared theme!”  
  
“I agree,” Logan said stoically and nodded.  
  
“I was inspired by stories I read online about dogs saving people! I realized it was only a few steps away from being a full-blown adventure!” Patton explained his motivations ardently. “What about you, Virge?” Patton asked pointedly. Roman felt Virgil stiffen next to him on the couch, and there was a pause before he responded.  
  
“I, uh, would rather not say,” He muttered. “Can we go to Roman instead?”  
  
“That defeats the purpose of this particular exercise, Virgil,” Logan objected. Virgil huffed.  
  
“It’s not something I want to talk about. You can make your comparisons from that,” Virgil said dismissively. Logan raised an eyebrow but seemed to decide to drop it.  
  
“Oh! Well, now I’m even more curious! But if you’re not comfortable talking about it, then you’re not comfortable talking about it,” Patton said sagely.  
  
“That was an _exceedingly_ redundant statement, Patton,” Logan grunted. Virgil seemed to drop some of his tension from a moment ago behind Roman.  
  
“Classic fairy tales inspired me, of course, like Virgil mentioned. But I thought the princess could be her own prince this time around,” Roman said proudly.  
  
“So I have noted that everyone’s story, even the now-absent Remus’s, had a theme of struggle in it,” Logan observed and adjusted his tie. Did we all interpret the prompt that way, or did anyone have different motivations for the protagonist’s struggle?”  
  
“Hero stories are just more interesting with a little struggle, I think,” Patton mused. “Sure, it’s fun to see a hero power through everything single-handedly, but I like it when I get to relate to the hero! And I don’t go about _slaying gorgons_ , so that’s not a starter for me,”  
  
“Yeah, I agree with Pat,” Virgil muttered.  
  
“You seemed to like Virgil’s story a _lot_ ,” Roman added, prodding Patton for a good review for Virgil to hear. He knew any side with taste would like Virgil’s story, and it seemed like Virgil needed to hear it.  
  
“It was hard not to place myself in his shoes! Sometimes when you have something really important to say and people don’t listen, it can feel like you’re losing a piece of your soul!” Patton explained emotionally.  
  
“That was astoundingly profound,” Logan added, not as stoically as usual.  
  
“Is that how you felt when you were writing the story, Kiddo?” Patton asked. Roman turned to look over his shoulder when he felt Virgil bristle and turn red. “I hope it wasn’t us that was making you feel like you were losing a piece of your soul!” Patton added sadly. Virgil wildly shook his head and slouched down.  
  
“No,” Virgil responded loudly. But then he whispered “Not anymore,” Roman was struck. Was that really how they used to make him feel? Like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and was going to die because they wouldn’t help him out? Roman was immediately ashamed of himself. Roman was shaken from his own shame by Patton’s sudden sob, however.  
  
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Virgil!” He wailed and shook his fists in what seemed to be anger at himself.  
  
“I said not anymore, Pat!” Virgil said quickly, much louder, pulling up his legs from the couch and cocooning himself.  
  
“Have we gotten better at validating your concerns, Virgil?” Logan asked inquisitive.  
  
“It’s just a _story_ , guys!” Virgil objected and yanked his hood over his head and pulled the strings tight.  
  
“No, no, Virge, really, I want to know,” Roman asked, shifting to face him. Virgil hid behind his hands, now the only skin visible on his whole body, just the very tips of his fingers. Roman was briefly impressed with how small he could ball himself up. Roman heard Virgil mutter, but Roman couldn’t make out what he was saying.  
  
“Please speak clearly, Virgil,” Logan said.  
  
“ _Ugh_ , I’d rather answer the motivation question!” Virgil groaned and dropped his head to his knees.  
  
“Why don’t you want to answer it, kiddo? Is the answer… not so positive?” Patton asked, sounding distressed.  
  
“You have gotten better at listening, but there’s still stuff you guys are stubborn about,” Virgil eventually spat out quickly. He moaned tiredly before continuing. “And don’t ask me about the stubborn stuff because I don’t have the energy for this argument, again,” Roman bristled, hurt by the comment.  
  
“What is it, Virgil?” Roman pushed him for an answer. He hated not knowing how he messed up, and he felt like such a jerk for making Virgil feel that way and just wanted to fix it. Virgil groaned again.  
  
“Let’s talk about the themes in Remus’s story! Wasn’t it interesting that he made it clear the character was disturbed by a tragic fire and then said character went ahead and burned down an inn himself? Possibly scarring other people in the same way he was hurt? The cycle of unmanaged emotional trauma?” Virgil asked loudly. Roman’s shoulder’s sagged. Virgil clearly didn’t want to answer.  
  
“Yes, that doesn’t seem like a reasonable course of action for dealing with his feelings. If the survivors dealt with their pain, the same way as the protagonist did, the country would have burned down at an exponential rate and the King would have nothing left to rule,” Logan observed, tapping his chin. Virgil didn’t unfurl from his ball even after the subject was changed.  
  
“Boy, that would be terrible!” Patton said, distressed. “There wouldn’t be anywhere left to live!”  
  
“I’m not sure there’d be enough of anyone _left_ to have that problem, period,” Virgil said, kicking one foot back out from under him next to Roman. A buzzing sound came from Virgil and he bristled. Roman turned to look at him as Virgil pulled his phone from his pocket and paled, then slid it back in and seemed to droop dejectedly, pulling his leg back in and resting his head on his knees again, though looking outward instead of down. Roman thought none of the other sides had his number. He refused to give it out every time. Was it some kind of alert?  
  
“Oh, goodness,” Patton mumbled. “Well, now, that wouldn’t be _ideal_ ,”  
  
“ _Understatement_ , much?” Roman rolled his eyes, returning to the discussion.  
  
“Yes, either a better fire program or a nationally-funded therapy program would have possibly prevented the king’s death in Remus’s story,” Logan added.  
  
“Remus probably would have killed him another way,” Roman stated sardonically. “He’s not much one for survivors in his stories,”  
  
“I am just referring to in the universe for this singular story, ignoring the author’s violent whims. A good fire safety plan and therapy could help change many lives in our lives, too,” Logan said plainly.  
  
“Thomas has a bag packed for emergencies like that under you and Virgil’s insistence,” Patton said cheerily. “So, we’ve already got half of that going for us!” Roman expected Virgil to say something here while Logan nodded smugly, Virgil seemed to no longer be paying attention, still despondently slumped onto his knees.  
  
“Um, yes, thank you to Virgil and Logan for doing that,” Roman said in the pause. All three of them seemed to have noticed Virgil’s still silence, now.  
  
“I think we have concluded discussion for this week,” Logan said, pulling back up his clipboard, but he shot Patton a meaningful look.  
  
“Okey Dokey! Virgil, buddy, do you want to watch a movie with us, maybe? You’re lookin’ kinda like you need a break,” Patton offered. Virgil didn’t respond or shift, though. “Virge?” Patton stood up and came closer. There was a pause while Patton seemed to deliberate reaching for him, but he dropped his hand. Virgil slowly lifted his head and yawned.  
  
“I’m tired, Pat, can I take a rain check?” Virgil sounded a little distant as he asked.  
  
“Of course, kiddo,” Patton cooed gently. Virgil gave a weak salute and disappeared from the spot. “You think he’s _just_ tired?” Patton turned to look at Logan.  
  
“The group’s insistence for a response was likely distressing for him. Virgil has never reacted well to pressure,” Logan said, never removing his eyes from the clipboard, but sounding a little affected, nonetheless. “Stress can cause languor. It would be astute if one of us checked on him later, however,”  
  
“Oh, I can’t take the idea that we’re hurting him somehow that we don’t realize!” Patton said dejectedly. Roman just looked at his hands in his lap. “I hope he tells us what it was,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Outline: 655 Final: 3,079  
> Ah, heroic Roman again. Much better. How rude that they only surmised that Virgil was hurting from his story when Remus's was just as revealing. Well, at least Virgil noticed.


	12. In Which A Lamb Eats A**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> extra warnings: gross stuff, (mention of violence, mention of bodies), being chased.

This week Patton wanted to one-word stories. Which was great because Virgil didn’t have to write anything. He was still feeling kind of ‘creatively drained’ after last week's story if that was even possible considering he wasn’t Roman and all. Another bonus was he wasn’t working alone so he wouldn’t be judged separately or put on the spot. It was awful because it required group participation, which was something Virgil wasn’t fond of even if he did like the people he was doing it with.

Roman and Patton were already there on the couch talking when Virgil appeared in the stairwell 5 minutes early as usual. Which was unusual since they were slightly late the first few times they got together for this. But Virgil shrugged and sat in his regular spot, nodding to Logan, who nodded in return. Logan was working on that clipboard he used during the meetings again, not speaking up until it was officially the scheduled time. It’s not like the duke would arrive on time, so Virgil assumed he was just waiting to be as anal as possible.

“As we agreed, we will do one-word stories this week. We will work clockwise around the room and changing positions is not permitted for this practice. That means it will be myself, then Roman, then Patton, then Virgil. If the Duke appears he will go after Virgil.” Logan explained, maintaining eye contact with the room like he was giving an important presentation. Virgil rolled his eyes. Patton clapped lightly and bounced on the couch, slightly shaking Virgil.

“I’m ready!” Patton exclaimed excitedly and looked around the room while bouncing on the couch slightly.

“There,” Logan said and started the one-word story.  
“Once,” Roman added with a flourish.  
“Was,” Patton smiled proudly.  
“A,” Virgil leaned up against the wall.  
“Lamb,” Remus popped up and provided an extremely tame addition from him. There was a pause from the others until Logan started again.  
“Which,”  
“Found,”  
“Some,”  
“Dark,” Virgil smirked slightly.  
“ _Enigmas_ ,” Remus said with drama.  
“The,”  
“Lamb,”  
“Became,”  
“A,”  
“Demon,” The duke added and Roman bristled. Patton squeaked.  
“Sometimes,”  
“It,”  
“Also,” Patton was clearly trying to steer it away from full evil.  
“Ate,” Virgil added, derailing Pat’s attempt.  
“Organs,” The duke said with a spreading smile.  
“But,” Logan started a new sentence, perhaps trying to help Patton steer it away from the Duke’s additions again.  
“She,” Roman provided the lamb a pronoun.  
“Never,” Patton added, looking nervously at the duke, probably still shaken by the eating organs thing. Virgil was getting into it though.  
“Found,”  
“God,” The duke said, nodding solemnly.  
“So,”  
“She,”  
“Went,” Patton side-eyed Remus.   
“To,”  
“Hell,” Remus smiled widely.

“Little lambs don’t go to hell, Remus!” Patton objected.

“It’s a demon lamb, Pat, it belongs there,” Roman sighed. Logan coughed to get their attention.

“She,” Logan started again.  
“Became,”  
“Good,” Patton tried, shooting Virgil a look, but Virgil was already hiding a smile behind his hand and didn’t care that Patton was trying to give the organ eating lamb redemption. It just made it all funnier.  
“At,”  
“Disemboweling,” Remus added with a flourish. Patton shivered and frowned.  
“For,”  
“Satan,” Roman said. Patton squeaked loudly and looked wide-eyed at Roman, who just shrugged. “What was I supposed to say, Jesus wanted a disemboweling lamb?”  
“The,” Patton started a new sentence.  
“Guard,”  
“Failed,” Remus added and cleaned under his nails with a dagger. It was kind of gross to see.  
“To,”  
“Capture,” Roman looked confident when he said that one.  
“Her,”  
“And,”  
“So,”  
“She,”  
“Became,”  
“Repentant,” Patton finished the sentence with a glare at Remus.  
“Eating,” Virgil said, no longer capable of dropping his hand without revealing his smile.  
“Souls,” Remus barked excitedly.  
“Wasn’t,” Logan shot a glance at Virgil.  
“Going,” Roman added with a small groan.  
“To,” Patton added nervously.  
“Quench,” Virgil said and had to draw up his other hand to hide his face.  
“Her,”  
“Needs,”  
“So,”  
“She,”  
“Ate,”  
“ _Ass_ ,” Remus added with a little cackle, and Virgil tried not to burst out in laughter.

“Nothing has a physical requirement to specifically eat a posterior, Remus,” Logan said and rolled his eyes. Roman snickered slightly, which earned a scandalized look from Patton. “She,” Logan started again.

“Went,”  
“To,”  
“Hunt,” Virgil said, stifling a laugh again, shooting a look to Remus.  
“Angels,” Remus added dramatically.  
“To,” Logan glanced at Virgil again. He clearly knew already that Virgil was having more fun derailing the story with Remus instead of playing nice.  
“Ask,”  
“Them,”  
“Which,”  
“Corpse,” Remus cackled.  
“Was,”  
“Going,”  
“To,”  
“Rot,” Virgil was now failing to contain his laughter behind a pillow he summoned just as a laugh broke out.  
“Faster,” Remus smiled widely and cackled into the pillow, trying to stifle it. Patton panicked slightly next to him.   
“This,”  
“Question,”  
“Didn’t”  
“Need,”  
“Asking,” Remus nodded sagely and Virgil started laughing again into the pillow, louder this time.  
“Obviously,” Logan rolled his eyes and rubbed his face.  
“That,”  
“Was,”  
“The,”

“ _Juicy_ ,” Remus said with a waggle of an eyebrow.

“Okay, can we not use juicy in the context of corpses?” Roman said, deeply exasperated. Virgil fucking lost it at this point, throwing the pillow across the room at Remus’s face and laughing into his hands, falling onto the couch next to Patton. Patton jumped, but Virgil couldn’t see if he was shocked or not since he couldn’t manage to open his eyes through his evil cackling.

“Finish the sentence, Lo-Lo,” Remus goaded Logan with a sing-song tone.

“I think I would prefer not to, seeing as most of the outcomes would be in bad taste,” Logan said evenly. Virgil could barely hear him over his own laughter, though.

“It wouldn’t hurt,” Patton offered quietly.

“What’s he going to say? The juicy one?” Roman asked in disgust.

“ _Yummy_ , juicy corpse ass for our baby demon lamb!” Remus exclaimed and Virgil was laughing so hard now that he couldn’t breathe, so he sunk out before Remus said something even more insane and make him choke.

— * * * —

“Well, I’ve done my job,” Remus said proudly. “I suffocated Vi-vi without even touching him! I _win_! Bye!” He announced with a victor’s pose and sunk away from the living room as well.

“Did Remus think this was some kind of _battle royale_?” Roman asked incredulously, one eyebrow raised at the spot Remus just sank from.

“If it was, I think he would have won. He took over a story he only had one-fifth control of, even if Virgil helped in the end,” Logan said, sounding tired. “That doesn’t make statistical sense,”

“I’ve never heard Virge laugh like that,” Patton said in awe. “I can’t say I approve of his sense of humor, but he has a cute laugh,”

“I guess you can take an emo out of the dark but you can’t take the dark out of the emo,” Roman said, rolling his eyes.

“But his laugh was worth it!” Patton said happily. He was surprisingly unperturbed after Virgil broke out in laughter his pillow-shield couldn’t contain even though the story only got worse from there. Roman didn’t see that coming from Patton.

“He laughed so hard he went red in the face and started gasping as Remus talking about a lamb eating dead ass, Patton! That’s not exactly something I woke up ready to hear!” Roman said critically.

“Virgil’s sense of humor has always been dark, kiddo, and Remus would probably derail the story one way or another. So what’s so bad about hearing my dark strange son laugh so hard he had to leave to breathe?”

“I suppose his laugh is delightful even if his sense of humor is dreadful,” Roman said, giving into Patton’s point of view.

“I do not believe further discussion of that particular nine-sentence story is warranted,” Logan said, adjusting his glasses and writing on the clipboard. Roman had no idea what would need notes from this session.

“No, I don’t think it is,” Roman agreed. “I’ll see you two later,” Roman posed and sank away.

— * * * —

“Um, hi guys,” Virgil mumbled as he appeared at breakfast the next morning. “Sorry about yesterday, and all,” He mumbled as he sat down on his regular chair and buried his very red face in his hoodie sleeves on the table.

“Aw, you just got a little carried away, kiddo, there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun! It didn’t hurt us any,” Patton reassured him delightedly. “You have a great laugh!” He added. Virgil bristled and pulled his hood over his head to bury it deeper.

“It is healthy to take time to laugh, Virgil,” Logan said, placating Virgil. Virgil felt his morning mug of tea being pushed into his arm.

“So when do you schedule your healthy laughter time, Logan?” Roman asked with a sarcastic lilt to his voice.

“Yeah, Lo, you have an allotted time for all healthy activities, when is laughter? Can we join you?” Patton asked excitedly, and the table shook for a moment. Virgil looked up to see Patton beaming at Logan, who was turning ever so slightly pink.

“Yeah, Lo, can _we_ come to scheduled ha-ha time?” Virgil asked sarcastically with a smirk, raising his head from the table.

“You do not have to keep pestering me, I am ‘smelling what you are stepping in’,” Logan said evenly.

“Logan, that’s _disgusting_ ,” Roman remarked sourly and lifted his coffee to take a sip.

“I am trying to learn some colloquialisms along with new slang,” Logan said with a hint of pride and adjusted his tie.

“Do you have to use one that involves cow piles, though?” Roman said and wrinkled his nose in distaste. Patton laughed and Virgil can’t help but chuckle along with him at Roman’s ridiculous face.

“Did somebody mention cow piles?” Remus rose, leaning on the table and winking with one hand behind his back. He reeked of cow crap. Virgil rolled his eyes. Roman dropped his fork with a frustrated grunt.

“ _No_ ,” Everyone around the table said emphatically at once.

“Spoilsports,” Remus said, rolling his eyes and sinking back out with his poorly hidden pile of dung. Roman pushed his plate away in a huff.

“So,” Logan said after a pause and clearing his throat. “Our creativity exercises seem to be progressing favourably. I would like to propose we try some other pursuits as a group? Perhaps some that are more intellectual and practical?” Logan posited, looking hopeful.

“What did you have in mind, Lo?” Patton asked brightly. Roman and Virgil just eyed Logan suspiciously.

“I would prepare packets of information I think you would each find useful and stimulating. We could keep a schedule and good habits in the mind space, as well,” Logan proposed firmly, sitting with his back straight and looking capable.

“Woah, Woah, Woah, you can’t _schedule_ creativity, Logan! Creativity is _crushed_ under the weight of deadlines!” Roman objected loudly and Virgil hissed in agreement. Patton looked shocked and held up his hands and looked around.

“I think you can’t schedule inspiration, bud, and maybe deadlines might spook Lil’ Virge a bit,” Patton explained to Logan, trying to back up the other two. Virgil crossed his arms and yanked his hoodie strings tight in the process.

“They have _dead_ in the _name_! Those are high stakes! And I’m not _little_ , Patton!” Virgil objected angrily and hissed again. Patton patted the air next to Virgil and looked sadly at him. “Sorry, pop…” Virgil apologized quietly and Patton gave him a little smile. “He’s right, Lo. I’ll do the dumb reading packets but you can’t make me a schedule for when it’s time to groom my spiders or whatever,” Virgil offered bitterly. Patton shivered and back away from Virgil slightly after quickly pulling away from his hand. Roman looked to Virgil and grinned in solidarity.

“I think we’re done now, right? We’re good? Love ya kiddos!” Patton sunk in the middle of sinking away in fear. Logan looked at Virgil in confusion.

“Would you not need to schedule a time to groom spiders? Surely, they require hygienic care after a certain time frame?” Logan asked. Virgil rolled his eyes instead of answering that. His spiders could groom themselves. He just liked to help them sometimes since it relaxed him.

“It appears we’re all willing to accept your packets, Logan, just not the scheduling,” Roman said after a beat of silence.

“That is a reasonable compromise, I suppose. I will finish them and send them out later today,” Logan said proudly. Virgil raised an eyebrow at the confirmation that Logan had started them before even asking if the other sides were willing, but didn’t say anything and enjoyed his tea instead.

—

  
Virgil was studying his packet from Logan in the living room a while later, this packet is about how to identify unhealthy coping mechanisms. Surprise, surprise. Virgil was sort of hoping Logan would keep this stuff to when he met with him to talk about the things in Thomas’s life he’d been freaking out about, but maybe he really thought Virgil needed supplementary materials. He was in the living room in the blind hope of running across Logan to ask if maybe there were things Logan noticed that he was not so subtly trying to point out. But, he knew Logan would probably say the assumption is unfounded, and he didn’t really want to disturb him to ask about it. So he instead picked neither holing up and being upset or bothering Logan. So he was reading the packet in the common space with a cup of tea. Virgil wasn’t sure if this counted as a compromise or refusing to make a decision, but it seemed better than either choice, even if he was being wishy-washy.

Virgil took a sip of his tea as he leaned back on the wall, not having fully opened his packet yet since the introduction was kind of scathing and the first bullet point was… well. He focused on his tea, instead. Logan had gotten him into trying different kinds. Virgil had been secretly hoping Thomas would go out and try a ton, so Virgil would have lots of kinds to try, too. Today, since he was half-heartedly hoping to see Logan, he drank herbal. Logan didn’t approve of him having too much caffeine, which was very annoying, but he kind of had more pressing matters to deal. 

Logan was not the one that came out to the living room to join him, however. Virgil was staring blankly into his cup of tea as Roman rose into the living room. Virgil watched Roman quietly walked around close to Virgil from the edge of his vision for some reason, but he didn’t bother to look up.

“ _When will my reflection show, who I am inside_?” Roman sang a song from Mulan very loudly right into Virgil’s ear. Virgil jumped right out of his seat and knocked over his tea as he bounded away from his spot on the couch. He perched on the edge of the coffee table and swiped at Roman and hissed.

“Roman, what the fuck!” Virgil shouted and swiped at him again. Roman just laughed and snapped his fingers, and Virgil felt his hoodie shift. Virgil checked it in confusion since it looked the same at first glance. As he patted around, he found the new hoodie had some additions. The hood now had cat ears and the back had a tail.

“Virgil, _Purr_ chance this suits you better?” Virgil groaned. He thought only Patton was capable of a pun of that caliber.

“You think it’s chill to sneak up on a side and change his clothes?” Virgil hissed at him and let the fabric go. Virgil shifted, aware of the irony of acting even more like a cat when he was mad about the comparison. He pounced off the table towards Roman, tackling him down. Virgil jumped off of Roman immediately to avoid prolonged contact but dressed him in a diamond cat ear headband and a white fluffy tail on his tunic when he touched him. Roman didn’t check his appearance but grunted dramatically, scrambling up to chase Virgil, assuredly for vengeance for the tackling. Virgil ran around the living room, jumping on and off things, trying to dodge Roman. Patton rose in, perhaps noticing the commotion.

“Now what’s going on out here? You boys playing nice?” Patton asked patronizingly, holding out his finger to scold him. But when he examined what was going on, the realization that Roman and Virgil were in cat outfits, chasing each other around the mind space seemed to hit him like a static shock and he screamed in delight as he watched the two. Both Roman and Virgil Froze in the spot. “Is it… a kitty party!?” Patton put on his cat hoodie right away and joined the fray. “I’m in _purr_ suit!” Patton laughed. Virgil was now in being chased by Roman and Patton, though Roman also seemed to avoid Patton as they scrambled across the living room.

Virgil knew there would be tackle hugs coming. He had to get away from any more contact. Roman must have felt similarly, seeing as he stopped reaching for Virgil when Patton nearly got him and they ran all over the living room, jumping on things and dodging Patton. Logan rose in the middle of the living room with his hands over his ears.

“Enough of this _caterwauling_!” Logan shouted in frustration. Patton froze. Roman also stumbled to a halt and Virgil bounded to hide under the table.

“Logan,” Patton said and inhaled deeply. “Was that a _cat pun_!?” Patton squealed and leaped towards Logan instead of the other two. Logan turned sheet white and sunk out before Patton could get to him. When Virgil saw him sink away, he felt like an idiot it didn’t occur to him he could have just done that all along while he was in panicked escape mode. He sunk out right after, completely abandoning his packet and spilled tea.

  
— * * * —

“Why did they leave the kitty party?” Patton whined and his shoulders sunk. Roman put his hand on the sword at his belt, backing away from him.

“It wasn’t a _kitty party_ , Pat, Virgil just played a trick on me,” Roman said with a huff.

“Aw, I won’t hurt ya bud, you don’t need a sword to protect you from me. You should have said I spooked you and I would have stopped!” Patton offered kindly and held up his arms to show he was giving up. Roman huffed and released the scabbard.

“You screamed and chased us, Patton, that’s something that _happens_ to be considered spooky!” Roman said in frustration, gesturing emphatically with his arms.

“Oh, whoops! Sorry, bucko. I didn’t mean to scare ya. I just got so excited when I saw all the kitty outfits!” Patton said and strolled back over to Roman. Roman sighed and tried to fix his ruffled hair, but his hand hit a metal headband in his hair. Virgil must have put this on him during the scuffle.

“Ooh, let me see that!” Patton squeaked and quickly closed the distance between them. Roman handed it to Patton to look at. “Boy, that’s pretty nifty! Beautiful conjuring, Bud!” Patton exclaimed and handed the headband back to him.

“No, Pat, I told you, Virgil played a trick on me. He must have made this,” Roman explained, checking the headband for himself. It was a cat's ear headband, which was the obvious choice for revenge after Roman’s cat hoodie transformation. It was golden with a slight filigree with diamond accents for the fur and rubies for the inner ears. He gave Virgil ratty little cloth things to match his jacket in a whim. But this was some amazing on-the-fly clothing change that impressed Roman. He felt completely shown up by Virgil.

“Well, isn’t it great when a trick comes with a gift?” Patton asked delightedly with a wide sunny grin.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Roman said somewhat dismissively, feeling the filigree and a little ashamed he was outclassed by Virgil. Patton looked over to the couch where Virgil’s tea spilled. 

“Whoops, looks like somebody spilled their tea!” Patton conjured a rag to wipe it up and walked over. “Oh, there’s a packet over here with Virgil’s name on it. Would you take this to Virge, bud, while I clean this up?” Patton held out the packet with one hand while he wiped up with the other.

“Of course, I shall accept this perilous quest to the emo’s web for you, Pat!” Roman said triumphantly and took the packet, though admittedly still distracted. Patton shudders slightly as he wipes.

“There’s just _so many_ spiders in there,” Patton muttered and kept cleaning up the spill as Roman sunk to go to Virgil’s Room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Outline/Draft: 1,321 Final: 3,464  
> The one-word story made me laugh so much when I wrote it I gave myself a headache. so that's my stupid sense of humor apparently.


	13. In Which Logan Doesn't Mean to be Shady, but, Well, He Was

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> extra warnings: another panic attack but it's milder than ch7

Virgil was sitting on the stairs listening to music, getting lost to in the beat. He was trying not to focus on anything that happened today and just let things go like Logan tells him to. Roman really scared him with the sudden chase, and then Patton joined in, and then Logan yelled at them… He didn’t do anything wrong, he was just sitting there, putting off reading his packet. But that felt like a long string of small personal hells. The packet was nerve-wracking. Someone changed his appearance. People chased him. There was yelling. All things he really hated. 

Though, he didn’t hate the hoodie. It was nostalgic in a nice way instead of a panic-inducing one. He remembered other kids like him wearing simple cat hoodies like this when he was a teenager. Nostalgia usually freaked him out, but he was like listening to his favourite music from that time. Familiar, comfortable, safe. And it looked just like his regular one, so it still felt like it was him. It was kind of perfect for these kinds of moments where he wanted a more functional comfort item than his plush spider, Vladimir, or the fluffy weighted blanket he usually summoned. Though he probably wouldn’t ever wear it out of his room, lest he makes Patton way too excited again. He liked Pat and all, but he wasn’t looking for a repeat performance of this afternoon's events.

He leaned back and stretched out his arm for Beatrice, his pet Tarantula, to climb down from the railing on to his body and stroked her abdomen gently. She had soft purple fur, and the cutest little spider face, and Virgil just loved her to pieces. He had lots of other little spiders around the room, but Beatrice was the first one he made and she was special to him. She was no Goliath Birdeater or anything, but she was big enough to pet with a finger or two and just small enough she could fit into Virgil’s hoodie pocket. But she, like Virgil, was claustrophobic, so she wouldn’t ride with him in his pockets, anyway. Virgil was terrified of her getting hurt, either way and didn’t like to take her out of the room much. She couldn’t restore herself like a side can as one of Virgil’s own mental constructs, even if she had her own thoughts and did her own things free of Virgil’s influence.

“Yes, I have had a rough day,” He said in response to her tiny spider communication. “It’s not over yet, though,” He said with a sigh. He stared at her for a moment while she asked him a question. “Your food is gross. If you want me to feed you, go to one of your silks that is not on the stairwell, I don’t like watching you drain them,” Virgil said rolling his eyes. Beatrice sat still on his chest, though. She must not have been that hungry. Virgil just laid back, kicking one of his feet that was resting on the other leg propped up on the banister to the beat of his song. He watched a wolf spider crawl onto one of his shoes and stopped kicking, but when it jumped off to ascend the rail he resumed tapping to the beat and closed his eyes to relax. 

Virgil was shaken from his restorative reverie by a bright flash of light and a shutter snapping noise right next to him. He looked around wildly to see Roman standing in front of the stairwell, holding up his phone with a big stupid smirk on his face. That fucker.

“Princey! What are you doing! Delete that! Get out of my freaking room!” He shouted, with his words running together as he ripped his headphones off. The sudden motion startled Beatrice off his chest onto the stairs and out of the danger zone. He stood up to face Roman eye-to-eye, glaring at him. Roman just chuckled instead of shrinking back or even acting defensively. It was getting really annoying and inconvenient that Virgil couldn’t scare Roman like he used to. 

“You’re in your own room now, Virge, you could have changed back out of the hoodie I put you in _anytime_ ,” Roman commented with an annoying smirk. Virgil’s head lowered, and he blushed deeply, being caught in the cat-eared hoodie. He shifted back into his regular hoodie from the one Roman had put him earlier. He slid his hands in the pockets and curled up briefly in embarrassment. Virgil pulled one hand back out and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, not meeting Roman’s gaze anymore. 

“This doesn’t leave this room- but… I didn’t _hate_ it. It’s very 2000s scene without all that awful neon. I didn’t realize you cared enough to know about the kind of fashion I liked.” He muttered quietly, embarrassed to admit this to someone. But Roman made the effort, and it seemed wrong to lie about forgetting to change out of it or something.

“O-of course!” Roman stuttered. Virgil raised an eyebrow at his sudden lack of confidence. Had he assumed wrong? “Here’s your packet from the common area.” Roman held out his packet on unhealthy coping mechanisms from Logan. Virgil tried to swipe it from Roman before he looked too closely at what was on it. But Roman got a glint in his eye when he saw how Virgil reacted and stepped back to look down and read the summary. Roman held it out of reach again after a final swipe, and Virgil grunted in defeat while Roman skimmed it. “Oh, is this from Logan? Is he being a shady bitch? Do you need me to rough him up?” Roman offered somewhat more enthusiastic than a ‘light’ side should, or even considering the tone of the packet. Virgil moaned pitifully and hid in his hood, pulling the strings tight, backing into the stairwell. 

“I don’t know if he is. I might not know if I was doing some stuff in here according to the introduction,” Virgil groaned and sighed. Roman looked at him inquisitive. 

“Do you want me to go through it and call you out myself, if necessary?” Roman offered with a serious tone at first, but he wiggled his eyebrow at the very end. 

“What? No! Why- What-” Virgil snapped and stumbled over his thoughts. This was an extremely personal thing Roman offered to do, and he wasn’t sure he could take it. Roman only recently stopped arguing with him on sight. He wasn’t even sure Roman was emotionally mature enough to handle this. Was Virgil even emotionally mature enough for this? “You’re just going to make fun of me…” Virgil muttered and squatted back down on the stairs, balancing on the balls of his feet, drawing x shapes in the carpet. Roman held up the packet and flipped the page. 

“This is pretty serious business, Virge, I wouldn’t make fun of you for any of this kind of stuff. The first one is…” Roman trailed off, reading the packet.

“… Yeah.” Virgil said with a weary sigh after a heavy moment. The first bullet was bad. “Another reason I was having trouble finishing the packet,” Virgil explained quietly. 

“Well, you don’t do that one,” Roman chuckled weakly. “I don’t know why you’d be worried, I think I’d see the-” Roman coughed and stopped himself mid-sentence before he could finish his probably very awful comment. Maybe letting him do this was a mistake. “I’m sorry- not the time, I know. It was supposed to be a good thing.” Roman added weakly. Virgil groaned despondently. Roman peered back down at the list. This was absolutely a mistake. Virgil stared at the ground in silence. 

“Can I make one joke? _Not_ about the first item on the list?” Roman asked, almost pleadingly. Virgil huffed and considered for a moment. It’s not like things could get much worse. Let’s take this mistake train off the mcfreaking cliff. He had no control, anyway. 

“Just get it out of your system, Princey,” Virgil groaned and motioned with his hand to go ahead, not taking his eyes off the floor. Virgil held his head with a complicated blend of emotions stewing inside of him while he braced himself. 

“Well, you don’t drink… _wine_ ,” Roman purred, quoting Dracula. Virgil bust out laughing, probably from the pure shock of the sudden mood change and looked up at Roman. Roman beamed down at him. “You’ve got to know your audience,” Roman added triumphantly. Virgil held his stomach and tried to settle down from that emotional whiplash Roman just subjected him to.

“Okay, good one. Fine. Go on, I want to get this over with,” Virgil said, his tone dropping and losing humor with every word. “Do I do any of… that stuff?” Virgil whispered hesitantly. Roman scanned the document further, pausing much longer this time. Virgil could feel his heart rate increasing with the stress of the building tension as Roman read on. Roman took a deep breath and summoned a red ball-point pen with a crown and looked like he started marking things on the list. That’s not good. That can’t be good. His heart started pounding. What was he doing? Was it something bad? Was he blacking out, or did he just not realize what he was doing was wrong? Was he hurting the others? He dropped his head to his knees, and a chill ran down his spine. He held his legs gently and tried to keep his now slightly strangled breathing quiet.

“Well, the good news is that you don’t do most of this list. Though compulsive spending isn’t a factor that Logan should have included. But, well, you do a _few_ things.” Roman said softly. Virgil groaned and braced himself tightly, trying to hide his heavy breathing in his jeans. Roman looked down at him and reached out to touch him, but Virgil shrunk back automatically, his face still on his knees. 

“Like _that_ , Virge. I know you’re freaking out, it’s dropped like 10 degrees in here even if you _are_ hiding it well. Self-isolation is on here. You have got to ask for and accept help. You _can’t_ keep shutting yourself away and shutting us out,” Roman mildly scolded him. “Can I touch you?” Roman asked quietly but compassionately. Virgil hesitated for a moment but nodded. He already felt like things were out of control. It didn’t quite matter to him if he was being a defeatist or just giving into murphy’s law when his breathing first hitched. He just knew he had fucked up and it would probably get worse. All that mattered was trying to contain it before it got out. Roman took Virgil’s hand and placed it over Roman’s heart. Roman took a deep breath, and Virgil could feel Roman’s heartbeat even and steady under Virgil’s hand. 

“Try to match yours to mine. Let’s do Logan’s breathing exercise, okay? Breathe exactly as I do.” Roman started taking a deep breath and Virgil’s eyes slowly rose from the floor to watch his chest rise and fall. Roman tapped out a count on Virgil’s shoulder with his other hand as they breathed. He saw his own hand shaking on Roman’s chest and took a shuttering breath out with Roman and started trying to breathe with him. Virgil did not understand how Roman was keeping his heartbeat so even when his eyes were already darkening, and that somehow helped him feel better. If any Roman could manage to handle his room, maybe Virgil could manage to handle himself. Virgil steadied, and his breathing evened out as they breathed together. Virgil still felt a little extra static fluttering of anxiety than he normally did, but it felt more manageable now. Eventually, he dropped his hand from Roman’s chest. Roman smiled at him and held Virgil’s shoulder gently. 

“S-sorry, again Roman, I… I fucked up,” Virgil apologized just barely audibly and tapered off when his voice caught in his throat. Roman shook his head and smiled gently. 

“Shut it with that Virgil. Don’t apologize for who you are, okay? We’re here for you. You’re just being mean to yourself. _I’m_ the only one allowed to insult you, got it?” Roman replied, his tone sounding somewhere between light-hearted and firm. Roman squeezed Virgil’s shoulder and rubbed his arm before letting Virgil go again. Virgil smirked slightly and chuckled. He’d probably have to fight a few other sides for that right. 

“You got it, discount Prince Eric,” Virgil snarked at him. Roman gasped, mock offended, holding his hand to his chest and his arm to his forehead dramatically.

“One of the more passive Disney princes? How dare you! I am Prince _Philip_ , fighting the evil dragon!” Roman insisted, holding his arm up to his forehead to feign indulgence. 

“Prince Philip was just a pawn for the faeries, you know. He couldn’t have gotten through without them.” Virgil replied, his voice now nearly normal, and feeling much more normal himself. Insulting Roman always helped. 

“Well, a prince needs the help sometimes,” Roman mused gently. Virgil blushed slightly, and his heart stumbled from the genuine and kind tone. 

“Right. Thanks, Princey” Virgil muttered, a little surprised at the compassion from Roman. “How… how do you _manage_ in here?” Virgil asked quietly. 

“How…?” Roman paused like he was considering something and took another steadying breath. “’Courage is not the absence of fear, but the judgment that something else is more important than fear.’ Dumbledore said it,” Roman said, sounding tired but still somewhat upbeat. Virgil’s eyes widened slightly at the implications. Did Roman just call him important? “I mean, it’s important that you’re okay!” Roman added quickly. Virgil nodded and paused for a heavy moment, remembering how they got to this point. 

“Is… there anything _else_ I do?” Virgil asked quietly, unsure if he really wanted an answer. Roman cleared his throat, sounding like he was trying to swallow his discomfort. 

“Yes, there’s just one more. Two out of six isn’t bad though, and they’re the least destructive of the bunch.” Roman started to tell him, maybe trying to ease the blow. Virgil squeezed himself slightly on the stairs, trying to prepare himself and not have another freakout. “It’s worded terribly, but the gist is that if there is a problem or a misunderstanding, instead of questing for the truth, you believe the worst,” Roman explained gently, clearly trying not to incite any other bad reactions from Virgil. Virgil shuttered, it almost felt like it hit him, but he stayed sitting upright and breathing relatively even despite his pacing mind. 

“I mean, they’re kinda related, aren’t they? At least it’s not… Y’know,” Roman said, probably trying to find something positive to lift his mood. “You know you can come to us if you notice yourself doing it, now,” Roman offered. Virgil tried to look at it like Roman did. They were kind of related. At least how he did things. Avoiding help or others at all costs, afraid to be a burden. Virgil sighed deeply and looked to Roman. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week and was shaking slightly, but he kept smiling at Virgil. Virgil gave him a small smile back. 

“Thanks for being my fairy today, Ro.” Virgil finally came out and said with only a hint of sarcasm. Roman fluttered his hand. 

“Think nothing of it, my prince. Now, I believe I must go touch up my eyeshadow.” Roman said, winking while gesturing at his eyes. 

“ _Don’t_ call me your prince, that’s weird,” Virgil growled. Roman flourished as he sank from the room with a half-smirk. 

“Deal with it!” Roman jovially called out just before he was fully gone. 

Virgil rolled his eyes and spread out on the stairs. Roman’s reaction differed greatly from the first time he spent too much time in his room. Virgil supposed all the bravery talk wasn’t just for show, after all. Roman just needed something to fight to handle it instead of just vague uneasiness growing out of control. Virgil checked around for any other visitors before putting back on the cat hoodie Roman made. Virgil savored another deep breath, now that he could. He watched a little line of spiders climb the wall for a moment, appreciating that they were still avoiding the other sides like he’d asked them to. 

He padded gently over the couch to take a seat and wrote a note on a skull sticky pad. ‘I don’t have to write an essay or whatever, right?’ He reviewed it 3 times, just to make sure it would be okay, and flipped it into the air where it disappeared to Logan. He waited a beat, and a lined yellow note came floating in front of him. 

‘No, reading comprehension is enough for this exercise. If I feel you didn’t read or struggled with the reading, we will do a quiz to see where you are lacking.’ Virgil shuddered. Only Logan could think a quiz wouldn’t be an additional nightmare. Well, perhaps Roman could handle it. Virgil had to admit Roman was more capable than he looked, as much as it left a sour feeling his brain. At least he could let this awful packet ordeal be done and rest a little. 

Virgil changed his skinny jeans into a pair of soft pajama pants, conjured Vladamir, and his fuzzy weighted blanket and laid back on the couch. He rested his head against the plush spider, buried himself in the blanket, and tried to let himself relax. He had to admit to himself that he was a little tired of being scared of being scared and closed his eyes to rest. Even near panic attacks could take a lot out of you. Virgil had already felt like today had gone on forever when the day wasn’t even close to over. It wasn’t bedtime yet, but nobody ever said a side couldn’t take a nap. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Draft/Outline: 1,464 Final: 3,002  
> I rewrote the heck out of this one, another sensitive material to be handled carefully kind of thing. Roman kicked ass, right? I'm so proud of him. So, uh, if you hate spiders they're pretty unavoidable in the story at this point. I tagged 'em for a reason. I hope y'all are chill with 'em. I love Beeps (Beatrice's nickname) and if you insult one little furry hair on her fuzzy legs I will cry. Well, I mean your opinions are valid and all but still. I really like spiders and snakes and that _is_ what it takes to love me. And tolerate this story.


	14. In Which Virgil Finally Seeks Help but Maybe not In the Healthiest Way

Virgil woke about an hour later feeling a little groggy. He wasn’t expecting to take such a short nap, but something was off. Something he couldn’t put his finger on. He hated feeling this way, Thomas was so vocal about not being able to stand this. He tried to push it down, push it out, push it anywhere, but it stayed, sitting in his chest like a boulder.  
  
He searched for something, but he couldn’t find anything wrong. Sure, Thomas was behind, but he always kind of was. Virgil had learned to let that go a little since Thomas always put too much on his plate. Thomas was home, safe, watching TV, and eating dinner. It was reasonable to take a break at this point. Virgil couldn’t judge Thomas for that when he just got up from a nap himself. He couldn’t find anything that Thomas could or couldn’t deal with right now. The tension sat there feeling tight in his chest. He wished he could just shut it off. Just tell himself it was okay, even if it was a lie.  
  
Even if Virgil somehow forgot something, and he very rarely did, he had didn’t always have good reasons for feeling that tension. He needed some way to trick himself. There was nothing wrong now, nothing Thomas could fix. Roman already helped him today. He couldn’t bother him again. Not that he was sure Roman could even help. He already knew what Logan would say. Logan would call this ‘unproductive’ anxiety. Patton could be set on edge almost as easily as he himself could and would just baby him if Virgil didn’t freak him out.

—

The others hated him… but he needed help, right? That’s what that whole stupid packet was for. Knowing how to stop his bad coping habits. He could be civil even with a bad temper. After all, if there was something he wanted… they could work out a trade, right? Deceit held a grudge and had to be mad at him, but if Deceit wanted something Virgil could offer, he could still be reasonable.  
  
Finding Deceit wasn’t hard for Virgil. Deceit liked to keep him close, even if Virgil had messed up before. They both served similar functions for Thomas, and maybe there was something there that made it easier to track him down. Virgil switched back to his normal outfit and sunk down. Deceit was in the mindscape right now. He liked to take his tea in the various places Thomas visited. Not that Virgil would tell anyone else that. Virgil knew to keep Deceit’s secrets just as much as Deceit kept his. Remus had thrown hissy-fits in the past that he couldn’t join him for tea time. Not that Virgil could fault Deceit for wanted a break from Remus either. They got along pretty well for the most part but Virgil couldn’t call their relationship cordial.  
  
There was already a second cup sitting on the wire table patio at a cafe for Virgil when he rose into Deceit’s space. He had a feeling it was his favourite drink. Deceit didn’t acknowledge him, sitting cross-legged and sipping his tea, holding the saucer near the cup. Even the dishware was in the appropriate order. Deceit used to rant about the injustices of Social convention often, but he always used the best manners and followed the social rules despite his disdain.  
  
Virgil sat, trying to sit properly, the way Deceit likes. Feet flat. Arms in the lap. Back Straight. Look sensible. Don’t show weakness. But as he watched Deceit, he thought he caught a quick glare over his mug as Deceit lifted his mug to take a sip. Stress pressed him into slouching and put one leg up on the bar between the legs of the chair and extended his other one as time uncomfortably passed.  
  
Deceit continued to ignore him, and Virgil nervously wrung his hands in his lap. He took a shaky sip of the saucer left out for him, just for something to do with his hands. Damnit, it was delicious, and it was the perfect temperature. It _was_ his favourite drink. A dark roast of coffee with dark chocolate. Whenever Virgil summoned it, it never tasted as good as Deceit’s. Virgil missed this so much.  
  
They stayed silent for a while. Deceit talked first and last. That’s the way he wanted things. So Virgil waited. He couldn’t place the location of the cafe, but it sort of reminded him of a knock off movie Paris street cafe. The wire tables and chairs were pale blue, and the patio was cobblestone with big white parasols over the tables.  
  
There were the sounds of people talking around and cars going by, and it made Virgil a bit twitchy and jumpy. Why couldn’t Deceit have his tea in a nice quiet corner? The street and cafe itself were empty. There was no one there, no matter how many times Virgil’s eye line shot to the next loud noise. He tried to focus on the table set in front of him instead. The finery they drank from was a simple cup with a flourished loop and a blue band on the cups. The saucers had a rose pattern, and there was a folded napkin and silverware next to it. The table also had a small plate of tea sandwiches.  
  
Virgil was running out of things to focus on instead of the man across from him. He felt like a naughty kid waiting to be scolded under Deceit’s gaze. And he kind of was, in a certain way. So he placed his cup down before he shattered it with his shaking hands and just stared down at his shoes while he gripped his knees, jumping a little when he heard ghost cups clatter and laughter behind him.  
  
There was a painful pause of silence as Deceit placed his cup back on the saucer and set it down on the table, adjusting the handle to be perfectly parallel to himself. Deceit glared forward and slightly huffed. “After all the things you’ve _failed_ to do for me, I can’t believe you’re here asking for a _favor_ ,” He said, sounding slightly upset, but mostly disappointed. That hit Virgil like a blow. He had to take a deep breath.  
  
“Hi D,” Virgil muttered. “How are you doing?” Virgil asked automatically. He flinched at what sounded like a dish breaking right behind him.  
  
“Oh, _you know_ , still where you _left_ me.” He growled though it didn’t carry real malice. It was more bitter than barbed. Virgil shrank into himself and pulled his feet up on the chair to hug his legs. A dog barking made him nearly fall off the chair he was precariously balanced on. Deceit sighed and waved his hand, and the noise faded out. Virgil sighed with relief and loosened up slightly.  
  
“It pisses me off that you, _of all sides_ , are still my favourite,” Deceit groaned slightly, sounding defeated. Virgil’s eyes shot wide open, and he jumped so high he did fall off the chair. Deceit chuckled darkly as Virgil clambered back onto the seat.  
  
“I- You- What- But-” Virgil stammered, trying to find the words. That wasn’t doublespeak, wasn’t it? Virgil tried to examine his face for cues.  
  
“No, Virgil, I wasn’t lying,” Deceit said, somewhat coyly, “I _wish_ I was.” Deceit said lifting his saucer and cup again going for a sip. “But you’ve experienced it. You were here with me. In your situation, I perhaps would have done the same. Self-preservation and all,” He said, lifting his saucer to take another sip.  
  
Virgil’s mouth went dry. “Then- Then why?” He asked, shaken and confused.  
  
Deceit rolled his eyes. “I was sending a _message_. About how important what I’ve asked you to do is.”  
  
“What!” Virgil snapped. “I- I can’t even remember what happened or what you said! I only know you said something to me because of Roman!” Virgil shouted sourly.   
  
“I was _sure_ he would have run. Fear of the _dark_ and all.” Deceit said casually, waving it off with only the three fingers not holding his cup. “It’s not like you remember. I never intended to leave you like that.” Deceit rolled his eyes as if it was ridiculous to believe he would.  
  
Virgil stood up and slammed his hands down, shaking the table. His cup fell over on the saucer, and the remnants of coffee spilled. “What! _You’re _why I can’t remember?” Virgil yelled at him in shock.  
  
“Sheesh, Virgil, _two for two,_ ” Deceit’s eyes squinted, and he wiggled his pinky, cleaning up the mess from the spilled drink, refilling the cup. “Repression is just another form of _lies_ , Virgil. Surely, you must be smarter than that. Do you want it _back_? I’m so sad to say your favourite prince wasn’t so _kind_ in it.”  
  
Virgil dropped back down into the seat, kicking the table lightly, and crossed his arms. “Logan said Princey stayed behind to make sure I was okay even though I was hurting him.”  
  
“That may have happened. But an important topic came up. He didn’t respond so _positively,_ ” Deceit said casually, intensely staring at Virgil.  
  
Virgil’s arms sagged. “I… yeah. Maybe.” Virgil said, conceding. But there wasn’t much fighting with Deceit. He wasn’t like Logan or Roman. He struggled to believe that Roman would have been so awful after this evening with him. But he wasn’t here to be more stressed or end up questioning reality after a debate with Deceit. He was here to fix the feeling in his chest. “I’m sorry. It’s so hard. There’s never a good time to bring it up. And when it is brought up, they always get mad at me and I shut down…” Virgil rambled excuses and trailed off. He knew they were excuses and Deceit would know that, too. But he was so scared of being rejected again. Virgil just stared at Deceit, hoping he didn't get punished again or told off too hard. Something unexpected happened as he watched Decei's face, though. Deceit’s face didn’t soften much, that’s not how he usually works. Deceit looks away when he briefly softens. And Deceit’s eye ever so quickly shot to the parasol. He coughed and took another sip of tea.  
  
“I can see that while you were the best _candidate_ , it doesn’t mean you are the best _suited,_ ” Virgil went a little pale. Deceit also does not admit he’s wrong. It shot a pang of fear in his heart, and his breath caught. Had he been lying the whole time? Was this all another trick to punish him? Virgil’s breath shook, and he wrung his hands.  
  
Deceit tsked. “Don’t be a _drama queen_ , Virgil. There’s plenty of those around here already, and I don't need the competition,” Deceit placed his cup down and lazily placed his hand palm up on the table. Virgil couldn’t catch his breath. Was he going to scream at him again? Attack him? A snake slithered out of his palm and across the table.  
  
The snake slid closer, and Virgil stumbled out of his chair. But before he could get himself off the floor to bolt, the snake struck his ankle. Instead of pain, though, there was a sense of calm. He wasn’t afraid anymore, and the knot of anxiety in his chest loosened. A small part of his mind screamed that they were how he controlled sides. But didn’t Virgil want to feel less out of control? Wasn’t that why he was here? This wasn’t the way he wanted to do it, but it did work.  
  
“Sit back down and finish your drink, dear.” Deceit said, eating one of the tea sandwiches from the table. Virgil hadn’t been called that in a while. Other than 'dear Virgil, your face stinks’ notes from Roman. But that just made him inwardly chuckle. Virgil picked up his drink and took a sip. It took that last little part of panic in him, and he relaxed. He couldn’t remember what he was upset about anymore.  
  
“This is what you were here for, right? No need to beat around the bush any longer. It’s what I do _best_ ,” Deceit cooed. Virgil and Deceit both took a sip of their drinks in the late afternoon sun, continuing its descent in the sky.  
  
“Thanks, D. This is nice,” Virgil said, his eyes closed, deeply breathing in the scent of his favourite drink intermingled with the smell of the cool cobblestone sidewalk. Deceit head threw back with laughter. Virgil normally would have shot up from that kind of reaction from him, but he didn’t feel in danger for once. He just lifted his head from the drink and looked inquisitively at Deceit.  
  
“I wouldn’t wish this on my greatest _enemy_ ,” Deceit said, a slight smile on his lips. Virgil just chuckled and shook his head and took a finger sandwich. It was cucumber cream cheese, which could be refreshing after his rich coffee. It was crisp and delightful. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate. His stomach was normally in knots, and he couldn’t handle eating.  
  
“D, you could throw a killer dinner party, you know. You’d beat any rich suburban mom’s ass off the planet. She’d have to go into hiding. You’d give her _me_ and she’d never leave her room again.”  
  
Deceit shook his head and chuckled, then flipped his free hand. “Oh, _stop it_ , Virgil,”  
  
“Sure, but if I go on with about how her entire life is destroyed because of your social prowess it might attract the one side you want least at this table. Things don’t go well for her, man,” Virgil said and finished his sandwich and chased it with another sip of coffee.  
  
“So that _lovely_ prince is rubbing off on you after all those stories,” Deceit remarked flippantly, comfortably snacking on his own tea sandwich.  
  
“Yeah, it’s fun sometimes. It’s a chance to focus on something else other than everyone’s impending doom with every step.” Virgil said with a little sigh. “Roman says he likes my stories but, Ugh, the look on Patton’s face! Sometimes I hate it, but wow it’s precious.” Virgil’s chuckle was bittersweet.  
  
“What exactly is _precious_ about it?” Deceit asked curiously and took a sip of his tea. He gently placed his cup down and dusted the tea crumbs off his glove to the cobblestone floor.  
  
“It’s like he’s got the memory of a hamster and forgets the entire world is terrible.” Virgil and Deceit laugh darkly together. Virgil takes another finger sandwich to enjoy after their shared mirth. “Pop’s pretty great though, even if he is kind of oblivious. Well, you probably know that. You know everything,” Virgil paused. “… Don’t tell Logan I said that.” Virgil chuckled nervously.  
  
“Tell him yourself,” Deceit chuckled somewhat malevolently. Virgil sighed. He didn’t really deserve this kind treatment after everything he did and didn’t do.  
  
“You heard last week’s story, right? The one-word thing? Oh my god, Roman was so mad. It’s not like Remus has missed any other week, even if they usually dismiss his stories. They should have known that was coming,” Virgil bloomed with humor. “It might be Remus’s weekly highlight. He plays along with Logan’s dumb rules, at least. I’ve never seen him follow a rule other than these dumb sessions, anyway. I don’t know why Roman thought he’d get to have the story his way,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes slightly. Deceit stiffened slightly. Virgil finished the coffee. The dregs of chocolate were thick at the bottom of the mug and tasted amazing.  
  
“He’s clearly not _sspoiled _enough as it is,” Deceit groaned bitterly. Virgil put down his empty cup on the saucer and straightened the handle just the way Deceit liked it.  
  
“Don’t be like that D, he’s not all bad,” Virgil said trying to placate him. Deceit bristled again and Virgil paused to thinking of a way to fix it. But thinking of Roman reminded him of something important to ask. Logan said he was there with Virgil while he was freaking out, and there was a chance Roman saw something he shouldn’t. Especially considering what happened during Virgil’s panic attacks. “Hey, he didn’t find out? When he was in there with me?” Virgil asked hesitantly.  
  
“No, not at all. He’s not exactly the _bright_ or _curious_ side, who saw nothing and left early. I handled any lingering memories that might have been a problem,” Deceit said coolly.  
  
“Thanks, D, you’re my savior,” Virgil said with a relieved sigh. He wasn’t sure he wanted that particular cat out of the bag… ever. Deceit seemed to lose some bitterness in his face after that, Virgil was even rewarded with a smarmy smirk.  
  
“Aren’t I _always_?” Deceit cooed proudly and rotated his hand over the place of tea sandwiches to summon 2 more. Virgil smirked at him and rolled his eyes affectionately. Maybe not always, but Deceit used to have his back often in the past.  
  
“How about I go give him a scare for you? I got to do something, right? No deeds unpaid?” Virgil offered, seeing he could return the rest of Deceit’s good humor once more.  
  
“Oh, I would _never_ want that,” Deceit flourished as he lied. Virgil laughed. He wasn’t sure, but it might have worked. Deceit looked pleased and enjoyed another tea sandwich. They shared another peaceful moment. Virgil took the other one and enjoyed it with a satisfied hum in the back of his throat while Deceit finished his tea. The sun dropped lower in the sky and the warm orange light tinted the pale colours of the cafe while a cool breeze blew. After last week, this was something he desperately needed and didn’t even know.  
  
“Hey, D? This isn’t a one-time thing, right? I can come back? When things… get out of hand? When I can’t protect Thomas because it’s all too much?” Virgil paused, but Deceit didn’t answer yet. Maybe Deceit questioned if Virgil was still loyal? “I… I get the pecking order. And I’ll keep trying to do what you asked. But I miss you, too.” Virgil said with a sigh. “They’re all so sunny and positive and- ugh!” Virgil flailed his arms. “As much as I like them, the others can be… too much for me. You get what the real world is like. You don’t have to go back to how we used to be or whatever…” Virgil rubbed his arms nervously. He wasn’t sure what else to say. Deceit smiled and watched Virgil fidget for a moment.  
  
“ _Perhaps_ , Virgil,” He said, floating his hands over the table and the whole scene disappeared and it was just the two of them alone, in the dark. Virgil looked hopefully at him. Deceit opened his arms and Virgil timidly stepped into his embrace. Virgil felt so safe back in Deceit’s arms and hugged him back. His cloak smelled like earl grey. Deceit held him for a moment with a single stroke of Virgil’s hair. When Virgil opened his eyes, he was alone in the dark uninhabited mind palace. This can’t be a bad thing, can it? He didn’t mess everything up again, did he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first draft: 2,340 final: 3,194  
> this is a pretty short chapter for the first one that I obsessed over. I have to have read this at least 40 times. And I still found tons of errors today. Reveal of Deceit's power hinted at twice already, woo! It's a fandom favourite. Is that the plot? Is plot openly happening? That can't be right.


	15. In Which Virgil Eats Way Too Many Pancakes

Virgil rose quietly into the shadows of Roman’s room. The showy prince had billowing stage curtains in the corners and it was extremely easy to hide in. A fantastic design choice for Virgil to sneak in his room, but perhaps not Roman’s smartest moment. There was no way the duke didn’t utilize these as well. Roman was sitting on the couch typing furiously on a laptop. Roman must be working on one of the stories he won’t share with the group. He had admitted before that he often banged out the weekly stories just before they present. He was always cocky about how fast he could come up with a story. That always tee’d Virgil off a bit, but Roman was Creativity.  
  
But he was here on a mission. Just a little scare. While he’s still in control. Just to prove he can. Just to show Deceit he’s really trying. Hell, just for fun. Virgil blew on his fingertips and slowly held his arm out, trying not to attract attention. A thin, black gossamer thread flowed from his fingertips and a tiny black spider with a purple lightning mark scuttled across the carpet to Roman, crawling up his leg until Roman leaped suddenly from the inevitable bite, launching the laptop across the room and withdrawing his sword in an instant.  
  
“Avast ye scoundrel!” Roman shouted, holding his sword at the ready. Roman scanned the room for an intruder but never noticed Virgil hiding behind the thick velvet curtains. Virgil watched Roman take a deep breath from the shadows. Roman was probably trying to steady his now assuredly pounding heart. Roman went to grab his laptop, still looking around the room in paranoia. He sat on the couch holding the laptop, maybe trying to resume. But he just looked at the laptop screen despondently. Virgil left for his own room, unable to contain his snickering anymore and unwilling to blow his cover.  
  
Virgil woke up the next day with a pounding headache. Like he got trashed on box wine type of pounding headache. Like angry neighbors when you break their window pounding on the door when you run and hide kind. His stomach hurt and his eyes were strained from the light.  
  
He wanted to hide back under the covers until the sun went away. Thomas seemed to have other plans though, and Virgil was forcibly dragged out of bed when Thomas woke up early and got out of bed. Thomas usually lazed in bed in the mornings, and Virgil regretted every choice that was made that lead to him waking up early for a meeting. Then he flinched at making Thomas regret every single choice that leads to this moment. Virgil held his head and groaned.  
  
Virgil couldn’t take the idea of being anywhere but a bed right now. He was already causing problems just by being awake. He just needed a god damn nap to help this headache. Virgil retreated to the mind palace to collapse on a bed real bed instead of just the couch while Thomas ate breakfast. He knew he couldn’t be in the mind palace alone for long. But he just needed another 15 minutes, he swore to himself. Then he’d leave. He just wanted to be in a dark room and a real bed for a little longer.

— * * * —

Roman looked around the room, sipping a hazelnut cappuccino with his eyes barely open. He was still slightly tousled from sleep, finding his rest disturbed last night. He ran his fingers through his hair and gently patted his cheeks to wake up from his less-than-beauty sleep. Roman exhaled despondently, and he tried to focus.  
  
Roman’s eyes finally opened enough to deal with the day. Patton was eating pancakes and Logan having his morning coffee with the Paper. Maybe Roman should have stayed in bed a little longer. He wouldn’t enjoy getting an earful from Logan about responsibility, though, and hoped some caffeine could save him. Also, Remus rarely let him sleep in, and he definitely didn’t have the energy to take that risk. Roman glanced to the empty seat next to him, not filled by Virgil yet. Roman wanted to join Virgil in his morning bitching that he was tired. Or maybe to just insult him a few times. He wasn’t awake enough to tell yet.  
  
“Did either of you nerds see the great white mope?” Roman asked.  
  
“Nope, kiddo! He’ll probably be out soon. Thomas woke up early today, and that might've ruffled his feathers.” Patton said, cutting his current pancake into a heart.  
  
“Thomas was relatively well-rested last night. Virgil should have received adequate recovery time.” Logan, however, side-eyed Roman. “Though perhaps there were other factors that I am missing considering Roman’s state of dishevelment,” Logan added with a slight smirk.  
  
“Shove it, nerd,” Roman bit in detest of Logan’s slight and took another sip of cappuccino.  
  
“Shove what?” Logan inquired, but it was met with groans from Roman and Patton as Remus appeared, standing on the table.  
  
“A camel’s _sopping_ wet carcass!” He bellowed and dumped Roman’s coffee on him, sinking back out as soon as he appeared. Roman fell dramatically to the table and moaned. This was not a great day. Patton summoned a towel.  
  
“Now Lo, you really gotta be careful with setting Remus up for those kinds of things,” Patton chided, patting a towel on Roman’s wet hair. “Heh, Hey guys. I’m pattin’ Roman,” He giggled to himself. Roman moaned louder and yanked the towel out of Patton’s hands and dried off his face, then snapped his outfit back to normal. He wasn’t awake enough for this, and that was a good drink, damnit.  
  
“If Roman would just communicate more concisely, then I wouldn’t have to ask him to elucidate me,” Logan said, sighing and turning the page.  
  
“ _I_ was the one covered in hot coffee, Logan!” Roman snapped angrily.  
  
“Yes, and I am saying it is your fault that you were,” Logan said, taking a sip of his morning coffee.  
  
“I think I’ll get Virgil so he can help me tell you how much of a _prick_ you’re being,” Roman said, huffing.  
  
“Oh thanks, kiddo! He’s in a much better mood when he has his morning tea!” Patton smiled widely and looked down at his heart-shaped pancakes. “Well, now I’m in a pickle. Logan, how do I eat this without breaking my heart?”  
  
“Eat around the perimeter to maintain the shape.” Logan had a brief smirk. “Though you must settle on shrinking your heart-shaped confectionery,”  
  
“I won’t be shrinking it, Logan, it’ll be making the one in my chest bigger!” Patton announced happily.  
  
“I assure you that is physically impossible,” Logan sighed and went back to his paper.  
  
“Ugh, get a room!” Roman sighed dramatically and sank down into Virgil’s room.  
  
Virgil wasn’t there at first glance. It was well lit and nothing seemed out of the ordinary or particularly wrong, which was good. Of course, Roman was pissed off that Virgil wasn’t there when Roman needed him. Roman groaned for the umpteenth time this morning and started checking under the furniture. Maybe the little brat was trying to scare him. Now that it was lit, he saw that spiders and webs covered the underside of the furniture. Roman got a chill. What was it with this dark dork and spiders?

— * * * —

Virgil woke up again, confused about where he was. He thought he was in bed, under the warm covers. At least, that’s where he was when he fell asleep again. He was not in bed anymore, though. He was in a dark, tight room with windows higher than he could reach and no obvious doors. There was a little light seeping in from the windows, but shadows kept passing, making the lights flicker. The room echoed a vague grinding engine noise from the floor. Where the fuck was he?  
  
Virgil suddenly remembered his stupid fucking choice this morning. Crap, he fell asleep in the mind palace. He really shouldn’t have come out here alone. Shit, he really fucked up. He desperately looked around, looking for loose stones in the walls or boards in the floors, but the room seemed to continue to shrink and the shadows flickered faster. “Shit shit shit shit shit shit,” he paced, looking for an out, but his voice own voice echoing on the walls made him more panicked. He tried to sink out, go anywhere but here, but got hitched on his breathing.  
  
The room felt tighter, and the air got thicker and a metallic smell got stronger. He could hear a peal of faint laughter permeating the walls, the running shadows now casting figures into the ever-shrinking room. He was trapped with whatever his anxiety wanted to do with him.  
  
But then suddenly a light flashed, and he was in an open white room. “Um… hello?” He called out with nervous laughter, but there was no reply. Virgil squat down and held himself. He wasn’t sure if someone found the mental space he was sleeping in or if this was some kind of scenario change that his anxieties set off. He also wasn’t sure what was worse.  
  
“Virgil, for _god’s sake_. Why are you in here?” A voice called out to him. Oh, thank everything that he’d been found.  
  
“Ha. Ha…” Virgil laughed nervously for a second but broke down crying into his legs. “I was tired. I just wanted another 15 minutes. It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Virgil said, tears of relief running down his cheeks.  
  
“Can I even leave you alone for _five minutess_?” the voice hissed and Deceit walked in and the room shifted into an office.  
  
“N-nice to see you again too, D,” Virgil said, wiping the tears from his face onto his hoodie.  
  
“I came out here to work and found an _idiot_ somewhere he _knows_ he shouldn’t be. Every side knows it’s dangerous to sleep out here in the first place! Do you have _any_ self-preservation at all?” Deceit berated him. Virgil hiccuped and wiped his cheeks with his sleep-hoodie’s sleeve.  
  
“Sorry,” Virgil whispered, holding himself tightly. “I wasn’t thinking,”  
  
“You’ll think about all the _unrealistic_ and _easily avoidable_ ways Thomas could get carbon monoxide poisoning, but you won’t think about yourself? God, Virgil, you can be so dense sometimes,” Deceit groaned.  
  
“Carbon monoxide poisoning is _serious_!” Virgil shot back.  
  
“That’s not the _point_ , Virgil, think about your own safety as well. You know your anxiety messes with the mind palace if you make the room, why would you even come out here alone in the first place?” Deceit continued scolding him.  
  
“I was just so tired,” Virgil muttered.  
  
“Do yourself a _favor_ and sleep on the couch with an eye mask, next time,” Deceit said drearily. “The boys are wondering why you haven’t shown up at breakfast. Roman is checking for you in your room.” He added coolly.  
  
“Oh, oh fuck,” Virgil cursed, trembling and raising from the ground to stand. It was not safe for other sides to be alone in his room. “O-okay. I can do this. I-I can not worry them. This won’t be a big problem,” Virgil said, trying to reassure himself, still shaking from the memory of his anxiety’s prison.  
  
Deceit smiled in a way only he could. “You silver-tongued scoundrel, you _do_ know how to _woo_ a girl.” Deceit said walking up to Virgil. “Arm,” He stated, holding out his hand. Virgil pulled up his sleeve without thinking twice. “Give me _another_ heart attack, Virgil, I _mean_ it.” He said, rolling his eyes as the snake’s teeth sank into Virgil’s arm.

— * * * —

Roman felt a swift kick to the rear as he was checking under a chair for any evidence of Virgil or one of his tricks.  
  
“Yeouch!” Roman yelled and smacked his head on the chair he was under. He groaned and Virgil dragged him out from under the furniture. “Were you hiding the whole time to pull that off?” Roman snapped and whipped around to glare at him. Virgil shrugged dismissively. “You were starting to have me worried!” Roman huffed and crossed his arms.  
  
“I’m fine, princey. Never better. You look like you’ve been lightly maimed, however. You stay up late writing yourself into Twilight fan fiction?” Virgil said and grabbed Roman’s arm to spin him around. This weirdly high-energy Virgil completely discombobulated Roman.  
  
“ _First_ of all, I would never, vampires are _your_ thing-” Roman started.  
  
“You only _wish_ you could sparkle like Edward,” Virgil interrupted and pushed Roman slightly.  
  
“And _second_ of all how come the _one_ morning I want to moan with you about being tired, you’re some kind of weird happy gremlin?”  
  
“Y’know, I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to,” Virgil said, stepping around to Roman’s back, causing him to whip around again. Roman sighed dramatically. “Come on, dad and pop are waiting for us,” Virgil said, grabbing Roman’s arm and sinking, dragging a completely baffled Roman along with him to the living room.  
  
“Pop-star! Lord of the library. What’s cookin’,” Virgil said, flinging Roman by yanking his arm towards the table and plopping down next to him. Roman managed to catch himself on the chair before stumbling completely into the table. “Hey Pat, those look great, could I get some?” Virgil asked, pointed towards Patton’s dwindling heart pancakes. Roman glared at Virgil. His emotions were reeling, and he was speechless. Patton also appeared to be too stunned to talk.  
  
“Ah, Roman, you found Virgil. Virgil, I assume the extra time recuperating agreed with you? You are… acting uncharacteristically.”  
  
Virgil shrugged. “What can I say?” Patton shrieked suddenly, making Roman and Virgil wince.  
  
“You really want some Patton-cakes, champ?” Patton asked excitedly. He didn’t wait for a response as he spun around, placing an extra-large stack of pancakes and slid in front of Virgil. Patton winked. “There are chocolate chips in the middle of the stack,” He stage-whispered to Virgil, his hand on the wrong side of his mouth to block anything from the other sides.  
  
“Oh, dope, thanks pops,” Virgil said just before shoving an unholy amount of Pancake into his mouth.  
  
“Patton, you have been a terrible role model. He eats like you,” Logan sighed.  
  
“I’ve seen you eating Crofters. I still have nothing on you, Lo,” Virgil said, mouth still somewhat stuffed with a pancake. Logan huffed at the accusation.  
  
“Virge, buddy, swallow before you talk, okay?” Patton said, also through a mouthful of pancakes. Logan rolled his eyes and buried his face behind the paper.  
  
“Roman, you are also uncharacteristically quiet. You would have quipped with Virgil by now.” Logan said, never dropping his paper. He assuredly didn’t want to see the pancake feast. Roman didn’t particularly want to experience it, either.  
  
“He’s just mad I got the drop on him,” Virgil said, excavating more pancakes from the pile into his mouth.  
  
“The-” Logan started but Patton yanked his paper down and shook his head desperately at Logan, face covered in whipped cream.  
  
“I tricked him and kicked ‘em,” Virgil clarified, pulling out one of the chocolate chip pancakes from the pile.  
  
“Yes, and it was a cruel trick! He really had me worried!” Roman said, sounding bitter and childish.  
  
“Virge, buddy, you should apologize to Roman. That wasn’t very nice.” Patton chided.  
  
“Fine, sorry _Ro_. Sorry, you were so _slow_ ,” Virgil put extra emphasis on the rhyme this time. Roman couldn’t help but whooping and high-fiving Virgil for the second one in a row. Logan huffed and pulled his paper back up.  
  
“Nice one!” Roman smirked. Roman was still kind of mad, but he was a sucker for rhyming.  
  
“I suppose they are mollified, Patton. You don’t need to keep making that puppy dog face,” Logan said, hiding behind the paper again.  
  
“I guess as long as everybody’s happy! But I’d rather hear a real apology, kiddo.” Patton said, his puppy dog quiver not dropped. Roman elbowed Virgil to pay attention to Pat as he shoveled another pancake in his mouth.  
  
“Wha? Oh,” Virgil swallowed. “I apolo _gize_ -” Virgil started. Roman knew where this was headed.  
  
“Even though I know it’s _lies_!” They both shouted in unison and started jabbing each other. Logan loudly sighed and downed his coffee.  
  
“I will be returning to my room. It is cacophonous in here and too difficult to concentrate on reading. Virgil, I will see you later for our appointment.” He stated with the annoyance prickling from his usually constrained voice. He rinsed his mug as usual and sank out to his room.  
  
“Ooh, you pissed off _da~ad_ ,” Roman prodded at Virgil’s side. They burst out laughing.  
  
“Roman, Language!” Patton shouted, probably aghast at his boisterous ‘sons’. They sat solemnly for a moment. Patton released a breath and attempted to finish his pancakes.  
  
As soon as Patton rose the fork to his mouth, Virgil recited “Let princey say fuck,” in monotone. Which caused Patton to stabbed himself in the face with his fork in shock. Virgil took the distracted opportunity to push Roman off the dining chair while he was laughing. Roman hit the ground loudly and yanked at Virgil’s pants, but Virgil held steadfast to the table, shaking it as Roman tried to pull him down.  
  
“Where’d Roman go? You boys need to settle down! Somebody’s going to get hurt!” Patton demanded and lifted his plate off of the shaking table. Roman latched onto Virgil’s ankles, where he yelped from pain and went down like a brick onto Roman. They both cried out in half-pain, half-surprise. Virgil quickly rolled off Roman and held his ankle. Patton came over quickly.  
  
“Did you roll that when you went down bud? Let me look at it,” Patton stated, reaching out. Virgil quickly slid back from the two and stood up.  
  
“It’s fine, pop, you’re right. Sorry, I landed on you, Princey.” Virgil rattled off. “You should check on Roman though, he mysteriously fell off the chair and then I landed on him when I equally as mysteriously tripped, gotta go!” Virgil rambled and sunk down quickly. Patton reached over and pulled Roman too his feet and fussed over him.  
  
“You alright champ? Anything hurt?” Patton cooed. Roman shook his head, back to his confusion from earlier before Virgil coaxed him back out. “You know, I’m glad to see my boy in high spirits, but that was pretty weird, right?” Patton said, sounding confused. Roman nodded in agreement.  
  
“I’m used to his verbal sparring and riposte, but a physical joust was new,” Roman added.  
  
“Doesn’t he have that session with Logan today? He’ll find out if Virge is doin’ fine.” Patton said, sounding worried, but clearly trying to comfort Roman. Roman wasn’t so sure, however.

— * * * —

Virge was not doing fine. He felt erratic and wiry, abuzz with some weird anxious energy he wasn’t freaked out about. He didn’t particularly hate it, but he knew deep down he was weird and everyone knew it. Perhaps asking for help from Deceit was going too far? He didn’t feel like it was. He felt good even if he felt weird. Deceit really saved his ass in the mind palace. Deceit even took away the memories of whatever that scenario was, so he didn’t have to freak out about it.  
  
Maybe he was acting weird but he didn’t regret it. Virgil had fun with Roman. Fun. With Roman! Sure they made fun of each other constantly, and he enjoyed that, but getting to push him off a chair? That was way more fun that pushing him to the limit of his tolerance for Virgil. He loved not being terrified of touching and getting to play fight with Roman. He’d always wanted to attack his dumb smug face but knew it was wasn’t fair that if Roman retaliated something bad would happen to him. But he wasn’t scared of being touched, so they could just kick each other as they pleased. Well, as long as Virgil didn’t hurt him for real. He didn’t want to go that far. There’s no way he wouldn’t have a panic attack over that even with Deceit’s help.  
  
Things were a little easier when he wasn’t so anxious that he was physically incapable of doing things the others took for granted. If got too out of hand, Deceit would come and set him straight right? He’d been there twice for him already and it hadn’t even been 24 hours yet. Though maybe it was bad to count on Deceit this much. He knew he’d get new anxieties as the day went on and go back to normal eventually. Deceit was just taking things he couldn’t handle anymore or didn’t make sense. Virgil still felt capable of protecting Thomas from real problems and keeping him focused and prepared.  
  
Deceit said he could have back anything he repressed anytime, too, just in case something is taken that he needs to do his job. He was confident he was okay now. The involuntary twitches were probably just pent up energy now that he wasn’t wasting it all on worrying over every single thing in Thomas’s life. Thomas must have appreciated the break! He’d stop him from doing anything too stupid of course. He still made sure Thomas was presentable and reminded him of what he had to do. But, beyond Thomas getting some bad advice from Remus, it didn’t seem like a big deal right now. Thomas needed a day to chill, too.  
  
Virgil grabbed his headphones and threw a pillow on the stairs to lay back on. He pulled out a notebook to get started on this week’s story. It didn’t feel like he had to abandon other things to work on it for once. He could take it at his own pace and maybe even write something a little different. He inhaled the scent of fresh paper and his room and sighed with contentment. Beatrice joined him, crawling up his torso to her preferred perch in his hair. She insulted him multiple times on the way up, but Virgil just laughed at his favourite little brat and pet her gently before going back to the story. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second draft: 2,556 Final: 3,716  
> I added some more exposition for y'alls patience  
> I hope you enjoy altered OOC Virgil as much as I do


	16. In Which Roman Takes a Blackmail Photo but it's Actually Pretty Cute

Logan sat in his room tapping his foot in frustration. He had been waiting for Virgil for 20 minutes now, which was unprecedented. Virgil would rarely run late, often siting being distracted by his thoughts when he would show up. But 20 minutes seemed excessive for Virgil. His raised awareness often made it so he would never forget appointments completely. It followed that something might have been amiss. Logan decided to go check on him. He transferred over for a brief stop into Anxiety’s room. Much to Logan’s chagrin, though, nothing was wrong. Virgil was humming on the stairs, doodling in his notebook. He didn’t appear to have acknowledged Logan’s sudden presence, even though Logan made no effort to conceal himself. Logan cleared his throat to get his attention. Virgil jumped slightly. 

“Virgil. It has been 21 minutes since the time we agreed to me to help allay some of your fears this week, as we had scheduled previously and discussed this morning.” Logan said. Virgil stared at him blankly for a moment and took off his headphones. 

“Oh, shit, sorry Logan. I totally lost track of time, fuck. Okay,” He said, mumbling, dropping his notebook and headphones where he sat in his room. Virgil blinked out and Logan followed suit back to his room. Virgil settled back to where he was in his room, and Logan stood to face him. Logan was past arguing to get Virgil to move at this point in their sessions. 

“Shall we proceed?” Virgil nodded in response. “Have you any new anxieties you want to first discuss before we move to more directed subjects?” 

Virgil looked contemplative for a moment, which was anomalous. But Virgil soon launched into a short rant about if how while Thomas is out at dinner tonight and if he laughs at one of his friend’s jokes he could choke on his pasta. He then worried about how said pasta may make him sleepy on the drive home and he could crash from his impaired faculties. Then Virgil launched in about possible bad things he could say to anger his friends. 

Logan worked through each item and discussed either the realism of the event or how to prevent other more realistic ones. For one, Thomas could just not eat pasta. He didn’t like that Virgil would just rant until he was breathless and Logan would have to work from the beginning and forward. But Virgil was very hard to stop once he got going, and Logan tried to consider it like a less structured Lincoln-Douglas debate. Though what he wouldn’t give to make it the properly researched and timed format. Logan discussed the possible ways to avoid the turns of events he was worried about and addressed his more ridiculous concerns for a short while until he had solved each point in Virgil’s rant. 

“Now that we’ve considered those possibilities, could we move on to more focused questions?” Virgil nodded. “You did the reading for the intelligence expansion activity I proposed, I assume,” 

“Yeah, well, kind of,” Virgil responded more half-heartedly than despondently, unlike how Virgil usually reacted to having to give a negative response during these interviews. 

“Please describe how you only ‘kind of’ did the reading,” Logan said, relatively used to this dodging, half-speak Virgil would employ when he was uncomfortable by now. 

“I, uh, got past the intro and after I read the first bullet point I kind of freaked out,” Virgil said, burying himself slightly in his hoodie. 

“It is acceptable if you had not finished the assigned reading yet-” Logan started to console Virgil, but was cut off. Logan was rightfully upset, but let Virgil explain himself. 

“No, I… well, Roman finished it for me. See, I thought you were trying to call me out-” Logan lifted the corresponding vocabulary card to clarify Virgil’s meaning, and Virgil nodded before continuing. “And I was scared I was doing something I didn’t know I was. Like the intro suggested could happen. So… I asked him to tell me.” Virgil finished. Logan nodded to express comprehension. 

“So, did Roman, as you say, ‘call you out’ for unhealthy coping behaviors?” Logan asked carefully. This was a much more interesting line of inquiry than a short discussion of the research. Virgil shifted uncomfortably but continued relatively nonplussed for discussing what should be a hard subject for Virgil. 

“He said I do two out of six. And that it was silly to include impulse buying,” Virgil said, picking at his hands and looking down at the carpet. 

“That was so you could be aware of what to watch out for in Thomas and other people so Thomas could be alerted to future issues. It was not intended to be a ‘call-out’, but that is off-topic.” Logan cut him off before he could continue. 

“Oh, ha, that makes more sense now. He said I did self-isolation and, um, that one about not getting all the information before reacting?” Virgil finished and paused, watching Logan carefully and looking concerned. 

“Do you think Roman’s assessment is correct?” Logan questioned Virgil, who was looking more uncomfortable by the moment. If Virgil could recognize these behaviors, it would be beneficial for all parties. 

“Well, I kind of proved him right before, y’know the one…” Virgil trailed off and had a faraway look, wringing his hands slightly. 

“Virgil, continue.” Logan verbally prodded. If he let Virgil drift too far from the topic at hand then he would not be able to continue the conversation. 

“Oh, um, and then isolation one in the middle of telling me about which I, uh, exhibited. He talked me down from freaking out too badly.” Virgil said, looking a little less distressed. Logan was surprised at both Virgil’s willingness to be forthcoming and Roman’s capacity to help him. Logan must have expressed the surprise on his face because Virgil continued. 

“Right, isn’t it weird that Roman’s ridiculous chivalry is useful for something other than fighting imaginary dragons?” Virgil chuckled. It was obvious he trying to belay discomfort with humor. 

“Yes, it is nice that Roman can be practical and helpful in the midst of all the fantasies,” Logan said perhaps slightly sardonically. But Roman was off-topic. “Do you remember anything else from the first panic attack you mentioned?” Logan inquired. Logan had anticipated more of Virgil’s new, relatively forthcoming attitude and hoped they could get to the root of what caused that particular panic attack to be so traumatic for Virgil. But Virgil just looked stricken. He went sheet white and dug his nails into his palms. While this reaction to the question was new, it was clear it wouldn’t go anywhere again this week. 

“Virgil, count down from ten with me. We will take a deep breath between each number.” Logan firmly said. Virgil quietly followed him through the exercise. He was still breathing deeply enough and less shaken, but he hadn’t regained any color. “Virgil, look at me and tell me three things you notice about me,” Virgil’s eyes shot around the room for a moment until they settled on Logan’s face. 

“Um, glasses...” Virgil swallowed hard. “Stiff tie,” Virgil added and followed it with a deep breath. “Insufferably smug attitude,” He finished with a mild laugh and a weak smirk. Logan didn’t think that was an accurate countenance, but the point was to ground Virgil, and insults generally seemed to indicate he was feeling better. 

“We will move on. How was your rest last night?” Logan began breach at the subject. Virgil shrugged. That was his same response this morning instead of a straight answer like Logan had asked for. “Were you aware you were acting erratically this morning?” Virgil nodded slowly. “Do you have a reason for acting so boisterously?” Logan continued. Virgil looked down and rubbed his forearm through his sleeve. 

“It just… kind of happened.” Virgil said dismissively after a pause. Logan stared Virgil down.   
  
“Virgil, honesty is important for these sessions. Was that a lie of omission?” Virgil paused for a moment, panic shining in his eyes for a moment, but then suffered a sort of hiccup followed by a quick cough and he seemed to settle again. 

“No,” Virgil said confidently and smoothly, sitting up straighter as it was uttered. He coughed again, looking around for a moment before continuing. “I just wanted to try something different…” He said, trailing off and sinking back into his regular slouch, returning to rubbing his arm. Logan didn’t believe Virgil’s excuse was the complete story, but the certainty in which he rejected Logan’s supposition was sufficient. Virgil was not a good liar, as much as he tried to look disinterested. He had many indicia in his voice and body language when he tried to dance around the truth. 

“What made you want to try to be different?” Logan continued with the inquisition since Virgil was still responsive and not showing any signs of an impending anxiety attack. 

“I… I want to be better for Thomas,” Virgil stated plainly and resolutely, his posture slightly rising. 

“Ah, yes, a noble pursuit. But Thomas does not require another side who is lackadaisical, so please do not deviate far from your established vigilance just to continue lallygagging around with Roman.” Logan rebuked him slightly for his oafishness with Roman earlier. 

Virgil shot straight and flushed. “I didn’t do it just to goof off with Princey!” Virgil blurted out very emotionally. He balled himself up and buried himself in his hood again, groaning. Virgil was not a good liar. No matter how aloof, how angry, or how bitter, Virgil wore his colloquial ‘heart on his sleeve’ just like Patton. Even being otiose with Roman that wasn’t his original purpose, it was clearly something he considered a positive effect. After a pause, Virgil was looking away and rubbing his arm again. 

“Are we done, doc?” Virgil asked, his tone slightly mocking, but looking what seemed to be more and more exhausted by the moment. “I really want to go lie down.” 

“Once again, I am not a licensed professional, but If you feel sufficiently relieved, feel free to leave,” Logan said, but Virgil disappeared from the spot before Logan finished his sentence. Virgil’s body language, which Logan studied for the specific purpose of talking with Virgil, was not consistent. One could not call Virgil a champion of good posture or eye contact. But there was a clear indication that something was peculiar about him and what he tried not to communicate. 

— * * * — 

Patton was working on his crochet on the living room couch, humming to himself. Roman was at the kitchen table, writing something slightly nervously. He was probably waiting for some kind of news from Logan. Patton trusted Logan to have it handed, though, and focused on his blanket project. He knew Logan would let them know right away if there was a problem. It was a pretty quiet afternoon so far and nothing had felt off. Patton generally trusted his gut. 

Virgil suddenly appeared on the couch right next to Patton, which startled him. Patton jumped at Virgil’s sudden arrival and Virgil jumped at Patton’s reaction. Virgil and Patton both clutched their chest for a long moment and chuckled humorously at each other. Virgil squatted on the couch next to Patton. Patton was pleased that Virgil didn’t move away from him as he would have before. Perhaps his darkling was feeling a little lonely. 

“You wanna watch a movie, Pop?” Virgil offered and passed Patton the remote. Patton’s eyes lit up. His son wanted to spend time with him! It really was a good day! 

“Of course kiddo! Do ya got any preference?” Patton asked his dark and sleepy son, but he was pretty sure he knew the answer when Virgil handed over the remote. 

“Not really,” Virgil said, trailing off slightly. He put his hands in his pockets and looked to Patton for his choice. There was an exhausted look in his eyes. His poor son needed a break from something. 

“Light-hearted and sweet it is! Let’s watch Winnie the Pooh!” Patton announced and queued it up on the television in the common room. Virgil groaned half-heartedly and leaned back, summoning a blanket. Patton could see he was fine with Patton’s choice, despite his objections with the way he settled in to enjoy the movie. 

“Oh! Impromptu Movie night!” Roman must have been distracted if he only just realized they were starting a movie. Roman jumped onto the couch, which caused the other two to bob slightly. “Let’s watch Tangled!” He declared while miming long, flowing hair. 

“We already picked Winnie the Pooh, Kiddo. We can watch Tangled next, okay?” Patton said calmly and picked back up his crochet. Roman sighed dramatically and yawned, probably a little over the top to be a real yawn. 

“Fine. It’s almost like you hate bops,” Roman pouted and folded his arms as he settled into the couch. 

“There’s still a bop or two in the Pooh Movie. Classic Disney animation has it’s own charm to enjoy outside the catchy songs, right?” Patton suggested, throwing a meaningful glance from Roman to Virgil. Virgil looked absolutely worn down. His eyes were more sunken than usual and his hair limp. Roman’s face softened from dramatic indignation into an understanding smile, and he nodded in acknowledgment. 

Roman summoned himself a bucket of theater popcorn and threw his feet up on the coffee table as the intro played. He pulled out his phone and seemed to start scrolling social media. Patton was a little offended that Roman was that disinterested in the Pooh Movie, but he kept it to himself. Virgil didn’t look like he needed any bickering right now, and it was more important to take care of him at the moment. Patton was partially focused on his crochet project himself, and probably should let it go. 

They watched the movie in comfortable silence for a while, and Patton made good progress on his crochet. Virgil had started drifting about 20 minutes later. The Pooh movie _was_ soothing. Patton caught his eyes fluttering when he glanced over to check on him. Virgil’s balance on the couch was slipping further down. Patton felt a shake and looked over to see Virgil’s head bob, and he shook himself awake and pulled his legs under him to a more reclined position. It wasn’t long until he fully slipped into sleep and his head landed on Patton’s shoulder with a light snore. Patton had to keep himself calm because this was the first time Virgil ever initiated contact, even if it was accidental. Oh, he wanted a way to memorialize this! He couldn’t wake up Virgil, though. He was just so sleepy and there was a good chance he’d no longer want to sleep next to Patton. That would be awful, indeed! 

Patton set down his crochet next to the free space on the couch and carefully shifted Virgil down from his hard shoulder to his lap so Virgil wouldn’t fall any further and wake himself up. Virgil smelled like a frozen winter night deep in the woods. It was an unnerving situation, but unmistakably a beautiful scene. Patton blissfully watched Virgil sleep in his lap peacefully. His hair looked so fuzzy. Patton couldn’t resist and started stroking his hair gently. He was extra careful to make sure the motion wouldn’t wake him up. Virgil’s hair was soft and Patton was soothed so deeply by the gentle interaction with him. He’d always wanted this with another side. Roman would cuddle him on movie nights, but never Virgil or Logan. This was new and amazing, and he wasn’t letting anything interrupt it. 

Patton held his finger up to his mouth and faced Roman, who was still half watching the movie and half on his phone when Virgil passed out. Roman noticed him and nodded. He looked almost sulky for a moment. Patton was about to ask, but Roman’s eyes lit up and he gently stood up and aimed his phone at Patton and Virgil. 

“This would make such great blackmail material,” He whispered to Patton.   
  
“You stop this right now, young man, you know it would upset him,” Patton chided Roman quietly, attempting to shift as little as possible. 

“That’s what blackmail is, grandpa,” Roman rolled his eyes and tapped at his screen. He was clearly determined to get the photo with or without Patton’s approval. 

“At least make sure the flash is off. If you wake him, I will come for you,” Patton quietly threatened and stroked Virgil’s hair again. Roman turned off flash and succeed at not waking Virgil, thank goodness. The slightly evil smile on Roman's face was a little unsettling, but maybe that’s just Virgil and Roman’s dynamic when they’re not with the group. Patton returned to gently petting Virgil’s head while watching the film in peace as Roman sat back down. Roman tapped around on the screen more and showed Patton the resulting photo. 

“Okay, kiddo, you’re right, that is a pretty great photo. Could you send it to me?” Patton whispered back. Patton would get the cuddle memorialized after all. And maybe Roman won’t use it against Virgil viciously. Roman nodded and sent it over, resulting in a soft buzzing sound on the coffee table. They both sat motionlessly, scared they woke Virgil, and listened for a sign of him stirring. But all they were met with nothing but heffalumps and woozles to the cadence of Virgil’s soft breathing. Patton mouthed ‘that will be my new phone background’ at Roman. Roman huffed, but settled back into the couch and continued watching the movie with them. 

Logan had appeared later and both Patton and Roman had signaled him to be quiet as he rose into the living room. Logan nodded and sat down and joined them watching the Pooh movie, though he kept stealing glances at the sleeping Virgil. Logan looked slightly disconcerted when he glanced at Virgil but said nothing. 

“Is he okay, nerd theorem?” Roman whispered and shot a look at Virgil. Logan nodded back at him.   
“I cannot discuss what we talked about or my judgments therein. But Virgil’s apparent identity crisis is nothing to be disquieted about at this time,” Logan whispered back, and Patton and Roman both sighed in relief. 

“Let me know if I can help?” Roman whispered back. Logan nodded in response. Patton inwardly giggled at how protective Roman has gotten over Virgil. Roman must have noticed Patton’s big grin because his eyes quickly shot away and there was a slight blush on his cheeks. Patton fought the urge to be too expressive of his excitement over Roman’s response. He loved it that his sons finally got along. They returned to the comfortable silence as the Pooh Movie played on the TV. Roman eventually slipped back to messing around on his phone and didn’t even notice when another Pooh movie auto-played after the first for half the intro. 

“Hey, Pop, you said we could watch Tangled next,” Roman angrily whispered when he finally looked up and saw the new movie. 

“I promise we’ll watch it together another time, champ. It may be too lively for our dead tired friend,” Patton whispered back consolingly. “It’s got a lot of bops, remember? It would be hard not to sing along,” he said, looking gently down at the quietly resting Virgil. 

“Fine, whatever,” Roman said and crossed his arms as if he was angry, but Patton didn’t miss his soft expression as he also glanced at Virgil. He loved it when everybody got along and felt a warm feeling in his chest as they all enjoyed the rest of the movie in silence. 

When Thomas started getting ready for bed, they decided to finish up the impromptu movie night. Roman helped Patton very carefully slide out from under Virgil and replaced Patton’s lap with a pillow. Roman looked like Indiana Jones trying to swap a treasure with how hard he was concentrating. Patton giggled silently as Roman slowly backed away, and then looked at Patton triumphantly. Roman turned off the TV and sent away the empty popcorn bucket while Patton gently made sure Virgil was tucked in warmly. Patton stroked his hair one final time. Roman also gently pat his shoulder before heading to bed. Virgil never even shifted all night they were with him. Patton smiled gently at his sleepy strangeling as he sunk out to his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first draft: 2,080 Final: 3,415 (I actually added a ton today, I realized Patton's section wasn't, well, Patton enough. Too even-keeled.) Mmmm character flaws abound in this chapter. Also, enjoy the fluff while you can. Not that it's over for good, but...
> 
> Don't forget to check out Plea for My New Self if you just feel so dang bad for Virgil and want good things for him.
> 
> [edit: I did fanart for this chapter, here you go friends](https://onthevirgeofdestruction.tumblr.com/post/612897766559105024/i-always-underestimate-how-feral-yall-are-for)


	17. In Which There is a Crab in Virgil's Brain

Virgil felt like he had a crab in his brain. He winced and tensed up as he woke. Dealing with a headache in the first second of the day is not how this was going to go down. He moaned and pulled his blanket over his head. He wasn’t ready to deal with the day, not with a crab’s relentless grip on his lobes. He cowered under his blankets and hid from the light that assaulted his eyes from behind his lids. He was still too _tired_ to deal with any of this and he wasn’t fucking having it. The other sides seemed cool with him sleeping in yesterday. It probably wouldn’t hurt if he didn’t move until he was jolted up out of bed by Thomas. He crossed his fingers and moaned in the hope it wasn’t for a while and settled back into sleep.

— * * * —

Roman came out that morning to find Virgil still passed out on the couch and Patton and Logan were already quietly at the table. Logan must have passed over the funnies to Patton because he quietly tittered to himself and ate slowly instead of his normal morning racket. Roman was blessedly more capable of thinking than yesterday now that he felt better, and could easily come up with a solution to their volume dilemma. He conjured up a rubber ducky and placed it near Virgil’s head. Logan watched him from across the room and raised an eyebrow. Roman carefully paced his way over, not wanting to be too close to Virgil when he explained, just in case.

“Sound-absorbing ducky. In case some dishes make a loud noise. And so we can talk normally instead of whispering,” Roman said, pulling up his regular chair. Both Patton and Logan sat stiffly, looking over to the couch to see if Virgil would stir. Faithless!

“Y’know, that _hurts_. Come on. It’s fine. Patton, would you whi\- um, make me an omelet?” Roman caught himself in before he uttered some obvious Remus bait. He wasn’t sure his ducky could handle _that_ noise level. Patton paused in confusion at first, but his eyes widened in acknowledgment.

“Yeah, of course, pal,” Patton said, did an unnecessary sailor moon spin, and slid a plate across the table to him. Roman appreciated the showmanship, though. “For my favourite prince,” Patton winked and pushed a latte towards him as well.

“Thank you very much, Pat. So, he was still asleep when you came out as well?” Roman asked, taking a bite of his heart-shaped omelet.

“Yeah, poor kiddo must have really tuckered himself out yesterday,” Pat said, sounding concerned. Logan squinted suspiciously and grunted slightly in response.

“Care to share with the class, _professor_?” Roman said, rolling his eyes and enjoying his latte. There was obviously a bee in his bonnet.

“It is Virgil’s prerogative if he wants to enlighten us,” Logan said shortly and returned to his paper.

“I know you like to keep what you talk about during your sessions private, so Virgil trusts you, but can you at least tell us how he’s doing?” Patton said, looking like a sad puppy. Logan had very few defenses against the sad puppy face and he was pretty positive Patton knew that. That question probably didn’t even need the puppy face, though. Roman asked him something similar before.

“I believe at the moment he is fine other than certain factors. For Virgil, that is relatively normal,” Logan stated, hiding behind the paper from Patton’s face.

“Well, I’ll trust ya if you think the kid’s got it handled,” Patton said, summoning some extremely stuffed crepes and licking his lips. Roman saw Logan stiffen slightly at the word ‘trust’. Virgil must have been less than forthcoming yesterday. Virgil and Logan are very firmly on the ‘no lying’ train, but Virgil could be cagey with information sometimes. Much unlike The Encyclopedia Britannica across from him, trying to hide behind his paper. Roman knew Virge didn’t mean anything by it, though. He was scared of disappointing or hurting people and couldn’t always just come out with it. Leave it to Mr. Robot to take it personally. Roman yawned slightly and sipped his latte.

“Oh, oh, my sweet little moonlight is waking up!” Patton cooed, and Roman turned around to see Virgil sitting up still half-buried in the blanket, looking confused briefly, stretching, and then grabbing his head and holding it. What a drama queen. “Hey, Hey, Virge, come eat breakfast with us!” Patton urged Virgil over loudly, waving. But Virgil never turned around to see them and disappeared suddenly. The blanket on him fell to the couch.

“Guess you made that sound ducky thing a little too powerful for him to hear me,” Patton said, clapping his hands and conjuring a little trophy that said ‘#1 magic duck maker’ trophy and sliding it over. Both Logan and Roman rolled their eyes at this new trophy thing Patton had been doing. But when Patton whimpered, Roman shot into an acceptance speech. Roman didn’t enjoy disappointing people either, he could certainly relate with Virgil on that.

— * * * —

Virgil went back to the office Deceit was in yesterday. He had a gut feeling he’d be back there, and it was here. Perhaps reworking his plans with the new information? Perhaps making new ones? The only constant with Deceit was that there was always a plan. Deceit was also just busy with self-preservation. He was burdened with a lot, much like Virgil, and he didn’t like just letting things run loose like Virgil’s anxiety ran. Not that Virgil could stop and record things if he tried. He did try at Logan’s behest. It didn’t go well.

There was an empty waiting room between him and Deceit’s office, and Virgil wasn’t entirely sure if he should wait or knock or what, so he just shuffled his feet in the entrance, eyes looking around for any sign of what Deceit preferred. But a crackling noise broke the awkward silence, and Deceit’s voice came out of some unknown speaker. “Next,” He said, tonelessly. Virgil shyly walked up to the door and slid in as quietly as possible. It sort of reminded him of being in trouble at the principal’s office or a job interview. Those were not comfortable memories.

“What do you need, Virgil? You seem in dire straights,” Deceit said, watching him enter. Virgil only barely cracking the door to slip in. Deceit gave him a once over and looked back to his papers.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a headache... I don’t need anything. I just wanted to say thanks for helping yesterday… y’know. With the whole mind palace thing and in Logan’s Room…” Virgil said, muttering off at the end. Deceit put down his papers and stood up. Virgil watched him hopefully and Deceit nodded, so Virgil came around the desk and hugged him. “Thanks-for-all-that-stuff-and-junk,” Virgil mumbled, his words blending together. “And, um, sorry I gave you the impression I’d only visit if I needed something…” Virgil apologized, just above a whisper, his eyes glistening slightly when he realized how shitty he’d been to Deceit. Deceit let go and stepped back.

“I took it _very_ personally,” Deceit said smoothly and ‘checked his nails’ through his gloves. Virgil chuckled and pushed back his tears. Deceit was trying to be nice again so he could try to be less of the train wreck that deserved his scorn. Maybe they could just move on and be friends again. It really felt like that was what was happening, but Virgil just couldn’t trust that feeling. Water under the bridge can be just as dangerous as water on it, depending on your position. But it was in Virgil’s nature to be scared, and he could at least try.

“We should _actually_ paint those nails with how much you check them. But we can’t pick black or yellow, though, it’s too obvious,” Virgil offered with a light laugh. He was half-joking, but it actually sounded like a nice time.

“Those colors would be perfect,” He said with a smirk and sat back down at his desk, returning to his paperwork. Virgil shuffled awkwardly for a moment, trying to make a decision. Fuck it. Deceit said it wasn’t a one-time thing before. If he gets crushed, he gets crushed.

“If you’re not doing anything later, we could have tea and do our nails? I haven’t done mine in a while, either,” Virgil offered, hoping for some non-trashfire time to with Deceit to help make up for how much he’d fucked up lately. As much as it pained him to admit to himself, Virgil was also feeling kind of clingy, and he really wanted to spend time with Deceit.

“Sounds dreadful. Don’t expect a calling card.” Deceit never looked up from his papers and flipped his fingers at Virgil, as if motioning him to ‘shoo’. Virgil smiled weakly, a little concerned he’d be actually been rejected. But Deceit seemed very busy and was probably just distracted. It was possibly okay. He’d find out later, in any case. Virgil quietly slipped back out the door and disappeared from the office’s waiting room.

Virgil appeared in his normal chair at the dining table, lazily saluting Patton. Patton had a giant beaming smile, and Roman seemed happy to see him too. What did Virgil do? Were they hiding something? It was too early for smiles like that. It was too early for smiles in general. Something in him said it was a trap, but he shook it off. It was breakfast, not some elaborate trap.

“Kiddo! Would you like more Patton-cakes? I put in extra chocolate chips for you,” Patton said, sliding over another giant stack of pancakes. Virgil’s stomach groaned in pain just looking at it.

“No, pop, I’m good on food. I’ll have my normal tea, okay?” Virgil said, a tea mug rising out of the table between his hands.

“Oh, classy summon,” Roman nodded. “You probably ate enough for 3 weeks yesterday, huh?” Virgil bristled at the question. Crap, he really did go to town on pancakes yesterday. His stomach clenched just thinking about it, and he felt a little sick. He gently sipped his tea to settle it down. Virgil was grateful there wasn’t actually any food there to throw up.

“Virgil did over-indulge yesterday. We don’t eat for sustenance, just comfort. I’m sure you saw that on your unhealthy coping mechanisms packet?” Logan said, staring pointedly at Virgil. Virgil shrunk away from his stare.

“I didn’t expect Patton-cakes to be so good,” Virgil said, dodging the truth with another one. Patton squealed in delight at the compliment. He was looking for comfort yesterday. He felt really guilty about that morning when Deceit had to save him again. Now he felt guilty about dodging the truth, but he couldn’t possibly eat with his stomach doing flips like this.

“Oh, thank you, bucko, you fill me with _pat_ ernal pride!” Patton said, wiping a fake tear from his eye, though they were slightly shining. That seemed to be just as quickly remedied by Patton’s crepes, however. Patton returned to eating them fervently, and they looked like they were 90% sugar and fruits. There might have even been ice cream in there. Logan seemed at least slightly assuaged and returned to his paper. Roman tried to jab Virgil in the side, but Virgil dodged instinctively.

“What do you _want_ , Disney Dunce?” Virgil hissed and slid his chair slightly farther away. Roman was maybe trying to play fight him like yesterday, but Virgil just couldn’t stand the idea of being touched and it wouldn’t be fair to sock him right in his dumb face if Roman couldn’t sock him back without Virgil having a freak-out.

“Just wanted to remind you to finish your story, Emo city,” Roman said, air jabbing this time. Roman must have gotten the picture the first time. Virgil felt really guilty about shying away from him again. He didn’t have it in him to tell Roman it was fun. He wasn’t sure he could ever admit Roman himself was fun. But today he was scared again and couldn’t handle being touched. Only Deceit’s touch didn’t burn, and Virgil feared what that meant, along with fearing the burning sensation.

“It’s already done, oh _glorious_ lord of the himbos,” Virgil grumbled sarcastically. He put his head down on the table and held his warm mug in front of him. All these racing thoughts were killing his headache.

“Lord of the himbos? I am a hunk, but I am no dullard!” Roman shot back, sounding oddly defensive for an off joke. Virgil’s hands shot to cover his ears, but the damage had been done. Virgil’s head started pulsating painfully again. He groaned and pressed the hot mug to his head gently, hoping it would help settle it down.

“Well, you sure aren’t _kind_ either, so I guess I’ll admit I was wrong today,” Virgil growled. It felt like he was holding his head together. Logan glanced over at Virgil passively.

“That is true. Virgil clearly has a headache. You just raised your voice at him, likely causing further distress,” Logan said plainly, but his intent to berate Roman was clear.

“ _Gee_ , thanks for the helpful exposition,” Virgil said sardonically, not really caring about telling off Roman. It was a mistake and nothing to get bothered over. “Can I get away with some caffeine for the headache, today?” Virgil looked to Logan hopefully. Logan straightened up. Oh, no, Virgil knew what that meant. Logan’s got a speech. Virgil briefly considered running.

“Studies show that caffeine can actually prolong the length of the headache even if in the short term it can decrease the pain symptoms-” Virgil rose one hand from his head to stop Logan from the lecture, the other still clutching his head desperately. He couldn’t take any helpful information today. “Fine. Hydrate and be restful in a comfortable area with low eye-strain,” Logan finished in a huff. Thank god. He hoped that was enough face time for breakfast and heaved a deep sigh. Virgil and his tea disappeared to his room in a blink.

— * * * —

“How come you never let _me_ stop you from one of your rants?” Roman whined after Virgil left. Logan shot Roman a quick stink eye.

“It wasn’t a _rant_. It was pertinent information. Virgil would not retain much of the information with the apparent severity of his migraine. It was ideal to postpone it to a future date when he would be _capable_ of absorbing new information,” Logan stated, and his hands shot up to hide back behind the newspaper. Logan was feeling touchy, it seemed.

“Wait, Lo, what would cause us to get a headache?” Roman asked, genuinely curious. He had gotten headaches before when working too hard, but it didn’t make sense for Virgil to have one when he just woke up. Logan dropped his paper again, looking much less annoyed this time. Logan did always love answering questions.

“Obviously, physiological factors are not relevant, but psychological stressors can cause pain. Excessive stress or a slew of other more emotional reasons could cause us to have pains like headaches, stomachaches, and myalgia.” Logan said, returning to his article, but not hiding behind it this time.

“Why would hydrating help Virgil if it isn’t physical?” Roman realized and blurted out suddenly.

“Drinking would have a calming effect,” Logan responded straightforwardly and sipped his own coffee.

“Oh right, the same reason he has morning tea. How does caffeine work on us, then?” Roman asked, having fallen down a curiosity rabbit hole. It was going to bother him all day if he didn’t find out, and he’d already gotten this far. May as well ask.

“It doesn’t. They are purely placebo effects,” Logan said, finishing off his mug of coffee and heading to the sink to rinse it. Roman stared wide-eyed at his nearly finished latte.

“Well, won’t it no longer work now that I know?” Roman asked, taken aback. He was pretty upset at the idea of losing his morning kick-start.

“It will work as long as you expect it to, Roman. Just like your toy duck. Why are you just wondering these things now? It has been years since you started imbibing coffee,” Logan asked, folding up his paper. Imbibing? Was that really a necessary word choice? What, was he a Grecian god guzzling wine? Actually, that was a cool comparison. Logan stared at Roman expectantly.

“I, uh, just never noticed until Virgil’s headache brought it up.” Roman stumbled briefly as he returned from his thoughts of being a Greek god. He was not a fan of admitting it never occurred to him, but there wasn’t much else to explain it.

“I will prepare an observation practice this week along with a technical packet,” Logan sighed, looking at Roman like he was an idiot.

“ _Cold_ , calculator watch! Cold!” Roman moaned. Logan gave a quick smile and sank out. Patton laughed out loud. “Oh, it’s not like _you_ ever thought about it, padre!” Roman bit in frustration and took a big bite of his breakfast. He chewed angrily and glared at Patton.

“I don’t drink coffee, kiddo, I drink cocoa. I thought you all drank it for the taste!” He announced, and he summoned a steaming mug stacked with both big and small marshmallows.

“If you were human, you would have lost all your teeth from sugar,” Roman replied sourly, not appreciative of being made to feel like an idiot by Logan. Knowing how things worked wasn’t his job!

“Thank the gosh golly goodness I’m not! Would you like to watch Tangled with me tonight, since we couldn't get to it last night?” Patton asked and beamed at him expectantly. Roman grumbled briefly, still feeling embarrassed by Logan. “I’ll invite my purple plaid son,” He added. Roman lit up at that idea.

“We can trick him into singing Flynn’s part in ‘I’ve got a dream’, I’ll bet that little goth wants a castle all to himself and he’ll give in just to try to spite us,” Roman said with a flourish, cheering up at the thought of getting to annoy Virgil. Patton shook his head.

“Now, now kiddo, tricks aren’t very nice,” Patton admonished Roman for his scheme. Roman took Patton’s hands and squeezed them.

“Don’t you want to hear him sing again? I just want to give him the chance where he won’t be anxious about it,” Roman pleaded. He wasn’t completely lying. Patton’s eyes sparkled in delight.

“Oh well, when you put it like that, then it’s no problem! Just don’t force him if he really doesn’t want to, okay champ?” Patton requested, putting his hand on Roman’s shoulder.

“Of course, not, that wouldn’t be very princely of me!” Roman said, dismissing Patton’s fears and striking a royal pose.

“Great! I will go finish my story! There’s plenty of kittens!” Patton called as he sank out. Roman rolled his eyes. Aren’t there always, if not puppies? Wasn’t the theme this week to overcome something? With kittens? Roman had to admit to himself he was pretty interested to see how that narrative worked out. Roman had already finished his, but he had another idea about overcoming an obstacle that called to him to write. He left to go work in his room to make sure his creative juices were flowing at the maximum. He whipped out his laptop and began typing away.

Roman started a new story about a page that wanted to leave the kingdom to save it, but he was told he couldn’t leave without his knight. His knight had gone missing trying to find the cause of the water shortage, so the page was bound in the kingdom. So the page sneaked out anyway, following his heart. He found it was a dragon who was blocking the water supply and eating all the knights. He was clearly outmatched, so the page had to outwit the dragon. The page was made a knight for his heroism.

Roman knew Virgil would love it because the Dragon ate all the knights and the page went against the royalty’s wishes. He was a brat like that. Virgil was also into dragons, though Roman doubted he would admit being fascinated by them. Roman really wanted to share it with him. Maybe for the next unprompted story? Logan would also like the use of wits. Roman often wrote other stories that mostly ended up being daydreams during the week, but this one seemed like the perfect one to share. Roman thought Virgil would also like this week’s story and didn’t want to switch it out, but he did want to share it.

Thinking of Virgil, Roman wondered how he was doing. He had fallen asleep early yesterday and slept in today. Even after all that rest, he still had a headache. If Logan was right, and he probably was, that meant that something was stressing Virgil out… more than he was usually stressed out. And Roman had the impression that Virgil was normally very stressed out. Roman may as well check on him, right? As royalty, he should check on the wellbeing of his subjects, after all.

Roman sank from his room and rose in Virgil’s. The room was dim and there were some new spider webs. Yuck. Otherwise, it was the regular amount of spooky. Nothing out of place for Roman to be concerned over, anyway. Roman didn’t see Virgil right away, but Roman saw what appeared to be a purple and black blanket mountain under a plaid quilt tied to the banister of the staircase where he normally likes to hang out. Roman tilted down to check the interior.

Virgil was in mount blanketfort, listening to music with his hoodie up and his eyes closed, grasping a full cup of tea. Roman would have assumed he was asleep if he wasn’t gently swaying with a sleeve-covered hand cupping one side of the headphones. It was cutespirational. It was some string lights from being pintrest-worthy. Patton would love to see this. But Roman didn’t want to scare him or even be noticed staring at him. He seemed fine right now and didn’t want to make his day worse by embarrassing him. At least not today, anyway, Roman had already accidentally hurt his head. There was a line Roman was careful not to cross these days. Roman resolved to leave before he was too tempted to join him in mount blanketfort or take another photo that Virgil was most assuredly object to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost the original draft in the great dropbox error of January 2020 but I think it was about 2k. I just added 1k today adding personality to the text. I am perhaps out of hand. Or Roman is. I can blame Roman, right? Final: 3,773
> 
> Pat making trophies for the other sides is one of my favourite headcanons that I found I had while I was writing. It does reoccur. Because I think it's funny. Just like my headcanon about Remy and Emojis that's about to pop up in Plea for my New Self. I hope I wasn't overly wordy for the explanation/exposition that was prolly unnecessary. I just really wanted Logan to roast Roman and when I get on the exposition train I have trouble getting back off. Angst warning in the next chapter, but assuredly you expect that from me by now.


	18. In Which Too Much is Asked of Virgil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoo-boy.  
> warnings: RSD, magnification, depression, self-doubt, self-depreciation, death mention, violence mention, social pressure, anxiety attack, a slew of misunderstandings, accidental assholery, and _Disney's Rapunzel_ spoilers
> 
> _*sings* one of these things is not like the others_

Virgil sat on top of the couch wrapped up in a thick black comforter and holding his mug of tea like a lifeline. His headache had gone down most of the way, but he still had very little patience for the day. Disgruntled, maybe. Not that Virgil was sure he ever felt ‘gruntled’. It wasn’t that far from meeting time for the story sharing. Virgil couldn’t wait to get this over with, either. He might even duck out early, but he may as well try. Sitting with his face over a mug of chamomile quietly on the couch was certainly doable. It would be too much effort to come up with an excuse to leave, anyway.

Logan was already here, as usual, writing on a clipboard with his collated story papers on the coffee table. Virgil hadn’t been up to proofreading what he wrote yesterday, but today his bitterness slightly overwrote his fear of grammatical errors annoying his friends. Whatever. It was probably fine. He was too tired to find those kinds of errors anyway. He just wanted to get through this and sit in the dark with more tea and his music. He watched Logan examine him briefly and couldn’t stop from glaring back slightly.

“Virgil, I see your mood is still dour. Are you still struggling with cranial discomfort?” Logan asked, sounding slightly distracted. Virgil gave a half-assed nod in response and sipped his tea. Logan went back to writing on his clipboard right away without acknowledging him any further. Why bother asking if he would not do anything with that information. Is there a check-box for participant pain level or something? Virgil needed to get a hold of that clipboard sometime and see what terrible things Logan was writing about them.

Patton and Roman appeared shortly, and the summaries went on as usual. Logan had written a story about Thomas curing a skin disease in parrots, and it was full of medical jargon that annoyed Virgil’s headache. Delightfully enough, the parrot in his lab he used the final cure on thanked him for treating him. According to the story, the parrot learned to speak as science!Thomas talked over the creating cure. Virgil supposed Patton was finally rubbing off on him. Talking animals is so his thing. Though this had more wish-fulfillment elements to it. It wasn’t exactly Thomas’s degree, but it was in part using science to save the rain forest. Logan must have finally caught on that stories can be fun. Virgil doubted he’d be complaining about writing fiction again, but also had a feeling Logan wouldn’t admit it either.

The others were also pretty heartwarming. Virgil knew they were all optimists, but this was nice instead of grating like it normally was. Optimism was just easier to stomach in fiction, maybe. Patton wrote about a Dad who was nostalgic about his son as a kid when he went off to college, telling his new kittens about all the things he and his son used to do together. The single dad was trying to overcome the empty feeling of the house now that his son was gone for college and growing up and not needing him as much anymore. Virgil wasn’t too sure about Patton’s definition of strife, but there was a type of conflict. It was a little melancholy, and Virgil really liked it. It felt like the kind of story he needed today. It was easy to follow, and he included some fond memories Thomas had with his own dad in the story. And kittens. The kittens were the best, and Virgil possibly was way too attached to these fictional kittens because of Patton’s ridiculous emotional prowess. Knowing Patton, they would live long and happy lives, so Virgil could rest easy about them.

Roman wrote about friends who started out going to a theme park together for a few days but had solved a strange murder mystery by the Sunday night fireworks. It was incredibly gay, which was always a bonus. It was a park attendee who tried to hide their catastrophic mistake that caused a ride to shut down and the park police after the culprit. So the culprit ran around trying to cause some other problems in the park and tried to spread the rumor it was haunted. There were plenty of tongue-in-cheek references to Scooby-Doo by the characters. They called each other gang, and there was a stuffed dog they carted along with them as they searched for clues. The mystery strained his head a bit, but he liked that Roman picked a murder mystery as overcoming strife and as a really odd way to bring friends into admitting their feelings. It was like the gay version of meet-cute, except they’d been friends for years and just never noticed until they found a body on the water ride and felt compelled to solve it.

Remus’s summation was way too loud and Virgil barely caught a quarter of it, but from all the thrusting movements he was pretty certain it was also very gay. Patton wasn’t freaking out too much, so it must have not been too R rated. Or maybe he was scared stiff. Perhaps the motions were unrelated to the contents of the story. It’s hard to say when the duke is involved. Virgil had trouble following the random story that seemed to constantly switch perspective. He had enough problems focusing with his headache, so he’d resolved to read it again later. It was something about a couple at a creepy carnival of nightmares. Virgil didn’t know if it was a dream or some crazed killer situation, but Virgil would be surprised if the adversary didn’t overcome the couple by the end. Maybe the couple was supposed to be the strife to overcome, like the villain is the real protagonist, but the perspective switching is supposed to confuse you. Virgil genuinely had no clue. It would be a very cool use of narrative as a distraction if that was the case.

Virgil was buried deep in his blanket listening to his friends talk animatedly about the stories after they finished up and started the discussion. Their themes were diverging slightly, showing influence from the other sides and that excited Patton and intrigued Logan even further on the subject of cross-studying. Virgil’s mind started drifting as the chamomile tea he was sipping made him sleepier. He was very comfortable, and it was nice listening to his friends talk about things that didn’t need some deep debate or Virgil’s full attention because Thomas was in danger if they made some dumb choice. He didn’t really feel like skipping out on the end anymore. He closed his eyes and just let the chamomile smell and the voices wash over him.

“And _Kiddo_!” Patton exclaimed, pulling Virgil back to reality.

“Huh?” He said, shaking his head lightly to loosen up the sleepiness that had sneaked up on him. God, how much could a side sleep in one day? He had definitely drifted earlier before the meeting and thought he finally was awake. That was not the case.

“It’s clear that I influenced you this week! What a nice ending! I’m so glad they found their daughter, and she was okay!” Patton declared. Oh right, he wrote a story about a kid getting distracted and subsequently lost. She had to escape the dangers of the wild trying to get back to them. Virgil remembers she got scolded, and that’s where he ended it, so either Patton thought getting scolded by a parent was a good thing, or he’s set a very, very low bar for happy endings. It was easier to write a milder ending when he wasn’t as worried about all the various horrible things that could happen to his characters as an extension of himself in those situations. But Virgil was afraid of getting scolded, so it wasn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows.

“Uh, yeah. Guess somebody needs to lean towards a ‘Roman’ ending next week to make up for two ‘Pattons’,” Virgil mused somewhat absentmindedly.

“Or, I could write a story so quintessentially _me_ that feels like there is 3 times as much ‘Roman’ next week!” Roman declared, flexing. Virgil chuckled soundlessly at Roman’s dumb pose behind his mug.

“Well, I want to see Logan try to write a ‘Roman’ type story with no science or explanations and all magic,” Virgil said, bemused and stifling a small yawn. That would be weird. Logan grunted quietly.

“That is as implausible as Patton writing a ‘Virgil’ type story.” Logan supplied, sounding very annoyed. Ugh, it was just a joke. Virgil rolled his eyes and finished his tea.

“Okay, Logan! I will!” Patton said, giving Logan the double thumbs up. “I’ll need some tips from my dark strange son, though,” He said while winking at Virgil. Logan just stared blankly for a moment. Virgil also felt equally baffled. They knew it was just a joke, right?

“Backed into a corner, Meganerd, nowhere to go but to my room for a lesson on writing the adventure of a lifetime!” Roman said mockingly, running his fingers through his bangs. “Shall I write a ‘Logan story’ with a severe lack in wonderment and Virgil double down on a ‘Patton’ to round it out?” He asked the group facetiously. At least Roman knew it was a joke.

“Oh my gosh, that sounds so exciting!” Patton said nearly clapping but stopping himself with an apologetic look towards Virgil, realizing that would be loud. Virgil appreciated the consideration but was too concerned to feel gratitude. It… didn’t sound like Patton knew that was a joke. Roman looked shocked, himself. Patton’s great at reading moods. What the hell was happening right now.

“To the best idea, I award you, Roman, a trophy of a light bulb!” Patton announced, pulling a small trophy out of nowhere. Roman accepted it, rolling his eyes, but bowing slightly appreciation.

“Thank you kindly, young padre, for this _gracious_ award,” Roman beamed, acting a little too over the top. Roman clearly wasn’t pleased, but he also was a people pleaser and would not back down from a challenge. Virgil wasn’t a fan of that ‘award-winning’ idea in the slightest. He was positive he couldn’t write anymore like Patton then he already did. Especially not without going to Deceit again for the help, and he hated the idea of bothering him again after all the times he’s needed help lately. He really didn’t want to piss off Deceit again by being needy and annoying. Things had only just gotten better with him. Virgil must have been making a panicked expression bigger than his mug, because Patton noticed something was off.

“Don’t worry, kiddo, you did a great job this week! I’m sure you can do it!” Virgil tried to smile, but he just made a weird face. He took a deep breath and tried to look around for something to ground him. He shot a glance at Logan, but he was statue-still. That had amused him enough to settle down a bit, though he was still freaking out in the back of his head.

“Great job, princeps, you’ve broken Logan with that suggestion,” Virgil growled, realizing Logan hadn’t reacted or responded. Logan was the only one who would object, and a Logic statue couldn’t save Virgil from this mess.

“He brought this on himself when he questioned Pat’s ability to love the unlovable,” Roman said, sounding slightly upset. Ouch. That... fucking hurt worse than any stab of Roman's sword.

“No,” Logan finally spoke up. “It would be a good exercise in pushing our boundaries to make the distasteful more palpable,” He said, adjusting his glasses which had gone slightly askew. Virgil pulled the blanket over his head and hid. Logan did not save anybody from this mess. He also rubbed salt in Princey’s wound. Virgil hated today. Roman stood up and punched Virgil on the arm, which set off alarms in Virgil’s head. He was already completely crushed felt like he was on a hair-trigger. His vision was blurring and wasn’t sure what he was seeing in front of him anymore as he tried to breathe.

“It will be a nice change of pace to see you write like less of an incredible sulk,” he heard Roman say, and he felt his heart break. Virgil stared straight ahead, not really seeing anything in front of him, quietly trying to catch his breath behind his mug.

“Kiddo? You okay?” Patton asked, coming over to him. Virgil stumbled off the back of the couch when he saw the light blue blob come closer and squatted to the side of it, creating a barrier between himself and anymore contact. He poked his head up and nodded. “Okay, well, did you want to watch Tangled with us tonight?” He asked, voice completely permeated with concern. A light-hearted distraction. That’s a coping tactic, right? Virgil nodded over the couch. He strained his eyes to focus and make sure they didn’t get too close, again.

“Wonderful!” Roman cried, spinning around in a flourish and posing in what was now a Flynn Rider onesie with a bucket of popcorn in hand. Patton stepped over to the table and picked up the remote, loading up the movie. He clapped and now was wearing his cat onesie and summoned extra pillows for the couch.

“Didya wanna sit next to your pop again, Virge?” Patton asked, sitting down and patting the spot next to him. Virgil stayed behind the couch and shook his head. “Well, alright, the spot’ll be open for ya if you change your mind, champ!” He declared as the movie title sequence started up. Logan sat down at the end of the couch, sitting up straight and watching the TV. Virgil caught Logan stealing a glance at him, but he didn’t make any comments. Virgil tried to breathe deep and focus his eyes on the TV, but it was still kind of blurry. But it was starting to work. Sounds got a little less distant and things were less fuzzy after a little bit. He must have managed his breathing enough to pull through. The victory felt empty, though.

Eventually, a little past ‘When will my life begin’, Virgil crawled back up on the couch and sat on top, leaning against the wall. He summoned himself his big fuzzy spider plush and held it against his chest and rested his head on top of it. He needed Vladimir right now and hoped nobody would notice. He hoped they couldn’t see it under the giant blanket he was still wearing over his head and body. He held it close and hid it as well as he could, not wanting to spook Patton. Or get made fun of any further. Roman would laugh and Logan would say something about being too old for toys or whatever. He could almost hear them in his head. But comfort was comfort, and his plush should just look like a fuzzy pillow from the outside.

He wouldn’t admit it to Roman, who clearly loved this film as much as he sang along with the cast, but he really liked Rapunzel. She was the most relatable Disney Princess to Virgil. While Virgil watched her freak out after she left the tower he relaxed a bit more, releasing tension in his back he didn’t realize was there. Of course, there were still dark themes about trust and dying for strangers but that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy all the good parts and very relatable anxiety attack. But it wasn’t long until Roman started goading him into singing.

“Sing Flynn’s part, Virge!” He said, nudging the air in the direction of Virgil. Welp, there goes that relaxation. Virgil sat stiffly, grimacing back at Roman. He wasn’t in the mood to sing a damn song. He never was, and after some really scathing marks from the others, Roman was lucky Virgil wasn’t attacking him. Roman paused the movie, obviously expecting some retaliation.

“Fuck _off_ , Raprincezal. I don’t _do_ sing-alongs,” Virgil spouted curtly, continuing his glare.

“ _Young man_!” Patton shouted, shocked at Virgil’s language. He looked over to Virgil with consternation as Virgil jumped from the volume.

“You can tell us to fuck off by singing about how you want to live in in a castle _all alone_ ,” Roman suggested in a sing-song voice.

“Both of you! Language!” Patton nearly screeched. Virgil’s head pounded from the volume and he introduced them both to a bird and his identical twin brother without realizing it. Patton blanched and Virgil realized he reflexively went way too far, dropping his arms quickly and pulling them back in under the blankets, squeezing Vladimir.

“Virgil. Apologize,” Logan said, shooting Virgil a quick glare before returning to the screen.

“S-sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” He said, rubbing the back of his head. Virgil’s pocket buzzed. He looked around for a second while they all glared at him and checked it quickly. The phone screen said ‘play nice’ and Virgil’s heart dropped further. “I’ll sing the stupid part, okay princey? I’m sorry,”

Roman and Patton perked back up hearing that, but Patton was still shaken. God, Virgil hated how much of an ass he could be when he was upset. He wished he had gone to his bedroom instead of joining them. He should have skipped the discussion like he was going to do in the first place. He’d done nothing but fuck up since.

Roman unpaused the movie with a satisfied grin. Patton and Roman filled the various parts of the song that came up. The singing seemed to cheer Patton back up, at least. When it came Virgil’s turn, he had trouble vocalizing, and he was sure it sounded like he wasn’t really trying. He really would like his own private castle, though. He really wanted to sing well, to make it up to Patton for being an asshole. But he fell short again. Other than a mild stink-eye from Roman, though, they seemed to let it slide and went back to watching the movie. Virgil pressed himself firmly to the wall and rubbed his face. He was really trying to be positive and have fun watching the movie, but he just felt sick to his stomach.

—

It felt like an eternity later when the movie ended. Patton was crying at the wedding scene, blubbering about how sweet it was, and Roman was flipping through the movies looking for another one to watch. He buried his face in his spider pillow and rubbed it aggressively. He had to play nice. He had to stay here and play nice. It would probably be just one more movie before they all went to bed. He heard Logan clear his throat, standing next to him. Virgil jumped at the sudden sound, not realizing he had come over while his face was buried in acrylic purple fur.

“Virgil, you seem to be struggling with your progress today. Can I be of any assistance?” Logan asked quietly, clearly not trying to attract the other’s attention.

“My progress?” Virgil asked before he fully processed the question.

“Yes, the goal you mentioned yesterday in our session,” Logan clarified under his breath. “You seem to be more morose and tremulous in comparison to yesterday. I would like to offer expertise to facilitate your commendable goal,” Logan explained while Virgil dropped his head down again and roughly ran his fingers through his hair. He hadn’t even realized he was shaking. Virgil felt a ball growing in his throat.

“I, uh, need to do it myself.” Virgil lied into his spider. “Otherwise it won’t stick, right?” He knew he didn’t have it in him. He was guilty about lying to Logan again. When did he become such a liar? He glanced up barely and saw Logan stiffen next to him through the fur.

“While that is an aspect of achieving personal growth, receiving help would not be adverse to your goal,” Logan stated and seemed to be waiting for a response from him. Virgil slightly shuttered but said nothing. Logan let out a deep breath. “My offer will remain when you need it,” Logan pulled out a lined sticky with some numbers on it. “Here is my number if you find text messages less apprehensive,” He placed the note on the doll and walked back to where he was seated on the couch.

Virgil quickly grabbed the note with Logan’s number and shoved it deep into his hoodie pocket. He felt empty inside. He knew he couldn’t be who they wanted him to be. All evening it felt like they kept reminding him he wasn’t the right fit with them. Virgil really tried to play nice, and he ended up flipping off people who didn’t deserve it. He really was a fuckup.

Roman shook him from his head by announcing they were watching Anastasia next. Normally they voted, but nobody seemed to object to his choice. It was a similar plot to Rapunzel. An orphan goes on a journey and finds out she’s the lost princess. Roman probably did that on purpose. He loved picking themes for movie night. Virgil didn’t dare ask and see if he got it right, though. He was probably wrong, anyway. Maybe it was spunky princesses, or attractive male leads or something. Probably something Virgil never even noticed because he was an idiot.

Virgil didn’t have the energy to lift his head, much less move from his spot, so he watched the movie. Some of the scenes were probably too much for Virgil this close to bedtime. When Rasputin controls Anastasia in her dreams to make her kill herself it really unsettled him. That scene always spooked him more than it should have. He was probably going to be worried about it all night. There was something about sleepwalking yourself to death that was just scarier than villains with ghost-demon magic. Thomas is going to be scared of something ridiculous just from a memory. He felt like a piece of shit. What a stupid thing to be afraid of. He was stupid for being afraid of it.

Virgil took a deep breath, but it felt hollow. He was breathing okay enough, but it just didn’t feel relieving or relaxing. Virgil sighed and stared ahead, not really seeing the movie anymore. Virgil really hoped he didn’t sleepwalk. He also really hoped if he had nightmares they wouldn’t include those stupid bugs. The last thing he could bring himself to hope for was to be loved for who he was. But he had a sickening feeling all those hopes were just as empty and bleak as he felt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot's gotta get there somehow, friends, and angst is the key.  
> it's always the key. angst is the answer. Though unlike the rest of the story, the fluff to angst ratio actually leans towards fluff after this. blasphemy, I know.  
> outline/draft/2nd draft: 14/2k/3k final: 3,796  
> i was like, oh, 3k? it's kind of short, right? guess i'm uploading a short chapter. and then I reviewed it and added 800 words and wtf.  
> next one's 2700 rn what's your guess on what the final count will be? because this happens all the time and I never expect it so may as well have a laugh at myself take a shot and I'll shout you out in the notes if you get it. chapter 28 is over 4,100 characters already and i have a 4k cap so i'm kind of scared of editing that fucker i will lose my shit if i have to split another chapter


	19. In Which There are Puzzles and Plans

Virgil never left the blanket bundle on top of the couch. He never left after the movie ended, not after Patton urged him to go to bed early. He didn’t even move or fight back after Roman insulted him for sitting there like a lump. Because he knew the truth now. They liked him better when he wasn’t himself. They liked him better when he lied. Tears welled in his eyes but they never fell. He couldn’t find it in him to cry. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed buried under his blanket with his face in Vladimir. He didn’t care. He was numb and there was nothing here for him.

Virgil didn’t hear or see when someone rose in front of him and gently placed their hand on his shoulder. He jolted briefly, but he knew who it was as soon as he felt their familiar touch. Instinctively, he reached out and held them. Virgil needed comfort, but also to not feel so desperately alone. There was a pause as Virgil wrapped his arms around their torso. He felt himself sink out of the common area with them and held on tight, refusing to let go. He couldn’t let go if he tried.

Once they arrived, away from prying eyes, once he was away from them all, the dam broke loose. Virgil started sobbing violently with unstoppable tears. Virgil didn’t let go and he didn’t try to force Virgil to let go. He knew how much he needed this. Like he always did. When Virgil finally let go and he looked up, he felt like he had nothing left to say or give. He watched them tremble for a moment and take a deep breath.

“You shouldn’t sleep here,” Deceit offered with an even voice. But he standing stiffly with his arms to his sides, like he was hiding something. He probably was. That didn’t matter. Virgil nodded and crawled from the ottoman he found himself sitting on and up into the bed. He laid under his blanket at the edge of the bed stiffly on top of the sheets. Virgil faced the wall, still shaking from his tears and feeling empty. There was a despondent sigh as the lights went out and Deceit settled himself into bed. Virgil stared at the wall disconsolately until he was forced to sleep.

— * * * —

When Deceit woke in the morning, he felt a wave of anxiety, doubts tracing his every breath, breaking apart his every plan. Virgil. He blinked away from the sleep in his eyes and looked over to the cause. The wad of blanket next to him was stuffed full of black spider webs, spreading across the bed and over to him. Deceit sighed and brushed them off of himself. Deceit knew this was an eventuality, that Virgil would gather all the lack of tact and finesse of the others and hold it against himself.

Virgil couldn’t stop being anxiety, and he couldn’t stop doubting his entire life up to this point and beyond. So eventually, he would find himself broken. He would trap himself in his own web. Quite literally. But it hurt Deceit to see every time. There was only so much he could do to protect Anxiety from himself. Just like Deceit was prey to getting entangled into his own lies. Deceit felt like he was the only one who could even help Virgil with this. The _others_ … were not helpful about this particular issue. They were not the cause of the problem, of course, but they certainly didn’t help.

The steely smell clawed at his throat and the remnants of Virgil’s web ate at the edges of his sense, but Deceit always had to focus on who he was and what he had to do or he could easily lose sight of the truth. And that knowledge and skill made it easier to keep hold of himself despite Virgil’s curse trying to wrack Deceit’s brain and tear him apart with his own doubts. He took a deep breath and made sure there were no more webs before snapping into his regular outfit.

Deceit gently placed his hand on Virgil’s shoulder from over the blanket and applied light pressure. Just enough to feel but not enough to scare. “100. 99. 98,” He stared counting, staring at the wall as he kept his pace while counting down. A shuttering sob broke from Virgil at 50. At 25, Virgil joined him in counting and Deceit risked a glance. It was no less distressing to see than before. After they hit zero, Virgil slightly convulsed under Deceit’s hand and the burning smell lessened as the bulk of the webs disappeared. Virgil sat up slowly and held Deceit’s hand. Virgil stared down at the bed, unblinking. He had a blank expression and empty eyes like all the light were lost in the world.

“Good evening, Virgil,” Deceit cooed. He took a deep breath to gather his thoughts and strength into speaking without lies. Virgil always seemed to understand Deceit, no matter how he spoke, but he always tried to reign it in when there was something important to talk about. Virgil may accidentally internalize something they both would know he didn’t mean. So he needed to be careful. Virgil was very delicate right now. Virgil watched Deceit ground himself and nodded, acknowledging his attempts. Deceit conjured a cup of tea in his other hand and tried to pass it over to Virgil, but he just shook his head. His eyes were beginning to well up. Deceit sent it away.

“It’s time to talk, Dear,” Deceit said with a pointed look.

“You _heard_ them, D, do I really need to repeat it?” Virgil asked bitterly, barely above a sad whisper.

“You seem to have heard something different than me. I didn’t hear _any_ reason to cocoon yourself like that,” Deceit said, truthfully. Virgil shot him a sour look and let go of Deceit’s hand to hug his knees to his chest.

“I can’t control my webs as well as you can yours,” Virgil muttered sharply. That was perhaps true, but Virgil didn’t know how easy it was for him to slip into his own lies. “They… they don’t _like_ me,” Virgil said with a crack in his voice. “They’re always mad at me for being something I can’t control! They’re always pushing me to be _less_ of myself.” He said with a sob. “Not that _I_ don’t want that, _too_! But it hurts so much to hear that _if only you could be a little less you_ that they could love you back. They’re my _friends_ , D, and they told me _to my face_ they like me better when I’m less of myself,” Virgil said, now curled up and his face in his hands.

Deceit’s eyebrows furrowed. “That’s not what-” Deceit tried to start refuting him.

“I was the one _there_ , okay?” Virgil snapped, interrupting him. Deceit glowered. Virgil fumed for a moment and then seemed to realize his folly. “S-sorry,” He muttered, a look of fear in his eyes and his body tensed. Deceit narrowed his eyes but decided to let it go. Virgil was upset and Deceit’s temper wouldn’t help that. He gave a brief nod to Virgil who relaxed slightly when he recognized the meaning. Deceit clearly needed to make some changes to his plans for Virgil’s sake. And perhaps for Deceit’s own sanity’s sake.

“I need to go to my office. Will you join me?” He asked, extending a hand towards Virgil. He nodded and took it, and they disappeared from the spot. Deceit left Virgil on the waiting room couch to go sit at his desk. Virgil balled up despondently and stared at the floor as Deceit stepped into his office and close the door behind him. Deceit needed to think clearly. And he needed Virgil to think clearly. He had no interest in messing with someone’s option of consent, and Virgil would have been swayed by the atmosphere in his room. Deceit tapped his desk idly as he considered the options.

There were two very clear paths. To offer to remove the memories and let Virgil continue on the mission at his own pace, which has been showing very little progress if any. It opened up very few opportunities for Deceit to even intervene. And then they would hurt him again, and he’d be back to where he was because the other sides just can’t seem to get their heads out of their asses. There were also consequences for removing that particular string of memories that could be detrimental to both Virgil and the mission.

Deceit knew he’d be back here in days when he was incapable of writing like Patton and beating himself up for both not being more and wishing he was less. Deceit could easily guess which things he heard that hurt Virgil. Many of the memories hurting him were intertwined with the odd group short storying writing session. If he took the whole evening then he would be distressed over submitting the wrong essay next week. Taking just the part of the evening where they watched the movies wouldn’t be enough.

The other was to give them what Virgil thinks they want. What Virgil hated that he wanted for himself. Virgil, but a little less Anxious. Virgil, but easier to deal with. Virgil, but more focused. He wouldn’t have to be wadded back up in his own webs, and he would have fewer panic attacks. And if Virgil had less to worry about on his plate, he could have more focus on the important things. Getting to see Virgil more often would be a bonus, though minor.

But, Virgil would have the knowledge that they liked him better this way. Eventually, it would break his heart all over again. No matter how many times Deceit took that memory away it was doomed to come back since it was intrinsically tied with his sense of self. And Deceit couldn’t just control Virgil enough to take away his sense of self. Their powers went both ways, no matter the side. If Deceit took over Virgil’s sense of self and helped guide him, Deceit would lose control. Virgil’s anxiety was stronger and he would win over Deceit in the end. Deceit got up from his desk and began pacing his office.

Virgil’s neurotic notion of getting caught lying made this choice extra complex. If he took away the memories and they questioned him about anything that happened, they would catch on. Virgil was willing to dodge questions but he would not want to outright lie, normally. He could possibly get more comfortable with the concept, but Virgil was not the best liar. They would quickly get caught and the mission would be set back for what could possibly be years. And this was important for every side, even if they didn’t agree.

If Deceit just took the memory of the way they made them feel away, Virgil would end up being back into a burning cobweb again the next time one of them was even slightly tactless and added a straw to his overburdened camel. It wasn’t a sustainable plan and wasn’t worth even considering as one of the options, though it would be the easiest route for Deceit.

However, both plans had high risks. But in this instance, it seemed like taking a gamble for the high payoffs was easier. There would be less strain on Virgil, which was a very big factor for Deceit. Also potentially faster completion rate. Deceit paused in his place and tapped his foot. Deceit was very tired of waiting. And if it was done they could put this whole mess behind them. Virgil would have an easier time, then.

But there was a possible wild card. Virgil’s erratic behavior when less stressed could be a problem unless the others accepted it as his new ‘normal’. That was Deceit’s specialty, of course, making things look normal. The problem was if it’s his new ‘normal’ then they couldn’t back to the other plan without problems. There would be a setback if Virgil or Deceit changed their minds. Virgil’s little half-truth he gave to Logan was a perfect set up, though. Deceit could probably think of a better one, given enough time, but this one was serviceable. Deceit was even slightly proud of Virgil for coming up with it. He recorded both options into files and put them away. Deceit paused to ground himself again before speaking into his gloved hand.

“Come in, Virgil,” He said, his voice crackling to life in the other room. Deceit walked around to his desk and sat down. He listened to a shuffling sound for a moment as Virgil very slowly and quietly stepped in, holding himself tightly. “I have an offer for you,”

— * * * —

“Ah, Virgil, you’ve _finally_ joined us for breakfast,” Logan said with a twinge of annoyance as Virgil appeared in his seat. The side was obsessed with schedules. Virgil rolled his eyes and made a face at him.

“Yeah, yeah,” He said, waving off Logan’s frustration and summoning juice to drink. “What’d I miss?”

“Just padre carving a lion into an omelet,” Roman supplied, sipping his coffee. Well damn, that sounded kinda cool. “Here, I took a picture,” Roman took out his phone and showed it off.

“Nice, Pop! The scrambled mane was a nice touch.” Virgil paused. “I bet you ten valueless dollars I can make an omelet tiger,” He bet with Roman, smirking evilly. Roman smiled back, accepting the challenge “Pat, would you summon me a canvas?” Virgil asked. Patton crooned in delight and summoned him a giant omelet to work from. Roman watched with intrigue as he shaped out the body and made slides to reveal the texture for the stripes.

“I double your meaningless bet that I can make an omelet jaguar!” Roman announced, pushing aside his small plate of French toast and summoning an identical omelet.

“Lo, would you like to try your hand at a cheetah?” Patton asked with hope shimmering in his eyes and a slight pout.

“No, Patton, I am not inclined to play with my food,” Logan declined with annoyance, but he didn’t leave the room. Virgil looked up to see Logan glance at him over the top of his newspaper. He gave a weak smile and went back to his carving, eating the excess pieces absentmindedly.

“Princey, your jaguar spots just look like polka dots,” Virgil jeered with a hint of mirth.

“It’s hard to do at this scale! You and Patton picked the _easy_ ones!” He objected, trying to carefully cut c-shapes that just became holes.

“The easy one would have been a puma, prince smarming, they don’t have a pattern,” Virgil said, lightly pushing Roman. His spoon moved and it made a little stripe on his omelet.

“You did that on purpose because you couldn’t stand losing!” Roman shouted angrily.

“Whoops, sorry princey. A poka-striped cat is more like a tabby cat,” Virgil said, and Roman’s eyes widened for a second and he started giving it a tabby design. Virgil smirked at Roman. It looked really good now.

“Aw, Happy trees moment,” Patton said lovingly, clapping his hands together delightedly.

“There!” Roman announced. “Pay up!” Roman held out his hand expectantly.

“Nuh-uh dude, you bet you would make a jaguar, not a tabby cat,” Virgil protested with a small chuckle.

“But it’s such a good kitty!” Roman objected emphatically, pouting slightly.

“You’re right, bud! It is a good kitty!” Patton cut a small shape from the leftover eggs that Roman had discarded and slid it on to Roman’s plate with a spoon. “I present sir snuggles the brave with a trophy for being a good kitty!” Patton proclaimed proudly. Virgil broke out laughing, and Roman glanced over, slightly alarmed.

“I don’t know about you, but I think egg trophy would be better suited for Logan,” Virgil quipped and Roman laughed out loud as well after he realized what Virgil meant.

“It is the perfect trophy for an egghead like him!” Roman laughed and angled the plate at Logan. Logan sighed and conjured a spoon and ate the tiny egg trophy. Patton was fake-aghast.

“Eggs are a healthy lean protein. It is a very practical award,” Logan provided as an explanation, though he probably just wanted them to stop tittering at him. Virgil gasped.

“Oh, no, we’ve made him stronger! We shouldn’t have given an egghead more egg, he’ll be too powerful!” Virgil cried.

“No, the _eggening_ is upon us!” Roman cried in mock horror, dramatically grasping at the air. “Curse our _hubris_!” That must have been Logan’s limit for tomfoolery because he coolly finished his coffee and left the table to rinse his mug as he always did. 

Roman and Virgil cackled with each other as Logan muttered an excuse about research or something and left. Virgil bristled slightly at Logan’s absence. He really felt like he needed them to acknowledge and like him today. He desperately needed to know if he made the right choice. Even just Logan leaving left a void he couldn’t explain. He had to come up with something so no other side would leave.

“Hey Pat, before you head off… Do you want to do a puzzle with me? If you’re not busy?” Virgil asked, not looking Patton in the eye and rubbing the back of his head. He really hoped this worked.

“Of course, kiddo!” Patton said, lighting up like a Christmas tree. Virgil exhaled slightly with relief.

“Great!” Virgil said with a sardonic smile. He summoned a 10,000 piece puzzle. “I’ll start on the edges,” he said, getting up from the table and unceremoniously dumping the puzzle in the middle of the living room floor.

“You are a sad, strange little man and you have my pity,” Roman quoted Toy Story while looking disinterested in the puzzle.

“Oh, now Roman, don’t be mean. Puzzles are relaxing and can help you think things through!” Patton said, coaxing him.

“That’s not it, pops, he just can’t beat this big of a challenge, so he’s _pretending_ it’s beneath him,” Virgil goaded Roman on, focusing on the pieces but hoping Roman would take the bait.

“I’ll have you know I could finish a puzzle that big with my _eyes closed_!” Roman declared, clearly peeved at the accusation, and dropped to the floor. _Score_.

Roman grumbled and started piecing similar cuts together from the pile. Virgil shifted to methodically separating out the edge pieces and tried to pile like-colored pieces for Roman and Patton to place in the square. Virgil sighed with relief. His friends were here, and he felt like he had a grip on himself today. Things were good.

—

Eventually, perhaps a quarter of the puzzle in, they got in a discussion about the most proactive Disney princesses while piecing things together and snacking on chips and pretzels Roman summoned. There was a debate between Mulan and Tiana being the most proactive about their dreams with Logan reappeared.

“When was a puzzle proposed? Why wasn’t I informed?” Logan said, looking baffled and slightly afflicted. _Checkmate_. And Virgil wasn’t even aware he was playing.

“You said you had to get to your unspecified research,” Virgil dismissed him while working on finding a piece that fits in the corner from the matching designs. Logan coughed.

“Well, I could have been coaxed to take a break for this kind of activity,” Logan said, lowering himself down to the floor and working on sorting more pieces. There was a deep sense of ease in Virgil now. They wanted him here and they were having fun together. They were acting as if they liked him. He just needed a little help to get here. That wasn’t a bad thing, right? That can’t have been a bad thing. Logan told him help was okay. Virgil absentmindedly ate a pretzel and rubbed his sore side. This had to be the right choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second draft: 2700 final: 3,337  
> the other name for this chapter is "In Which Deceit Forwards the Plot"


	20. In Which Flirting and Threatening Aren't That Different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not fun warning: throwing up (but not made of vomit)  
> fun warning: play fighting and insults

Virgil felt really great. They had defeated the 10,000 piece puzzle as a group and admired the thunderstorm it revealed. Patton, completely delighted they all worked together, put it in a frame and put it on the common area wall. Roman boasted about how he pieced the lightening strike and high-fived Virgil for working on the sky below. He really felt like there was nothing that could shake him. So he wanted to put it to the test.

He confidently strode into the mind palace and headed in deeper, where he could hold more control and play god with a room. He wanted to lay out under the stars, feel the wind, hear it rustle the breeze. He wanted dark clouds that moved across the sky over a bright full moon. Somewhere that would be too scary for Virgil to let Thomas go to in the real world in the middle of the night, but the kind of view Virgil wanted to see.

It was just like wanted. Virgil flopped down in the middle of the grass and sighed. He inhaled deeply and took in the scents of grass and earth and crisp air. He stared up at the night sky and full moon and started looking for constellations. He probably didn’t get them all right, but they twinkled just the same. He laid his palms flat and gently ran his fingers through the grass. How’s this for grounding, Logan? Whoops, was that a pun? That he couldn’t tell Patton? He had to fix that.

Virgil snapped a selfie of him on the ground on his phone, created a copy of it, and attached it to his skull sticky saying “working on my grounding” and sent it off to Pat. He wished he had his number. Pop would probably share his digits, but then Patton would have his. Only Deceit had his number. It seemed safer that way, originally. He was too scared of being harangued even when he wasn't in right in front of them. And he'd seen the duke's texts on D's phone and he'd just... rather not. Virgil has some twisted humor, but certainly not that twisted. But would just Patton really be so bad as long as he promised to keep a secret? Patton's been nothing but nice for a long time. He probably wouldn't be bad. Patton would at least apologize if Virgil asked. Not that Virgil could bring himself to ask very easily. A puppy dog face note fell on his face. Patton covered it in stickers of laughing and hearts. Did this mean Pat was an emoji guy? Virgil could probably put up with that. He wrote another note with his number and the request to not share it and sent it to Pat. His phone dinged with a gif of a dog wagging his tail. Oh, he was a gif guy. That’s cool.

They shot jokes back and forth for a while as he listened to the wind blow and a gentle hooting in the distance. He put his phone back down and looked back up at the gently twinkling stars and the night sky lit by a waning moon. Princey would probably like it out here. He appreciated mystery and romance more than the others. He was proud of what he pulled off. Though Princey could probably make something much better than him, being creativity and all. Roman wouldn’t rub that in his face, though, right? Virgil summoned a purple plaid quilt to sit down on and sent princey a note.

It had been a few minutes. Maybe he didn’t get it. Maybe he wouldn’t come and didn't feel like doing the polite thing and saying 'no thanks'. Princey probably didn’t trust him. Virgil would have been afraid to be alone with Roman in the mind palace a few weeks ago. Virgil felt like he could trust Roman better, now, but maybe Roman just didn't feel that way about him. Maybe Roman could never trust him. Maybe Virgil did something that hurt Roman. That feeling stung in his chest for a moment, but he took a deep breath and focused on watching the clouds again. Freaking out is just going to make the room go haywire and then he'd be in real trouble and not just feeling slighted by Princey. Virgil stared at the twinkling stars. He should make a puzzle of the view. Though Logan probably would probably know the stars were wrong and get frustrated. Whatever. Virgil laid back on the blanket, head in his arms and crossing his legs, and hummed a simple tune to distract himself.

He could just enjoy getting to be in his own room for once. Before they accepted him he always had to go out with someone and Virgil couldn’t make the room. Remus and Deceit practically lived in the mind palace, they were here so much. It always made Virgil jealous, either being stuck in his room or having to fight off Remus’s demons instead of his own. He didn’t have to feel jealous anymore, though. He was already here and it was pretty chill. 

A shuffling noise came from next to him and he opened his eyes to Roman walking into the area, the tall grass softly crunching under his boots. Virgil closed his eyes again.

“Hey Princerlla, thought you weren’t coming. Figured you were busing preening for the 42nd time today.”

“No need to cry over spilled eyeshadow, your prince is here!” He said, posing. “What did you want, purple poser?” Roman said, looking down at Virgil on the blanket.

“I don’t know, I guess my room isn’t complete without annoying overbearing royalty stomping all over it and saying stupid shit,” Virgil said and glancing up at him.

“Well, I’m happy to oblige!” Roman said and stomped on Virgil, who bounced slightly from the sudden impact. It wasn’t actually painful, but it was jarring. Virgil reached up and tickled behind Roman’s knee. He buckled quickly, and Virgil flipped him onto the blanket. Before Roman could get his barrings, Virgil hopped on top of him and pinned him down from his chest.

“See that’s a stupid action, not a stupid phrase,” Virgil said, holding Roman’s head and jiggling his cheeks. Roman slammed down his feet and threw off Virgil who rolled in the grass. “Or perhaps I was barking up the wrong Prince?” He said after skidding on the grass and catching himself. He pounced from the grass and tried to tackle Roman again, but he missed and landed on the blanket. Roman pinned him down right after he landed.

“Whose the damsel in distress now, Virgil?” Roman taunted him with a victorious cry and punched Virgil in the back. Virgil fake swooned.

“Oh, the prince whom I _adored_ has turned evil and _betrayed_ me!” Virgil mocked back but didn’t make an effort to get up. Roman punched him again and actually stopped to look around.

“Did you invite me out here on a date, hot topic?” He asked facetiously. Roman leaned back, pinning Virgil’s legs down with his hands as he sat on Virgil’s lower back.

“I think we already established I’m a masochist today, princey, for even considering inviting you out here,” Virgil chuckled slightly, looking out over the field. They were quiet for a moment.

“Needs fireflies,” Roman stated nonchalantly. Virgil considered him and drew a little firefly on the blanket with his finger and some fireflies now gently floated around the meadow. “There, now it’s perfect. This is where a hero would sneak to meet his one true love in secret as they are kept apart by social convention,” Virgil lightly turned pink, hiding his face in the quilt.

“Uh, thanks,” Virgil mumbled. It surprised him Roman actually liked it. Surely Roman could make a much better room in a snap than Virgil could if he put weeks of planning in. Roman crawled off of him and sat on the blanket next to him.

“But what’s that in the sky?” Roman asked curiously.

“You mean the moon?” Virgil said, rolling his eyes and shifting to sit up.

“There’s no moon. It’s some dark thing. Did you need to emo up our romantic getaway?” Roman said sarcastically and pointed upward. 

Virgil’s eyes shot up. Where did the moon go? Oh, fuck, what _is_ that? He started to feel sick. He could hear the echo of something he couldn’t quite make out, but it sounds a little like him and Roman talking. Both voices sounded upset. Virgil was frozen on the spot.

“Perhaps it’s a more suitable challenger for me?” Roman asked, almost sounding excited and summoning his sword.

“N-no, princey, don’t t-touch it,” Virgil stammered out, his breathing starting to turn ragged.

“Well, it’s coming this way, Emo October. I won’t have much of a choice soon,” Roman sassed. Virgil felt a sickly sensation rising in his chest, gripping his throat. The voices were getting a little clearer and more familiar. “Virgil, that looks like me. Did you make a clone of me? ...Well, a less fabulous clone of me? That prince has missed quite a bit of beauty sleep,” Virgil locked eyes with him and the Roman clone mouth started moving with the voice in his head. “Is he saying something?” Roman asked, trying to focus on the floating Roman coming closer.

The gripping sensation tightened and Virgil threw up a wad of black webs. “What the fuck, Virge?” Roman said, dodging the darkness as Virgil gagged.

“Roman, you got to go, man,” Virgil said, choking slightly on more rising in his chest. Roman reached out for Virgil and they both sank out and appeared in Roman’s room. The sensation in Virgil’s throat and chest loosened, and he coughed hard. “Th-thanks…” Virgil coughed again.

“What the hell was that about?” Roman asked and backed away from Virgil. Virgil shuttered again and held himself tightly. “Don’t you dare puke in here!” He cried.

“I… I don’t know,” Virgil said, holding his stomach. “I’m sorry, Ro… My thoughts… They do things to me in there,”

“Well, why in the world did you go in, then?” Roman nearly shouted at him with angry concern.

“I thought it’d be okay today. That wasn’t what normally happens. I don’t know what the fuck that was or why it looked like you,” Virgil said and laid down in on the spot. “The mind palace is the only place that-” Virgil started rambling but stopped himself quickly. That was close. He felt queasy for a whole new reason. Roman grunted in acknowledgment and looked worried.

“Maybe you can ask Logan-” Roman started, worry taking over the irritation in his expression.

“No, please, Ro, don’t say anything to anybody, okay? I won’t go back in alone, promise,” Virgil pleaded, holding himself on the floor. Roman sat next to him and placed his hand on Virgil’s back, rubbing slightly. “I already knew better, it was just a dumb judgment error, okay?” Virgil pleaded.

“Fine. I won’t say anything. Just because it’s ungentlemanly to embarrass your date,” Roman smirked, but his expression dropped quickly. He paused and stared at Virgil’s face for a moment. “I’m serious about killing you if you throw up in here, Virge,” Roman said. Virgil must have looked ill still.

“No, I’m fine now, dude. Can we forget about him? It? Whatever happened? Can I, like, watch you play video games or something?” Virgil asked and Roman bristled.

“I don’t play those nerd distractions!” He bit back too quickly.

“Ro, you don’t gotta lie. Thomas likes video games, so you do, too. You're the one who kept suggesting Thomas play _Kingdom Hearts_ when you thought nobody was looking. I won’t tell anybody. Put on some game that-” Virgil cleared his throat and tried his hardest to sound British. “ _Reminds_ you of The _Hunt_!”

“Does that make you Vicky?” Roman sassed, slightly pushing him. Virgil sat up and crawled onto the couch as Roman put a game into the TV. “You are the pure embodiment of all evil.”

“What, do I remind you of the hunt?” Virgil asked, bemused. “I’m Jorgen for sure, and _you’re_ Juandissimo,” Virgil smirked.

“First of all what in the world drugs are you doing to make you think you’re Jorgen? And second, what makes you think I’m that selfish narcissist?” Roman said, sounding annoyed but not actually angry.

“I just see a lot of parallels, Princey. How many times did you look in the mirror today?” Virgil asked, settling in on the couch while Roman huffed, flustered, and sat cross-legged in front of the TV.

They chatted about which sides would be what fairy while Roman beat triumphed over evil in the game. The only one they could agree on was that Patton was Papa Cosmo and Logan would be H.P. Sanderson. There was some cackling after they riffed about all the ways that Logan was like the head pixie. Virgil started drifting at one point, but mostly stayed awake and watched him play. He resisted the urge to take a photo of Roman hunched over and focusing on a boss battle as blackmail. He was positive the others wouldn’t care. Even Logan enjoys puzzles and sci-fi games. But part of Virgil just wanted to embarrass Roman with it.

—

A few hours later, Virgil and Roman sat together playing a fighting game and shouting at each other with each victory and loss, occasionally punching or pushing each other in real life. They hadn’t realized how much time passed until Virgil started passing out with his hands on the controller. Roman loudly grounded and shouted in frustration.

“How can you beat me in your sleep!” Roman cried in indignation. “Your eyes aren’t even open and you just combo’d me into oblivion!”

Virgil yawned deeply. “I’m just that good, Princey,” he said and accompanied it by a sleepy smirk. A little blush crept across Roman’s cheeks that confused Virgil. Virgil probably stared at him too much trying to figure it out, because Roman's face dropped to a scowl.

“Yes, my countenance is enticing, but staring is rude. Go on, go to bed then!” Roman grunted. “You need your beauty sleep,”

“You’re just tired of losing,” Virgil mumbled, drifting again.

“Maybe I am!” Roman threw his arms in exasperation. “Go on, finding emo, let me finish working and get ready for bed,” Roman pushed him which woke Virgil up a bit more. Enough to pay attention, anyway.

“Fine. Good night, sleeping princey. Happy to kick your ass later,” Virgil gave a very weak smarmy smirk and enjoyed watching Roman get even more flustered.

“I beat you before and I’ll beat you again!” Roman cried, shaking his fist as Virgil sank out of Roman’s room.

Virgil appeared in Deceit’s room, flopping down on the bed. Deceit wasn’t in yet, it seemed, so Virgil just crawled on top of Deceit’s big ridiculously pompous bed with the billowing gold sheets. They were fabulously soft. Deceit’s room was full of stuffy airs, but it was very cozy and comfortable if you weren’t looking for flaws. The atmosphere was a bonus. Virgil and Remus were saddled with terrible atmospheres. It was so easy to tell yourself it would all be okay or things would be solved soon. Anytime you wanted to believe something, you would. It was very conducive to sleep.

With how many plans and schemes Deceit had, Virgil couldn’t figure out why he didn’t think of trying this earlier. It’s so much easier to spend time with the other sides like this. He bet he could even hang out with Remus again. Remus was funny and sometimes his humor was edgy and it was easy to laugh with him since Remus never judged. But after a while of being in the same room, they would sort of feed off each other and things would take a turn for the worst. Virgil was pulling away before he left them, and it made him feel like shit. It would be nice to hang out again. He could hang out more with everybody, really. He didn’t feel like he had to sit alone all the time anymore. He stayed away because he was scared, and because he knew he would fuck up. Virgil was less of an awkward nightmare now and less scared. He could handle this. The bed shifted, and he sleepily looked over to Deceit sitting on the edge of the bed near him.

“Good morning, Virgil,” Deceit cooed. “You stayed right where I could see you, I noticed,”

Virgil yawned slightly. “Mind Palace. Wanted to see if I could go in there alone, now. Something weird happened,” Vigil said with a little yawn and summoned a thick blanket to lay under.

“Something you expected?” Deceit asked, sounding annoyed and looking pointedly at Virgil. Virgil withered slightly under his intense expression.

“Um... Yeah. It did something different this time. I made Princey promise not to talk about it,” Virgil explained weakly. Deceit’s eyebrows furrowed. Virgil made a fat yellow snake pillow and laid down on his side to sleep. “G’night, D,” He said with another yawn.

“Enjoy your nightmares,” He said, sounding off and standing up from the edge of the bed. But Virgil was asleep before he could think about it.

— * * * —

Deceit cursed his atmosphere for making Virgil less than with-coming with information. What was he doing in the mind palace and why was Roman there with him? What happened that was different? He didn’t like not knowing variables. It always disrupted his plans. Virgil was starting to show to be a good manipulator this morning with the puzzle, though. He hoped Virgil had this handled as confidently as possible. Deceit can’t confidently choose options without this new information, though. He considered waking up Virgil briefly, but Virgil doesn’t wake well. There was either an anxiety attack or a literal attack involved if he was deep enough asleep, and Deceit could hear light snoring from the other end of the bed. But Virgil would tell him later. Virgil still trusted Deceit despite his admittedly childish outburst a while ago.

Virgil had agreed very readily to the plan with a little persuasion. It was more than the fact that he was feeling vulnerable and wanted an escape. Virgil knew Deceit would be there for him. It was flattering to be trusted by a side that was the literal embodiment of anxiety and distrust. Deceit would help him every morning as needed until Virgil had a handle on things. Knowing Virgil’s anxiety, it would likely take some time. To minimize time gone from the other sides from their morning breakfast get together, Deceit told him to stay in here.

He had hoped the atmosphere would also give him a boost of confidence in the mornings, not that atmosphere effects last long after leaving the room, typically. Deceit had just found his room had a placebo type of effect after others left. The sides who visited for long enough would still be under the influence of the things they internalized in Deceit’s room until they released the notion later. It could help Virgil very much with his task. But it was a drain on Deceit’s privacy, and that annoyed him. Deceit didn’t mind the company, it was even perhaps a nice change. But he preferred solitude most of the time and he knew it might eventually wear on him.

Deceit couldn’t have expected how much of an idiot Virgil could be to require this much hands-on assistance. There must have been factors Deceit was missing. The snake pillow, however, was adorable, damnit. He felt half of his face grow hot. Deceit always had a soft spot for Virgil since they performed similar functions. But sleeping with a snake pillow instead of his signature spider felt like Virgil wasn’t playing fair. Not that Virgil would have known it would bother Deceit. He probably wasn’t even thinking, unlike his usual self who over-thought every little thing on the planet.

He noted that this was the second time Virgil fell asleep early after being bitten. He summoned his folder and took notes on it. Not being himself seemed to drain him. Or perhaps he was feeling stressed about the things he was doing and didn’t realize it. There maybe were applications with the other sides for the future, though he didn’t know how it would affect the others. Possibly just make them more insufferable. There were also long term-effects to consider. Deceit had never struggled with side effects in the past. But he has also never done it this much on one side before. It would require testing. He always had a willing subject, however, and that was a non-issue. He took notes on possible applications and outcomes until he fell asleep.

—

Deceit woke up and was alert immediately, as he did every morning, and watched Virgil shift and moan and fall back to sleep. That could be a problem, though the other sides had shown acceptance of Virgil sleeping in before, with only mild annoyance. It could help solidify the personality shift. Deceit opted to let him sleep a little longer. It certainly had nothing to do with how pitiful he just sounded and cute he was when he was sleepy or how terrifying he was to wake up early. Thomas didn’t need his anxiety first thing in the morning anyway, he liked to lie about most mornings.

Sometime later, Deceit saw Virgil stirring slightly and decided it was safe enough to wake Virgil up. Virgil’s eyes registered alarm and fear as he glanced around before relaxing slightly when he saw Deceit's face. That reaction to Deceit was also flattering, and Deceit hid his reaction behind a poker face. Virgil would be even more insufferable if he knew.

“Time for you to _avoid_ the day _whole day_ in bed, Virgil,” Deceit said and placed a hand on him, searching deeply for his less productive fears in his true feelings. His other hand produced a snake and Virgil held it briefly before lifting his shirt for it to bite and take hold of him. Virgil immediately relaxed he looked over to Deceit with sleepy, half-lidded eyes.

“They’re really cute, you know. I’d keep one as a pet if I could. I wonder if one would get along with my spiders.” He said, absentmindedly. Deceit realized that perhaps they could. Another thing to test. Those creativity exercises really were doing something. Deceit briefly regretted not wanting to join in before remembering why he didn’t. He took note quickly and looked back to Virgil who was slowly crawling out of bed and stretching.

“Off to make the donuts, love,” He said with a lazy and cavalier posture while waiting for Deceit to dismiss him. He looked like a punk model with his half-smirk and ‘can’t fuck with me’ attitude. Deceit looked away briefly, trying not to react. But he saw just saw Virgil’s smirk widen when he looked back. Damnit. He clocked Deceit for sure.

“Well, stay _here_ , then,” He said, waving him off and masking being discombobulated by that purple doofus. Virgil vanished from the spot. Deceit glanced over at the now empty side of the bed with the fat snake plush laying where Virgil was. This would require some adjustments. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> outline: 52 draft:1k Final: 3,890  
> The Prince and the Storm are cute when they are beating each other up and nobody can convince me otherwise. My fluff is Roman calling Virgil a prick and Virgil just picks up his whole ass body and throws him across the room while they both cackle like idiots.


	21. In Which Virgil Survives Playing Chess

“Ah, pins and emos has returned to the living!” Roman said as Virgil appeared in his seat in the kitchen. The other three were in their places at the table as usual. Roman and Patton had breakfast and Logan had a fruit cup with his coffee today. Virgil shoved Roman lightly before propping up on his arms.

“Pops, what you recommend today?” Virgil said, looking pointedly at Patton, who was mid-bite of what looked like a wad of bacon.

“Virgil, please speak English. You really delight in this sadistic strain on my blood pressure, don’t you?” He asked, somewhat flummoxed.

“ _The Little Mermaid_?” Roman gasped. “From _Logan_?”

Virgil placed his hand on Roman’s shoulder and shook his head mournfully. “No, he’s Grimsby now,”

Remus popped up quickly and slammed a meme down on the table. “Seven Vagánias. Maybe _more_ ,” He quoted and stole some of Patton’s bacon, who looked like his poor little heart couldn’t decide if he was deeply offended about the bacon of the genital reference.

“Okay, Thanks Grimsby,” Virgil quoted back, snickering at the meme. “Logan, I think that one is your fault. But, Pat, I’m sorry he stole your bacon,” He said, feeling a little downtrodden. He felt bad he helped set off Remus. But at least it was just a meme instead of something worse. “But it does look delicious. May I?” Virgil asked with a high inflection. Patton didn’t move and just stared.

“I think Remus broke padre,” Roman stated bluntly with an eyebrow raised.

Logan sighed. “I’ll take him to my room for a bit to settle down,” Logan said and placed a hand on Patton and they sank out of the room.

“Okay, but do you think that means I can take some bacon?” Virgil asked, eying Patton’s abandoned breakfast plate. There was bacon, eggs, and French toast and it all looked amazing.

“Just make your own, Hawthorne Heights,” Roman said, pushing him slightly and going back to his breakfast of waffles and a cup of melon balls. Virgil’s face heated, and he looked down and tried to hide under his hood. “What, did Remus break you, too, JT?” Roman said and stared at him. Virgil shrunk in a little more.

“I, uh, can’t conjure food. It… doesn’t come out right,” Virgil sputtered out.

“Oh, I _have_ to see this. Make some bacon!” Roman demanded and smacked his back. Virgil placed his hand on the table and lifted it, and a plate of shifting spider webs with hundreds of tiny red eyes appeared. Virgil swiped at it to clear it as quickly as possible. “Yikes, Virge. That’s nightmare fuel,” Roman said with wide eyes.

“No, it’s nightmare material when it attacks,” Virgil said with a shutter. “Um, It’s really embarrassing, honestly, and I’d rather not talk about it,” He muttered out. “But I don’t suppose the brave and masterful prince could make me a plate of breakfast?” Virgil asked, holding his hands together and leaning towards Roman. Roman flushed and pushed him away, and Virgil laughed. “Pretty please, perfectly powerful prince?” Virgil said with a fluttering of his eyes. Roman reddened and shoved Virgil off his chair. Virgil toppled with laughter to the floor.

“Fine, I will for the _alliteration_ ,” Roman said, flustered. He conjured a big plate of eggs, bacon, and chocolate chip pancakes. Virgil climbed back up on the chair and chuckled, grabbed Roman’s hand.

“Ah, the prince has saved the damsel of distress, I shan’t forget this bacon-filled boon!” He swooned and kissed his hand. Roman may as well have been a tomato.

“Oh my god, Ro, did I find your _weakness_?” Virgil asked, already going to town on the bacon. Roman crossed his arms and looked away in a huff.

“ _Who doesn’t love romance_!?” Roman cried and threw up his arms. Virgil chuckled.

“That’s _barely_ Romance, Princey! Though making me chocolate chip pancakes? _That’s_ romance,” Virgil declared, pressing his head into Roman’s shoulder for a moment before sitting back up and slicing into one. Virgil could almost hear the steam come from Roman’s ears. It was so fun to push Roman’s Buttons.

Logan returned and grabbed his mug, but paused when he saw how beet red Roman was. “Roman, not you _too_! It was a nonsensical meme!” Logan nearly shouted with agitation. He must have had a rough time with Pat.

Roman shook himself out of it and slightly flailed as he screamed, “I will be in my Room! You can finish my breakfast!” and Roman quickly sunk out with his arms crossed.

“ _Score_!” Virgil said and pulled Roman’s plate closer to his own. Logan shot a look at Virgil he couldn’t read as he stole Roman’s toast to make a breakfast sandwich.

“Virgil, you appear to have elevated energy levels again,” Logan mused. Virgil shrugged and took a bite of his sandwich. “Have you had some manner of epiphany or personal growth since movie night?” Logan asked with a curious look in his eye. Virgil’s eyes clouded, and he paused.

“Um. Something like that.” Virgil shrugged and took an unreasonably large bite of his sandwich to stave Logan off for the time it took him to chew.

“Would you care to elaborate?” Logan asked after Virgil eventually swallowed, his gaze boring into Virgil. Logan could really play the long game. Virgil couldn’t decide if he was impressed or intimidated. Probably intimidated, though, knowing himself.

“I wouldn’t know how,” Virgil dismissed him and took another bite. Logan didn’t look satisfied. He really wouldn’t know how to explain it because he had no idea what Deceit was repressing. “Trust?” He said vaguely. He trusted Deceit to handle it, and that was about as close as an answer he had.

“That would explain why you are no longer touch-adverse. But too much trust is detrimental to your position, Virgil,” Logan said with a tone that sounded close to scolding. Great, now he’s both too high-strung and too low-key for Logan. Virgil bristled.

“The world is still a terrible and horrifying place, Lo, have you _seen_ the news?” Virgil said as he was rolling his eyes and then took another bite.

Logan grimaced. “You observe me examining the newspaper every morning, Virgil, of course, I have seen the news,” He stated a hint of annoyance growing in his voice.

“Lo, you realize you are having anxiety about me having less anxiety. Does Thomas really need two anxieties?” Virgil said derisively, throwing back something he heard Logan say about the story sessions for creativity, and picked a piece of half-eaten bacon off of Roman’s plate and ate it. Logan raised an eyebrow.

“Hey, we don’t have germs, Lo! This isn’t something I’d let _Thomas_ do!” Virgil exclaimed feeling very flustered. Logan just narrowed his eyes and shook his head. Fuck. Okay. Logan was on to him. He needed to steer clear.

They both sat quietly after that as Virgil finished breakfast and Logan finished his coffee. If it were just the two of them, that would have normally been how they would have had breakfast. Most of the chatter came from Patton or Roman in the morning. It would have been a relatively companionable silence, but there was an edge of suspicion for each other that wasn’t easy to miss.

Virgil didn’t feel like he could be alone, and most of the sides were basically unavailable, with Pat and Ro out of commission and Logan on to him. Though Remus had been whining that he was lonely lately according to Deceit. Virgil hadn’t seen him in a while. Remus’s choice to forgive Virgil for abandoning him would be completely up in the air every second, but he was very distractible as long as you didn’t remind him he was mad. He also could work through his aggression quickly. He knew a simple way to do that.

“Hey, Lo, got any chess tips for me?” Virgil said as he got up to rinse his and Roman’s now-empty plates to the sink for Roman to get rid of later.

“Always be mentally three moves ahead of the one you are currently playing,” Logan said with a minor raise of the eyebrow. “I did not know you played,” He added. Virgil wasn’t sure three moves ahead applied to the way Remus played.

“Not that well,” Virgil said self-depreciatingly. He did always lose to Deceit. He couldn’t be sure about his win ratio with Remus since he wasn’t positive blacking out counted as a disqualification for Remus. “Any other tips?” Virgil asked hopefully.

“Think about the endgame instead of just responding to your opponent’s moves. Also know the value of your pieces,” Logan said and finished his coffee.

“Cool, thanks, Logan!” Virgil said. That advice was very applicable to Remus’s special brand of Chess. Virgil saluted Logan and sunk out, catching a slightly puzzled expression on Logan.

“Remus,” Virgil said, raising up into Remus’s room with a dagger in his hand. He threw it next to Remus’s head, who giggled and clapped when it stuck into the wall. “You’ve been formally challenged to chess,”

“I accept, you frisky _minx_!” Remus bellowed excitedly and ran across the room to grab Virgil’s arm. The world shook briefly and then fell from the sky into a mind space that was an empty room with a big chessboard in the middle and various odd sundries around the edges of the walls. They both landed unceremoniously in a pile and Remus cackled. They separated and rose to their feet.

“Deciding who takes the black pieces starts _now_!” Remus said and summoned his morning star. Oh shit, he was going fast. Virgil summoned his double-ended glaive and quickly positioned himself. He could do this- he could do this- As Remus’s morning star came down, he hooked his glaive behind the spiked ball and launched it to the side, flinging Remus with it. Virgil kicked him in the side as he went down.

“I got first hit,” Virgil said, his breath ragged from adrenaline. And that’s not the scariest part of chess. Remus cheered from the floor. “Are we doing a judge today?” Virgil asked, pulling himself upright and trying to catch his breath, feeling his heart pounding in his throat. He couldn’t believe he pulled that off. Remus grunted on the floor and shifted himself back up.

“No, way, V, You’re trapped with me all alone until you win!” He cackled and ran over to the board. He tried leaving, and yep, trapped. Fuck.

“Fine, you have to keep your pants on _exactly_ where they are until you win,” Virgil said with a heavy sigh. He didn’t think he could handle another situation with the queen. Well, the win declarations were set. What had he gotten himself into again? This is what he wanted, right? He’s not alone, and he’s going to have fun with Remus. And hopefully, get out before they affect each other too much and Virgil’s stuck with Remus’s horrific thoughts and vice versa. “Hey, D will freak if he can’t find me. Let me tell him where I am real quick?” Virgil asked, summoning, and holding up his skull note.

“Have to report to _Daddy_ , Virgil? About how you’ve been a bad, _bad boy_? Will you get a _spanking_?” Remus barked with laughter and the chess set shook and all the pieces faced at Virgil and jumped up and down, clicking on the chessboard with their weird silent laughter.

“Hey, Chess pieces don’t get to judge _my_ kinks, I know where some have you have _been_!” Virgil shot back with embarrassment. Some pieces stopped jumping as he wrote Deceit with a hot face. He sent it off with a grimace.

“Fine. E2 to E4,” Virgil said, and the piece shook from side to side. Virgil poked it with his glaive and it moved to the correct spot right after, and all of his pieces shook slightly for a moment.

“E7 accepts a parcel from the queen!” Remus said and the pieces jiggled. “E7 then goes to E5!”

“Fucking hit the deck!” Virgil cried all his pieces laid themselves down. Virgil braced himself for the explosion. The room shuttered, and there was a small blast of heat with weird pinched screams from the pieces. They both lost 2 pawns. Remus’s tentacles reached out and flung them into a basket against the wall labeled ‘they been dead’. The remaining pieces mourned.

“Vengeance for our lost men, boys! Rally!” Virgil cried, holding up his glaive. He leaped over the board and went for Remus. Remus expected him and dodged with a laugh. “Aw, shoot,” Virgil snapped his fingers and got off the ground and went back to his place.

“A7 to A5 and make it _saucy_!” Remus said and did a shimmy. The pieces turned towards the ‘dancing’ A5 pawn and Virgil’s A2 moved towards it to A4.

“Goddamnit stop thinking with your chess dicks!” Virgil shot at his troops angrily. “Men have _died_!” Virgil’s A4 pawn turned black. Son of a bitch. “G1 to F3 and bring a medkit,” Virgil muttered and pointed with one hand to the spot and holding his head in the other.

Virgil couldn’t be sure for how long this went on for. The lighting in the room was screwy. It went through a day and night cycle at what seemed to be random intervals. The clocks on the wall just said who was winning at the time or what piece was most likely to die a fiery death. It was currently his own knight, which was concerning. He was having a literal blast, but it was also stressful. Remus was very good at giving Virgil’s anxiety new material and that was part of the problem. But he tried to focus on the fact that they were both having fun and Remus didn’t seem mad at him right now.

But time was passing, and he wasn’t positive how much. It must have been at least an hour already. He was getting exhausted and maybe they should have just watched a movie or read comics or something. He needed to think about his end game, as Logan said. He’s tried to protect his valuable pieces pretty successfully while Remus threw whatever was the strongest move for the moment was at him. He sent off a Bishop armed with weed cookies in hopes to turn some pieces for a better tactical advantage. Not that stoner pieces always did what you asked, but they were a good blockade for your more powerful pieces.

He was ahead for now, but as he tried to consider how to take the win, his head started feeling staticy. The scent of the room started to be tinged with the scent of ozone. He had trouble focusing and lost a rook to gunfire. That’s when the muted, distant voices kicked in. The darkness in the corners creeped in and the room dimmed and the air went humid. Oh, shit.

He wasn’t in his mind space. This isn’t supposed to happen if he doesn’t control his mind space. You can’t change a mind space you didn’t create. He could hear different voices, and some of them sounded like they might even be his own. Shit, fuck. Virgil tried to leave again and couldn’t. They were trapped in here until he won. Shit. How could he win if couldn’t think straight? He held his hands over his ears, trying to block out the voices.

“Vi-vi, your stoner bishop and my rook and knight just ran off to make more cookies. It’s your turn already!” Remus said, sounding annoyed. Virgil could feel the building tension inside. Virgil did the first thing that came to mind and grabbed his king off the board.

“ **I’m the king now**!” Virgil said, his voice deep and booming. Remus clapped in excitement and Virgil leaped over the board again and went for Remus. He had to get out of here. He fought desperately without a plan. Webs encased his hands around the double-ended glaive.

“Oh, no holds barred? What a _delight_!” Remus sang when he saw the webs and smiled widely. Green, slimy tentacles shot out of his back. Virgil spun his glaive and knocked them away, slicing some. Remus bellowed with laughter and used the stumps to propel himself off the ground and launched into Virgil, his eyes glowing green.

The garbled, overlaying speaking got louder and the shadows around the room started crawling. Spiders started crawling out of his sleeves uncontrollably and started trying to jump off on to Remus, but he managed to knock most of them away. The world tinted purple as he released his glaive from one hand and shot out a massive spider at Remus, landing square on his face.

“ **Check**!” Virgil growled and dodged a tentacle trying to grab his leg and pull him close. “ **Checkmate**!” He snarled bitterly as the spider bit Remus. “ **Get us out of here**!” His voice echoed on the walls, and he grasped for Remus. Remus shook slightly for a moment, but the room faded and they landed back in Remus’s room.

“Holy _shit_ , spooktacular,” Remus said, holding himself and shaking. Remus’s room wobbled slightly. Virgil’s brain finally released the static and voices to his normal unending worries.

“Oh, god, I’m _so sorry_ Remus! I had to get out of there! Didn’t you hear them?” Virgil said in a panic, his words rushed together.

“I sure hear things _now_ , fuckface!” Remus shot and sat on the floor, holding himself.

“Sorry!” Virgil shouted and held his hand over the bite mark, taking back the effects of the spider bite.

“Virgil, I know _I_ play dirty, but that was _low_ ,” Remus moaned as he relaxed and laid back on the floor. Virgil laid back with him.

“Sorry,” Virgil groaned. “I freaked out, I shouldn’t have done that,”

“Apology accepted, _ass-butt_ ,” Remus said, somewhat bitterly. “I might have to slime you later for vengeance,” Remus grumbled.

“You left your extra-concentrated manic intrusive bullshit on me _all_ night last time. You had to deal with my fears for like a minute, tops,” Virgil growled. Remus threw up his arms in defeat and rolled his eyes. He was probably too tired to fight at this point.

“Still the best game of chess I played in a while,” Remus said, his voice lifting with humor. Virgil chuckled.

“Yeah, same,” Virgil said a little shakily. “I think I’m going to go lay down,” Virgil said, shifting to stand up. “I may have kicked your ass, but you kicked mine back just as hard,”

“I will require a rematch later, spider sac,” Remus said, getting up with him.

“Sure, but let’s next time keep our slime and spiders to ourselves, yeah?” Virgil sighed. “Webs and tentacles are okay,” He added, realizing he may need that for the upper hand in the future.

“ _Deal_ ,” Remus said with a satisfied tone, and Virgil sunk out.

Virgil came out in the common area, starving. He collapsed on his regular kitchen table chair and sighed, looking around. He had hoped somebody was there to make him some food. But it was as empty as his non-corporal stomach.

Virgil sighed and pulled out his phone. ‘I’m starving. Is anybody going to come out soon?’ he sent off and laid his head on the table. His phone buzzed.

‘No, they all are occupied. I’ll come.’ Deceit texted back. Wow, Deceit to the rescue again. Deceit rose up from a corner and joined Virgil at the table next to him where Roman normally sits. “What sounds absolutely detestable?” He said and held out his hand over the table.

“Absolutely _anything_ but octopus,” Virgil said, having a brief flashback to a slimy tentacle nearly getting him in the face during the fight. Deceit rolled his eyes.

“Oh, but the octopus is _delightful_ ,” Deceit crooned and made Virgil a pasta carbonara and some breadsticks. Virgil took a bite and moaned.

“Holy crap, this is so _good_! Thank you, D.” He said and took another appreciative bite. “Do you have time to maybe stick around and join me?” Virgil asked shyly. He was so used to eating around the other sides it felt weird to eat alone. Deceit’s eyes unfocused for a moment, seeming to look at something far away.

“I couldn’t possibly,” He said and summoned a salad and helped himself to a breadstick.

“Thanks again,” Virgil said quietly. “You’ve really been there for me. I’m sorry I was an idiot before.”

“Virgil, I don’t need your apology,” Deceit said while demurely dipping his breadstick in a cup of salad dressing.

“Just let me know,” Virgil said, not being able to mask the sadness in his voice. Deceit placed a hand on his shoulder.

“No, I expect you to be a _mind reader_ ,” Deceit said smoothly, rolled his eyes, and went back to his salad. They ate in silence for a moment.

“It happened again,” Virgil blurted out. Deceit’s eyes shot up to him. “In the mind palace. But it wasn’t my room. I infected Remus’s room somehow,” Virgil admitted with deep disappointment in himself. Deceit held onto the table.

“ _How_ was it different, Virgil?” He said firmly. Oh, god, did he not tell Deceit yesterday? He couldn’t believe he wasn’t in trouble for that.

“Uh, it was voices. It sounded like the other sides? I can’t make them out, though. They’re all garbled and odd,” Virgil explained quietly. “And they make me feel sick,” He trailed off in volume slightly.

“I see,” Deceit said shortly and got a faraway look again. “You should not go into the inner mind palace. Contact me if you end up in there right away so I can give you an out,” He said sounding short.

“O-okay,” Virgil sputtered. Deceit was looking at something far away again. “Is someone coming?” Virgil asked. Deceit disappeared on the spot. Guess somebody was. Virgil sighed and went back to enjoying his carbonara. It felt weird eating alone, just like he thought it would.

Moments later, Roman rose up, holding what looked like a screenplay and a cup of coffee. He didn’t notice Virgil sitting there with two half-eaten full meals. A large smile broke out on his face and he held open his hand to summon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Outline: 21 Draft: 2k? Final: 3,718  
> [Here's a pic of something like Virgil uses](https://www.chronowiki.org/wiki/File:Mastermune.png)
> 
> fudge monkies I should probably mention that back in chapter 15 Virgil was no longer in control of the room (if he was he wouldn't have been trapped for one) and that's why Deceit could change it. I didn't address that in the dialogue and I don't want anybody to be confused.
> 
> This was the first time Virgil and Remus completely threw off what I was trying to do. I managed to bring them back without derailing the plot in this chapter. This time, anyway. If you like these idiots together, check out [painful death for the lactose intolerant](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23408695) which was intended to exorcise the demon that is feral Virgil and Remus from whatever it is that writes in me, but it did not succeed. They still cackle together about memes and should not be let loose around children.  
> The next chapter is possibly the fluffiest chapter currently written (without Virgil punching somebody, which admittedly happens a lot) in Storytime so if you need a break from feral idiots and angst, it's here for you soon. Sorry for the long delay uploading, I've been writing more than editing, which imo is a good thing and didn't want to stop it.


	22. In Which Virgil Runs Away from His Problems, Again! Does he Ever Learn His Lesson?

“Pat, I keep slipping a stitch!” Virgil moaned in frustration. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just _summon_ a scarf?” He whined and dropped his knitting to his lap. He was working on a simple black scarf in the living room with Patton. Pat was sitting right next to him working on the fluffy blue blanket project he was working on the other day and looked over compassionately. Patton was trying to teach Virgil how to knit with questionable success on Virgil’s part. They had been sitting working on crafting projects together for a little while now and his patience for pieces of yarn not doing what he wanted it to do was wearing very thin. 

“It wouldn’t be a _hobby_ anymore if you just summoned one, kiddo! Plus, you get the satisfaction of making it yourself every time you see it!” Patton explained cheerily, not looking up from his crochet. “You’re the one who wanted to try, champ,” He reminded Virgil patiently.

“You made it look _easy_ ,” Virgil mumbled, still feeling ready to give up. Patton always looked so happy when he was crocheting, so it seemed fun. It turned out it was actually pretty frustrating and Pat’s just good at it. Virgil just wasn’t good enough for this. Not built for this and didn’t have the temperament. Plus, he was a general failure. Virgil slumped against the couch and crossed his arms in disgust with himself, dropping his project on the couch.

“Bud, I made _crochet_ look easy. You wanted to play with needles instead of hooks! I’m much better at _hooking_ than I am at _needling_ ,” Patton explained with an enormous smile. Oh, _god,_ why did he have to word it like _that?_

“Don’t call it _that_ ,” Virgil groaned. He wasn’t sure it was worth telling him what hooking meant and just dropped it along with his arms as he melted into the couch with frustration.

“Here, let me help you fix that,” Patton said, reaching over to the project dropped on the couch and pulling the yarn gently back to a state where Virgil could fix it. Virgil watched fearfully as his last rows of work were undone. The last few minutes were a complete waste of time. He should just give up. This was a waste of time. “Why don’t you try counting every stitch on every row? It’ll be like your calming exercises, but you get a scarf at the end!” Patton suggested and handed back his scarf. Virgil groaned again. Pat was here helping him, and he was being really patient even though Virgil kept fucking up. Virgil normally would have lashed out and run by now, like the ass he was, somehow kept it reigned in. He was incredibly annoyed, of course, but not at Pat. He was mad at his just own lack of ability. Why did he bother trying anything new? He wasn’t good at any of this creating stuff. He wasn’t really good at anything.

“You’re doing very good for a beginner, kiddo, don’t worry about making a _perfect_ scarf, okay? Even if it’s not straight or even, it’s still a scarf and it’ll still be soft and keep you warm,” Pat reminded him gently with one of his bright reassuring smiles. Virgil sighed and took a nice deep breath to steady himself. Pat was working with him, and he wanted to try. He couldn’t just give up because it scared him or he could never do it perfectly. Then he’d never know, and he would have wasted even more time trying. He didn’t want Logan to call him a defeatist again, either. If he couldn’t try for himself, he could do it out of spite. He felt a little better and picked up his project off the couch.

“Thanks, Pat,” Virgil muttered quietly, feeling silly that he was so close to giving up before Patton reassured him. Pat looked up from his crochet and beamed at him. Virgil focused back on his knitting and counted every stitch he cast. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…

—

“-ge? Kiddo?” Patton said, tapping Virgil’s needle. Virgil blinked and looked around. It was significantly darker than when he started and he was feeling very stiff.

“Yeah, Pat?” Virgil said, a little dazed as he looked around the living room, catching his bearings again.

“I just thought you might be done with your scarf, pal. It’s pretty long!” Patton said and pointed down. Virgil followed his finger and saw roughly 4 feet of slightly lumpy, but otherwise even, black scarf. He flushed. How much time was he out of it? “It’s very Doctor Who if you want to keep going! But I think for your first knit that’s plenty,” Patton said enthusiastically.

“Um, yeah. I think I’m done. I’m sorry, Pat, I think I sort of spaced out? I hope you weren’t saying anything,” Virgil mumbled. Crap, he wasn’t aware of anything, he may as well have been asleep. Nothing seemed to be wrong, though.

“It’s all right kiddo, I didn’t say anything. I was focused, too. Let me show you how to finish your row,” Patton said and lithely took the needles, showing him the motions for a few of the stitches before handing it back. Virgil started trying to replicate it while Patton watched. When he got one, he looked up to Patton to make sure he did it right. Patton nodded and sat back down next to him.

“Thanks, Pat. It’s really relaxing. I didn’t realize how much time had passed,” Virgil admitted and finished the rest of the scarf. It was sloppy in some parts, but Patton had assured him before they started that everybody’s first knit was. It gave him time to mentally prepare for it not being perfect. He didn’t as much of a failure as was actually just a beginner. He could live with being a beginner.

Virgil put down his new scarf and stretched out on the couch with a yawn. He was bent over those needles for a while with how stiff he felt. He stretched out so hard his arms and back with a slight tremble from the effort and exhaled deeply. Virgil pivoted on the couch and laid back, throwing his legs over Pat’s lap and summoned a pillow for his head. He laid on the couch like a wet noodle, limbs falling everywhere. He wasn’t sure how long he was hunched up, but laying back was a relief. After a moment, Virgil flexed his sore fingers and angled up on his elbows to look at Patton. Patton looked like he was trying to contain… something. Virgil had no idea what he was emoting, but whatever was happening in Pat’s head wasn’t currently obvious.

“You want to do something else with me, pops?” Virgil asked, sort of hoping Patton wasn’t busy. He wasn’t ready to go back to his room yet. He felt like he needed the company lately, even though he would have scampered off to his room hours ago before normally. Maybe a little lonely? Probably just annoying and clingy. “Like read or listen to something? I bet your fingers are sore now, too,” Virgil suggested, his volume slightly dropping with every word. This was stupid. Patton didn’t want to waste any more time with him. He was annoying Patton.

“Sure kiddo!” Patton grinned over to him and leaned back on the couch again. Virgil sighed with relief. “Do you have something in mind?” Patton asked cheerily. Virgil yawned and sat up, wanting to stretch again. He stretched out his arms another time and curled his toes in his shoes.

“No, whatever you want to do,” Virgil said, the relief was pitifully obvious in his voice. He reached out and hugged Patton and rested his head on his shoulder. “I’m not picky or anything,” He was just glad Patton took pity on him. Virgil could feel Patton trembling in his arms and looked up in alarm. “Pat?” he asked with panic in his voice. He let go right away and held his arms up away from Patton. What the fuck happened? What did he do?

“I’m sorry, Kiddo, I didn’t mean to scare you! You never hugged me before!” Patton sniffled and his voice was teary. Fuck-shit-fuck-

“ _Sh_ -” He caught himself quickly. “I’m sorry, Patton! I didn’t realize you didn’t like being touched!” Virgil said and swung his legs off Patton. Virgil backed away from him, pulling himself into a ball on the couch and giving him as much clearance as he needed. He really fucked up. He hoped he didn’t hurt Patton. He probably did, he didn’t know his own strength sometimes and-

“No, Virge, no! I _like_ hugs!” Patton said and angled over to reach out to Virgil. “I thought _you_ didn’t like being touched!” Patton explained quickly, smiling softly and looking concerned. “Other than you and Roman _attacking_ each other, anyway,” Patton said with humor in his voice. Patton placed his hand on Virgil’s arm, carefully pulling him out of his ball. Virgil let his arm be taken but didn’t move otherwise. “I’m _happy_ you hugged me! I loved the hug!” Patton reassured him vehemently. Virgil looked up at Patton through his hair.

“Really? I didn’t hurt you or bother you?” Virgil asked timidly, slightly loosening up.

“No, kiddo, I’d take another almost any time,” Patton said soothingly. “I’d like another right _now_ , even,” Virgil slowly came out of his ball and scooted back next to Patton. Patton waited patiently and didn’t push him while he took some deep breaths to steady himself. He had nearly spiraled there. Things nearly got out of hand and he could have hurt Patton for real, instead of worrying he did. Virgil sighed and held himself carefully as he calmed back down.

Patton reached out and grabbed Virgil’s newly made scarf and draped it around Virgil’s shoulders. Virgil felt the plush yarn Patton summoned for him and settled down further, recalling how relaxed he was a moment ago while knitting, and it was soothing. It was okay. He didn’t just fuck up and Patton’s not going to leave and he’s not mad. Virgil tentatively moved closer to Patton. He angled slowly to hug him again. There weren’t many good angles to hug on a couch. He wrapped his arms back around Patton and sighed.

“Can I hug you back, Virge?” Patton asked softly. Virge nodded into Patton’s shoulder. Patton angled himself towards Virgil and his arms came up behind him to hug him back. Virgil shuttered with a relieved sigh and melted into the hug. “There are not many good angles to hug back on a couch, huh,” Patton mused. Virgil tittered at the sharing the same thought with Patton. Virgil pulled Patton down with him as he laid backward on the couch, not ready to let go.

“You mean it, Kiddo? You don’t just feel bad?” Patton asked, starry-eyed. Virgil nodded and yanked Patton onto himself quickly. Patton gasped as Virgil pulled him up but tittered after a moment, slowly settling down on Virgil’s chest. Patton wrapped his arms loosely wrapped around Virgil and exhaled, sounding relaxed. Virgil rested his arms on Patton and smiled slightly at Patton. “You’re so _cold,_ even through the hoodie!” Patton exclaimed, almost like he was in awe.

“Good thing you’re here then,” Virgil smirked and closed his eyes. He listened to Patton’s even breathing on his chest and gave a soft squeeze, which Patton returned. He could feel the chill receding from Pat’s surprisingly toasty warmth already. He didn’t feel as tired today, despite all the apparently intense knitting. He had no idea it could be that engrossing when he had asked Patton to teach him. He just wanted to spend time with Patton and trying something new with him seemed like a good excuse to hang out for an extended period. He laid still and enjoyed the warmth of the other side for a while. A pleased humming sound came from his throat. Patton was so damn warm.

“You want to watch TV or something, Pat?” Virgil offered after a while of quietly enjoying each other’s presence, making no motion to move. “I’m in the mood for something funny.”

“Parks & Rec!” Patton supplied right away. Also not surprising. Virgil reached up with one arm and flailed it towards the remote on the coffee table, hitting it enough with his fingertips that he knocked it on the floor. He just barely managed to get it into reach and put on Parks & Rec after a minute of struggle. Patton tittered, but it didn’t seem malicious.

“You think anybody else wants to watch?” Patton asked as the intro started playing. Virgil shrugged and shifted back to lie flat on to the couch.

“Text them and ask, I guess,” Virgil suggested, listening to the upbeat music with his eyes closed. Patton let go from hugging him and held himself up on the other arm while the other shuffled to get his phone from his pocket. He succeeded and laid back down on Virgil’s chest, holding his phone and texting sideways. Virgil summoned a soft blanket and lazily threw it over their legs while Patton texted the other sides. Virgil closed his eyes again, just basking in how cozy and warm he felt. He could feel Patton adjust the blanket and put his phone on Virgil’s chest to go back to watching TV. Virgil let his other arm fall off the couch and lay limply on the floor and continued to hold on to Patton.

Patton was engrossed in watching the show while Virgil settled on just listening. The weight on his chest was nice, and he wasn’t sure he ever felt so warm in his life. He didn’t want to angle his head towards the TV and shift a single thing. Virgil knew the show well enough to not have to watch, anyway. He heard a shuffling noise that was probably someone else entering.

“Had to finish up what I was doing. Pleased to partake in Parks & Rec with you, padre,” He heard Roman say. “Are you tired? You’re-” Roman paused. “Are you cuddling Virgil?” He said, sounding annoyed, and a little astonished.

“If you’re jealous, champ, we could move to the floor and you could join!” Patton offered excitedly and Virgil chuckled with amusement. He wasn’t surprised Patton would be interested in a cuddle puddle. Maybe the other sides already did that.

“Yeah, Ro, are you _jealous_?” Virgil goaded Roman on with sardonic humor in his voice.

“ _Of course_ I’m not jealous!” Roman huffed. “It’s just _weird_! I’ve never seen him do that before! I didn’t think you even did that at _all_!” Roman supplied with frustration rising in his voice. Virgil’s head bounced, and he looked up to see Roman sitting next to his head.

“Princey, you sat on top of me for a while the other day,” Virgil offered, closing his eyes again. Patton was so warm he didn’t feel like he had much fight in him.

“After wrestling you into _submission_!” Roman responded bitterly. It was more like Virgil gave up fighting, but whatever makes princey happy.

“How do you know _Pat_ here didn’t wrestle _me_ into submission?” Virgil asked with a challenge in his voice. He looked back up at Roman, who had a mild flush on his cheeks.

“I didn’t fight you,” Patton chuckled. “You started it, you silly billy,” It was a weird sensation to feel someone else’s laughing in your chest, but it was still nice. Princey summoned his regular bucket of popcorn and watched the show without responding further. They watched silently for a little while and Virgil closed his eyes again to just enjoy the companionship. But eventually, the buttered popcorn smell tempted Virgil.

“Hey Princey, give me some popcorn,” Virgil requested, opening his mouth widely. He heard Roman make huffy princey noises, and he dropped a handful of popcorn all over his face. Virgil chuckled again and chewed the few pieces that fell into his mouth. “Thanks,”

They continued to watch together, slightly more amicably on Roman’s part after a little while. Roman did eventually start giving Virgil little bites of popcorn now and then without dumping it all over his face. Virgil didn’t realize how stiffly Roman sat until he felt him shift and relax on the couch just above his head. Virgil wasn’t sure what that was about, but he was glad he was relaxed now. The sound of another side entering eventually disrupted the sounds of the show.

“Again, Patton? How many times does someone need to watch this inane show?” He heard Logan ask and a foot-tapping in frustration. Patton and Virgil chuckled at the same time.

“But have you seen-” Patton started.

“ _Yes_ , I have Patton!” Logan interjected. “Oh, Virgil, I didn’t see you there. What are you also doing watching that again? It’s not productive in the least. I understand _Roman_ slacking off,” Logan didn’t stop for a variety of upset noises from Roman. “I would think _you_ would comprehend that fact better than Patton or Roman seems to,” Logan stated with bitterness in his tone.

“Lilly Singh said to watch a light-hearted show to alleviate anxiety,” Virgil said dismissively, slightly waving the hand that was hanging off the couch.

“Are you feeling significantly anxious?” Logan asked impatiently.

“Not at the moment. Have you _tried_ cuddling Patton? He’s like a giant warm puppy. I can’t find the will to be upset about much,” Virgil asked back. “You could probably use a break. You want to tag in?” Both Logan and Roman huffed.

“I came out here when I saw Patton’s text saying he was wasting time watching this show again, not because I wanted to join in watching it,” Logan replied shortly.

“I didn’t hear you object to the cuddles, though,” Virgil responded with amusement in his voice. “Patton, _Go_! Use _tackle_!” Virgil pointed to Logan with his free arm. Patton shot up and tackled Logan with a hug. They both fell unceremoniously to the floor and Logan groaned. Virgil lazily pulled himself up and leaned against Roman, then stole some of his popcorn. Roman stiffened for a moment.

“Uh, is this _okay_ , princey? I mean, I didn’t punch you first,” Virgil chuckled nervously and shifted off Roman, feeling bad. He shouldn’t have assumed. He was a prick. Roman’s arm shot out and pulled him back in and he rested his head on Roman’s shoulder crook and ate more popcorn with Roman’s arm still holding him in. Never mind, then. They were watching Logan and Patton clamber up off the floor and chuckling at them.

“You should really try it _sometime_ , Lo. I mean Patton just lost his cuddle buddy, and he’s devastated, right, Pat?” Virgil suggested playfully.

“I _did_? Logan!” Patton cried and made his puppy dog pout. Oh, it was all over. Virgil felt Roman snicker next to him. He must have thought the same thing.

“Fine! I will try it out of _scientific curiosity_! I don’t need a break. I need to keep at peak capacity. We will watch a documentary instead of Parks & Rec _all_ _over again_!” Logan said, his face somewhat red and very frustrated.

“A _documentary_? I’m out.” Roman said with disgust and put down his bucket of popcorn next to him.

“You want to watch something else in your room, Ro? Or maybe a rematch?” Virgil asked and reached across him for the bucket.

“Rematch? Over what? What are you talking about?” Roman stumbled awkwardly, trying to hide his secret ‘shame’.

“I mean you _did_ pin me last time,” Virgil said rolling his eyes and throwing some popcorn in his mouth. Virgil was fine with keeping up princey’s charade. He really thought the others wouldn’t care though. Before he joined them, sometimes he would catch Logan playing in the common area. Pat convinced Thomas to play games all the time. Roman’s whole ‘I like it for the stories’ shtick was kind of funny. Video games left the ‘nerds-only’ territory long ago, even if Thomas wasn’t a giant dork. Of course, the fantasy-having fanciful side wants to save the world in an epic adventure. Anyone could put that together. Princey could still be prejudiced about odd things, but he was getting better.

“Oh, right, that! Yes! _Indeed_!” Roman laughed awkwardly and sunk out of the living room, probably before anyone else caught his pink ears. Virgil got up and tossed the blanket that had dropped to the floor over Logan and Patton at the end of the couch. Logan was only half-heartedly cuddling while sitting up and Patton had his arms wrapped completely around him.

“It’s really only a cuddle if you lay back a bit, Lo, and hold him back,” Virgil supplied and Patton’s eyes shined at Logan.

“I want to talk to you, Virg-” Logan tried to start. That sentence never meant anything good. _Nope- ing_ the fuck out of here!

“Yeah, later dad and daddio,” Virgil interrupted Logan and left to Roman’s room with a quick salute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Outline: 4 draft: actually I forget but probably around 2500 as usual. Final: 3,498  
> Enjoy the moxiety fluff. Screaming accepted as a form of currency in the comments below.  
> In the next chapter: Boys hitting each other. This surprises no one. 
> 
> I'm terrified of the new episode coming out soon somebody save me


	23. In Which Roman Defeats the Cuddle Monster (but Not Really)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: fighting, anxiety attack

Roman was already sitting on the floor and setting up the game when Virgil rose into princey’s _grande_ and _stupide_ room of showy, billowy nonsense. He had changed things around in here again, as usual, but it was still over the top and conceited, just like Roman was.

“Let’s play some co-op first so I can warm up,” Roman said, holding out a controller for Virgil. Virgil took it and laid down in Roman’s lap with his head on Roman’s sternum to see the TV. Roman didn’t seem to mind and summoned a big, thick reading pillow to lean up against behind him. Roman loaded up the 2 player story mode and started the game.

They ended up playing together for much longer than Roman needed to warm up. Roman was a jumper when he got into the games and it felt a bit like riding a roller coaster with only the upper half of his body. It was a pretty fun ride other than the fact that sometimes his sight would get blocked by Roman’s controller as he flailed.

“Princey, you didn’t _need_ that power-up, why did you take it! I’m at half-health!” Virgil objected and nudged Roman in the leg with his elbow angrily.

“Well, if you’re such a good player, you don’t need it!” Roman huffed and flipped his hand dismissively. Virgil pouted up at him, and he just looked smugly down at Virgil.

“Don’t be a bitch, Ro, we have shared lives, if I die you also lose a life,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes, pointing to the life count on the TV. “ _See_?”

“Oh, shit really?” Roman sounded confused and read the TV screen for a moment. He shook it off quickly, scoffed at Virgil. “Well, good thing you’re a _cheater_!” He said with a haughty laugh. There was a small explosion on a screen, and a big guy came out. Roman ran up and engaged it right away, bouncing and tilting slightly as he fought a mini-boss. Virgil hung back to fight the smaller units to keep his health up instead of taking the damage from the boss, but when he ran out of units, he got impatient and went over to combo the boss. “Hey, that’s kill-stealing!” Roman objected and punched Virgil in the arm pretty hard. Virgil winced from the punch and grimaced up at Roman.

“It’s not my fault you were taking your sweet time killing him,” Virgil said humorously. Roman groaned and punched him again. “If you’d quit taking your hands off the controller to punch me, maybe you wouldn’t _suck_ so bad,” Virgil laughed.

“I just am not as _practiced_ at these games as you are,” Roman objected airily, making an expression that was so arrogant Virgil considered punching it off his face.

“I haven’t played many games since I ‘left the dark sides’, Princey, I just think faster than you,” Virgil said with another roll of his eyes. “I’m fight or flight, remember? I’m built with better reflexes,” Virgil said dismissively.

“You do _not_ , I definitely would be winning if you weren’t a _cheater_!” Roman shot back, scowling down at Virgil.

“Do you _see_ me cheating, princey? I’m literally in front of you,” Virgil said shortly, motioning to the screen with his hand.

“Yes, you are _brazenly_ doing it in front of me!” Roman proclaimed sourly, pouting his lip out.

“Prove it, princey,” Virgil challenged Roman with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t know how you’re doing it! But I could kick your butt outside of the virtual world any time!” Roman said loudly, sounding very cocky along with the obvious indigence at the whole situation.

“ _Prove it_ , princey,” Virgil repeated, the threat was obvious in his voice. He stared Roman right in the eyes to let him know he wasn’t backing down. Roman glowered back at him scornfully. “Oh, I think my _bunny slippers_ just ran for cover,” Virgil sarcastically quoted Mulan. Roman paused the game and gently put down his controller and took Virgil’s out of his hands, also placing that one delicately to the floor with slow and fluid grace.

As soon as the controllers were cleared, Roman made his move. He pushed Virgil off his lap and tried to land a hit, but just barely missed as Virgil pivoted his body and tried to make a grab at Roman’s torso with his legs. He managed to get a hold of Roman for a moment, but Roman broke out before Virgil could attempt to flip him. Roman tried to pin Virgil’s arms down on the ground while he recovered from the failed attack. But Virgil just bucked off the ground with his legs and pushed him right back off. Virgil launched off the ground to tackle him over before Roman could retaliate again. Princey landed on the ground, pinned underneath Virgil who sported a triumphant grin.

“Tap to concede rules, Roman, unless you _really_ want to go,” Virgil proposed confidently. The bravery atmosphere in Roman’s room had already affected him and at the moment he couldn’t care less. Roman worked his knee under Virgil and shoved him off, sending Virgil stumbling back.

“A prince would _never_ pull a blade on his subjects! And I should warn you, I duel with my brother often!” Roman declared and posed proudly. Virgil lunged back at him and grabbed his tunic, pulling him into a fist instead of extending to a punch to trick Roman into dodging the wrong way. Roman looked affronted at the landed hit to his face.

“I’m only impressed if you beat him at chess, princey,” Virgil grunted as Roman punched him back in the chest and caught himself before stumbling again. He went low when Roman lunged at him and grabbed Roman across the waist and brought him down under him again. “And for some reason, I just can’t imagine you outwitting Remus’s tactics,” He said with a cynical laugh and sat at the edge of his ribcage, holding down his arms.

“ _How dare you_!” Roman shot an objection and tried to use his legs again to force Virgil off, but he couldn’t get an opening to fling him again.

“You tapping yet, princey?” Virgil said with a fake yawn. That must have really riled up Roman because he forced himself up on one side and launched Virgil off again.

“We’re only just starting, Death cab,” Roman growled and dove to pin Virgil.

“Are you calling me a _cutie_?” Virgil taunted him as he dodged Roman’s lunge. Roman must have anticipated the dodge and twisted Virgil’s arm behind his back, preventing him from moving farther away. Virgil wasn’t willing to tap yet, though, and he kicked his foot under Roman’s ankle and tripped him, giving Virgil just enough leeway to escape. “Because I’m flattered,” Virgil said with a chuckle and stepped back and braced himself for Roman to go at him again. Roman swept at Virgil’s legs instead of lunging again, and Virgil toppled hard onto the floor. He managed to roll to his back and grapple with Roman instead of being pinned outright again. He yanked to one side to get Roman to roll and went with the inertia, and now Roman was pinned and grappling underneath.

Roman let out a frustrated grunt and tried the same trick, but Virgil was prepared and he was only rocked instead of doing a full 180. Virgil laughed and kissed Roman’s knuckles while trying to push his arms down. Roman’s face was shocked for a moment, but despite the blush on Roman’s cheeks, he managed to roll and pin Virgil under him with his hands against the ground. Virgil laughed again, impressed that Roman found a weak angle to throw him again. He probably needed to stop before he hurt Roman, though. He was probably getting too into it.

“I tap, princey, _I tap_!” Virgil conceded loudly, his voice tinged with humor and respect.

“ _Say it_!” Roman hissed behind a crooked smile. Virgil blushed slightly and looked at him with wide eyes. 

“You can whoop my ass for real!” Virgil announced to the room. “I concede this victory to the prince,” Virgil chuckled lightly. 

“You’re _damn right_ you do!” Roman cheered victoriously and released Virgil’s arms to fix his hair that had gone askew while fighting. He didn’t get off of Virgil though. They were both breathing pretty hard from the effort of the battle, and Virgil would have loved the extra lung space if Roman got off him, but he didn’t seem to want to. Roman reached over and picked up the player one controller and saved their progress.

“Are you going to let me up, princey? Or do I just live here now?” Virgil grunted slightly at the pressure on his chest, but he didn’t make the effort to push Roman off.

“I won those rights when I _kicked your ass_ , Virgil,” Roman said haughtily, posing slightly on top of Virgil.

“Come on, jerk-butt, I can’t breathe well, you don’t want a freakin’ anxiety attack right now,” Virgil sighed and pushed at Roman’s knees. Roman’s eyes widened slightly, probably in acknowledgment, and rolled off of Virgil. When he stood, he offered his hand to help Virgil up. Virgil slapped it for a victory high five and then took it. “You can take your rights to the couch, right?” Virgil asked tugged Roman's hand in that direction.

“Of course I can, I can take them anywhere,” Roman said with a smirk, and Virgil turned away to hide another blush. Roman didn’t miss it, though. “You’re a bit of a masochist, huh,” Roman laughed. Virgil blushed harder.

“I’m pretty certain I already said that Princey,” He mumbled sat in the couch's nook, and pulled Roman to sit in front of him so he couldn’t see his face. Roman paused for a moment, processing what he said, and then broke out laughing.

“I thought you were joking!” He said and pulled Virgil up again. “I’m tops,” he said in a half-whisper and Virgil’s entire face burned like it was on fire.

“To put up with you, I think I’d _have_ to be,” Virgil muttered sourly and got up to let Roman switch places with him.

“Payback is a _bitch,_ isn’t it,” Roman purred into Virgil’s ear and had Virgil lay on top of him instead.

“I think _you’re_ a bitch,” Virgil mumbled and settled down on Roman’s chest. He could hear Roman’s heart still racing from the tussle.

“I think _you_ are the only bitch in the room I see,” Roman said with a quiet intensity and Virgil shrank in his arms, his face now hurting it was so flushed. Roman laughed even louder at his reaction and pulled Virgil tighter against him. “Let’s watch a movie,” Roman said, the remote flying into his hands. Man, thinking of that earlier would have been much easier than fighting to get it close when Patton was on him.

“How about _Inside Out_?” Virgil suggested with a dark chuckle. Roman glared at him slightly.

“We’ll be watching _Wall-E_ ,” Roman said, sounding annoyed that Virgil brought that up.

“Oh, you don’t have to pout, princey,” Virgil said and angled his head up to kiss Roman’s cheek. “You’re still my hero even if you aren’t 100% original all the time,” He turned as red as Virgil probably still was. “Guess there are two bitches in the room after all,” Virgil laughed airily. Roman squeezed Virgil tightly. “I give! I give!” he shouted and Roman loosened up again.

“Aren’t you tetchy,” Virgil said with annoyance and wrapped his arms around the one holding him down to the couch. Virgil snuggled in and nuzzled his face on Roman’s chest. He glanced up, and that made the redness in princey’s face glow a little. It looks like now they know each other’s weaknesses, and the fights are fair again. Oh, well. It’s not like his weakness is anything important to hide. Deceit and Remus already knew. Except…

“Never tell Patton,” Virgil muttered. He didn’t want to have to explain it or get weird looks from him. That’s not information you can unlearn about a person, and if they’re not already cool with it, then it’s weird for everybody involved.

“Agreed,” Roman said with a little knowing smirk. Virgil rolled his eyes at Roman and turned to watch the movie.

They were both entranced by the film in short order, probably because that fight had been very draining even if a lot of punches weren’t thrown for damage. Fighting with Roman was much less stressful than fighting Remus. All those fight-or-flight instincts worked in Vigil’s favor, instead of against him like they normally did. When he was fighting, and it made him feel strong and capable for once. Though, maybe the room amplified that a bit. Roman seemed to enjoy lower stakes fights with Virgil, too, or he wouldn’t keep taking the bait. He really didn’t mind losing to Roman, either. Probably because Roman didn’t make demands of the loser like Remus normally did. Not that there’s wasn’t something to be said about going absolutely berserk with his brother. He probably shouldn’t start launching spiders at Roman or pull his glaive on him, but that’s Remus approved behavior.

Virgil tittered when Roman said ‘eeva’ along with Wall-E on the TV and curled into him more. Roman was warm from the tussle and the tunic was surprisingly comfortable to lie on. He felt content, and at the moment he never wanted to leave. Roman would assuredly piss him off again soon, or he would piss off Roman. It was an eventuality with them. They were bound to disagree over something or other because it was just their natures. But Virgil wouldn’t mind if all their fights ended this way. Roman gave him a gentle squeeze and kissed his hair. Virgil sighed contentedly and nestled into Roman further.

Virgil closed his eyes and listened to Roman’s heart against his chest. The smooth, even beat was even more restful and when he opened his eyes again, they were probably another 20 minutes in the movie from when he last watched. He shook his head lightly to shake the sleep from his eyes.

“Getting tired, cuddle monster?” Roman asked affectionately and gave Virgil’s hair a stroke.

“Yeah… tired of you,” Virgil said and yawned mid-sentence, his eyes fluttering closed again for a moment. He snapped them back open. It wasn’t that he shouldn’t sleep in here as much as he didn’t want the cuddles to end. Roman was so warm and he felt so safe. Roman’s room plus being wrapped up in his arms made him feel like he could conquer the world.

“Just like I’m tired of your shit,” Roman said with a chuckle. “Movie’s almost over, gotherella, you can put up with the rest of it,”

Virgil yawned again. “’Kay. Don’t let me fall asleep here or there will be another Roman with better makeup than yours tomorrow stealing all your limelight,”

“You could never even begin to try, discount drama queen,” Roman with a laugh from his throat and squeezed Virgil for a second. Virgil buried his head in Roman’s tunic for a moment before looking back to the TV to finish the movie.

—

Virgil came up into Deceit’s room and snapped into some pajama pants and a different hoodie before quietly crawling into bed.

“Virgil,” Deceit said smoothly and Virgil’s eyes shot over to the chair where Deceit was writing something down in one of his folders. “You’ve very arrived early,”

“I wasn’t as tired today,” Virgil said with a soft exhale of exhaustion. Sitting on top of Deceit’s bed was cold compared to the warm couch.

“Indeed,” Deceit said and snapped into a pair of regal pinstriped pajamas himself. “You had a terrible time today,” Deceit said smoothly as he pulled back the covers on the other side of the bed. Virgil rubbed his arms.

“Yeah, almost everybody was nice to me. I learned how to knit. I didn’t have an anxiety attack about anything unimportant,” Virgil said, almost wistfully. “Did you have an agreeable day?”

“I had some successes today,” Deceit said and laid down flat. “If things continued like this, it wouldn’t be objectionable,”

“Speaking of things continuing-” Virgil started but was interrupted by a sigh.

“No, Virgil, stay frozen above the sheets for all I care,” Deceit said, rolling his eyes. Virgil slid under the same covers as Deceit and laid down, holding on to the snake doll he conjured before.

“Thanks, I’m really cold…” Virgil said trailing off and mumbling it into his plush. Deceit’s sheets were silky smooth and smelled so nice. Virgil settled in but kept his distance from Deceit. He didn’t want to annoy him further. Virgil was a little worried that Deceit would be mad about all the close contact he had with the other sides today. And that he literally fought with Roman today. But Deceit didn’t bring up anything, and they had laid silently while Deceit dimmed the lights. Maybe that stuff was already accounted for? Deceit was very thorough.

Or maybe he really messed up and Deceit didn’t want to deal with it today. Or maybe he was too clingy, and the other sides think he’s extra weird. Or maybe he missed something important while he was knitting. He had been distracted for an hour or two of him counting repetitively. Oh god, what happened in that time span?

“I _love_ the new temperature, Virgil, _do_ keep it up,” Deceit said with heavy exasperation. He opened his eyes and noticed he had icy webs on his fingers.

“Shit, sorry,” He muttered and strained to pull it all in. Virgil hadn’t noticed how cold he made the room until it had warmed back up. The effort exhausted him and now he had to try to reign in his thoughts to stop it from getting bad again.

“Jusst _assk_ , next time, Virgil, you don’t have to do that to yourself,” Deceit hissed, and he felt something crawl up his shirt on his back. Oh shit, he really did piss off Deceit. Fuck, Shit, He had to… Oh- The snake bit him and he took a deep breath. Oh, he was breathing again. What was he freaking out about? It didn’t feel like it mattered.

“You’re at least half cold-blooded, right?” Virgil said sleepily.

“ _Of course_ not,” Deceit said, sounding slightly confused.

“Does that mean half of you is cold?” Virgil said, his exhaustion making him sound a little loopy.

“ _No_?” Deceit asked and looked over at Virgil with an odd expression he couldn’t parse.

“Do you want me to warm you back up?” Virgil said with a little yawn. Deceit rolled his eyes and lifted up his arm. Virgil scooted in with another yawn and draped himself over Deceit’s snake half. He could feel the cool scales through the pajama top, but Virgil was no stranger to a little cold.

“Cuddle monster is a _completely_ _inaccurate_ way to describe you,” Deceit mused with a little humor in his voice.

“Yeah, well, that’s probably all you,” Virgil said with a deep yawn. He slid his hands over the scales through the fabric. They felt really cool. He felt Deceit take a deep breath.

“Virgil, go to _sleep_ ,” Deceit said, sounding a little annoyed. Virgil chuckled against his chest and secretly rolled his eyes.

“What? You feel nice,” He said quietly and closed his eyes.

“Good _night_ , Virgil,” Deceit said, sounding exasperated. Virgil was lost to oblivion moments later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> outline: idk i think I just wanted them to fight final: 3,262 brought up from 2,300  
> prinxiety shippers rejoyce in the comments down below  
> making some readability improvements to storytime sorry if the format change is spooky, i'm going back to the older chapters to do it, too.


	24. In Which we Find out why you Shouldn't Wake up Virgil

Deceit awoke wrapped up in Virgil. He was pleasantly warm in the morning for once with this idiot wrapped around him. The problem was that Virgil and groaned and just grabbed him tighter and went back to sleep. He needed to get up- he had plans to continue to test things today. Virgil was already snoring again, gripped tight to Deceit’s top. He didn’t _do_ late. 

He wasn’t going to be delayed because of this clingy idiot. He snapped his and Virgil’s clothes back to their normal daily attire and very slowly sat up, shifting Virgil’s legs slowly over his lap. They were now sitting at the edge of the bed, and Deceit was holding up a dead-asleep Virgil to his body, who was still attached with vice-like tenacity. This would have to be good enough. He gently pulled Virgil’s hood over his head and made it soundproof. As long as he didn’t move too much Virgil should be able to stay asleep until he can be woken up with less risk.

It had occurred to him to just use some venom, but he wasn’t positive of Virgil’s reaction and his entire body was definitely in the danger zone. He did not like pain. He waited for his test dummy to arrive quietly. He had zero intention of waking Virgil up, messing up his whole plans for the day.

“Oh, daddy’s bitch has made _daddy_ the _bitch_ the morning,” Remus cooed as he rose up.

“Yes, what a _pleasure_ to see you too, Remus, can we _please_ get _on_ with it?” Deceit said and rolled his eyes.

“Is there a sign-up sheet for Virgil cuddles? He _does_ look soft,” Remus said, half affectionately and half humorously.

“If you two would stop trying to kill each other for _once_ , you could conceivably just _ask_ ,” Deceit said, losing his patience. Remus wasn’t like Virgil, he never cared if Deceit was pissed and always continued to bother him further. He didn’t hate Remus by any means, but the man really did know how to push him.

“His buttons are just so _big_ and _bright_ and _shiny_ and he likes to fight! Am I just supposed to fight no one but my brother?” Remus whined.

“Well, unless you want to snuggle your own _tentacles_ , I’d shower off the dumpster you rolled in and pick a random pleasant scent for once and just _ask_. Now, if we can _please_ get down to business, I need your report of the effects from yesterday,” Deceit groaned. Perhaps Remus knew he was unwilling to move with Virgil there because he didn’t respond. He just smiled and moved closer.

“ _Remus_ ,” Deceit said coolly and summoned a cobra which he pointed at him. The cobra hissed and took an offensive stand on Deceit’s hand. “Just because I can’t move doesn’t mean I can’t retaliate if you disregard me,”

“I just wanna _poke_ him!” Remus whined. “He’s so _vulnerable_ and _weak_! I could take _anything_ from him!” Deceit laughed darkly. Oh, so Remus didn’t _know_. He sent the snake off, and it evaporated into light. Deceit slightly angled Virgil out toward Remus. It was difficult with Virgil grasping his shirt, but this would be worth it just to watch. Virgil rests, but his anxiety doesn’t. It’s still running wild in there. Deceit can feel it churning under the hand holding him up.

“You’re right, he’s _very_ vulnerable. _Certainly_ not a threat,” Deceit said casually and gently pulled back Virgil’s hood. He held Virgil out a little further and braced himself as Remus approached and tried to slap him across the face with a tentacle. But dark webs shot out from under his hoodie and Remus was quickly covered and constricted by icy black webs. Virgil’s hand was raised and spiders began dropped and heading towards their prey as a scream from Remus was stifled behind the webs.

The scream woke Virgil, who also woke with a scream and balled up tightly on deceit’s lap and started to freeze over himself, shaking violently with wide eyes glowing purple. Deceit already had a snake ready for this and it bit the only open spot of skin available at his neck, where Deceit pulled the hood further down for it to reach. Virgil collapsed back into Deceit’s arms when the venom hit with a deep sigh. That would teach Remus a lesson better than Deceit could himself. He watched Remus trapped in a black, spider-infested cocoon on the floor, eyes wide with terror.

“Virgil’s _certainly_ not able to spread his affliction like you are or _anything_ ,” He said coolly. Virgil moaned and held his head for a moment. He coughed and looked around, noticing Remus webbed up on the floor.

“You little _shit_ , did you try to wake me up?” Virgil growled groggily, wobbling briefly as he stood up. “Thanks for stopping me before I ate him, D… He would have tasted _terrible_ …” Virgil said with a groan. He walked over and kicked the black cocoon and a static shock danced across the top of the webs. “Promise to never fucking wake me up again and maybe that won’t happen again,” Virgil glanced to Deceit behind him, his mind probably working to catch up with the situation. “Though _I_ don’t necessarily make that call. Better play nice with ‘ _my daddy_ ’,” He said with a dark but tired chuckle. He was glad Virgil was smart enough to get the picture so fast. Though he wished he wouldn’t call Deceit that stupid name Remus always tried to heckle Virgil with.

Remus nodded wildly. Virgil knelt down and placed a hand on the cocoon and it stared receding back into him. He tugged Remus up by the arm and gave him a rough hug, probably trying to increase the contact to pull it back faster. Remus desperately shot his arms up and grasped him, hyperventilating. Virgil held his hand over Remus’s head and the shudders decreased almost immediately and Remus went back to normal, shaken but no longer affected.

“Wow, you really _are_ soft,” Remus muttered.

“Of course I am. I’m soft and seem nice until you find out how venomous and deadly I am. _That’s_ when people run away,” Virgil said bitterly. He had a light sheen of sweat on his forehead, probably from the effort of taking all of that back into himself. “Now let _go_ , fuck-for-brains, just because I didn’t kill you doesn’t mean I want to _fucking snuggle_ with you right now,” Virgil said, pushing him off. Remus was reluctant to let go and still shaken, clenching Virgil’s hoodie. Virgil softened and went back to hug him. “You’re an idiot,”

“Charming, really, but you’re here to report to me and not cuddle my subordinate,” Deceit said sarcastically. Virgil bristled and started to pull back. “ _You’re_ fine, dear,” Deceit reassured him. Virgil wasn’t being the problem right now.

Virgil relaxed and sat on the floor with Remus, and they continued to hold each other. Virgil started settling down into Remus in true cuddle monster form. Deceit really was baffled how clingy he was under all those layers of fear making him scared to try to reach out before.

“Pull up your hood, Virgil,” Deceit said simply. Virgil nodded and pulled it up. There was a shocked look on his face as he pulled it on, but he didn’t move to take it off. He really was a smart one. “You are getting the attention you wanted from him, and I didn’t let him kill you when you woke him. You have gotten _everything_ you were disstracted by, sso give me the _damned report_ ,” Deceit said, the anger rising in his voice.

Remus shivered for once. Finally, he got the picture. At least for now. Remus was powerful as creativity, but his demented thoughts had nothing on the maelstrom inside of Virgil. If Virgil could actually utilize it instead of being slowly crushed by it, he would be truly terrifying indeed. Deceit knew firsthand that the things he sent out were things he himself was suffering from, and he walks around like nothing is wrong when it debilitated almost every other side who was ever hit with it. Remus started rambling off things in short order and Deceit had summoned his notes to compare the statements with what he had observed from Remus yesterday.

“Fine. Come tomorrow with your report at the same time. Lift your sleeve,” Deceit said and conjured a snake. Remus groaned and rolled his eyes, but he did as Deceit asked pretty quickly for once. He needed to keep Virgil nearby for these in the future. Virgil’s eyes widened as the snake bit Remus and Remus’s eyes glossed over for a moment. Deceit mimed pulling a hood off and Virgil nodded and removed his, but he didn’t ask questions.

“You want to hang out and read comics later?” Remus asked shyly, which was new and interesting. Deceit took note of that.

“You want to take a _shower_?” Virgil asked mockingly.

“I’ll take a fucking shower,” Remus groaned.

“Then, yeah, I haven’t read the new Batman in a while. Not since we last read comics together, anyway. But, _um_ ,” Virgil had a look of apprehension on his face and turned towards Deceit.

“I’ll make you a room on the outer rim and we will help you leave when the time comes, Virgil,” Deceit said. Virgil nodded. Remus looked a little confused. This could be a good chance to see what was going on and test how long he could be in there.

“Does that mean you’ll join us?” Virgil asked hopefully.

“I will be there, but I will be busy,” Deceit said dismissively.

“Oh, okay,” Virgil said, sounding slightly disappointed. The duke looked a little pissy until Virgil gave him a tighter hug and pulled himself off the floor. Remus then looked dazzled instead.

“I got to go, but I’ll see you guys later. Take that shower, Ream, I need to disinfectant spray _the shit_ out of myself,” Virgil shot a shy smile to Deceit.

“Smart,” Deceit said and waved his hand to dismiss him. Virgil sunk out to go join the others for breakfast.

“You god damn lucky dog, you sleep with that?” Remus whistled.

“It’s perfectly _chaste_ , Remus,” Deceit said and rolled his eyes, going back to writing in his notes.

“I know, but he’s soft, and he smiles at you like you fucking light up his goddamn world, it’s not fucking _fair_!” Remus whined childishly.

“It’s called not being an _asshole_ to him,” Deceit said and slammed his pen down on the bed, closing the folder.

“It’s not just that, well it is a little. But you know we can’t be near each other for too long! His chocolate gets in my peanut butter and we both go nuts!” Remus whined. “We have fun when we hang out! He likes my humor! And now someone will actually hug me, and it’s him? But he’s loyal to you,” Remus spat bitterly.

“His loyalty and affections aren’t locked together. Just find his limit for you being a piece of shit and be careful not to cross it. And then take a break before you two both go overboard. He clearly likes scuffling with you for _whatever_ reason, though,” Deceit said with clear frustration. Remus waggles his eyebrows salaciously. “You _know_ he’s not doing that with you,” Deceit groaned.

“ _Ugh_ , way to shatter a guy’s dreams,” Remus whined again and flopped down on the floor.

“You’re lucky he’ll even _touch_ you with his handss,” Deceit hissed. “Get out of my room, Remuss, I have thingss to do,” Deceit stood and glared at Remus.

“Fi~ine, see you later,” Remus huffed immaturely and disappeared in a puff of green smoke. Deceit left before he had to smell whatever Remus just gassed his room with.

— * * * —

Virgil was laughing, caught in a headlock under Roman’s arm, and getting a noogie. “Oh, _somebody’s_ been naughty,” Roman taunted him with a chuckle. Virgil flushed a little but just reached his arms around the best he could and grabbed Roman, attempting to take him down.

“Boys! No _roughhousing_ at the table!” Patton said with his arms crossed. He sounded a little upset, but there was a twinge of humor.

“Sorry, dad,” Roman and Virgil said at the same time, looked at each other and laughed. They sat back up and went back to breakfast. Virgil was enjoying chocolate chip waffles and a side of fruit this morning. He kept cutting the waffles into even portions of squares and ate the excess. There was something really satisfying about it. It was so even and measured. He caught Logan eying him over the paper once or twice, but he didn’t seem to want to talk in front of the other sides. That suited him just fine.

“You want whipped cream, Virge?” Roman asked, and a can appeared in his hands. Virgil nodded enthusiastically and Roman sprayed a small mountain on his plate before putting a little on a strawberry and eating it. Virgil followed suit and dipped a strawberry to enjoy. He could feel his face light up. Oh, why had he slept so long on food? Virgil moaned quietly from the sharp strawberry with the fluffy whipped cream.

“You’re my food angel, Ro,” Virgil said gratefully while he enjoyed a whipped cream blackberry.

“I can show you the world, _sweet, salty, and tangy_ …” Roman crooned with an Aladdin tune.

“Oh!” Patton exclaimed and placed a piece of bacon on a chocolate chip waffle. “Here’s sweet and salty!” Virgil looked at it suspiciously but went ahead and tried it, anyway.

“Patton, you’re a culinary genius!” He said, savoring it. “It’s kind of overwhelming, but it’s weirdly delicious,” Virgil said, enjoying the flavourful feast.

“I’ll put some fun new snacks to try in the fridge for you, kiddo! Take it slow or the flavours get all weird and muddled,” Patton said with a big smile and went over to the fridge.

“Thanks, pop!” He said and continued enjoying his breakfast. “Are you super busy later, Ro?” Virgil asked with starry eyes and a big smile. Roman flushed a little.

“I-I can let you know when I’m free,” Roman said and cleared his throat. “Why do you ask?”

“I’ve been informed I’m a monster,” Virgil said with a laugh. Patton looked scandalized as came back to the table. “And I intend to win today,”

“You’re not a _monster_!” Patton cried. “I’ll _fight_ whoever said that to you,” Patton threatened, holding up his fists as if he’d never thrown a real punch in his life. Virgil laughed heartily.

“I’m afraid there’s already a line, pops. But it’s chill, I _am_ a monster. It doesn’t have to be a _bad_ thing,” Virgil said and took another bite of his breakfast.

“I’ll fight them _all_ if I have to!” Patton declared. Roman rolled his eyes, and Virgil chuckled.

“Sure, here’s the first contender,” Virgil said and placed his hand on the table. When he raised it up, a tarantula with purple fur appeared. Patton shrieked and jumped back. “See, I don’t know if that’s her _pet name_ for me or if she just calls it like it is, but watch out because I haven’t milked Beatrice in a while,” Beatrice crawled up on Virgil’s outstretched arm.

“Virge, _put that back_!” Roman shouted.

“Sure,” He said, petting her body for a moment before sending her back to his room.

“She’s a real _sweetheart_ ,” Roman hissed through his teeth. Pat was still frozen.

“Watch out, Ro, you sound like Deceit,” Virgil said with a chuckle and got up and went around to hug Patton gently. Roman sounded upset at being compared to Deceit’s disinterest in his pets, but probably realized that was exactly what Deceit would say. Patton held him back for a moment but eased into the hug.

“Sorry, Pops, I forgot how much you hated spiders,” Virgil said softly into his ear and rubbed his back. “They listen to me, okay? _Mostly_ , anyway. They’ll stay away from you,”

“You scared me _so much_ , kiddo!” Patton said shakily.

“I know, I messed up. I’m sorry, Pat,” Virgil said apologetically and held him close.

“How did you _forget_ he was afraid of spiders, Virgil?” Logan asked, placing his paper on the table. Virgil stiffened a little. Shit, how _did_ he forget? _Oh._ Oh, yeah. That was probably an accidental loss? He remembers _now_ , anyway. He just needed to be careful.

“Um, I’m not fully awake yet. Remus woke me up early,” Virgil said, hoping that was enough of an explanation.

“Oh _god_ , what did he do to you?” Roman asked, exasperated. “He does that to me all the time if I try to sleep in,” Roman threw his hands in frustration.

“More like what did _I_ do to _him_. Pro tip: _Never_ wake me up from a deep sleep,” Virgil said with a bark of laughter and ruffled Patton’s hair. Logan didn’t get that blue magnum look, which was a shame. Virgil would need to find a better combo to see it again.

“You going to be okay, Pat?” Virgil asked softly and gave him a gentle squeeze. Patton looked up, and his eyes were watery. Virgil chuckled and picked up Patton in a swoop and carried him over to the couch. He caught Roman and Logan watching him wide-eyed as he turned around the corner piece. Virgil sat down with Patton in his lap and held him close. He rubbed gentled circles on Patton’s back and hummed quietly to him.

“Virgil, you just picked up Patton like he was _nothing_ ,” Roman said, somewhat incredulously.

“He’s not _nothing_ ,” Virgil kissed Patton’s forehead. “He’s just _light-hearted_ ,” Patton giggled and beamed up at him, then snuggled into his chest. He heard groans and bafflement from the table behind him.

“Sorry again, Pat,” He said gently and conjured a soft blanket to throw around his shoulders and kissed his forehead again. Patton flushed and buried his head slightly. Virgil grabbed Patton's chin and pulled him up to look Virgil in the eyes. Patton’s face was pink, and his eyes were shining.

“It's okay," Patton muttered. 

“I _mean_ it Pat, tell me if I’m being a massive jerk okay? I don’t always mean to and sometimes I need somebody to care enough to tell me to stop trying to push you guys away,” Virgil said softly. He let Patton’s face go when it turned beet red and let him hide it. Virgil chuckled quietly. “But I will always be kind of a jerk and you guys will just have to deal with that,”

“I’ll _fight_ you,” Patton muttered into his chest.

“Me _too_ , Pat,” Virgil laughed and rested his chin on Patton who was curled up in his lap. Virgil yawned and laid his head back on the couch, his eyes drooping slightly. “I think I need a nap… you can leave if you want,” Virgil said and loosened his grip on Patton to let him get up. Patton shook his head into Virgil’s chest. Virgil pulled his hood up, he was keeping this silencing hood from Deceit for sure, and tightened up around Patton again. He summoned a thick pillow behind Patton in case his arms slackened a little and shifted to lean back further to fall asleep.

— * * * —

“I’m not _crazy_ , right? That was _weird_. That was _really_ weird?” Roman whispered to Logan. “Did you know he was so strong? What was with all the laughing and apologizing?”

“Roman, you’ve physically fought him on _multiple_ occasions, how would you not _know_ how strong he is?” Logan whispered back.

“We aren’t trying to maim each other!” Roman huffed quietly. “We’ve always held back,” Roman whispered quickly. “What about the _open and vulnerable communication_? He _lashes out_ when he upsets people. Two weeks ago he couldn’t look someone in the eye without freaking out, and he held Patton’s gaze that whole time. And now that I think about it, other than that one-word story thing, he never laughs loudly like that. He even told a _dad joke_!” Roman explained in quiet panic and kept shooting glances over at Virgil and Patton on the couch. Logan grunted.

“I have a _hypothesis_. But I don’t have enough data for it to be realized, yet,” Logan said quietly with the frustration evident in his voice.

“Care to share with the class, _professor_?” Roman said impatiently.

“I just said I need more evidence before I can consider it, Roman. Let me know if anything else odd happens when you spend time with him later. Perhaps he is particularly overtired and somewhat delusional and he will have a conniption out when he recalls this morning’s events,” Logan said with a sigh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> draft: idk i was disassociating probably like 2,700 it was 3k when i started today final: idk i mean 3,464  
> I happen to be a big fan of this chapter. And I'm always nervous people will hate chapters I really like? I don't get it. I thought everyone would hate this story so why a single chapter would be different. reminder that D isn't unsympathetic or anything he's just an idiot with control issues and that's part of this story.   
> Virgil's referencing all the way back to [Chapter 2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22611418/chapters/54057025) with the blue magnum thing.


	25. In Which They Opt to Burn Comic Books Instead of Self-Immolation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fire, Gross things, Fighting, Food, Teasing

Virgil woke to a gentle buzzing in his pocket. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and slowly looked around. He must have not been too deep asleep. He keeps his phone in a gentle setting so it wouldn’t startle him when D needed something. He was somehow still holding Patton on the couch. He was almost impressed with himself. Patton seemed to have woken up to the vibration under him as well, as he looked confused. Virgil gently kissed Patton’s Forehead and he smiled and seemed happy. He watched Patton yawn widely with no sound.

“Lemme get this, Pat,” Virgil mumbled sleepily and dropped his hood, then fished his phone out of his hoodie pocket from under Patton’s legs. ‘The room is ready. Just shoot the duke a note when you leave. I will be working here alone until then.’ The message said. Attached was a map pin of the mind palace. Oh, he hoped it was Deceit’s study. Virgil loved that fireplace. He could walk right in it was so huge. Something about resting in front of a furnace of death really spoke to his inner goth. He slid his phone back into his hoodie pocket and went back to holding Patton tight.

“Did you fall asleep with me, Pat?” He asked gently and rocked him.

“I guess being that spooked wore me out,” Patton said with a little yawn again.

“Believe me, I’ve been there. But I bet you’ve got other things to do today now that you’re all full up on cuddle power,” Virgil said with another gentle kiss.

“I do, but it’s so warm and snuggly in here with you,” Patton said and nuzzled into Virgil’s chest.

“Oh, I can fix _that_ ,” Virgil said with a laugh.

“What do you mean ‘ _fix that_ ’?” Patton asked apprehensively.

“I can make it not warm anymore,” Virgil said and released a little chill of anxiety. Patton suddenly shivered and looked shocked.

“Boo!” Patton whined in objection. “Wait, do you have ice powers like _Elsa_?” Patton asked with wide, curious eyes as he took the blanket and crawled out of Virgil’s now chilly lap.

“I _wish_ , but no,” Virgil said with a laugh and pulled Patton in and kissed his cheek. Virgil backed up and saluted Patton. “I’m just the boogeyman,” He said with a cackle and sunk out of the room leaving Patton wrapped in a fuzzy blanket and looking more confused than when he woke up with his hand holding his cheek.

Virgil rose into the location Deceit sent and summoned his notepad and wrote ‘f u’ and sent it off to the Duke. It was Deceit’s study, after all, though heavily scaled back. Probably because it was near the edge of the Mind Palace. It was less of a library/study and had more empty space and empty walls. The desk and Deceit’s big wingback chair was still there, and so was Virgil’s favourite fireplace and rug. But Deceit added a black leather loveseat with side tables on either end. Virgil summoned a big, fluffy throw blanket to cover the chair, just in case the duke was nasty again. Virgil walked over to Deceit’s desk where he worked and waited. After a pause, Deceit looked up at Virgil.

“The throw was a _terrible_ call,” Deceit said casually. Virgil stepped around the desk and held open his arms expectantly, and Deceit nodded, sighing. Virgil came over and wrapped his arms around Deceit for a moment and kissed his scaled cheek, then rubbed his cheek to it.

“Thanks for everything, D. I think you’re my favourite, too,” Virgil breathed and smirked at Deceit’s slight flush on the human half of his face.

“Have you been a _menace_?” Deceit asked with a distracted cough.

“The _worst_ ,” Virgil smirked. “I mostly took a nap with Pat,” Virgil added quietly. “But I think it’s nicer to sleep with something else cool-blooded,” Virgil said with a coquettish smile. “I’ll try not to rile up the duke, but I get it if you have to kick us out,” Virgil said with a nod and let Deceit go. Virgil summoned a little pile of comic books and two pairs of headphones as he walked over to the table and loveseat and dropped them on the table. He put the headphones in a splitter and hung a music player from the back of the big chair and laid back to enjoy some Batman.

Remus landed so suddenly next to him in the loveseat that Virgil jumped up in surprise and hissed. He punched Remus in the arm who smiled widely and punched right back. A strong smell punched Virgil in the face, and he shook his head in confusion. Strawberries?

“Ream, you chose something that smells good!” Virgil said in surprise and lowered his headphones. “Is that your way of flirting?” Virgil asked with a little breezy snicker.

“No, my way of flirting involves _tentacle ooze_ and me and my date ending up _on fire_!” Remus said with a laugh and grabbed a volume of Deadpool.

“Well, _warn_ a side, so I can make myself a fire-and-ooze proof suit,” Virgil said and started to pull his headphones back on. “Hey, I don’t suppose you can summon food? I can only make drinks,” Virgil asked as he dropped his headphones midway. Remus laughed and held a plate of what looked like worms and bloody goose livers. “Oh _god_ , send that _off_! That’s fucking _gross_ ,” Virgil said and sputtered slightly. “What do you want to drink?… And if it’s like expired pigs’ milk or something, I’m not fucking making it,” Virgil stuck his tongue out and grimaced in disgust.

Remus rolled his eyes. “If I _wanted_ to drink cornea juice, I’d summon it myself,” Remus said haughtily. Virgil shuttered at the concept of juicing eyeballs. “I’ll take a rum and coke,” He said, surprisingly reasonably. Virgil summoned a highball glass and tapped the side of the rim and it filled with skull ice cubes and the drink requested.

“I can’t make, like top-shelf rum or anything, but it’s good enough for the likes of _you_ ,” Virgil said teasingly and handed the duke the glass. Virgil summoned himself a tea latte. He paused for a moment and then remembered to summon coasters, handing the duke one and placing one on his side table to put his latte on. “If we make a mess in here, we will get strung up, so please reign in that need till you get back to your room,” Virgil asked with exasperation. Remus unexpectedly just nodded and leaned up against Virgil and started reading. Virgil took a deep breath and settled down. He was a little baffled by the duke being reasonable for once, but maybe Deceit told him to be less of a shit head in here.

Virgil put down his comic on the side table, seeing that Remus obviously wanted to cuddle again, and grabbed and yanked Remus closer on to him, and punched him in the arm. Remus smiled widely and punched back. They both laughed and started wrestling on the couch, the duke dropping his copy of Deadpool to the ground.

A loud throat-clearing echoed across the room and they both froze. After a beat they chuckled nervously and Virgil ended up lying across the Duke’s lap and holding himself up on his elbows to read, and the duke sat up with his legs on the table. Virgil straightened the cord on headphones and handed Remus the other pair so he could listen if he wanted. Remus took it, and Virgil grabbed Deadpool off the floor for him and passed it up. Remus also liked his music, and it was one of the few things he never made fun of Virgil for, and it seemed like it was a safe assumption that he wanted to listen after all when he slid the headphones on. Virgil focused back upon his Batman comic and they read together, listening to screaming metal music.

Virgil had gotten through 2 volumes of Detective Comics and yawned. He reached down and put the volume on the floor with the others and stretched across Remus’s lap.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep, purple-pus,” Remus said and punched Virgil in the back. Virgil couldn’t really punch back at this angle, so he just groaned.

“I won’t fall asleep, _ooze_ -for-brains, just let me sit up and get my tea,” Virgil said with another little yawn. Remus punched him in the back again and left him pinned. “Don’t think I’m above freezing your ass. I will totally do it,” Virgil warned. Remus put his Elbows on Virgil’s back and hummed a nonsense tune. Virgil groaned. “You asked for it,” Virgil hissed and let out a powerful wave of anxious chill. Remus yelped and quickly lifted his arms to warm himself. Virgil took the chance and rolled off him to get his latte. He stood next to the couch and shuttered from his own cold.

“You _bitch_ ,” Remus said and shivered, though he didn’t look upset in the least.

“Takes one to know one,” Virgil said and took his latte to go sit down on the rug in front of the fireplace to warm up. Remus followed him and laid down facing the fire on his stomach, kicking his legs and entranced by watching the flames dance. “You can’t self-immolate in here, I asked,” Virgil said with a laugh and laid down facing up and Remus’s back. Remus groaned in disappointment.

Virgil rolled to his side and laid lackadaisically across the duke’s back. He sighed and resisted the urge to reach up and jab Remus in the side. He knew they’d get out of hand and stopped himself. He saw Remus’s arm outstretched, and his hand twitched parallel to him and laughed.

“Are you trying to resist the urge to fight, too?” Virgil asked quietly.

“I’m innocent!” He blurted and pulled his arm back. “Wait, _too_?” Remus asked with a chuckle.

“Yeah, your face is just so damn _punchable_ ,” Virgil said with a laugh. “I’m already kind of feeling your intrusive _bullshit_ and it makes me antsy,” Virgil said and got up to grab the comics to move them over. “Hey, know what’s not self-immolation but involves burning stuff? We can chuck the volumes we finished in the fire,” Virgil said and placed the Deadpool stack in front of the duke. Virgil chucked one of the completed Detective Comics in the fire and they both watched it go up quickly, the ink staining the flames as it burned through the thin pages. Remus cheered and threw another one in. All the red in the pages lit up the fireplace.

They went back to reading, taking breaks to throw comics in the fireplace, and sometimes chatting and showing each other particularly brutal parts in the comics they were reading. Virgil knew Remus would want to see, and he assumed Remus did it because he wanted to see Virgil cringe. But he didn’t mind as long as Remus let him get in a good punch or kick for it.

“Hey, 8-eyes, it wasn’t _that_ scary, turn off the fucking A/C,” Remus whined as he pulled back his comic. Virgil was paralyzed on the spot. The darkness in the corners grew, and he involuntarily felt himself shake. “ _Deedee_ , Your pet spider is freaking the fuck out over here,” He could hear Remus distantly as a static sound overtaking his brain overwhelmed him. “Your pet spider _also_ smells like it’s about to fucking _electrocute me_ and I am pinned by it,” Remus called out again, sounding a little strangled and panicky. Virgil could feel a vague sensation pushing against him, but he couldn’t move. “Though, maybe it could be _fun_!” Remus’s distant cackling meshed with the voices that were even more overlapped and louder than before. He saw Deceit walk over and Virgil’s mouth was too dry to speak and tell him it started.

Deceit reached down and placed a hand on Virgil, and his eyes widened. Virgil’s vision waned, and he grabbed his head, trying to block out the loud sounds in his ears. But no matter how hard he pushed, he could still hear their muddled voices just as loudly. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to breathe, but it didn’t feel like enough air came.

“Virgil, look at my face,” He could make out a voice say. He peeked open one eye and saw Deceit sitting right in front of him. Virgil opened both eyes and glanced around, seeing he was in his own room and sitting on the floor. He couldn’t stop his eyes from looking around wildly and he felt a tight squeeze on his arm. “Virgil, look at my face,” Deceit said again, firmer. “You’re fine. You are not there anymore,” Virgil shivered and leaned into Deceit’s chest. Deceit pulled him in, and they laid back on the floor. Virgil’s breathing went back to normal when he realized the sound and the voices were gone again.

“Thanks,” Virgil said with a shutter. He felt a tear run down his cheek. “D-do you know what that is?” Virgil asked nervously. 

“I couldn’t hear anything,” Deceit said calmly. “I just felt the change in environment and saw the shadows,” Deceit said and stroked Virgil’s head. “I think you have about 2 hours you can safely be in there,” He added.

“I didn’t hurt Remus, Did I?” Virgil asked quietly. There was an amused hiss.

“He can sleep it off,” Deceit smiled with grim humor. Virgil laughed weakly. Crap, he was having a nice time with Remus and ruined it. And they both needed the break from all the stress Thomas has lately. Hopefully Remus wasn’t too mad at him for fucking it up. Thomas’s stress affects Remus almost as much as it does Virgil. He sighed and felt his stomach growl. 

“I’m starving,” Virgil trailed off quietly.

“I’ll summon you something,” Deceit said calmly and sat up to stand. He pulled Virgil with him and deposited Virgil at the table. “What do you want, darling?” Deceit sat next to him and placed his hand on Virgil’s back.

“Something warm,” he said quietly as he sat down. Deceit summoned him a bowl of hearty stew and hot apple cider. Virgil looked up at Deceit’s face. It was very soft, but there was a pain in his eyes.

“Will you eat with me?” Virgil asked quietly, dropping against the table, already anticipating his answer.

“No,” Deceit said calmly and held his stomach.

“Did I get you, too? I’m so sorry,” Virgil said and grabbed Deceit’s arm before he could protest and pulled as hard as he could. He felt a cold sweat break out on his brow.

“I would have been _fine,_ ” Deceit said in exasperation. Virgil tried to take a deep breath, and a dead sounding laugh broke out of his chest. “It wasn’t very much. I just can’t stay,” Deceit said quietly.

“Oh, right, my room,” Virgil said with disappointment heavy in his voice. “We could go to yours?” He asked, a little hope sparkling through.

“I think that’s not the best idea, darling. You need to recover here for now. Eat and take a nap,” Deceit ordered resolutely. He summoned the fat snake plush Virgil left on his bed. “I’ll keep an eye on you,” He said, pointing at his snake eye and clearly trying to placate Virgil. What in the world did Virgil accidentally push on Deceit to make him act like this? Virgil nodded, and Deceit, raccoon eyes evident, sunk on the spot. Virgil reached out and grabbed the snake plush from the table and held it with one arm while he slowly ate with the other.

Virgil woke up from the nap feeling much better than earlier. He was still fuzzy and weird, but it didn’t matter much as long as he had a better handle on himself. He yawned and stretched out and crawled off the couch. He was still hungry, so he summoned some fruit juice and downed it. It wasn’t the same. He threw the glass in frustration and it disappeared mid-air. It felt like it had been so long since he was last alone. Not knowing what to do with himself, Virgil flopped down and scrolled Tumblr on the couch. Seeing the cool fan art and the friendly comments were awesome. Virgil also liked to keep track of the mean comments. _Just in case_. While scrolling Tumblr, a red shield sticky note fell on his face.

Virgil rose into Roman’s room right away and immediately tackled Roman where he stood. He was glad he didn’t have to sit alone any longer after this afternoon's debacle. 

“I _missed_ you,” Virgil whined and rubbed his face against Roman’s tunic and squeezed Roman’s arms to his side, trapping him. Roman chuckled awkwardly and slightly tried to shift under his arms.

“It hasn’t been _that long_ , panic station,” Roman said with a soft laugh. “Are you going to let me out?”

“If I let you _go_ , you might leave,” Virgil groaned.

“You’re in _my_ room!” Roman said with a laugh and struggled under Virgil’s arms again. Virgil groaned and squeezed again. “C’mon, Virge, this hurts,” Roman winced. Virgil let go of him and rolled off of him, lying flat on the floor and whining incoherently while Roman sat up and took a deep breath. Roman leaned over Virgil’s face and smiled sardonically. Virgil stopped and stared up at him in confusion. Then Roman punched him hard, right in the face.

“What the _fuck_?” Virgil said, holding his cheek and glaring at Roman’s smug smile.

“I _win_. Come on, you clingy weirdo, couch,” Roman commanded with a chuckle. “And that’s an order,” Roman added with a wink and laughed. Virgil chuckled with a little embarrassment and followed Roman over. Roman yanked Virgil in when he got close and Virgil latched on.

“What are we up to then, _Sir_?” Virgil said with a catty smirk. Roman flushed slightly. Virgil made a face. That wasn’t enough payback for the teasing or the guerilla victory. He’d have to come up with something else.

“ _First,_ why don’t you tell me why you’re being a little _extra_ crazy today?” Roman asked and brushed Virgil’s hair out of his face. Virgil shook his head, and the bangs came back.

“Excuse me, I was informed in the past that I needed that to be an emo nightmare,” Virgil said and tried to smack Roman in the arm, but Roman caught him. “I’m still mad you got the drop on me again,” Virgil whined. “Let me punch you back,”

“I refuse. I already won,” Roman chided light-heartedly. “Though, I’m not convinced you couldn’t just throw me across the room if you really tried,” He mused.

Virgil pulled his lips into a thin line and looked away. “I’m not supposed to,” He mumbled.

“What do you mean you’re not supposed to?” Roman asked inquisitively.

“ _Woah_ , when did _Logan_ get here,” Virgil said and rolled his eyes. Roman huffed and made a face.

“ _How dare_ \- That's off subject," Roman quickly caught himself in his righteous indignation and settled back down. “Well, then, what else are you not supposed to do?” Roman asked.

“I’m too hungry for this,” Virgil whined. “And full of blood lust!” Virgil laughed and tried to punch Roman again but he stopped him once more.

“Quit trying to _attack me_ and I’ll summon you some tacos,” Roman offered and rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Oh, yeah. _Deal_ ,” Virgil conceded quickly.

“So tell me why you’re being a little weirdo,” Roman said and held up his hand, a silver platter appearing on top of it.

“I _am_ the weirdo, Mister,” Virgil semi-quoted _The Craft_ and reached up for the tacos, but Roman pinned him with his other arm. Roman just raised his eyebrow. “Come on, I’m _starving_ ,” Virgil whined and reached for the platter again.

“I can send this _away_ ,” Roman said punitively. Virgil moaned in objection.

“My prince is letting me _wither_ to _nothing_ ,” Virgil said and curled up on himself in Roman’s lap.

“You don’t _need_ food, disaster emo,” Roman said with a bit of frustration.

“I do,” Virgil whined. “I’m _wasting away_. You know I can’t tell you,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes.

“I _don’t_ know what,” Roman said, raising his eyebrows again.

“You’d be mad at me,” Virgil said quietly.

“Well, now I _have_ to know,” Roman said with curiosity in his voice.

“Other than the stress of all the work eating away at me?” Virgil asked hesitantly. Roman nodded, and Virgil groaned. “I, uh, I went back to the mind palace,” Virgil said, trying to sound as dismissive as possible.

“What, you went there _again_? After _last time_?” Roman said and held his arms and wouldn’t let him cross them.

“ _See_?” Virgil frowned and drooped his shoulders.

“Well, you got out. You won’t, like, puke or _whatever_ the heck that was again, will you?” Roman eyed Virgil suspiciously.

“No, I’m fine. Maybe,” Virgil shrugged. “Other than my acute lack-of-taco-itis,” Virgil whined and reached again for the platter. Roman groaned and lowered the platter for him. There were a few tacos with little wax paper wraps on each. Virgil greedily grabbed for one and Roman laid the platter on the back of the couch and grabbed one for himself. Virgil finished one and yawned heavily, rubbing his head against Roman’s chest again.

“What are you, a _cat_?” Roman asked humorously with a lop-sided smirk.

“Yes, I require pets and I know I’m _better_ than you,” Virgil said and reached out for another taco. Roman stopped him.

“Ah-ah, I need another fact for another taco,” Roman said with a rising inflection. Virgil pouted and crossed his arms.

“About _what_ , exactly?” Virgil asked cautiously, leaning back. “I’m taking my killer recipe for nightmare bacon _to the grave_ ,” Virgil joked airily. Roman laughed, and that made Virgil smile in satisfaction.

“Something _interesting_ about yourself,” Roman said temptingly, raising his eyebrows and the taco plate higher.

“I’m starting to think you’re very cute when you’re stubborn,” Virgil teased and leaned up to kiss Roman’s cheek. Roman flushed and the arm holding up the tacos wavered. That’s better. Now they were even. “Luckily for me, that’s almost all the time,” Virgil added with a chuckle.

“That’s not the kind of fact I’m talking about. And I’m not always stubborn,” He objected with a slight pout.

“Oh, no! You’re getting cuter by the second! I’ve never stood a _chance_! You’ve basically got a _giant bow_ on your head!” Virgil cried in mock distress and angled his head up to nuzzle Roman’s neck. Roman shivered, and the tacos lowered, but Virgil didn’t care much about them anymore. He had some food and now required cuddles. Maybe he _was_ a cat. Virgil tittered to himself.

“Virgil, quit being mean,” Roman said with a flush, pushing Virgil away slightly.

“I’m not being _mean_ , I’m being a _cuddle monster_ who wants more contact,” Virgil said, waiting patiently at the distance Roman pushed him away, though crossing his arms. Roman looked at him, confused for a moment before he slowly lowered the tacos to the table. Virgil waited for Roman to finish his dramatics.

“Why do you suddenly not care about the tacos? You said you were _starving,_ ” Roman asked carefully.

“This is _better_ than food,” Virgil purred and smiled mischievously at him.

“You want-” Roman started.

“Can I come back to the cuddle or _not_ , Princey?” Virgil asked with a pout. Roman just nodded wide-eyed and Virgil quickly latched on around his neck, pulling Roman in. Roman wrapped his arms around Virgil. Virgil said softly and ran his hand through Roman’s perfect hair, messing it up just to pay him back for messing with his. Virgil gave him a toothy grin and Roman rolled his eyes at him and the remote flew into his hand. Roman flipped through the options and held on to Virgil with the other. He seemed a little annoyed, but the hug didn’t end. That just meant Virgil won in the end.

Virgil angled to watch the TV when Roman finally picked a movie and summoned his bucket of popcorn. He offered Virgil a piece and tossed it into Virgil’s open mouth. Roman hummed with satisfaction when the popcorn landed in Virgil's mouth. They focused on the TV and relaxed, finally. Virgil didn’t even realize he needed this until he felt himself slowly loosen up. Virgil nuzzled against Roman and he rubbed Virgil's back in return but didn't take his eyes off the movie. Virgil sighed in relief and stole a piece of popcorn out of habit as he watched the colorful nonsense on the TV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for 4,140 all these later chapters are longer :/  
> Anxiety shippers rejoice chapter. Or Maybe touch-starved rejoice. Moxiety, Intruxiety, Anxceit, Prinxiety. Platonic affection abound!   
> Also, pro-self-care Janus in this chapter was written like months ago so... called it.


	26. In Which Bishops Haunt Virgil Again

Virgil sat quietly next to Deceit with his hood up as Deceit talked to Remus again the next morning, waiting for whatever this meeting was where Remus got bit was to be over. Virgil leaned heavily on Deceit with the weight of exhaustion lulling him back to sleep. He couldn’t stop his eyes from fluttering periodically, though he stayed awake. He had trouble getting back to sleep this morning for some reason. Lately, he had been sleeping like a rock, but today he just groaned and rolled around after Thomas woke up.

Remus waved with a manic smile and disappeared from the room. Virgil yawned and looked up to Deceit, who pulled his hood down. Sounds came back to Virgil’s ears as he blinked slowly up to him.

“Can I stay with you today?” Virgil asked quietly and hung on to Deceit’s cloak.

“Of _course_ , I’m _completely_ free to lollygag around, Virgil,” Deceit said sarcastically.

“ _Please_? I’ll be quiet. I’ll just nap for a bit or something,” Virgil pleaded hopefully. He really didn’t like being alone anymore. The idea alone made him squirm.

“Can’t you play with your _other_ friends?” Deceit looked to him in annoyance.

“Logan’s on to something and Roman was asking too many questions. I can’t hang out in Pat’s room with him. I’m just too tired to deal with Remus right now. I just want to steer clear for a day. _One_ day is not _too_ bad to skip on, _right_?” Virgil begged with a sigh. “I don’t want to be alone all day. I know I’ll have to go back to my room later and all,” Virgil couldn’t stop the sad expression on his face from the knowledge of the inevitable and the potential of D just sending him to his room right away.

“I _suppose_ I can work in here for now,” Deceit conceded, sounding a little frustrated, and shifted to sit against the wall on the bed. He summoned a folder and his signature quill and worked on his wildly involved business. Virgil smiled and curled up next to him, pulled his sound dampening hood over his head, and rested his head on the edge of Deceit’s lap. Virgil looked up to see a half-smile on Deceit’s face and nestled in to and finally started drifting again.

— * * * —

Patton looked longingly at the clock in the kitchen and frowned. “I guess Virgil isn’t coming to breakfast,” He said sadly, tapping his fingers against the tabletop. They had finished the food some time ago, and they were all sitting around chatting with coffees or cocoa, waiting for their weird anxiety. Roman knew he’d need to stick around to make breakfast for him, but Logan had even finished his paper and didn’t return to his room either. Roman leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs.

“Maybe he’s sick?” Roman supplied. “He was acting a little _odd_ ,” Roman said, feeling worried and glancing at Virgil’s regular chair.

“I doubt that Thomas has suddenly come down with some kind of mental ailment that would discombobulate Anxiety. He appears to be performing his functions just fine. Thomas is alert, mindful, and ready, to a certain extent. I believe he is just sleeping in again if the past few days are any indication. I _am_ concerned, however, that he has been avoiding me for 2 days,” Logan said tonelessly, flipping through his newspaper.

“Maybe he doesn’t _mean_ to? He hasn’t been avoiding _us_ and he knows we talk to you,” Patton suggested. “We’ve been busy lately. Maybe it’s just a misunderstanding,” Patton added hopefully.

“I appreciate your optimism, Patton, but I would like to talk to him, regardless,” Logan said evenly and refilled his coffee cup. “Would you wake him, Roman?”

“He just said yesterday that it was a _terrible_ idea to wake him up,” Roman said and stayed seated with his latte.

“Virgil has a tendency to _exaggerate_ at times. It is just part of being anxiety. I am positive you will be fine,” Logan insisted, looking annoyed.

“If it was something deters _Remus_ of all sides, it’s probably a _massive_ deal. You’re volunteering to come in and help me if I call, then?” Roman grumbled and put his drink down.

“That is a reasonable compromise,” Logan said, calling Roman’s bluff right away. He didn’t get why _Logan_ couldn’t just go, other than the whole ‘avoiding him’ thing. Roman grimaced and sank down to head to Anxiety’s room.

The room was well lit, perhaps even a little sun coming through the windows. Nothing seemed out-of-place other than the fact that Virgil definitely wasn’t here. He wasn’t on the stairs, hiding in the couch cushions, not in the kitchen pantry. It was so eerily silent in there that Roman swore he could _hear_ the spiders move. Probably Beatrice on the prowl. At least Roman _hoped_ that Virgil didn’t have any non-pet spiders that were not as docile as Beatrice that he was hearing creep up on him. Maybe it was just the room trying to trick him. Anxiety’s room did always give him the creeps. It was no wonder Virgil enjoyed hanging out in Roman’s room. Roman kicked and pushed and dug around a little more, but it didn’t even look lived in. Virgil usually had blankets and pillows strewn around after waking up since he liked to bundle himself up. There was just one blanket folded neatly on the couch. Roman couldn’t even find a pair of headphones anywhere. Roman gave up searching for him and sunk back to the kitchen table.

“He’s not in there. It’s so empty that it doesn’t look like he had even been there recently,” Roman said, turning around to look at the stairwell. “I guess he’s in someone’s room?”

“He could also be in the mind palace,” Logan offered. Roman’s face twinged. He _better_ not be. “That was an _odd reaction_ to my suggestion, Roman,” Logan stated with slight suspicion, raising his eyebrow at Roman.

“I’m just worried,” Roman said dismissively. Virgil didn’t want anyone to know, and it seemed harmless to hide it. It’s not like it would change anything if Logan knew why he shouldn’t be in there. Virgil would still be missing. “He’s been very _present_ lately, and it’s odd to not see him,” Roman said, sitting back down to work on his latte again.

“Yeah, it’s been so _fun_ to hang out with Virgil! But maybe he’s recuperating. He has probably been pushing his social energy to the limit lately,” Patton mused with a slight smile.

“It’d make more sense if he was recuperating in his room, not in the mind palace or in somebody else’s room.” Logan corrected him.

“Maybe he’s a _master of illusion_ and _was_ hiding in his room!” Patton suggested excitedly.

“The only illusion I’ve seen him flaunt is somehow being comfortable and not sliding down the stairs when he lies on them,” Roman said, dismissing that idea.

“Yes, I have also seen Virgil laying upside down on the stairs. I find it somewhat unnerving that he ignores physics so _brazenly_ ,” Logan replied. “I do not believe he would be in anyone else’s room, but if you see him, please direct him gently to talk to me. I will finish the information packets in my room,” Logan said with a nod of goodbye a sunk away.

“Well, I can’t blame him for wanting to talk to Virgil and all, that but was _annoying_ of him to make me his errand boy _twice_ in the same five minutes,” Roman huffed and crossed his arms, leaning back on the chair.

“Oh, I _doubt_ he meant it like that, champ. It’s only if we see him in passing,” Patton said placatingly.

“I’ll be in my room _working_ most of the day, not passing by random side’s rooms for _fun_. I’m following _Logan’s_ stupid schedule. He should _know_ that,” Roman gestured in frustration and took another drink of latte.

“Thomas has been busy lately. I’m impressed Logan found the time to write something and the packets. I kind of thought he’d skip them this week since you two have been working more and more these past couple days. I’m surprised you’re not more tired in the evenings,” Patton said, leaning forward on his hands.

“You know me, padre, I’ve got plenty of energy,” Roman smiled knowingly and winked and Patton.

“Oh! You’re right. I forgot,” Patton giggled. “Well, I hope you take the breaks you need, anyway. Creative burn out is _serious business_!” Patton said seriously, tapping the table with his pointer finger.

“I’m _well_ aware. I’ve got it under control. It’s actually nice to blow off steam with Virgil in the evenings,” Roman shrugged and crossed his legs.

“You have been seeing him at night for a few days now. You haven’t been fighting the _entire time_ , have you?” Patton said, looking critically at Roman.

“Not the _whole_ time,” Roman scoffed and posed with his hand to imply the implication offended him.

“You should be nicer to him,” Patton frowned.

“Trust me, _Virgil_ usually starts it. He’s a little…” Roman considered the right word and twisted his hand in the air while he processed it. “… _feral_ in my room,” Roman flipped his hand in the air. “Last night he tried to start a fight _three times_ ,” Roman sighed, shaking his head.

“ _Oh_! Well, sorry for accusing you of being mean, then,” Patton said sheepishly.

“It’s fine. I started plenty of fights with him. It wasn’t an unfair assumption, and you haven’t seen him in my room before,” Roman said dismissively with a slight shrug.

“Well, our kiddo is sure full of a lot more _fight_ than _flight_ , lately!” Patton mused, sipping his cocoa.

“Well, unless you believe Logan’s whole… ‘avoiding him’ thing. I haven’t seen Virgil do that thing where he stiffens and runs off or anything,” Roman said, not really believing Logan’s accusation. Though Virgil was acting exceptionally weird, either way.

“As I said, It’s gotta be a misunderstanding. Virgil’s been downright pleasant lately,” Patton pouted, summoning more marshmallows into his drink. 

“Well, maybe for _you_ ,” Roman laughed. “I _still_ say he’s feral. Oh, gorgon breath, Thomas has been at the computer _blanking_ and I didn’t notice. He got there early today,” Roman rushed to stand up. “Damnit, Logan, that’s not on the schedule! I’ve got to run, Pat,” Roman hissed, sending off his drink and standing up quickly.

“Don’t work _too_ hard, kiddo!” Patton waved after him, furrowing his eyebrows in concern.

“Work hard, play hard!” Roman called out with a proud grin as he sank out.

— * * * —

Deceit must have given into the pouting puppy face that Virgil learned from Patton. Instead of all the things Deceit said he was busy with today, they were playing chess on the floor in Deceit’s room with snacks and drinks Deceit had summoned. Virgil had hoped whatever Deceit had planned wasn’t so important that it needed 100% of his focus so that playing chess was okay. But Virgil was happy just to be spending time with D. He always got him and always cared for him in his own weird way.

Virgil didn’t mind if Deceit used him sometimes, honestly. It was nice to be needed. Deceit had even been more straight-forward with Virgil lately. Virgil was pretty certain Deceit did things the way he did because he didn’t want to be rejected or ignored. Virgil didn’t think it was from any kind of bad place. He could get that probably more than any other side, as a side who used to try to scare the others into listening to him. The other sides were kind of assholes to D, so he didn’t have many options. Deceit was kind of an asshole _too_ , but it was hard to care about that in the past when he’d been helping Virgil constantly in the present. Deceit admitted he was wrong, and that was big of him. Virgil knew he hated doing that with burning and over-dramatic passion.

Virgil was lying on the ground and agonizing between two different good-looking moves, but he was pretty certain Deceit had already thought ahead and was trying to pick the best move to survive over the best move moving forward.

“Virgil, your bishop has had an opening for six turns, why do you refuse to use it?” Deceit asked, sounding somewhat baffled. He was sipping his tea cross-legged on the other side of the board and fiddling with one of Virgil’s fallen pawns in his other hand while Virgil was thinking. Virgil involuntarily winced and held his clavicle.

“The bishop doesn’t need to get items from the king or queen for special moves,” Virgil said quietly, just realizing it was a dumb thing to have been waiting for as soon as he said it. He flinched at his own stupidity and buried his face in his hands.

“We’re not playing that _accursed_ version that Remus plays,” Deceit said, tinged in frustration.

“I… I know. My brain mixed it up, I guess,” Virgil mumbled through his fingers. “It’s not like either of us was playing like that up until that point. I would have pulled a knife on you already,” He exhaled and let go of his face.

“Yes, it’s such a _magnificent_ idea to pull a knife on me,” Deceit said sarcastically, tossing up Virgil’s pawn and catching it.

“Well, _how else_ could I have gotten two turns to take your knight without losing my own?” Virgil said rolling his eyes and flipping his hand out.

“That’s not _chess_ , Virgil,” Deceit said, rolling his eyes. “I don’t know what to call whatever that monstrosity is,” He sounded exasperated by the whole subject.

“Fun until it’s _not_ ,” Virgil said blithely. “You’ve judged for us before, but I’ve never judged for you two, are you any good at his weird version?” Virgil asked, finally making his move. It was a bad one, Deceit had immediately taken his piece, and he wasn’t that far from checking him.

“I’m _such a fan_ of being _attacked_ ,” Deceit said bitterly. Virgil chuckled lightly and looked up to Deceit, who looked annoyed.

“So, really good until Remus pulls out his morning star,” Virgil posited with a smirk.

“It’s not an _inaccurate summation_ ,” Deceit muttered. “I don’t understand why you want to _fight_ with him so much, other than when your aspects eventually taint each other,”

“He’s fun to fight. I just feel like I have _to_ around him, I get all _wired_ and need to punch something,” Virgil explained. “It’s certainly not that I want an enemy I can actually beat, unlike the crushing weight of capitalism or something,” Virgil added bitterly.

“You don’t seem to beat _Roman_ much,” Deceit mused with a raised eyebrow.

“He’s much more fun when he thinks he has won over me,” Virgil said with a smirk. “Just taking a page out of my favourite noodle’s book,” His head swam for a moment as he fought the effects of Deceit’s room. He had been in here all morning, and it was getting very difficult to think straight.

“ _Love_ the nickname,” Deceit said angrily, taking another one of Virgil’s pieces. Shit. He was within range of the king. “Check, darling,” Virgil scrambled for a move, he luckily still had valuable pieces that could protect the king for now. 

Except for the fact that his bishops and remaining knight didn’t matter, in the end. Deceit had him beat in a few tense turns, regardless of any saving plays Virgil tried to make. He really was brutal at chess. 

“Checkmate,” Deceit cooed and knocked over the king piece, the entire board disappearing right after. Virgil slumped to the floor and held his head.

“ _Brilliant_ move,” Virgil mumbled. Deceit placed his hand on Virgil briefly before pulling him up to his feet.

“You need to _go_ , Virgil,” Deceit said smoothly. Virgil pulled him in for a hug.

“I’m handling it _just fine_ ,” Virgil groaned in frustration. Deceit rolled his eyes and hugged Virgil back, and they both sank out, causing Virgil to grumble angrily as they rose into his room. He stumbled for a moment after rising, feeling a little dizzy.

“Yes, you are _completely_ well and _unaffected_ ,” Deceit hissed, letting go of Virgil. Virgil held on stubbornly, though, partially because he wasn’t ready to be alone and partially because he was concerned he would fall over. “You don’t have to be a _brat_ , darling. I’ll stay for a bit,” Deceit said, loosening Virgil’s grip on him with a tinge of annoyance. Virgil stumbled again when Deceit let go of his arms after pulling Virgil off of him. Deceit caught him before he fell to the floor. “Ah,” He said in understanding and carefully lead him to the couch, sitting down with him.

“Thanks a lot,” Virgil murmured as Deceit lowered them both down together. Virgil pulled himself into a ball to catch his bearings, leaning against Deceit’s shoulder on the couch. Deceit grabbed the weighted blanket off the back of the couch from his nap yesterday and draped it over Virgil, which was an impressive move with one arm. The weight was really grounding and Virgil sank into the couch and laid down on Deceit’s lap instead of fighting it any longer.

“I don’t know if any side should stay in another’s room _that_ long,” Deceit hummed. Virgil grunted in acknowledgment, not really wanting to admit it but also not really in any state to disagree. “I would scold you for not saying anything normally, but I don’t think it _counts_ in this circumstance,” Deceit mused. Virgil nodded in his lap, extremely grateful that Deceit understood. “I’ll just have to keep a closer eye on you next time,” Virgil cooed. Virgil looked up at him, seeing Deceit staring at a web instead of looking at Virgil. He was willing to spend more time with him even after Virgil had fucked up and let Deceit’s room get the better of him. He wasn’t even mad at him for it. Virgil sighed in relief and nestled into Deceit’s lap.

“I’m still too dizzy to do anything else, but if you want to snark at a TV show or something we could do that,” Virgil offered quietly. He watched the remote fly up from the coffee table and the TV switched on. Deceit was flipping through the choices, looking for something to watch with him. Virgil was relieved that Deceit was willing to stay while he recovered.

Deceit had watched 2 episodes and shared possibly a hundred insults at the characters with him before he turned off the TV and reached down to help pull Virgil up.

“Thanks for staying,” Virgil muttered, sitting up on the couch now and rubbing his face to focus. Deceit looked like he got hit in the face with a whole-ass eyeshadow palette. He was a great actor, though. He wasn’t shaking or looking around wildly, or really anything. He held out his hand, and Virgil took it, and Deceit pulled him into a hug. Once they broke apart, Deceit conjured a large jar.

“I require some of your fear spiders for an experiment,” He said twisting off the cap filled with holes and holding it out for Virgil. “I know they’re not quite _followers_ but order them to listen to me,” He said evenly. Virgil looked at him in confusion for a moment, but placed his hand over the top of the jar, creating some spiders and webs for them to house inside the jar.

“I can’t make them last past Thomas waking, is that _okay_?” Virgil asked as he finished and Deceit twisted on the top of the jar. Deceit just nodded. Virgil placed his hand on the jar and commanded them to follow Deceit’s orders in his head.

Deceit kissed his head when Virgil pulled away and waved once as he sunk away with the jar. He wasn’t entirely sure what that was about, but he knew Remus was his test subject since their morning meetings and never minded throwing a wad full of spiders his way, in the same way Remus liked to whip out the demonic ooze often. Virgil sighed and crawled to the top of the couch to write some poetry. He needed a distraction, and it felt like it had been a while. He was partially recovered from Deceit’s room other than feeling exhausted.

Beatrice crawled onto his head while he was writing, and she argued with him about the symbolism in his poetry sometimes, but her telling him he used death too often or to switch his rhyming scheme, but that was more _funny_ than anything else. She couldn’t even hold a pen. Though perhaps with enough effort and some tiny weights she could type on a laptop. The visual made him chuckle. They wrote together quietly. He’d have to credit her on this sonnet, or she’d throw a fit.

“Hey, Kiddo, we missed you at- _Ahh_!” He heard Patton say and watched him rise up, recoil suddenly, and sink back down right away. Virgil laughed pretty loudly.

“My, Beatrice, your abilities have only grown since I created you. Even _I_ can’t make Patton run screaming,” Virgil said with a laugh. Beatrice spun around on his head proudly.

— * * * —

“He’s in his room this time,” Patton said, raising into the living room and rubbing his arms. “That _giant_ creepy crawly was on his _head_!” He cried out and clung to Logan, who was working on the schedule in the recliner. Logan just sighed and pat him on the back, being slightly crushed by Patton’s hug.

“Was he doing anything _odd_?” Roman asked curiously, looking up from his laptop at the table. Patton released Logan finally and went to go sit on the couch. He took a deep breath of relief.

“He was sitting on the back of the couch writing in a composition notebook,” Patton said with a little shiver and summoned a blanket and wrapped himself up.

“That’s completely normal for Virgil,” Logan said. “Did you ask him if he was still going to meet us later for the story session?”

“There was a giant spider on his head, Logan, I’m lucky I made it out alive!” Patton whined and buried himself in the blankets.

“I have never seen him with a larger spider than Beatrice, and she is only slightly large for a tarantula, I don’t know if he can even conjure larger arachnids,” Logan said plainly.

“There are _larger spiders_ than _Beatrice!_?” Patton screamed and sank from his spot on the couch, his blanket collapsing to the couch. Logan shook his head wearily.

“I can’t believe he remembered that creeper’s name,” Roman said, rolling his eyes and returning to the laptop. “I’ll just send a note to remind Virgil,” Roman flicked his wrist and summoned the note pad. “I’m not a _big fan_ of that _fuzzy demon_ either,” Roman said and flourished his hand and the note disappeared. He went back to typing and Logan waited patiently to see if there would be a response. A skull sticky floated down to his laptop. “He sent a haiku about how he wants to punch me in the face?” Roman said incredulously and extremely confused.

“That response seems more like something your _brother_ would send,” Logan said, walking over to the table to take the note from Roman to see for himself. Roman handed it over and shrugged. It was indeed a simple haiku about how he wants to punch Roman in the face in Virgil’s handwriting. But the backside had a big checkmark. He showed Roman the check and placed it down on the table. “Well, he is informed and aware,” Logan said dismissively and returned his work.


	27. In Which There are Even Bigger Spiders Than Beeps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: big-ass spiders, zombie mentions, death mentions, gore mentions.

Virgil didn’t realize the meeting was today, so he was thankful for Roman’s note. Time must have gotten away from him. He was so focused on Thomas's schedule he had kind of forgotten his own. It was one thing to skip breakfast and another thing entirely to skip a meeting he agreed to. The last few times he skipped were kind of _eventful_ for him so the other sides would freak out for sure. Luckily, Virgil had already started his ‘Patton’ story the other day, and while he was still delirious from Deceit’s room, he could conceivably pull off not killing or maiming anyone by the end. It was much easier to convince himself it would all be okay right now, and he knew that feeling would fade the longer he sat in his room.

Pat liked stories that were sentimental or sweet, which Virgil probably couldn’t come up with no matter how much of Deceit’s influence helped him. But he also likes animal stories, especially talking animals. Finding inspiration in his lack of ability had worked out before, so the story was about a little boy who couldn’t stop having nightmares. It was all he could think about in the day and he couldn’t sleep at night. The little boy tossed a coin in a fountain and wished for good sleep. So a magic psychic bat came that night and granted his wish for just one night of pleasant dreams so he could be upbeat for his little sister’s birthday party.

That was another thing he could relate to, but he really doubted Pat could figure out this one. Virgil’s magic bat was a golden snake with venom that hid his fears from himself so his friends could like him more. That was a stretch unless Logan had somehow figured out what was going on and told Pat. But Deceit would have told him if that had happened, so there was no point in worrying about that. Realizing he didn’t have to worry was a bizarre sensation for Virgil. He was so damn grateful for his magic psychic bat.

Virgil finished up the story with a little time to spare. He’d love to go waste time with one of the sides, but it still seemed like a bad idea. He could maybe make a new friend, though. He could feel the overcharged feeling in his veins that let him know he had enough anxious energy to burn. One who could protect his room and alert him when someone entered since Virgil was out so often. Something bigger that could defend his room and the other spiders. Virgil got up from the couch and stretched out. He reached up and stroked Beatrice, who was still sitting in his hair.

“How about a little brother, Beatrice? A _really big_ little brother?” Virgil asked affectionately. She stomped angrily on his head and said something unsavory. “Beeps, I’m not replacing you,” Virgil rolled his eyes. He reached up and gently stroked her again. “I’d be more willing to take you out of the room more if there was someone else here helping you and to protect you. Your smaller siblings can’t help like that,” Virgil offered. Beatrice conceded grumpily.

Virgil cracked his knuckles and stepped into the middle of his room. A giant huntsman spider seemed appropriate. Nearly a foot of very leggy spider should keep anybody back, and the legs would be easier on Virgil to make than the big body of a goliath birdeater. Virgil focused as hard as he could and held his hand out, palm down. One this big might hurt, so he braced himself. There was a sharp pain in his palm as he focused on creating one. Virgil squeezed his eyes shut and just tried to focus on not messing up. When the sharp feeling finally subsided, Virgil peeked slightly at his hand. A big boy with much larger fangs than he intended was crawling from his palm to the top of his fingertips. He was roughly double the size of Beatrice and mostly black instead of mostly purple like her.

“What would you like to be called?” He asked gently and reached his other hand over to feel its long delicate legs. “Voltaire? I love it. Voltaire, you’re the new room guard. You need to keep all your siblings safe while I’m out,” He said gently. Voltaire rubbed its forelegs together in acceptance and climbed up onto his shoulder. Virgil walked over to the staircase and laid down upside down, holding himself up with webbing. “So tell me what fears you’ve got,” He asked the new spider as it crawled down his arm.

Chatting with Voltaire was nice. His fears were pretty weak, but he was big and scary, so he was perfect to deter other sides without actually hurting them. Much. Plus, he was very gallant, determined which made fun to talk to. Virgil has successfully passed the last of the time without feeling too lonely while chatting with Volt and Beeps on the stairs. Other than being pretty low on energy from making Voltaire and D’s room, he felt good about going to storytime tonight. He was looking forward to laying back and reading some stories that felt wrong. It was going to be unnerving in a fun way, which should be enjoyable instead of horrible. And that sounded nice.

—

Virgil’s legs were over Patton’s lap and he was propped up on the couch arm reading the stories lazily. It had been pretty non-eventful when it was just Virgil and Logan in the living room, even though they were alone for a couple of minutes before Pat and Ro showed up just barely on time again. Logan seemed too distracted to talk, which he was thankful for. Remus’s story yelled at you if you didn’t read it first, so he had started with that one today, just like everyone else had given in to do.

Remus’s story felt profoundly wrong for him, so he must have been listening in after he left last time. His protagonist didn’t die or kill anyone directly. In fact, the entire story was about avoiding action by doing other things. A funny side to pick. The protagonist partied all night and cleaned his bathroom during the peak of the zombie apocalypse. There was a literal zombie apocalypse, but he wanted cookies, so he went to the store and dodged everything. He worked at the lab making the cure and couldn’t be bothered to get up when the zombies raided it and just read comics in the security office. What an _icon_.

Virgil laughed so hard he choked at the end. Patton reached out to make sure he was okay, but Virgil just chuckled and nodded while he caught his breath. Patton gave him a breezy smile and went back to reading himself, his arms holding the papers resting on his legs. Virgil dropped his hand to the floor out of Pat’s view and flipped Remus off affectionately. Remus smiled a big toothy smile of what seemed to be vindication and also gave Virgil the bird. It tweeted, which got confused looks from Roman, who checked around for a source. Remus and Virgil quickly went back to ‘innocently’ reading and Roman gave up and went back to reading when he saw nothing unusual.

Pat’s was next, which was the ‘Virgil’ story. Patton didn’t have much dramatic irony Virgil usually had, but it was still a negative story with a bleak-ish ending. A group of teens who were camping got lost in the woods while partying. A ‘being punished for breaking the rules’ kind of theme. It would have been a great set-up for a slasher. Maybe Remus could add on to the end for Virgil and they could have a laugh about that later with Deceit. Those kinds of movies were Deceit’s guilty pleasure to watch. Patton unknowingly writing half of one might make his day.

Roman’s ‘Logan’ story was amazing. It was fantastically gay and dry as heck. It was the most scathing thing he could have done without directly insulting Logan. College professors grading things in the coffee shop go out, but they’re both teaching med students so they didn’t ‘hold hands’, they ‘interlocked digits’. Roman must have abused a thesaurus and fell down a biology Wikipedia hole to write this. Nothing big even happened in the story other than the original gay confusion. Roman’s intent was clearly to blast Logan instead of producing an amazing story for the ages, and he mcfreakin’ _succeeded_.

Logan’s ‘Roman’-style was funny for all the wrong reasons. It followed a dragon, but the dragon’s hoard was books instead of gold. The Dragon liked to make puzzles for adventurers to get lost in when trying to come to defeat him. The story was just the Dragon reading books and frying adventurer’s brains until the one who finally makes it through changes his mind because of the Dragon’s sound logic. Virgil choked on a laugh again when the adventurer conceded to the Dragon’s _superior stance_. Logan took that wish-fulfillment part of fantasy themes and _ran_ with it.

Remus had looked at him quizzically while he caught his breath again. Virgil figured he wanted to know why he laughed and showed him the navy blue font and pointed to the last paragraph. Remus switched packets and flipped pages to the last paragraph to see for himself. He broke out in a mad giggle fit, which earned some serious glares and shushing from Roman. Logan looked incredibly confused, but wouldn’t dare talk during his own rules about quiet reading time. Which was also amusing in a strange way.

Virgil was in a great mood after laughing at the ridiculousness of these stories and placed his packets on the floor, sitting up to cuddle against the extra-warm Patton while he waited out the reading time for everyone else. Patton was surprised when Virgil wrapped his arm around him but sighed contentedly as Virgil dropped his head on Patton’s shoulder. Remus grunted at Virgil, but Virgil just rolled his eyes and mouthed ‘later’ at him. He wasn’t entirely sure what the duke wanted, but it wasn’t the time. Virgil closed his eyes and appreciated the warm heart, letting himself drift a little while he waited out the rest of the reading time.

—

Virgil woke up sometime later to the TV playing _The Office_ quietly, still entangled around Patton. Patton smiled and reached up to stroke his hair when he shifted. He looked around and saw all the other sides had left. He blinked the rest of the sleep from his eyes and yawned, stretching out his arms.

“Hey, sleepyhead! You fell asleep while waiting for us to finish,” Patton said gently.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Pat. Did I miss the discussion?” Virgil asked sleepily and rubbed his eyes.

“Remus was pretty freaked out about the idea of waking you up, and that spooked Ro, so we decided to postpone it,” Patton responded lightly, clearly trying to sound soothing. Virgil appreciated it, honestly. It was much easier not to freak out over delaying them while everybody was so busy. Virgil released Patton and stood up to stretch his legs, followed by Patton who must have been stuck under him for a while based on the time.

“I’m sorry I had you pinned for that long, pop,” Virgil said and rubbed the back of his head with embarrassment.

“It was a nice cuddle, bud, don’t worry!” Patton said cheerily as he stretched out his arms. “I’ll text the others and see if they still want to do discussion today,” Virgil nodded and yawned, wrapping his arms back around Patton as Pat pulled out his phone. Patton shifted to let Virgil hug him from behind while he texted.

“Ah, the cuddle monster has returned to the living!” Roman declared as he rose up a few moments later.

“You guys didn’t have to reschedule for me,” Virgil mumbled quietly into Patton’s back.

“Well, it’s not much of a discussion without you kiddo,” Patton said softly and held Virgil’s arms wrapped around his waist.

“I’ve never seen Remus act like that in my _life_ , I wasn’t taking the chance. It may be the only thing in the Thomas-sphere he takes seriously. He kept hissing at us to shut up and then left,” Roman explained. Virgil chuckled into Patton’s back. It was nice to have the tables turned for once. Virgil was the one scared of Remus most of the time. Logan rose as well.

“It’s nice to hear you laugh so much these days, kiddo,” Patton commented as Virgil settled down and twisted around to give Virgil a hug.

“Yes, what elements did you find amusing this evening, Virgil? I was curious about what diverted you and Remus. The stories didn’t include your shared sense of dark humor,” Logan asked as he sat back down on the couch.

“Oh, man, if I knew I was going to get grilled I would have basted myself first,” Virgil rolled his eyes backed up into the couch, taking Patton down with him. Patton giggled as he stumbled down on top of Virgil.

“That’s some… vivid imagery, Virgil,” Roman said, sounding a little confused. Patton laid on Virgil this time, seeing as Virgil wouldn’t let him go, though Virgil let him sit up on the couch. Roman and Logan sat in their regular spots.

“Remus’s story was _full_ of cynical humor, Lo. It was completely defeatist and relatable. I mean the world is ending, but where can I get some iced coffee? Peak mood,” Virgil supplied finally. Logan looked extremely confused for a moment. Maybe the slang did it? Logan shook it off quickly.

“I was not aware that being a defeatist could be humorous. I will take note. Remus also chose to write differently from his regular ramblings this week. He left before we had planned to try each other’s reoccurring themes last week. It was an oddly coincidental timing on his part,” Logan said. Virgil was pretty certain Remus was listening in through Roman, but he wasn’t sure if the others knew the creativity twins were linked to each other, so changing the subject seemed safer than possibly dropping a bomb that Roman possibly didn’t want to share. Remus ‘over-share’ Sanders wasn’t here to drop it for him, anyway.

“Ro’s story was hilarious, too,” Virgil said with a grin and a quick thumbs-up of appreciation, which he dropped lazily back around Patton after a moment and pulled himself a little closer to Patton’s warmth.

“ _Thank_ you, Virgil, I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Roman replied with a flourish and smiled back.

“What was funny about it? It was a cute romance with lots of big words,” Patton asked. Virgil ruffled Patton’s hair.

“It wasn’t about the contents of the story, Pat, it was about what the writing _said_ ,” Virgil said lazily. Logan bristled.

“Was there a theme that I potentially missed?” Logan asked and picked up his notes, scanning them quickly.

“Perhaps this is one of those _rare_ things that is over your head,” Roman said sarcastically with a chuckle and waved Logan off.

“I _refuse_ to believe that. Please explain to me what I’m missing,” Logan insisted, still scanning his notes,

“Roman was roasting you without roasting you,” Virgil supplied flippantly.

“Virgil, please do not include me in your strange _grilling_ metaphor, it does not help elucidate me in the slightest,” Logan said shortly and put his notes down to glare at them.

“Over his head,” Roman said with a bemused laugh, and Virgil joined him. Logan groaned in frustration.

“It would _not_ be if you simply explained it to me,” Logan grunted and crossed his arms. Roman just laughed again, which caused Logan to huff. Virgil shifted closer to Patton. He couldn’t get much closer at this angle, so just slid down behind Patton before he became a human feather boa. Patton yelped as Virgil slipped down, but he scooted forward to make space for Virgil who was now wrapped around his back. He was so warm. Virgil’s eyes fluttered for a moment.

“Are you tired again, kiddo?” Patton asked and ruffled Virgil’s hair. Virgil grumbled slightly and lazily fixed his bangs.

“You’re just so _toasty_ ,” Virgil mumbled into Patton’s side.

“Sorry, it always slips out at least a little,” Patton apologized meekly.

“No, it’s the best, never turn it off,” Virgil whined and squeezed Patton as close as he could.

“Patton, trade with me before Virgil falls asleep again,” Roman requested, getting up and rolling his eyes in exasperation.

“No, don’t take my space heater!” Virgil whined and grasped onto Patton, refusing to let go.

“We’re not done talking, yet, bud, we haven’t even gotten to your story yet!” Patton said as he got up, trying to pry himself from Virgil. Virgil groaned and released him, seizing Roman as he sat down where Patton was. Roman chuckled as Virgil gripped on. Roman wasn’t warming like Pat, but Ro gave off a light charged feeling which woke him up. Pretty _sneaky_ , sis.

“What’s there to talk about? Mine wasn’t funny like you guys’,” Virgil groaned and nestled into Roman’s side. Even if there was a nap conspiracy, at least Virgil got nice contact. Roman giggled a little when Virgil accidentally tickled him. Then Virgil tickled him on purpose and Roman smacked him upside the head.

“Roman, don’t hit Virgil,” Patton chided him.

“He tickled me!” Roman objected.

“We are extremely off subject,” Logan groaned.

“I didn’t get the funny memo, I was just trying to figure out what I could do that Patton would like,” Virgil grumbled, rubbing his head, eying Roman suspiciously for another attack.

“I _did_ like it, kiddo! It was so _sweet_ that he just wanted to make his sister happy,” Patton said with a shimmering look in his eye.

“Oh, I didn’t think I could do sweet. Neat,” Virgil commented blithely and settled back down. “I think Pat did a ‘me’ story pretty well, though maybe more toned down,” Virgil added. Sort of like he wished he could be. Virgil hid his face in Roman’s side and frowned. Roman ruffled his hair lightly and Virgil grumbled.

“I think it missed that fatal element, though. Pat implied the ranger would find those kids even though they wandered into the woods drunk in the daytime,” Roman supplied. “After most of Virgil’s stories, it was pretty heavily implied they didn’t make it,”

“I tried to leave it a little vague,” Patton muttered.

“You did, Patton. Just because one character mentioned it doesn’t mean we can assume it was to happen,” Logan reassured him and held out his hand, motioning to calm down. “Virgil, was there a reason you pointed out the final paragraph of my story to the duke?” Logan asked shortly and looked pointedly at Virgil.

“Yes. And I’m afraid it’s also over your head, Logan,” Virgil supplied a little bitterly.

“ _That’s_ what you guys were laughing at? Logan’s little fantasy projecting? I thought it was some dark joke I didn’t get,” Roman said, sounding disbelieving.

“I would like to be included on this ‘great in-joke’ you two seem to have,” Logan said sourly.

“Lo, _buddy_ , you wouldn’t believe us if we told you,” Virgil groaned.

“I would like you to try regardless of your assumptions,” Logan stated plainly, tapping his foot.

“It’s your _praise_ kink!” Remus popped up, laughing wildly. Logan jumped up in surprise and stumbled back into the couch. Patton squeaked and Roman stiffened. “It’s _been_ later, Vi-vi, come on!” Remus whined. Virgil groaned in exasperation.

“We’re in the middle of the discussion! You know, the ones you usually skip while you’re off gallivanting in the mind palace stabbing stuff?” Virgil said slackened from behind Roman.

“And it’s _boring_!” Remus groaned.

“ _Fine_. I know we didn’t get to everything, but I’m going to go deal with this giant brat if we’re good here? He might blow us up or something if I don’t,” Virgil stated with a little grumble. He was having an agreeable time making fun of Logan with Roman and wasn’t ready to stop yet, but he was going to see Remus, anyway. “Does anybody object to that?”

“Blow you up? Virgey, I would _never,_ ” Remus said, sounding fake aghast, holding his hand to his chest and fanning himself with the other. “Teeny- _Tiny_ exploding unicorns all over the room, maybe,” He added with a sinister smirk and showed how small with his fingers, followed by spirit finger mock-explosions. Virgil grunted and pulled himself out from behind Roman.

“Anybody? Bueller?” Virgil asked again. They all looked kind of shocked, but there was no response. The duke did have that effect on them, sometimes. “Cool, I guess,” Virgil shrugged and pushed himself off the couch, reaching on the floor for his copies of his stories. “Hey, remember Pat’s story?” Virgil asked.

“Nobody _died_! Who cares!” Remus groaned, flailing his arms like limp noodles.

“Exactly,” Virgil nodded at him and grabbed his arm. Remus’s eyes widened and a manic grin split out as they sank to the edge of the mind palace. Virgil created a simple room for them to work in with a big soft rug and a couch. “Okay, we’ve got less than two hours and maybe 30 minutes in one of our rooms, so we got to make it count. It’s the perfect setup for a slasher, right?”

“It is!” Remus cackled. “From _grandpa_? Who knew!” Remus wiggled his eyebrows and grinned in delight.

“Let’s upgrade it, then,” Virgil said, sitting down on the couch and summoning a laptop. He pressed Patton’s story on to the laptop screen and it loaded into the computer and Virgil passed it over to Remus who plopped on the couch next to him.

“I will do _nothing_ without at least as much contact as you gave my brother,” Remus said firmly, taking the laptop but holding it off from his lap.

“You fucking dork,” Virgil rolled his eyes and leaned against Remus, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “Thanks for smelling only mildly terrible,” Virgil added after a quick whiff of the air. It was vinegary and sharp, but less poop or puke smell. Not as great as strawberries but, good smells were probably a rare choice for him. 

“It’s only _fun_ if you need a shower afterword!” Remus sang and placed the laptop in his lap and started writing.

“The redhead chick has to die first, she kissed that dude remember? Slasher rule,” Virgil said while Remus began writing.

“That fuckhole who bought the wine coolers is next,” Remus said. “I’m gonna shove the empties into his intestines!” He cackled.

“God, _sick_ ,” Virgil wrinkled his nose in distaste but chuckled, anyway.

—

“D!” Virgil called out as he rose into Deceit’s room later that night. “I’ve got the coolest thing for you,” Virgil said excitedly.

“Virgil, what in the world were you _thinking_?” Deceit demanded, sounding annoyed.

“That you’d like it, come on, read it!” Virgil said, shoving the final story that Virgil and Remus managed to type out before the voices in the mind palace started up again or they started trying to kill each other in one of their rooms. It was quick and slapshot, but it would be funny and gruesome, nonetheless.

“Virgil, that’s _not_ what I’m talking about,” Deceit groaned.

“And I’m talking about this _slasher_ that _Patton_ wrote half of,” Virgil said, tapping the paper and twisting around the back of Deceit and giving him a hug, nuzzling his neck.

“You _can’t_ be serious,” Deceit said, looking down at the paper.

“ _Dead_ serious. Like the _teens_ in the _woods_ ,” Virgil chuckled. That definitely got Deceit’s attention. Virgil pulled Deceit to the bed. He had already started reading as he sat down. Virgil wrapped his arms around Deceit’s waist again and nestled his face in the crook of Deceit’s neck from behind, watching him read. Deceit absentmindedly ran a hand through Virgil’s hair while he read. Virgil sighed in with contentment and closed his eyes. He hoped D would like it. He had fun writing it with Remus, at least.


	28. In Which Logan Totally Meant to be Shady This Time

Deceit sighed and looked down at Virgil wrapped around him in the morning. He got distracted by that _stupid_ story and didn’t figure out what was happening before Virgil passed out for the final time that evening. Remus was very obedient this morning with Virgil still sleeping again, but he was deeply annoyed at the both of them. They could have blown everything. He held his face in his hands and groaned. This absolute and complete buffoon better wake up soon.

Deceit gently ruffled his hair, trying to pull him out of sleep gently. It had been plenty of time for Virgil to sleep in. He was probably tired from making his needlessly big new pet, still. But his anxiety churned more lazily in him today, shifting against Deceit’s palm on Virgil’s back. It was at least an excellent sign for Virgil. And potentially Deceit if he accidentally woke him too quickly.

“Virgil,” Deceit hummed quietly. Virgil shifted gently in Deceit’s arm and his eyes fluttered open slowly. Virgil yawned and squeezed Deceit tight before letting go and stretching. “Virgil, what in the world were you thinking running off with Remus in the middle of the meeting?” Deceit groaned.

“That I wasn’t in the mood to be stabbed because Ream is too impatient to wait. Pat doesn’t want to see that, and he would have had to go through Roman, it would have been a bloodbath,” Virgil yawned again and leaned back onto the bed with his legs still on the floor. “And I was going to go see him later anyway, to write that story with him.”

“That’s not what I _mean,_ Virgil, Roman and Patton are still _afraid_ of Remus and you ran off with him like you were _besst budss_!” Deceit growled.

“I don’t know about best buds, D… You know he scares the hell out of me half the time just to hear me scream, and we do kinda hurt each other just being nearby for too long,” Virgil groaned. “I mean we’re friends and all, but bes-”

“I know you just woke up but for _god’ss ssake_!” Deceit hissed and slapped his hand up to his human half of his face and dragged it down in frustration. Virgil flinched at first, but instead of cowering as usual, he just moved to hug Deceit again.

“How are they supposed to stay afraid of a guy who the _literal_ embodiment of fear just ran off with? Remus even helped Pat last night by not letting them wake me,” Virgil said nonchalantly and stifled a yawn. Deceit froze. Oh, god, was this idiot _on_ to something? Oh, _god,_ he was _right_. Virgil chuckled and nuzzled his neck. “You can always shut me up if you think I went too far. It’s been ages and every time I bring it up they shoot me down. I’m gonna show instead of tell,” Virgil said determinedly while wrapping himself around Deceit.

“And when were you going to fill me in on your change of tacticss?” Deceit hissed in frustration.

“I wasn’t thinking about it, honestly. I think I just rationalized it or something,” Virgil said with another small yawn and scratched the back of Deceit’s neck affectionately. “Sorry about changing your plans and all,” He mumbled. Deceit sighed deeply.

“We can try it this _inane_ way and repress their memories if it gets out of hand, I _ssuppose_ ,” Deceit conceded sourly.

“Cool,” Virgil smiled and kissed Deceit’s scaled cheek. “Can we do tea later? Or maybe make fun of some more TV shows?” Virgil asked hopefully. This _idiot_. Deceit sighed again and flipped his hand to shoo Virgil.

“Go to breakfast before you miss it _again_ , Virgil,” Deceit rolled his eyes. Virgil flipped off Deceit’s hat and kissed the top of his head before smirking and sinking out. Deceit grumbled as he grabbed his hat off the bed and put it back on. That buffoon would be the death of him, damnit. Why did he keep letting Virgil get away with things?

— * * * — 

Virgil saluted them as he popped into his breakfast chair.

“’Sup, nerds. Sorry, I slept in late again,” He said and leaned against Roman. Roman was stiff at First, but reached up to ruffle Virgil’s hair. Virgil sat up and grumbled, fixing his bangs and gently elbowed Roman while he was at it.

“I wasn’t aware you were… _chummy_ with my brother, Virge,” Roman said slowly, sounding kind of off.

“He’s not that bad, he’s actually pretty fun. Don’t you fight him all the time, Ro? He’s always talking about it,” Virgil asked, sneaking his hand up to also muss up Roman’s hair in revenge.

“I’m fighting for _honor_ and _valor_ , not for _fun_!” Roman shot a glare at Virgil.

“Ream doesn’t see it that way, he looks forward to it. I mean, shoves isn’t loves and all, but it’s his probably his weird love language other than sharing his interests,” Virgil explained and quickly messed with Roman’s hair in return. Roman huffed and summoned a comb.

“But his interests are weird and horrible, kiddo!” Patton objected. “Don’t they scare you?”

“ _My_ interests are weird and scary, to you too, Pat,” Virgil rolled his eyes. “Of course he scares me, it’s my _job_ to be scared of the stuff he talks about. It doesn’t mean we don’t get along,” Virgil shrugged slightly. “Sometimes, anyway.” He added.

“Remus really looks _forward_ to fighting with me?” Roman asked, seeming to have just processed what he said a moment ago.

“Uh, yeah? So do I,” Virgil said and playfully jabbed at Roman’s side, who yelped and jabbed him back. “You’re fun to fight,” Virgil grinned evilly.

“Boys, no fighting at the table!” Patton whined. That barely counted as even scuffling, but whatever. Virgil shrugged and backed away from Roman.

“I don’t suppose any of you beautiful angels are interested in feeding me even though you’re all done eating?” Virgil asked sweetly, tapping the table.

“I will make you a balanced breakfast, if that is what you want, Virgil,” Logan offered, putting down his paper.

“I would love a properly balanced breakfast,” Virgil said and laughed gently, leaning back against Roman’s shoulder. Logan summoned a plate with fruit, a piece of Canadian bacon, and a small omelet full of vegetables. He pushed the plate towards Virgil, who accepted it excitedly. “Thanks, Lo-berry, I don’t suppose a slice of toast with some crofter’s on it is out of the question?” Logan looked surprised for a moment.

“Grains are an important part of the diet,” Logan quickly said, summoning a piece of jam toast and placing it on the corner of Virgil’s plate.

“Thanks,” Virgil excitedly reached for the toast to take a bite. “Oh my god, this is why you ate that whole jar,” Virgil moaned in appreciation and finished off the toast in seconds.

“It _is_ wonderful,” Roman said with a chuckle, trailing off a bit.

“So you’re… okay?” Patton asked hesitantly.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Virgil asked before taking a bite of the omelet.

“Well, you left with _the duke_ and all,” Patton’s voice was full of concern.

“We were mostly writing a story,” Virgil said proudly. “I mean, we fought a little. We always do,” He admitted a little sheepishly.

“That’s it? Just a story and some scuffling? No… other stuff?” Patton asked worriedly.

“No? There were no ‘unsavory things’ I wouldn’t mention at the breakfast table,” Virgil answered. At least, not that they were doing. On paper, definitely lots of unsavory things he would not mention at the breakfast table. Boy, did Remus fuck those kids up after Virgil trapped them one by one.

“Well, as long as you’re safe, kiddo,” Patton said, still sounding a little concerned. Virgil scooted his plate and chair around the table a little closer to Patton and gave him a hug.

“I’m safe, pops, you don’t have to worry. That’s my job,” Virgil said with a chuckle.

“You do not seem overwrought today, Virgil,” Logan said evenly.

“I’m plenty troubled about the stupid schedule and all the work. You’re just not the best face reader,” Virgil said cheerily and returned to enjoying his breakfast. He didn’t know why this pork was called Canadian bacon, but it was lean and sweet and he loved it. Oh god, does that mean he would like Hawaiian pizza? Oh no, that was something he needed to avoid trying at all costs.

“You look like something just concerned you. See, I am perfectly capable of reading faces,” Logan objected sourly.

“Pizza discourse is _scary_ , Logan,” Virgil shot at him defensively.

“Where in the wide world of sports did that come from, champ?” Patton asked and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“The internet. Pat, will you show me how to knit a cap while Princey is being a writer extraordinaire with Thomas today? You know, so I don’t freak as much when Joan wants to make changes?” Virgil asked, pulling Patton into a small side hug while he continued breakfast.

“That’s very proactive of you, Virgil,” Logan said plainly, but his eyebrow was raised in curiosity.

“Wild, right?” Virgil chuckled. Maybe he could knit Deceit a beanie to thank him. And then Virgil could have Voltaire hide that stupid bowler hat.

“Sure, kiddo!” Patton beamed. Roman punched Virgil on the shoulder and smiled.

“Looking to be less of a pain in the ass today?” Roman asked playfully. Patton huffed and Roman flipped his hand to dismiss Patton’s objections. Virgil shrugged. It just sounded like something Patton would want. Deceit made it feel much easier to be who they wanted. Virgil frowned for a moment, kind of realizing what that meant. But went back to finishing his breakfast quickly. He’d get to lie on Patton and knit the rest of the morning. That was probably worth it.

—

Virgil was laying in Patton’s lap, still trying to knit the hat, when he got a notification. The cap was a little more involved than the scarf was and it was taking a while. Deceit texted and offered to let Virgil join him for tea. Hopefully that meant he wasn’t that mad at him, which Virgil relished finding out. Unless it was a trap, but Virgil just couldn’t imagine that today. If he was honest with himself, it was weird that he couldn’t. When Deceit didn’t accept or reject him outright, Virgil was pretty scared that Virgil’s impulsive rationalizing pissed Deceit off. And then Virgil couldn’t be himself with D anymore, and he’d be stuck pretending with the others or intermittently fighting Remus. He was glad D wanted to hang out.

“I’ve got to go, Pat,” Virgil said as he pulled off of Patton’s lap and brushed Patton’s hair off his temple for a light peck. “Can we finish this lesson later?”

“Of course, Virge. I think I might need to go talk with Logan more directly about refusing to let Thomas take a break myself. He deserves one! You’ll get all upset again if Thomas goes too long, and it’s been a nice quiet morning,” Patton said with heavy determination. Patton smiled and kissed Virgil’s temple. Virgil smiled and nodded. That was really nice of Patton. And a maybe a little selfish. Thomas might fall behind if he took a break. But Logan probably had that handled, right?

Virgil popped into his bedroom and was greeted by Voltaire in his face as soon as he appeared. Volt bit him, but his own anxieties weren’t exactly a problem for him.

“Volt, I’m not an intruder!” Virgil groaned and plucked Volt carefully off his face. Beeps chastised Voltaire from her silks on the bannister. Volt apologized and Virgil placed him gently on the bannister near Beeps, then removed the bite make from his face. Virgil went to go put down his knitting carefully on the table so it wouldn’t get disturbed and messed up. “Nobody mess with this,” He commanded them. “Anybody need anything before I go?” He checked in with his spiders. He summoned some food for them and left to go hang out with D.

—

Virgil was cuddled on the couch with D, watching TV they were snarking at in Deceit’s room while they enjoyed their tea. Deceit was also cuddling him back instead of just letting Virgil cuddle him, which was amazing. It took Deceit a while to settle into it, but normally it was a relatively one-sided thing. Deceit’s cool scales felt sublime on his cheek, even with his top between them. Deceit lolled his head on Virgil’s shoulder and stroked his hair slowly. Virgil felt very safe wrapped up in his arms, like nothing could get to him.

“What is _wrong_ with this world that the adults are just letting _literal_ children run free with no supervision?” Deceit growled and lifted his head slightly to sip his tea.

“I know, right? How little do they care about their children? It’s like ‘bye billy have fun getting _hit by a car_ or _kidnapped_ while I ignore you for 12 hours’ what kind of parenting is that?” Virgil agreed with a dark laugh. He didn’t want to shift to get his tea, but Deceit must have sensed that, since he reached out and grabbed it for Virgil. “Thank you,” Virgil purred and enjoyed a sip.

“Murphy’s law,” Deceit laughed sinisterly as the kids ran into trouble and took Virgil’s mug to place it back on the side table.

“Isn’t that a constant of the universe,” Virgil drawled sardonically. They continued to incessantly sass the TV together and Virgil was so happy to just relax with Deceit.

After an hour and a half of tea and TV, Deceit kicked Virgil out of his room, much to his disdain. So what if he got more sarcastic and lied flippantly for a while? Nobody would be able to tell. He was always lying to the others, anyway. Virgil flopped grumpily on his couch, sitting on it with his head to the floor, watching his spiders skitter across the bars under his coffee table. He just went through his regular worries in his head as he watched them nest and jump quietly. At least until he heard a very shocked scream. Virgil fell off the couch in surprise and looked up to see Voltaire latched to Logan’s face and poised to strike.

“Volt, holy shit, get off of Logan! I’m here, I can protect the room myself!” Virgil quickly rambled and got over to Logan to help. Virgil gently plucked Voltaire off Logan’s face and placed him on Virgil’s shoulder. Logan cleared his throat, pretending to be poised.

“So you _can_ make spiders larger than Beatrice,” He observed very carefully, completely ignoring the fact that he just screamed like he was about to be murdered.

“Logan, there is nobody else here, we all know that scream was you,” Virgil said with a chuckle.

“I have absolutely no idea what you are referring to,” Logan said casually and coughed again.

“Sorry, Voltaire is very enthusiastic. He got me earlier, too,” Virgil apologized and softly stroked Volt, who angrily objected to not being allowed to attack the intruder. “He’s not an intruder, Volt, come on, he’s not exactly sneaking around,” Virgil chided him.

“You can talk to them?” Logan asked curiously. “They do not have the capacity to speak.”

“Roman can talk to his dogs,” Virgil said dismissively. “Can’t you talk to whatever animal it is you can conjure?”

“I can conjure birds, and certain species of birds are capable of mimicking human speech,” Logan explained. “Spiders do not have such capabilities.”

“Well, I can call all of Volt’s siblings here and we can perhaps see if they can come,” Virgil offered derisively and Logan stiffened.

“No. I do not require further proof. It is likely similar to the mental magic nonsense Roman utilizes,” Logan said firmly, raising his hand to stop Virgil from acting further.

“What do you need, Lo?” Virgil laughed.

“I have your informational packet to collect in the living room if you would… _relocate_ that giant huntsman spider and join me,” Logan said, taking a minute step back.

“Sure. Volt, can you just let me know when someone enters while I’m not here instead of attacking? Unless it’s Remus sneaking in. _Absolutely_ bite him in the face if he’s acting fishy,” Virgil ordered Voltaire and held his arm on the bannister for Volt to climb up.

“This morning you had given us the impression you were somewhat cordial with Remus,” Logan stated curiously as he very carefully watched Volt climb up Virgil’s arm to the bannister, then up the wall. Virgil put a hand on Logan’s shoulder to grab his attention before his eyes landed on the giant nest on the ceiling. Virgil didn’t want Logan to scream in his face, even if it was funny.

“We’re friends, but he knows he’s not allowed in here and he’s been warned. Remus and I don’t deal too well with each other’s aspects. A spider to the face is better than letting him stay in here,” Virgil groaned. It’s not like Remus wasn’t used to a little venom. A lot of venom, really. Virgil wouldn’t be surprised if he had some in him from D’s experiments right now.

“Noted,” Logan said and sank from the room. Virgil joined him out to the living room.

Virgil’s packet was sitting on his regular spot on the couch, near Patton who was already skimming his. Roman rose into the room right as Virgil walked over to pick up his packet. When he read the subject line, he barked a dark laugh.

“Holy crap, Lo, this… this is… you took that thing I taught you last time to heart, huh?” Virgil chuckled. Roman picked up his packet and looked oddly at Virgil, along with Patton. Logan just had his arms crossed, staring intently at Virgil. He thought it was kind of weird he didn’t just deliver it if Logan went through the effort of getting Virgil. Virgil wasn’t capable of dealing with this right now. So he wasn’t going to.

“What are you talking about?” Roman asked and walked over. Virgil laughed and sent it away haphazardly to the coffee table in his room, flipping his hand dismissively.

“Logan’s just spilling the tea all over the place. I’ll deal with it later,” Virgil said causally and held up his hand miming playing a game controller. “You want to go?” He asked hopefully.

“Yes, I have some honor to regain,” Roman said triumphantly and laughed. Virgil stepped over and rubbed Patton’s shoulder affectionately before sinking to Roman’s room. Virgil heard Logan sigh heavily with very uncharacteristic drama as he left.

Virgil laid on the floor and took the second controller and Roman sat cross-legged next to him as soon as they appeared.

“We should probably put a time limit on your _warm-up_ if you actually want to get to a rematch today, Princey,” Virgil smirked.

“So I got _a little_ into the game last time,” Roman rolled his eyes. “I still won in real life,” Roman added proudly and shoved him slightly in response.

“Just set your phone or whatever so I can kick your ass,” Virgil said and leaned into Roman to shove him slightly. Roman shoved him back and loaded up the co-operative mode.

Virgil and Roman played through the levels with a significant increase in teamwork this time. Roman took less power-ups that Virgil needed, and Virgil didn’t kill steal as much when he saw Roman bouncing a little, signifying he was into the fight. Virgil was actually a little disappointed when the alarm went off for them to switch to player versus player. That was, until he kicked Roman’s ass embarrassingly fast.

“I wasn’t fully warmed up yet, Virge!” Roman groaned and Virgil whooped victoriously.

“Fine, it’s a mulligan,” Virgil rolled his eyes.

Princey had quite a few ‘mulligans’ before he got into the fights, but Virgil still won 3 to 1 even after Roman showed marked improvement. After an extremely brutal amount of losses, Roman claimed it was an ‘off day’ with a giant huff. They had switched to watching cartoons instead with a promise of future ass kicking. Virgil thought it was hilarious how much Roman hated to lose, but kept himself from laughing so he wouldn’t hurt Roman’s feelings. Plus, they had also switched to cuddling in a pillow fort on the floor in front of the couch, which perhaps was the best possible outcome of Virgil’s digital beat down of Roman.

Roman leaned up against the couch with Virgil in his lap under the blanket canopy. Roman summoned them hot cocoa and s’mores, possibly to soothe his ego, but Virgil go to enjoy the chocolaty goodness either way. He felt good, sitting in the fort with Roman’s room mollifying him. Virgil snaked around Roman’s neck when Virgil wasn’t leaning away to enjoy a bite of gooey s’more goodness.

“Oh my god, no, just _ask_ him! Miscommunication is such a stupid trope,” Virgil grumbled as he watched the characters parade idiocy across the screen.

“You shut your face, Virgil, it’s a classic form of misdirection that directly reflects the human condition,” Roman snarked at him.

“Oh, like you weren’t just making fun of it for overuse of smash cuts,” Virgil rolled his eyes and curled affectionately around Roman.

“Yes, and _my_ complaint was valid,” Roman said haughtily, so Virgil nipped Roman’s neck and laughed when Roman flinched. “You bitch,” Roman groaned and gave Virgil a noogie. Virgil didn’t bother fixing his bangs since he’d probably just mess them up again nestling with Roman.

“Whatever. This show is just so round-about,” Virgil said dismissively. “Wake me when a plot point happens,” Virgil yawned. Roman tried to punch Virgil in the face, but Virgil blocked him and kissed his knuckles. Which got a bright blush and another punch that Virgil blocked less successfully. Virgil laughed so hard at Roman’s reaction that Roman shoved Virgil off of his lap.

“If you’re going to be like _that,_ you can go back to your own room,” Roman huffed and crossed his arms.

“I’m sorry, Ro,” Virgil apologized. Roman peeked at him, but looked away in frustration nonetheless. “Geez, aren’t you a drama queen,” He grumbled under his breath.

“ _What was that_?” Roman hissed and slowly faced Virgil again.

“Geez, you’re the greatest and I’m a worm,” Virgil offered, trying to dam the sarcasm from breaking out too much, but it was obviously present.

“Fine, I’ll continue to _tolerate_ you,” Roman huffed and pulled Virgil’s arm to bring him back on to his lap. Virgil sighed and wrapped back around Roman. “So, you’re not acting upset about Logan calling you out again,” Roman said trying so hard to sound nonchalant that he sort of looped back around again.

“ _Subtle_ , Roman,” Virgil said derisively.

“I’m _allowed_ to be concerned about you, _prickhead_ ,” Roman scoffed right back at him. When did that happen?

“It’s fine, it’s partially his fault, anyway. I don’t care if he thinks I’m not handling it right,” Virgil said dismissively and went for another s’more.

“Are you going to give me a sip of this tea?” Roman asked sourly.

“It’s not fully my tea to share, and I’m not a gossip,” Virgil replied and yawned.

“Ugh, you know I hate being kept out of the loop,” Roman groaned. Virgil put down his partial s’more and wrapped his arms in a circle around Roman. Roman paused for a moment while Virgil held his arm-loop in position encircling Roman’s head. “Oh my god, you tremendous dork! I expected this from Patton, but never from _you_!” Roman rolled his eyes.

“Hey, I don’t pick what Thomas likes, I just deal with it,” Virgil said with a shrug and grabbed his s’more to finish. Roman let out a pretty hearty chuckle for a guy who just acted like Virgil committed some kind of sin against humor. “Don’t worry about it, Princey, I’m fine. I’m doing all of that ‘reaching out’ garbage,” Virgil added when Roman settled down and eyed Virgil suspiciously again. Virgil yawned and pressed into Roman sleepily.

“I guess that’s good to hear, Virge, though I don’t recall you reaching out to _me_ ,” Roman said, sounding a little jealous.

“What do you think I’m doing here?” Virgil asked, stifling another yawn.

“Stealing my s’mores,” Roman replied cattily.

“I was lonely and Logan packet did spook me a little so I asked you to hang out,” Virgil explained, nuzzling into Roman’s neck.

“That’s not really reaching out, though, is it?” Roman said dismissively.

“Sometimes it’s all I need,” Virgil yawned and closed his eyes.

“That’s seriously it?” Roman asked in confusion.

“Not every single terror is worth a meltdown. It’s lots of little terrors that seem to pile up easier when you’re stuck. I’m not unafraid of Logan’s reaction but I’m not dealing with it alone right now,” Virgil said quietly and ran his fingers through the back of Roman’s hair for a moment. Roman didn’t seem to have a response to that, so he listened to the cartoon, seeming more distant by the moment.

Virgil wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he woke back up again to a dark bedroom. Roman’s face was lit by his phone screen while they sat on the floor against the bed. Virgil pulled off Roman’s chest and looked around. Roman had already changed into a soft shirt and loose pajama bottoms under Virgil. Virgil must have accidentally cut it pretty close to sleeping in Roman’s room all night. Roman ran his hand through Virgil’s hair, smoothing out his bangs, and put down his phone.

“Hey, little house of horrors. It’s time for bed,” Roman said softly. Virgil rubbed his eyes briefly and yawned so hard it hurt his face.

“’Kay, I’ll go see my other cuddle buddy,” Virgil yawned again and rolled slowly off of Roman to sink out of his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> daeram the writing demon fucking roasted me in this chapter and I didn't survive.
> 
> outline: 58 draft: _out of hand_ final: 4,329 (sorry, I tried to drop it below the 4k limit but it wouldn't go, hope it's not overwhelming.)


	29. In Which Virgil Cordially Argues with Everyone

“Virgil!” Patton cooed as Virgil appeared in his regular breakfast spot. “You made it a little earlier than the past two days!”

“I guess I was missing those Patton-cakes,” Virgil shrugged and yawned widely, stretching out his arms.

“Chocolate chip _caramel_ Patton-cakes?” Patton asked temptingly.

“Yes, absolutely, that, _that_ , give it,” Virgil said enthusiastically. Patton summoned him a stack of pancakes that might actually hurt his figmental teeth.

“Virgil, that is dessert, not a healthy breakfast,” Logan chided from behind his newspaper.

“Do not ruin Patton-cake time,” Virgil narrowed his eyes at Logan and then chuckled before he went to town on his fresh delightful breakfast.

“I’m glad you made it back to your own bed on time, Virge. I was getting worried I’d have to wake you,” Roman said, nudging Virgil affectionately.

“Oof, well… lucky, I guess,” Virgil offered in consolation and ate another bite. “Patton, oh my god Patton, seriously. I love these pancakes,” Virgil moaned as he took another large bite.

“Thanks, kiddo!” Patton beamed at him. “Did you want to work more on the beanie today after breakfast? I have some time,” Patton offered.

“Oh, yeah, totally,” Virgil said between bites with a nod. Patton smiled warmly again and went back to eating.

“So who is your other cuddle buddy, Virgil? It’s not that half-foot spider, is it?” Roman asked curiously.

“What? Beeps? No, I’m too scared of anything hurting her. She sleeps in some silks in the nightstand. What do you _mean_ my other cuddle buddy?” Virgil asked.

“You mentioned one last night just before going to bed,” Roman explained with a flip of his hand.

“Perhaps it is the giant huntsman spider, Voltaire?” Logan supplied. “Not that cuddling a spider, even of that magnitude, seems reasonable,” Virgil looked to Patton who had gone sheet white.

“Maybe let’s drop the talk about my pets,” Virgil said warily. “I was probably dreaming or something,” Virgil lied to Roman with a light shrug, enjoying another bite of ridiculous sugar pancakes.

“You abandoned me for a _dream_ cuddle buddy? _Tragic_ ,” Roman dramatically moaned, holding his arm to his forehead and falling back on his chair.

“ _You_ kicked _me_ out, Ro. Probably because you were scared that I’d make a better ‘ _you’_ than you would,” Virgil said, adding an actual kick under the table. Roman playfully kicked him back with a determined look.

“I don’t believe it would be safe for our aspects if we rested in another’s room, Virgil, nor do we need a _third_ creativity,” Logan said sternly.

“Hey!” Roman shot. Virgil chuckled and shook his head a little.

“It’s a _joke_ , Lo, I wouldn’t become another Roman, I’d just be more _annoying_ or something,” Virgil said and enjoyed more pancakes while Roman protested loudly again. “I think I could stay in your room or Roman’s room and be fine. Though, your room does make me shut down just a bit,” Virgil took a bite of his breakfast.

“That did not impede you from panicking and punching me in the face before you left last time,” Logan grunted.

“It was scary having my thoughts canceled out so quick! I just wasn’t used to it,” Virgil said defensively.

“Despite appreciating any side with more rationality, I am not fond of any outcome that results in being _punched in the face_ , Virgil,” Logan said staunchly.

“Then we will never see eye to eye,” Virgil laughed and ate more pancakes while Logan looked confused.

“Virgil why would that prevent us from seeing each other’s eyes? We are the same height,” Logan asked.

“Because there’s always a fist in Virgil’s face,” Roman chuckled and mimed punching Virgil.

“Fighting is fun, Lo, and I don’t _mind_ being punched in the face,” Virgil said with an eyebrow wiggle and Roman snickered into his orange juice.

“Virgil, I cannot comprehend your actions lately,” Logan held his face and sighed.

“Good, then I’m keeping you on your toes,” Virgil nodded and smirked before eating another heaping bite of chocolatey caramel goodness. Logan held up his finger and looked like he was about to say something, but then stopped and reached for a sip of coffee instead.

Virgil felt a buzz in his pocket. He reached out for his phone and Deceit had texted him. Virgil rolled his eyes, wondering what he had done wrong _now._ Deceit had just sent him a compliment about dissuading Logan that mostly made fun of Logan. That was cool. Virgil texted him back with a smile.

“Are you interested in movie night tonight? A little mental break?” Roman asked tantalizingly.

“Sure,” Virgil agreed as he put back his phone.

“That sounds great, Ro! Are you interested, Lo?” Patton asked pleadingly.

“If I am completed with my tasks, I see no harm in joining you,” Logan said plainly.

“Dibs on cuddling Logan,” Virgil blurted out. Both Patton and Roman huffed and looked to Virgil in confusion.

“Virgil, I am not interested in cuddling _anybody_ ,” Logan said rigidly, narrowing his eyes.

“What? If I’m cold and Pat’s hot, that probably means you’re the opposite of Roman’s, so you’ve got to have a calming thing, right?” Virgil asked. “Perfectly reasonable for _me_ to want to try,” Virgil pointed to himself.

“I don’t have a ‘thing’, Virgil, and you have never shown evidence of being cold,” Logan said plainly, looking annoyed.

“He did the other day!” Patton piped up. “We were all warm and snuggly and he got chilly,” Patton pouted.

“What?” Logan asked, befuddled. “You didn’t tell me?” He shot Patton a look.

“Well, he called himself the boogie man, and I got confused,” Patton explained sheepishly, shoveling more pancakes in his mouth right after.

“I _am_ the boogie man. I’ve got empirical evidence anytime, Lo. Maybe you just don’t think you have a ‘thing’ because you don’t let other sides near you long enough for them to point it out,” Virgil smugly offered a possibility.

“We found out about my secondary effect during a movie night with Pat, remember? We couldn’t get him to stop rambling and dancing around for like an hour,” Roman said. “I didn’t know you were cold, though, Virgil. I just thought you had chilly hands,” Roman motioned to Virgil’s hands.

“I’m always in a hoodie and have decent control of it,” Virgil said, pulling up his sleeve and placing his arm on the back of Roman’s neck, making him yelp.

“Virgil!” Roman shot, shoving Virgil’s arm away. Virgil laughed and pulled his sleeve back down. “Damnit, you are icy, I could have been making vampire jokes about it this _whole time_!” Roman groaned in displeasure.

“I didn’t know you were energizing until your cuddle conspiracy against my nap time, either,” Virgil chuckled. “That’s why I figured Lo’s got to have one, too,” Virgil motioned between Roman and Logan with his fork.

“Virgil, other sides haven’t shown evidence of such a ‘thing’,” Logan said dismissively.

“Remus’s is similar to Roman’s,” Virgil supplied. “Though Roman’s more pleasant. Remus’s is like snorting red bull. I wasn’t aware it was a secondary effect ‘till I felt Roman’s. I just thought it was my urge to punch him in the face,” Virgil mused. Roman laughed and fist-bumped Virgil.

“Virgil, I am extremely concerned by the implication that you have tried snorting red bull,” Logan put down his paper and stared Virgil down.

“It’s an analogy, and I don’t even have sinuses to damage,” Virgil rolled his eyes. “Cuddle me for _science_ , Logan, what’s the harm of a possibly enlightening cuddle?”

“We will cuddle in a puddle!” Patton blurted out suddenly, looking upset.

“If Logan can’t keep it in, we’ll all be warm and calm and will absolutely pass out on the living room floor. If Roman and I let it out, then it will cancel out,” Virgil furrowed his eyebrows.

“That is not a scientifically sound study, Patton. There would be too many variables,” Logan said firmly, pushing up his glasses.

“Virge’s gonna pass out anyway, the little narcoleptic,” Roman snickered and shoved Virgil.

“He is not a narcoleptic, and that is rude, Roman. But that is a fairly _anticipated_ outcome,” Logan smirked. Roman huffed and shrugged, muttering an apology under his breath.

“So what, I’m tired, so sue me,” Virgil rolled his eyes. “You could always let me drink coffee again,” Virgil offered, flipping his hand out.

“ _No_ ,” Logan, Roman, and Patton all said at once. Geez!

“Catnaps are better than anxiety attacks,” Patton added pleasantly.

“Ugh, you guys suck,” Virgil crossed his arms and leaned back. “Maybe I’ll ice the room just for over-parenting me,” Virgil groaned and glowered at them.

“You can do an entire room, champ?” Patton asked. Roman looked confused for a moment, like he was trying to focus on something he couldn’t grasp. Virgil observed him curiously.

“You okay, Ro?” Virgil asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I, yeah, I just thought I remembered something, and it slipped away again,” Roman offered with a nod.

“Weird,” Virgil said, curiously eyeing Roman up and down. 

“I think chilling our breakfast would be rude, but can I feel how cold you are, kiddo?” Patton asked, hovering his arm over Virgil’s on the table.

“Patton, if you are extra warm and Virgil is extra cold, it will likely be uncomfortable to come in contact with,” Logan pointed out.

“I don’t care, burn me,” Virgil said, shrugging and holding out his arm.

“Virgil, I don’t want to hurt you,” Patton said cautiously.

“Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back,” Virgil said dismissively.

“Satisfaction is not capable of resurrection, Virgil,” Logan said, adjusting his tie.

“Add that to your idiom cards,” Roman rolled his eyes. Logan nodded and summoned an index card to write on. Patton looked to Virgil and down to his arm again, sliding his sleeve up and putting his hand against it. Virgil yelped when Patton touched his arm.

“Son of a bitch,” Virgil muttered, pulling his arm back and rubbing it.

“Hey, language! It didn’t hurt me that bad,” Patton said curiously. “It was _freezing_ though. Hey, Virge, what’s that?” Patton asked, pointing at Virgil’s arm. Virgil looked down and saw a snake bite. Shit. Virgil pulled down his sleeve quickly and returned to rubbing it.

“Probably a spider bite,” Virgil said dismissively.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you touching it!” Patton said apologetically, looking like he would cry.

“No, it’s fine Pat, I get them all the time!” Virgil said, trying to calm Patton down. “They don’t even hurt,” Virgil said consolingly.

“Other than on contact, it seems,” Logan said curiously, eying Virgil’s arm carefully.

“Yes, other than on contact, thank you, Logan,” Virgil glowered at Logan for freaking out Patton. “I promise I’m okay, Patton,” Virgil said quickly, his annoyance at Logan obvious in his voice.

“Those little jerks, hurting my baby boy. Let me at ‘em,” Patton grumbled.

“I’m not your baby boy, but those _are_ my baby spiders, Patton,” Virgil grumbled. “They don’t mean it. I just spook them sometimes when I move too fast,” Patton shivered. “How did we get back on my pets? Let’s drop it _again_ , okay?” Virgil pleaded and exhaled heavily.

“Why do you not just restore the damage, Virgil?” Logan asked inquisitively and leaning forward in anticipation of Virgil’s answer. He regretted calling cuddle dibs with Logan.

“I didn’t realize it was there to fix,” Virgil said, looking back down to his plate and returning to finish his pancakes. “As I said, it doesn’t hurt when I get them. Their bites don’t affect me. Come on, can we drop the spider talk, Lo?” Virgil implored him.

“Fine,” Logan said, not really sounding satisfied. Logan folded his paper and got up to rinse his coffee cup. “I have research to return to. If you would like to talk to me in private Virgil, please send me a message,” He added with a meaningful glance at Virgil. Oh, what was he going to say? Of course, he was lying? Of course, it was too hard? That he gave up trying to be who they wanted, and it was easier to pretend? Sign Virgil up for that conversation, _never_. Logan sank out of the room while Virgil huffed in agitation.

“Logan thinks you were avoiding him, kiddo. He is probably just worried,” Patton said after a moment of Virgil quietly growling to himself.

“I mean, if he’s going to keep being _shady_ , I might make a genuine effort of it,” Virgil grumbled under his breath.

“I told you I’d beat him up for you, Virge,” Roman offered with a wink.

“Do you really think If I wanted him to get beat up I wouldn’t have done it myself by now?” Virgil rolled his eyes.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that! But also confused. Did I miss something?” Patton asked, tilting his head at the pair.

“Virgil won’t tell me,” Roman shrugged and sent away his plates.

“I won’t tell you either, Pat, this is between him and me,” Virgil said. “It’s fine, we’re not fighting… it’s a personal disagreement,” Virgil added. Roman shoved Virgil as he got out of the dining chair.

“Cagey! That offer to punch him is still open, anyway,” Roman shrugged lightly with a slight grin. “I have to prepare for another day of writing!” Roman declared. “So do text me instead of popping in,” Roman posed and sank out of the room.

“Well, as long as you’re both nice, that sounds alright with me. But have you thought of a compromise?” Patton offered, looking concerned.

“There’s no compromise with this, Pat. But that’s okay, we’ll just learn to deal with it,” Virgil said and ate the last bite on his plate. “I’ll go get my knitting, I’ll be right back,” Virgil disappeared from the chair and into his room. Beatrice landed on his head this time, rambling at him a little too quick for him to understand.

“Beeps, I’m going to go knit with Pat,” He said, holding out his hand for her to step on to. She grumbled something about not seeing him in a while. “I can’t take you out with me or Pat will have an aneurysm. I’ll be back later, okay? You can hang out with Volt and talk trash about me,” Beatrice stepped into his hand and Virgil lowered her to the table. She had a few choice words for him but didn’t argue further. Virgil gathered his knitting carefully and headed out to the living room couch.

“Welcome back, Virge,” Patton beamed, already sitting on the couch with his crochet. It looked like he was working on a new blanket with an unfamiliar pattern today. Pat could be very industrious when he wanted to be.

“Hey Pat,” Virgil said and sat down next to him, putting down the knitting and carefully reaching around Patton’s busy arms to give him a hug while he worked. Patton dropped his head against Virgil’s and nestled it slightly. Virgil let go of Patton and picked up his circular needles. Virgil shifted to lean against Patton while he worked.

“Um, what number am I counting to, Pat?” Virgil asked, looking at the needles in confusion. There were lots of stitches cast on.

“Eighty,” Patton chirped. “Once you get to the top, I’ll show you how to knit the stitches together to decrease, but you have a few inches to go still,”

“Thanks, popstar,” Virgil said and kissed Patton’s shoulder. Patton giggled and Virgil focused on counting every stitch. They quietly leaned against each other and worked on their projects for a while.

—

“Pat, don’t you think two breaks in one hour is a bit _much_? He’s going to fall behind,” Virgil said firmly. He was distracted from his task by Patton, holding out fingers so he wouldn’t lose his count of what stitch he was on.

“Well, Tomathy just does so much better after a break, and he’s getting tired,” Patton said calmly.

“Well, then he can go get a snack and get back to it. Logan’s always going on about small snacks for peak mental efficiency,” Virgil said, a little annoyed.

“Oh! I want a snack too!” Patton said, excited.

“Our hands are occupied, how exactly do you intend to eat it?”

“Smoothies!” Patton said, putting down his crochet for a moment and summoning two smoothies, passing one to Virgil. Virgil whispered the number out loud to himself over and over since he had to stop holding the number out. Virgil took a very appreciative sip and put it down, going back to holding the numbers out on his fingers.

“Thanks, Pat,” Virgil said softly and rubbed his check against Patton. Virgil returned to knitting peacefully.

—

Virgil popped into Deceit’s study in the mind palace a few hours later, having finally completed the beanie. Virgil walked around looking around for Deceit when he didn’t see him right away at the desk. Deceit was in that giant wingback chair again, enjoying some tea with his legs crossed.

“Ah, Virgil, how very _droll_ to see you,” He smiled lazily and sipped his tea.

“Taking a break? Can I join you?” Virgil asked expectantly. Deceit rolled his eyes but nodded, and Virgil dropped himself across Deceit’s lap with a smirk.

“I suppose I should have clarified,” Deceit chuckled as Virgil weaved his head under Deceit’s arm and held on to Deceit’s torso for support. “Really, Virgil, you were hugging Patton on and off all morning,” Deceit complained in good humor.

“I’m insatiable,” Virgil chuckled. Deceit carefully passed his cup around to his other arm and placed it on a side table and hugged him back. Virgil nestled appreciatively against him. “How’s self-preservation going?”

“Dreadful,” Deceit drawled sardonically. “How is being afraid of everything?”

“Manageable, thanks to you,” Virgil sighed happily. Virgil knocked off Deceit’s bowler hat and slid on the beanie in one swift movement. “Knitted you something less stupid to wear,” Virgil said with a chuckle.

“Really, Virgil? A beanie goes _so well_ with my outfit,” Deceit rolled his eyes but didn’t move to take it off.

“You could wear something more casual and less jack-the-ripper, for once,” Virgil offered teasingly. “How about steampunk so you can keep the cloak?” Virgil offered playfully.

“Have a little less class, please, if you could even _manage_ that,” Deceit said derisively.

“What about snakepunk?” Virgil asked playfully.

“I don’t think that’s a thing,” Deceit said incredulously.

“You could make it a thing. Be a _taste-maker_ ,” Virgil chuckled and poked Deceit in the nose, who shook his head and pulled back.

“I will not dress as a punk for you, Virgil,” Deceit groaned with bemusement. Virgil smiled and felt the scales exposed on Deceit’s neck.

“Want to take a break a little longer with me? We can see if I’ve gotten a better poker face yet and play some hold ‘em. Maybe see how good Volt is a poker?” Virgil suggested hopefully.

“Playing cards would be terrible,” Deceit said, riffling Virgil’s hair. “My lap, where I can see your hand, is really the _best_ place to be,” He smirked sardonically at Virgil.

“Yeah, yeah, I knew the risks. I intended to cuddle the hell out of you tonight though,” Virgil begrudgingly got off of Deceit’s lap. Deceit shifted the mind palace room to move the two wing-backs together and added a table between them with a deck of cards. “No, no, no, we’re not using your cards, I learned my lesson,” Virgil held up his hands and shook them at him.

“Virgil, I would _never_ ,” Deceit held his hand to his heart and looked to Virgil in mock indigence. Virgil stuck out his tongue and created a deck. “I’ll deal,” Deceit held his hand out for the deck, and Virgil passed it over reluctantly.

“Beeps was mad at me earlier for being gone, can she spectate in my hair?” Virgil asked, looking up to Deceit.

“I’m just so very _fond_ of your little pets,” Deceit said sourly.

“You take jars of fear spiders and you can’t handle one sassy tarantula?” Virgil asked dubiously.

“It’s not like the spiders are crawling on _me_ ,” Deceit said. “Fine, but she stays on you and can’t give you pointers. She’s a card shark,” Deceit waved his hand dismissively.

“Takes one to know one,” Virgil snickered and summoned Beatrice from his room. She spent a moment yelling at him in his hand before crawling up his arm and burying herself in his hair. “D says no tips, Beeps,” He said after she settled in. She agreed and insulted his playing ability. Virgil rolled his eyes at her and then glanced around Deceit’s study. “I haven’t seen Pearl in a while, where is she?” Virgil asked Deceit as he skillfully continued shuffling the deck.

“Pearl likes to watch Roman acting, lately,” Deceit supplied mildly.

“Oh, your own snake has picked another side as her favourite? That’s rough, buddy,” Virgil said with a laugh as Deceit dealt out their hands.

“She is doing her duty, Virgil, not picking favourites,” Deceit said, though Virgil caught him distinctly bristle for less than a second.

“I’m kidding, D, I’m sure she still loves you best, even if she’s finicky,” Virgil said placatingly and picked up his hand.

“I don’t care if she loves me as long as she’s doing her tasks,” Deceit said stiffly, throwing out a card and taking a new one.

“Oh, don’t start with that,” Virgil groaned and threw out both cards. “You can like things without them serving a purpose,” Virgil placed two chips in the middle to start and Deceit raised right away. Oh, Virgil did not have the hand for this aggressive betting. Beatrice was already laughing at him. Virgil grunted and called, and Deceit flipped the first card. He had fuck-diddly so far.

“Even love serves a purpose, Virgil,” Deceit said and raised again.

“And even love can hurt you. It doesn’t mean it’s not real and valuable for what it is _alone_ ,” Virgil said, calling. Deceit just raised again.

God, was Deceit psyching him out, or did he have a good hand? He really hoped he was getting better at his poker face, but he had no way of knowing. Deceit’s face was as impassive as usual. Virgil didn’t have an inkling if he was doing okay or if Deceit even cared about his hand. Virgil called once more and Deceit flipped the next card on the table. Virgil had a low pair, now. He tried not to react and called again, trying not to give any clues. Deceit didn't act like he saw anything when Virgil checked. Deceit called, and he flipped the last card. Just a low pair still. But Deceit could still have nothing. Folding this far in just seemed like a waste. Virgil bet and the pot was raised by Deceit again.

“I’m afraid you still had a tell, dear,” Deceit said.

“Oh? Then what do I have?” Virgil replied with a challenging edge to his voice.

“A pair, at best,” Deceit said coolly. Virgil threw his cards face down in frustration and called.

“What did I do?” Virgil asked, feeling defeated.

“Eye twitch, your breath hitched, and you checked to see if I noticed something change, and looking nervous about all the times I raised,” Deceit offered, finally calling and flipping his hand to reveal he had two pair.

“Son of a fucking bitch,” Virgil rubbed his face. “How do I fix an eye twitch?”

“I wouldn’t know, darling, I don’t have those kinds of problems,” Deceit said airily, ‘checking’ his nails.

“You smug bastard, just shuffle, and let’s try again,” Virgil growled, rubbing his eye and hoping he can stop the twitch next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> outline: virgil and remus killed it final: 3,953
> 
> we're having a character flaw party today and everyone is invited!  
> actually roman doesn't express any character flaws in this chapter but if we don't invite him he'd get mad and jealous so that's a character flaw so I guess it all works out!
> 
> _Next Chapter: In Which Everybody is Still Friends_


	30. In Which Everybody is Still Friends

“I simply do not have any desire to, Virgil,” Logan intoned passively, his legs crossed as he sat on the couch and conspicuously looking at Virgil. Virgil frowned deeply at him and crossed his arms, leaning back. He chewed on his lip and looked away from Logan bitterly.

“I’ll cuddle with you, kiddo. We’ll be very cozy together,” Patton offered with a bright smile.

“Thanks, Pat, but he still hurt my feelings,” Virgil muttered and waved his hand weakly.

“I don’t know what you two boys are fighting about, but it’s not right to hurt each other’s feelings over it,” Patton insisted, shooting a look at Logan.

“Did Virgil inform you of the situation?” Logan asked curiously, raising an eyebrow.

“No, he just said it was private, and you were keeping it civil,” Patton crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow. “It’s not civil if somebody’s feelings are getting hurt.”

“You know what pops? It’s _fine_. I was just curious, but if he really doesn’t want to know something about himself, then I should stop pushing him or I’ll end up hurting his feelings, too,” Virgil sighed, flopping back on the couch and laying limply.

“It is not that I am not interested in knowing,” Logan stated.

“Then why don’t you want to? I’d feel better if you told me the reason, honestly,” Virgil rubbed his arm.

“Why does it have to be Virgil?” Roman asked, summoning his movie-night popcorn. “I could see if he calms me. I’ve got fantastic control,” Roman suggested.

“Aw, princey, you’re breakin’ my heart. I’m the anxious one, doofus, I’d know pretty quick and resolutely. No outside factors would contribute to calming me down,” Virgil explained, rolling his head towards Roman.

“Really, _nothing_ calms you down?” Patton asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Well, knitting kind of does, but it’s not like I’m knitting right now,” Virgil muttered and tugged at his hoodie zipper.

“Wait, do you mean to tell us that you are at maximum anxiety 24/7 until _a few days_ ago?” Roman asked incredulously, sitting up straighter and looking at Virgil in surprise.

“Yeah, kind of? Aren’t you guys? With your aspects, I mean?” Virgil asked, sounding confused, his eyes darting between them. “Obviously not with anxiety,” he mumbled and rubbed his arms.

“Gracious, no, Virge! That sounds exhausting!” Patton said, sitting next to Virgil right away and pulling him in for a hug.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to be _weird_ about it,” Virgil tightened his hold on himself and grumbled.

“I’m so sorry bud, I had no idea! That must be awful!” Patton cooed, petting Virgil’s head gently.

“Stop it, Pat. I’m not awful,” Virgil pushed Patton off of him and got up off the couch, looking hurt.

“That’s not what I meant, Virge,” Patton frowned and his eyebrows drooped down.

“No, I heard you loud and clear. I’m going to my room,” Virgil growled angrily and disappeared on the spot, holding himself tightly again.

“Yikes, Pat,” Roman looked between Patton and the spot Virgil was. “That sounded pretty bad,” Roman admitted, looking with concern where Virgil just was.

“I didn’t mean _anxiety_ was awful, I meant not getting any _breaks_ was awful,” Patton explained quietly, wringing his hands.

“Well, I don’t think he took it that way if he felt like leaving potential cuddle time. It’s basically his number one goal these days,” Roman said, motioning to the empty spot.

“I’m going to go apologize,” Patton got up and sunk away from the living room.

“Geez, Lo, you should have just cuddled the dude,” Roman huffed, eating a handful of popcorn.

“I think he implied watching a light-hearted show does not calm him down, however, there’s a logical inconsistency there. He has implied in the past that it does,” Logan said, sounding very serious.

“He was feeling cornered, Lo, he probably couldn’t recall every paltry thing that helped him,” Roman rolled his eyes. “He clearly likes contact and snacking to calm down,” Roman flipped his hand and tossed a piece of popcorn at Logan, who ignored it and it bounced lamely off Logan’s arm.

“He hadn’t done a single one of those things until recently, however. That implies that he was ‘on edge’ 100% of the time until there was a change,” Logan mused, leaning forward and rubbing his chin.

“Wow, he _hasn’t_ done any of those until recently. If that _100%_ thing is true I feel terrible for the guy. No wonder he was always pissy,” Roman shrugged and ate another bite of popcorn. “Oh, watching you gave me an idea. Let’s watch The Great Mouse Detective!” Roman spouted.

“I am amenable to that,” Logan sat back, trying to look impassive.

“Dork,” Roman laughed. Patton reappeared, looking dour. “What’s wrong, Pat?”

“He wasn’t _in_ his room. I couldn’t find him,” Patton sighed.

“I thought you said he had _mysterious invisibility powers_ ,” Roman huffed. “And that’s why I was wrong when I thought he wasn’t in his room.” Roman rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“I couldn’t feel him in there. Just, very horrifically, hundreds of angry spiders. Why does he have so many spiders?” Patton held himself and shivered.

“Oh, I’m impressed with your willingness to stick it out and look for him, then,” Roman laughed, loosening up immediately.

“They didn’t attack, but I think I need a thousand hugs,” Patton mumbled, stumbling back on to the couch next to Roman. Roman put down his popcorn bucket and held open his arms. Patton leaned in miserably.

“I got you, padre,” Roman said, pulling the shivering Patton in. “Dang, Pat, you’re not even warm,” Roman muttered, summoning a soft blanket to throw over him.

“I feel terrible about hurting his feelings,” Patton mumbled, pulling the blanket up on to himself.

“You can apologize when he settles down. Sometimes he has to fume. You know, like he used to do _all the time_ ,” Roman suggested.

“Well, we assumed he was fuming, but none of us saw what happened after he left because he was too incensed to continue,” Logan said, rubbing his chin.

“If he’s not fuming, what is he doing?” Roman asked, summoning the remote.

“We can’t know for sure. I’m not sure he even functions the way we do,” Logan mused. “I wonder what else he experiences differently,” He added thoughtfully.

“What, you think dark sides are built different, or just Virgil?” Roman asked, rubbing Patton’s shoulder as Patton let out another morose sigh.

“I’d love to find out. As much as I hate to admit this, I think you were right, I should have just held close contact with Virgil. It could have been illuminating,” Logan sat back on the couch.

“Booyah!” Roman cheered, pumping his fist. “Logan admitted to being petty. Point to me! Now, let’s watch that movie so Pat can focus on something else,” Roman pressed play and the movie popped up on the screen.

— * * * — 

“I’m gonna kill him,” Remus hissed, pacing around Deceit’s room. “I’m gonna flay his intestines and weave them right up his nostrils and out his eyeballs,” He growled, gesticulating wildly.

“Remus, it was a misunderstanding, settle down before you scare them further and set us back,” Deceit rolled his eyes, holding Virgil under his arm, with his other hand steadying Virgil.

“It still hurt, D,” Virgil whispered and turned into Deceit’s chest.

“See, Virge says to kill him!” Remus summoned his morning star with a furious look.

“Look, Virgil wants a hug. Would you like to hug him?” Deceit said, motioning to Virgil, dangling something shiny for Remus to take the bait and calm down.

“Oh, fuck yeah I do,” Remus said, disappearing and reappearing behind Virgil, pulling him in for a hug. Virgil sighed despondently and shifted into Remus’s arms instead of hiding under one of Deceit’s.

“Is that… like… summer rain and mud?” Virgil asked, sniffing. “It’s really strong,”

“Good nose!” Remus beamed, pulling Virgil closer.

“He was some kind of fast food dumpster fire before you came, it was completely repulsive. I made him change,” Deceit said, twisting around his hand dramatically. “I didn’t want him stinking up my room,”

“It’s kind of nice, actually. It’s still gross, but not in a bad way,” Virgil mumbled.

“Score!” Remus pumped his fist and fell back on the floor, pulling Virgil down with him.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt or anything,” Virgil muttered. “I can just go lie down on the couch while you guys do… whatever I intruded on,” He said weakly.

“Nonsense, Virgil, we were just talking, you’re perfectly welcome to sit with one of us,” Deceit reached out to rub Virgil’s back.

“Do I need to put on my hood?” Virgil asked nervously.

“It’s a social call, Virgey,” Remus ruffled his head. “Remember those?” Remus said mockingly.

“He is with somebody more than he is alone these days,” Deceit stated flippantly.

“What? You need to hang out with _me_ more!” Remus pouted.

“Yeah, probably,” Virgil muttered. “Sorry, I’ve been exhausted lately, you’re kinda high energy,” Virgil explained himself meekly.

“You can just tell me to chill you fuckin’ nerd,” Remus rolled his eyes.

“I sincerely doubt it,” Virgil mumbled, fiddling with Remus’s top.

“You wound, me, emo,” Remus said, aghast. “But perhaps, _just perhaps_ , that’s fair. But I can _try_ ,” Remus shrugged with a brief smile.

“Sorry,” Virgil held Remus tighter and looked even more morose, if even possible.

“Virgil, would you like me to just handle this? It was a misunderstanding, and it’s clearly hurting you,” Deceit offered, placing his hand firmly on Virgil’s back and hunting for the memory.

“Yeah,” Virgil whispered. “That’s probably for the best, right?” Virgil lifted his hoodie and shirt on one side, and Deceit summoned a snake to hide the memory from Virgil.

“This better not end cuddle time!” Remus grunted bitterly. Virgil stiffened at the bite and sighed, closing his eyes on Remus’s chest. “Huh, guess not,” Remus lightened up quickly.

“What?” Virgil asked, rubbing his eyes.

“He does get tired about now,” Deceit shrugged.

“Aw, we’re not gonna fight?” Remus pouted.

“The night is still young,” Deceit groaned and rolled his eyes. Virgil reached out and punched Remus in the face, earning a manic cackle from Remus.

“That’s more like it!” Remus smirked, teleporting to the couch. Virgil sat up and blinked at Deceit, looking around the room for a moment, though his arms never detached from holding Remus.

“Would you like some tea, Virgil?” Deceit asked, summoning a cup and a saucer.

“Uh, sure,” Virgil shrugged, shifting and leaning on Remus. “What were we doing again? I think I spaced out,”

“Just chatting,” Deceit smirked and placed the teacup down on the coffee table in front of Virgil.

“Oh, uh, sorry about being rude then,” Virgil grumbled. Deceit went to go sit in the recliner and crossed his legs.

“Virgil, Remus is in here, surely you know the typical standards of politeness do not apply right now. It’s a concession alone letting him being in here,” Deceit chuckled.

“Yeah, I’m not lighting the room on fire and pissin’ in his shoes, so things are going groovy,” Remus cackled.

“See?” Deceit motioned to Remus and groaned, rolling his eyes and summoning a cup of tea for himself.

“Aw, no tea for me, D?” Remus pouted facetiously.

“I’m positive it would end up dumped on something or someone in 5 minutes, and I do not feel like cleaning that up,” Deceit scowled.

“That’s fair!” Remus giggled.

“Did you do anything fun in the mind palace today, Ream?” Virgil released him and sat up to get his tea.

“Of course I did! The dragon witch and I burned down a village and I made some cool new weapons and played with them for a bit! You know what sword whip from that fighting game? Way harder than it looks to not accidentally cut off your own arm,” Remus said, making a mock slice and blood splatter motions with his hand, followed by some gross sounds. At least he wasn’t replicating it. Thomas surely dealt with the thought of his arm getting cut off enough today.

“It looks _super_ easy to accidentally cut off your own limbs with, dude,” Virgil sipped his tea.

“Well, I eventually figured it out, and it requires a boob window,” Remus said, changing his top with a snap to something that showed off his part of the chest. “It does the trick somehow!”

“Absolutely fascinating,” Deceit hissed, rolling his eyes.

“You’d look great with a boob window, D, wanna try one?” Remus said, holding up his arm, motioning like he was ready to snap.

“Oh, please, D! I want to see! It’d look so cool with your scales!” Virgil begged him excitedly. Ah, Remus was already affecting him. It was nice to see him smile, though. Deceit sighed and motioned for Remus to go ahead. His top changed to a tighter version of his coat with a yellowed embroidered ‘boob window’ across his chest. Remus started snickering right away.

“What?” Deceit asked, sipping his tea with annoyance.

“Snitties,” Remus cackled, making Virgil laugh as well. Deceit snapped his top back to normal.

“Yes, that’s something I want to _encourage_ ,” Deceit groaned.

“Aw,” Virgil frowned.

“Boo!” Remus hissed, putting his arm around Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil put down his tea and leaned back into the cuddle. “I hope you at least kept it,” He pouted.

“Of _course_ I did, Remus, who do you take me for?” Deceit rolled his eyes.

“Oh, well, that’s good!” Remus grinned. Virgil shook his head and chuckled. “How about you, Virge, you want a boob window?” Remus wiggled his fingers at Virgil.

“Only if it looks I walked into a Hot Topic and became one with the Tripp rack,” Virgil said, holding up his finger.

“Done!” Remus snapped with a grin. There were unnecessary plaid straps and zippers everywhere.

“I’m not wearing anything that doesn’t have a hood, Ream,” Virgil laughed and Remus snapped again, adding a hood on to the long sleeve top. Virgil let go of Remus with one arm and flipped up his hood.

“Show me, show me! I can’t see it on you while you’re laying on me,” Remus bounced on the couch.

“Mmm, if I get up there’s no guarantee the cuddles will continue after that,” Virgil smirked and Remus frowned, looking very disappointed. “Guess you’ll never see what the boob window looks like,” Virgil teased with a small smile.

“God damn it, Virge, that’s playing dirty,” Remus grunted and pulled him closer, Virgil laughing. Deceit chuckled and shook his head.

“Maybe I’ll wear it if you let me play with the sword whip later,” Virgil smirked. “What else did you make?”

“Lightsaber chucks and a knife with a knife on it,” Remus said proudly.

“A knife… with _a knife_ on it?” Deceit asked, raising an eyebrow.

“If you stab someone, it stabs you back. It’s the ultimate playing field leveler,” Remus beamed.

“Delightful, absolutely majestic,” Deceit golf clapped for Remus. Virgil reached out to Remus’s hand and golf clapped with it to join him.

“Thank you,” Remus bowed his head.

“Hey did you hear a special theme or something last week when we left?” Virgil asked. Remus looked confused. “You know, storytime.”

“Oh, _that_. I wasn’t paying attention,” Remus shrugged. “There were teens to kill,” Remus smiled evilly and licked his lips.

“They didn’t pick one, they were too busy being baffled by you two running off together,” Deceit uncrossed his legs and crossed them the opposite way.

“Sorry, D,” Virgil and Remus said together.

“Jinx!” Remus cackled and Virgil grunted, unable to open his mouth, punching at Remus again. Remus punched back and they started wrestling on the couch. Deceit sighed, this was basically inevitable. Deceit waved his hand and the coffee table moved out of the way when they fell off the couch in their tussle.

“Boys,” Deceit cleared his throat, and they froze, Remus on top of Virgil about to throw a punch. Deceit snapped and freed Virgil’s lips and he gasped for air. “Couch,” Deceit pointed, and they both scrambled back up on to the couch, still pushing and elbowing each other. “Cuddle or separate, I don’t want you breaking my furniture,” Deceit said shortly.

“'Kay,” Virgil said shyly, looking to see which Remus would pick. Remus pulled him back in, which was obviously going to be his choice.

“The boob window looks great, V,” Remus smirked after a moment and Virgil smacked him on the arm before settling back into the hug. Deceit waved and moved the coffee table back.

“Of course you’d look at my tits while fighting, you letch,” Virgil laughed and fought a yawn that broke out.

“Getting too tired, V?” Remus asked with a small smile.

“No,” Virgil yawned again, covering his mouth.

“Oh, _very_ convincing Virgil, 10 out of 10,” Deceit sipped his tea. “Do you want the silencing hoodie?”

“It’s fine,” Virgil shifted to lie down against Remus. Deceit snapped his fingers and switched Virgil’s top, and Virgil pulled up his new hood, burying his face under Remus’s arm.

“You’re not going to kick him out first? He’s clearly being affected,” Remus said, pointing down to Virgil.

“He’s already asleep, Remus, do you plan on waking him up?” Deceit flipped his hand towards Virgil who was curled up and breathing softly against Remus.

“Uh, no,” Remus mumbled.

“I thought so. He’ll probably wake up in a bit, but if not, we can just relocate to Virgil’s couch. He’s been a more prone to lying lately as a side effect of all the snake venom, he’s probably not in that deep,” Deceit leaned back and finished his tea, sending away the cup and saucer along with the half-drank one on the coffee table.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot it does that,” Remus chuckled.

“He’s got quite a few days on you worth of venom,” Deceit explained, regarding Virgil curiously. “When you start lying, there’ll be a problem. You were in here before Virgil came in,” Deceit added glibly.

“Oh, smart,” Remus smirked. “Logan, who?”

“Logan doesn’t think it’s a good idea to test things, of all sides. I’m surprised. I have to admit, I’m curious to know if Logan’s effect is calming or something else. I have to doubt its something so straightforward, though. I think yours might be closer to mania than energizing, but Virgil didn’t have very much information to work with,” Deceit folded his hands on his lap.

“I can try to let it all out and see what Virgil does,” Remus grinned evilly. “I didn’t know I could even do it until you told me, I wanna play with it,” His tone was gleefully malicious.

“I refuse to be in Virgil’s line of fire if you choose to experiment on him, Remus,” Deceit glared at him. “Hasn’t he dealt with enough today trying to smooth over _your_ mess?” Deceit said bitterly. Remus didn’t have to know how well Virgil handled it. He really didn’t feel like dealing with Virgil’s webs at the moment.

“Ugh, you never let me do anything fun,” Remus groaned, sagging against the couch.

“If you would like to wake up Virgil and leave to be off to your devices, you’re welcome to go,” Deceit leaned forward and smiled darkly. “I’d love to watch.”

“Kinky! But I’m not becoming an electro-cocoon for you,” Remus waved his free hand and rubbed Virgil’s back slightly.

“Suit yourself,” Deceit leaned back, smirking. “Is being Virgil’s pillow everything you hoped for?”

“He’s so soft and tingly!” Remus giggled.

“Yes, I always wondered why the other sides have never mentioned that,” Deceit said curiously.

“They’re dumb as doorknobs, D, and that’s coming from me,” Remus rolled his eyes.

“Yes, it is rough being one of Thomas’s two working brain cells. I love him, but the man is a himbo,” Deceit laughed.

“Mm, Chris Hemsworth in Ghostbusters,” Remus sighed dreamily.

“He’s not quite that much a himbo, Remus, give Thomas some credit,” Deceit laughed genially and shook his head.

“No, he was just a straight hottie!” Remus sported a dumb smile and leaned on his arm in the air.

“You just want a man that houses the souls of the damned and throws dance parties,” Deceit rolled his eyes and flipped his hand.

“It’s the _dream_ ,” Remus looked wistful.

“How are we even the same person, again?” Deceit said derisively with a small frustrated exhale. “I don’t have a type, Remus, and you love anybody who is nice to you,” He said blithely.

“Are you saying I should hit on _you_?” Remus eyed Deceit carefully.

“You are so _incredibly smart_ ,” Deceit sighed, holding his head.

“Are you hitting on _me_?” Remus leaned back, regarding him even more suspiciously now. Deceit sighed loudly and dramatically.

“No, Remus, I’m saying you’ll like anybody Thomas meets who accepts you and I simply don’t care about those things. You creative types and Patton have all that lovey-dovey mush,” Deceit groaned, making a disgusted face.

“You’re just jealous,” Remus huffed, pulling Virgil up again when he shifted.

“Sure, let’s go with _that_ ,” Deceit rolled his eyes.

“I’m perfectly happy with all the love I get,” Remus pouted.

“Hmm, maybe it’s time to relocate to Virgil’s room,” Deceit said, tapping his fingers.

“Oh, dark, double-D, _dark_ ,” Remus laughed.

“Oh, you’re so emotionally _fulfilled, and_ that’s why you’re as clingy as Virgil,” Deceit flipped his hand at him, uncrossing his legs to get up from his chair.

“I know! It’s _charming_ , isn’t it?” Remus smiled evilly. Ugh. Deceit relocated them to Virgil’s couch with a gentle hand on Virgil’s back.

Before Deceit could even register what was happening, Remus was screaming with a giant spider on his face. Deceit jumped back as Remus tried to yank it off, but it was too late and he was sucked into Virgil’s webs.

The gnawing sensations of doubt and guilt and shame crawled up Deceit's spine as all of his recent decisions came into question and his vision darkened. Deceit couldn’t be sure where he was, but he might have collapsed to the floor and that was clearly because he was so weak and made such a stupid choice and his plans were all going to fail and bite him in the ass and things would never work out and nobody really like him and things were all unraveling and he didn’t deserve what he had and- It receded and he could hear his own panicked breaths over his thoughts again, feeling himself being clutched tightly by an extremely distressed Virgil.

“-so fucking sorry I don’t know what happened, and I was asleep and I fucked up I’m so sorry, D, please tell me you’re okay-” Virgil rambled on and on.

“Virgil,” Deceit stopped him, putting his hand on to Virgil’s back.

“Deceit! Oh god, I really-” Virgil started, but Deceit interrupted him.

“ _Please_ keep shouting. It’s my _favourite_ thing you do,” Deceit pulled back and held his head. Virgil checked on Remus while he gave Deceit his space.

“You doing any better, Ream?” Virgil asked softly, throwing a glance at Deceit.

“I could use another hug,” Remus whispered, and Virgil pulled him in, whispering apologies back to back again.

“Virgil, stop, you were asleep,” Deceit groaned, dragging himself the floor. A giant huntsman spider climbed down the walls and Virgil stopped and stared at him, probably listening to it.

“Volt, for the love of MCR, I was _with_ him,” Virgil hissed. “You don’t have to protect the room if I’m here!” He paused again. “I don’t _care_ that I was asleep, you jumpy motherfucker, I can handle myself when I’m asleep-” Virgil paused again and groaned. “Yes, I _appreciate_ you helping me out, but you keep attacking me and my friends! I don’t care that I told you Remus was fair if he was sneaking, I said _only_ if I wasn’t-” Virgil groaned in frustration. “Volt, can we talk about this later?” Virgil’s expression implied Volt said Remus-level of insult before turning around and heading back up the wall.

“Guys, I’m so sorry. I wanted a room guard since I was in D’s room so much, but I think I gave Volt too much suspicion and he keeps going rouge,” Virgil groaned and rubbed his face.

“I’m ‘fair’ game, V?” Remus asked shakily.

“You started a fire the last time you were in here alone, dude, don’t give me that. Volt’s fears aren’t that bad and you know I’d take them away if you came to me,” Virgil said empathetically, rubbing Remus’s back.

“Oh, you had me scared there,” Remus sighed. “I thought we weren’t friends for a moment,” He said morosely, sounding more pitiful than Deceit had ever heard from Remus.

“Sorry, that’s the… well, me,” Virgil let go of Remus and looked sadly at him. “We’re friends, okay? We scare each other, but we’re still friends,” Remus nodded sullenly and Virgil pulled him in for another hug. Virgil stiffened and strained himself. “Did I get it all?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Remus sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I think I’m gonna make like Virgil and go to sleep,” Virgil hugged him tighter before letting him go.

“Sorry, again,” Virgil apologized, waving to Remus as he disappeared. Virgil turned to Deceit and looked completely downtrodden. “Can I check if I missed any?” He asked tentatively, hovering his hand over Deceit. Deceit nodded, still feeling shell-shocked as Virgil pulled him in and strained himself. Deceit felt his mind clearing further. “You’re not afraid of something right now, are you?” Virgil panted, looking pale.

“I-no,” Deceit sighed, not really sure if he was lying or not. “Virgil, are you okay?” Deceit asked carefully.

“What? Who cares if I’m okay? Are _you_ okay!?” Virgil asked, freaking out.

“Virgil, no, please, that was… a _lot_ ,” Deceit said carefully.

“I’m much more worried about _you_ ,” Virgil grumbled.

“Let’s go to bed,” Deceit sighed. He knew he wasn’t getting any further tonight and his head was pounding.

**Author's Note:**

> ♪ [Storytime! Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2syig7XitJRYapBKUkiBQD?si=7c3c40044cd74171) ♫ 
> 
> Questions, comments, concerns, criticisms, incoherent screaming, quotes you just liked, what Remus would text Virgil if he ever got ahold of Virgil's number, and memes all welcome in the comment section below. Even an extra <3 kudos is greatly appreciated! I am emotionally validated by inbox notifications.
> 
> [Story Discord Server](https://discord.gg/ThcDBSP)
> 
> updates/sanders sides tumblr: [@onthevirgeofdestruction](https://onthevirgeofdestruction.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  **This Story is on hiatus until further notice.** I don't like the direction the story went and need to re-write the next chapter.
> 
> If you want recommendations for my writing in the meantime, look no further. [Plea for my New Self](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22807720) I literally started writing as somewhere to put all the fluff in me while I was working on the earlier chapters of this. It's chaotic gays. If you like a blend of fluff, angst, and humor, check out [Painful Death for the Lactose Intolerant](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687501). I have a canon-esque [short](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24243988/chapters/58420150) if you want that. If you want more angst, check out [Dreaming While I Wake](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23748232). I hope you enjoyed reading and sorry about this!


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